


The Perfect Man

by anythingkorean



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alpacas, Alternate Universe - Office, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Attempt at Humor, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Happy Ending, Fake Marriage, Hurt/Comfort, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Jealousy, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, but not really, but yeah no it's slow, maybe not that slow bc im an impatient person, we may never know, what is scoop's job, when i say slow i mean SLOW, wtf thats a tag but i love jihan sm that i could die isn't im-
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2019-06-09 01:19:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 96,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15256260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anythingkorean/pseuds/anythingkorean
Summary: Jisoo doesn’t mind working for the most narcissistic, most egotistical, most hard-headed boss in the history of bosses.It’s not that he finds it easy to put up with the childish behavior of Jeonghan, just that the job pays extremely well and he’s been there for seven years; the routine is comfortable, expected, and above all, safe.But the pressure of being the perfect secretary to the perfect man is demanding and Jisoo finds himself constantly stressed, overworked, and underappreciated.So he decides to quit. He’s got a lot of money saved, so why not use it to travel, to find himself, to find his life?It sounds amazing but when Jeonghan calls Jisoo “babe” as a joke during an event, the press makes sure that the whole nation of the Republic of South Korea hears it as, “Yoon Jeonghan, vice president and future CEO of SVT Industries, is getting married to longtime secretary, Hong Jisoo.”So much for Jisoo’s plan.





	1. in which we find out alpacas can't survive in seoul (and neither can jisoo)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shall we proceed with dick jeonghan and barely-keeping-it-together jisoo
> 
> yes we shall

“Is he sleeping?” Jisoo watches cautiously as Seokmin dramatically waves a hand in front of Jihoon’s sleeping face. It’s fruitless. (Even if Jihoon _was_ awake, it’s not like he would’ve moved.)

 

“No, Seokmin, Jihoon’s just reading. With his eyes shut. And head against the desk. And _snoring_.”

 

“Fuck off, Minghao. Help me wake him up already, I’ve got to ask him about next month’s gala.”

 

“Just, I don’t know, pinch his nose shut. He’ll either wake up or die.”

 

Jisoo clears his throat and pointedly stares at Soonyoung, who just shrugs at his mildly violent suggestion. Looking at his face, it would seem out of character to say things like that. But how common it is that Soonyoung lets out phrases like this is something that’s starting to become a tiny (maybe somewhat big?) concern to Jisoo.

 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. He’d probably just open his mouth to breathe.” Jisoo goes back to typing his notes from yesterday’s briefing with the director of HR so he can send them to Jeonghan.

 

“Then block his mouth, too.” Jisoo presses his lips together and looks at Soonyoung, who’s calming eating a granola bar.

 

“Soonyoung?”

 

“What? Oh come on, Jisoo, I was making a _joke_.”

 

“Okay, but clean up the floor, your getting crumbs everywhere.”

 

“I don’t think you understand how un-flexible I am. I don’t _bend_ like that. I’ll get the dustpan later.”

 

“Yeah, he’d only go so far for Seokmin.”

 

Jisoo watches with a sigh as Soonyoung picks up an empty granola box and chucks it at Minghao, but it misses so it sails magnificently into the coffee machine.

 

Jisoo sighs again as the coffee machine starts leaking out water and sputters sadly before making a choking noise and dying. The green light on the corner signalling that it’s on blinks a couple of times and finally shuts off.

 

Jihoon snaps his head up. “What happened to my baby?”

 

-

-

**_CHEOL_ **

_What’re u doing rn_

 

**_SOO_ **

_Planning my death_

 

**_CHEOL_ **

_Without me :(_

 

-

-

“Hello, dear workers. Hope you were having a good day.”

 

Jeonghan enters the office with a flourish, sweeping his delicate brown hair over his brows with an equally delicate finger, tilting his head back so his eyes look more narrow, more powerful.

 

“We were, sir. How was yours?” Seokmin curtly bows and Jisoo holds back a giggle. Seokmin _adores_ Jeonghan, deeming him to be the most amazing vice-president-soon-to-be-CEO in the whole world. Seokmin probably thinks Jeonghan washes his bare ass with little droplets of sun so Jisoo doesn’t argue that it _sucks_ to be anyone who works with him all day. 

 

“Of course mine was good, it was _mine_ . And all of yours just got better, since I’m here. It’s amazing, isn’t it? How one person holds this much _glow_ is beyond my understanding. Anyways, Jisoo, come with me, please.” Jeonghan crosses his arms stiffly and looks at Jisoo for a second with an impatient face. He brushes some invisible piece of dust off of his shoulder and lets out a noise of discontent when Jisoo doesn’t follow him immediately. 

 

“Glow, my ass.” Jihoon mutters it quietly but Jisoo hears it and has to hold back a laugh as he follows Jeonghan out the door.

 

“Wish me luck.” Jisoo pats Jihoon once on the shoulder as he passes by him.

 

“Go die.”

 

“I will if Jeonghan doesn’t kill me first.” Jihoon stares at Jisoo for a moment before groaning into his hands.

 

“You’re not funny.”

 

-

-

 

**_CHEOL_ **

_Ok just know that if u die im taking ur house_

 

**_SOO_ **

_screw u_

 

**_CHEOL_ **

_u wish lol_

 

-

-

 

“I need the meeting schedule for tomorrow.”

 

“It’s on your desk.” Jisoo points to a clean, black leather folder sitting on top of a book on Jeonghan’s desk.

 

“Alright. Have my suits ready.” Jeonghan picks it up, leafs through it for a couple of seconds, and then unceremoniously dumps it back onto the desk. Jisoo bites the inside of his cheek as he watches the papers he worked so hard to organize crumple on top of each other. Jeonghan snaps his fingers and Jisoo looks up. “Stop spacing out, Jisoo. It’s not nap time. What’s the dress code?”

 

“There isn’t one, it’s a table meeting. But please try to opt for monotonous, dark blue clothes. Director Kim likes to wear articles of clothes similar to that fashion. Don’t forget to compliment the cravat he wears. And please, _please_ , stay away from whites like last time. It makes you look washed out in photos.”

 

“Jisoo, I don’t think I could ever look washed out. It’s the camera’s fault, really.”

 

Jisoo gives Jeonghan a small, albeit crooked smile. So he’s blaming cameras, _machines,_ now, if he looks flawed. Okay. “Of course.” _Did he even hear anything I just said?_

 

“Of course you agree that of course, I look flawless. I am. Anyways, here’s the list of things I need you to do for me within the week.” Jeonghan’s about to hand over a piece of paper but Jisoo holds up a hand. He’s already completed everything.

 

“I’ve already found a replacement doctor for you. There’s a date set for next Wednesday at four to meet him. The remodelling of our cafeteria mural will start in two weeks on Tuesday, after I meet with the artist. The head chef is being fired, like you said, and I’ve already gone through the liberty of calculating raises for departments heads this quarter. As for today’s schedule, you just need to have early dinner with your father at the Illusion Hotel in the X Lounge at three, and again tomorrow at four. And please remember, the gala is tomorrow at seven. I'll be there to help you change around five.”

 

Jeonghan nods. “Jisoo, I can’t really understand you that well when you ramble. Write it down on a report for me. And one more thing?”

 

“Yes, Jeonghan?”

 

“Stop looking down at your notes so much. You’ll miss my face.”

 

“I’m sure I won’t.”

 

Jeonghan raises a brow. “You’re talkative this morning.”

 

“It’s because you don’t let me drink coffee, Jeonghan.”

 

“I haven’t let you near that shit in seven years, what’s with starting now?”

 

“It’s been pent up for a while now.” Should Jisoo bring up the fact that the machine is broken?

 

Jeonghan looks at something on his phone and his eyes flicker with anger before turning back up to Jisoo. “I like it. You sound more like a human and less like a workaholic machine.”

 

“Then expect a lot more of it.” Jisoo bows once before turning to exit, ignoring Jeonghan’s incredulous, “Wait, for real? For real for real?” and trying to bite back a smile.

-

-

From his desk in front of Jeonghan’s office, he can hear Seokmin’s loud laughter boom across the hallway. There’s a second of silence before Seokmin starts shrieking again and Jisoo can’t help but chuckle quietly along. Soonyoung must’ve said something funny. Jisoo wishes he had heard it, too.

 

The intercom buzzes and Jisoo presses the button so he can hear Jeonghan.

 

“Is there anything you n-”

 

“Tell Seokmin to be quiet before I have him fired.”

 

The intercom buzzes again before turning silent.

 

With the collective dignity of all the world’s diplomats combines, Jisoo breaks a pencil in half, sighs, and settles himself into his chair.

 

He spends the rest of the hour taking notes with a broken pencil and graphite smeared all over his hands.

 

-

-

 

**_CHEOL_ **

_I just got a wierd feelin that ur in undress_

 

**_SOO_ **

_excuse me_

 

**_CHEOL_ **

_O whoop i meant distress but i woudnt mind that iether ;)_

 

-

-

Usually, if it isn’t Jeonghan who makes Jisoo want to dump scalding hot water onto his face, it’s Hyungwon. He’s the son of the marketing director, tall, skinny, handsome, and _fucking annoying_ in every way possible. 

 

Today, though, his Jerk-o-meter level is going beyond the roof.

 

Bashed through it. Tore the roof off, in fact. Is well beyond heaven right now. Zeus is probably fighting it off with his lightning or thunder or whatever it is that he fights with.

 

“I’m sorry, Hyungwon-ssi, but Jeonghan isn’t taking in visitors right now.”

 

Hyungwon scoffs and rolls his eyes, leaning his elbows against Jisoo’s desk. It takes every muscle in his body for Jisoo to _not_ use his stapler as a battering ram to get Hyungwon’s disgusting little elbow off his damn desk, no matter how satisfying it would be. 

 

“I’m not a _visitor,_ Jisoo. You know this.” Hyungwon pushes his lips out into a pout shifts his elbows and right _now_ , Jisoo’s container of paperclips (gold because Jeonghan doesn’t take silver) topples onto the floor. Jisoo watches with dead eyes as the glass container of 1,000 (999 because Jisoo took one out to unfold and poke himself in the arm in order to not scream earlier) golden paperclips comes crashing down.

 

“If you aren’t a visitor, then you have no reason to be in this hallway. Please leave before I have you escorted out.”

 

Hyungwon seems to flush a little bit, kind of like a child before he starts screaming in the middle of the candy isle of the grocery store. He’d be that kind of child. The bratty, spoiled, fucking _annoying_ child.

 

“Tell Jeonghan I’m here, he’s going to want to see me.” Hyungwon’s voice was indignant before; now it’s edging into the territory of “person acting like they own a company when in fact, they _don’t_ ”.

 

“No offense, Hyungwon, but no one would want to see your dusty, non-existent ass. Pull the collar up higher, your hickies are showing.”

 

Hyungwon flushes _deeply_ this time, his cheeks nearly matching the color of one of the hickies starting to peep through. Jisoo hadn’t noticed it before. He silently sends up a prayer thanking God that Minghao was ever made. 

 

“Minghao.” Hyungwon’s eyes travel slowly up and down Minghao’s long body, eyes overflowing with disdain. A slight, unnattractive snort leaves his nose. “You meant full offense.”

 

Minghao scoffs, similarly to how Hyungwon did it earlier. “Obviously, _Hyungwon_ , or else there would be no point in insulting you.”

 

Hyungwon opens and closes his mouth a couple of times like a fish before settling for the half-assed insult of, “Whore.”

 

“What are you, a first grader? At least I’m not the one with the hickies burned on my neck. Congrats, you just got your first - I mean, c’mon, that’s a lie, -  tramp stamp.” Minghao silently hands Jisoo a cluster of papers and walks over to pull down the collar on Hyungwon’s shirt, revealing the hickies. “And what if I _am_ a whore? Hmm? At least I’m not a cheap one like you. Jisoo, those are the reports for this week from HR. Can you file them in for me?” Hyungwon looks near ready to punch the living daylights out of Minghao but the said offender lets go too quick. Hyungwon’s punches wouldn’t even hurt. It’d be like a rabbit pawing at your arm or something. 

 

“Of course.” Jisoo offers Minghao a sweet smile, eyes curling up. _Thanks_.

 

“Good, thank you.” Minghao tips his head towards Jisoo. _No problem_. Minghao silently walks back into the office.

 

“Jisoo, fuck off with this bullshit and se-”

 

“Hyungwon, is there a problem?”

 

It’s Jeonghan’s voice.

 

Jisoo’s eyes widen and he bolts up from his seat, nearly dropping the papers Minghao gave him.

 

“Jeonghan, I’m sorry, there’s nothing w-”

 

“Stop bothering my assistant, Hyungwon. Go do your job.”

 

Hyungwon opens his mouth to say something but Jeonghan raises his brow and he slithers off somewhere else, probably to be a snake and do some more snakeity-snake things.

 

Seriously. What a fucking Snake™.

 

Anyways.

 

“Thank you, I-”

 

“Get those files in to HR.”

 

“Yes, I will, ri-.”

 

Jeonghan turns around for a second to throw Jisoo a dirty look. “And don’t fucking apologize if you haven’t done anything wrong.”

 

Jisoo hates it when Jeonghan interrupts him because it makes him feel like he’s somehow beneath him. Like he’s unworthy to be heard of all the way through a sentence.

But sometimes it’s fine.

-

-

**_CHEOL_ **

_have dinner wit me frend im loney_

 

**_SOO_ **

_Not my problem_

 

**_CHEOL_ **

_Ur boss made u a cold cold man_

-

-

 

“Jisoo?”

 

“Yes, Jeonghan?”

 

“Buy another container of paperclips. Those touched the floor. And make them white this time.”

 

“Yes, I’ll do it tonight.”

 

Jeonghan hangs up the phone but Jisoo stares incredulously at his hand with the phone in it, then the container full of the golden paper clips he just spent the better half of an hour picking up. (They had scattered. Everywhere.)

 

Jisoo decides it would be unprofessional to threaten Jeonghan that he’s going to shove the paperclips down his throat so he just picks up the container and wordlessly hands it to Seokmin, who happens to walking past him right now.

 

“Wha-”

 

“Take it.”

 

Everyone’s worked here long enough to know that when Jisoo says something in a voice like _that_ , you just take it and walk the fuck out.

 

-

-

**_CHEOL_ **

_I feel like ppl wanna know what my role is in this melodramatic, soon to be love story_

 

**_SOO_ **

_I don’t speak fourth wall, Seungcheol_

 

**_CHEOL_ **

_right i forgot ur not clutlured like me_

-

-

With all the the grace of a newborn gazelle, Junhui comes crashing through the door in a hurricane of papers, pens, and donuts. He tosses the box onto a random desk, missing Jihoon’s cubicle by an inch. Jihoon glares but says nothing. Seokmin, Soonyoung, and Minghao all shout their thanks and goes _at_ it. Jihoon screams about crumbs inside of his little box. 

 

(Jihoon set up wooden dividers around his desk because it’s. His. Desk. And personal space is important.)

 

“Jisoo, my dear amazing coworker, have I got news for you.”

 

Jisoo takes a sip of chamomile tea (he’d much rather be drinking a caramel latte but the smell of coffee bothers Jeonghan and so Jisoo opts for drink options that don’t smell like the coffee beans and that don’t _nearly_ taste as good, and _plus_ , the coffee machine is broken right now) and looks up with extreme disinterest in his eyes. Also, he focuses on _not_ spilling his tea because it’s in a paper cup right now and it’s taking a whole lot of his self control to look as blank as possible with a three million degree cup in his hand.

 

“Did you go through with adopting your alpaca?”

 

Honest-to-God tears nearly start forming in Junhui’s eyes. “Don’t joke around with Fuzzball, you _know_ how hard it is to get one in Korea.”

 

“God, I’m sorry.” Junhui sniffles and Jisoo passes him a tissue, eyes glued to his screen. While Junhui sniffles pitifully and calms himself down, Jisoo contemplates for a little bit as to _why_ Junhui’s so emotionally attached to this fucking alpaca. It would literally _die_ trying to live in the middle of Seoul, what the _fuck_. 

 

“Okay, for real. Can I set you up on a blind date?”

 

Jisoo blanches. Jesus _Christ_ , it hurts. Jisoo nearly lets out a scream when rivulets of chamomile tea stream down his hand and splatter all over the carpeted floor, steam rising and poofing into Jisoo’s face. But as calm as ever, Jisoo grits his teeth and grabs a tissue before turning back to Junhui, who’s got his brows raised but says nothing. 

 

“With who?”

 

Junhui quickly returns back to normal and gives him a, _hello, are you dumb?_ kind of look and clears his throat. Clearly, Jisoo is, because he’s not getting what he’s missing.

 

“It’s a _blind_ date, how am I supposed to know? I just know his name and that he works in the legal department.”

 

“Junhui, that’s not how a blind date _works_ .” Minghao strolls up to Jisoo’s desk and takes a seat on the edge, careful to avoid any papers. “By the way, where’d you get these donuts, they taste fucking _great_.” Minghao lets out a moan that is all too much sexual and nearly falls backwards when he squeezes his eyes and leans backwards. 

 

Using a single finger (on the non-burned hand), Jisoo pushes him back up and and shoos him off the desk. Minghao nods his head in apology. Jisoo shakes his head and goes back to filling out the requirements of a new head lunch chef. (Jisoo had thought of just promoting one of the sous chefs but Jeonghan had said, “If they aren’t the head chef right now, what makes you think they’ll become one now?” and that was the end of that.)

 

“I can take you there one day if you’d like.”

 

Soonyoung yells from some corner in the back, “Like a date?”

 

Minghao and Jun yell at the same time, “Ew! No way!” and everyone just _glares_ at them because yes way, they would both totally do it like a date. They’d probably have rituals to suck face if they weren’t so fucking _scared_.

 

There’s a loud crash that comes from the front of the room, which Jisoo bolts up at. Loud crashes never work out too well and he’s about to ask what happened when the page on his computer starts reloading.

 

The little dinosaur greets him with it’s stupid fucking tiny arms and pixelated face.

 

“What happened! God, please don’t tell me that the modem broke!” Jisoo feels the panic building up in his chest already like a thick cloud.

 

Soonyoung looks up blankly, a helpless expression pasted on.

 

“The modem’s broken.”

 

-

-

**_CHEOL_ **

_Soo im bored_

 

**_CHEOL_ **

_What happened freucing answer_

 

**_CHEOL_ **

_BTICH_

-

-

Jeonghan looks like he’s about to spontaneously combust. So just as a precaution, Jisoo takes a tiny step back. Human guts wouldn’t really suit his outfit today. He looks down at his new baby blue cashmere sweater and decides to take maybe _one_ more step back. 

 

“Jisoo, the modem in your office broke?”

 

“I am afraid so.”

 

“And the coffee machine?”

 

“Yes, Jeonghan, I told you this. Five times. It’s getting repetitive.”

 

Jeonghan lets out a sigh. “Okay, two things.” He holds up two finger and looks up at Jisoo from his desk with an annoyed expression on his face, ears red and neck even redder. “One, I’m not going to _hurt_ you, this isn’t a fucking play-by-play of Fifty Shades of Grey..”

 

“Oh! That rhymed!” Jisoo freezes. Is he fucking _dumb_? Wincing a little, he looks down at his shoes and murmurs out a quiet “Sorry.”

 

Jeonghan doesn’t comment but he still raises an eyebrow. “Okay, anyways, _two_ , that is the _third_ modem your office has broken this year. Did you know that? Why must I, Yoon Jeonghan, need to _worry_ about when you’re going to break it next!”

 

Jisoo nods. “Of course, you shouldn’t worry. I apologize on the behalf of my team, we should’ve been more careful.”

 

“You’re right, I shouldn’t have to worry. But I am. Fix the issue, _Hong_ . Use the company credit card, and buy like, three more in advance, God. If Seokmin weren’t so damn _good_ at configuring numbers I’d have him fired. You know that, right? Tell him that. I don’t give out second chances but here we are. And also, I don’t care that the coffee machine is broken, take it out of the office’s budget.”

 

“I know, I’m sorry. I’m really, _really_ sorry.” The _sorry’s_ keep coming out by habit. Seven years worth. Jeonghan’s been bugging him about it for at least two years now but he’s never been this adamant before. 

 

“ _Jisoo_ . I’ve been telling you this for three years now, stop saying sorry for things you didn’t do, it’s fucking annoying.” Okay, nevermind, _three_.

 

“It’s a hard habit to break.”

 

“Hard doesn’t mean impossible, Jisoo. Break it.

 

Jisoo bows and exits. Jeonghan had said it with the same ferocity as if he had asked Jisoo to snap off one of his bones.

-

-

**_CHEOL_ **

_IDK what ur goin thru rn but rmembr suicide is not hte answr_

 

**_SOO_ **

_Trust me if I’m killing someone it’s not going to be me_

 

**_CHEOL_ **

_alrighty then_

 

-

-

 

“Wonwoo’s coming back from his sick leave in two days.” Junhui holds up his phone. “He says the pneumonia’s all gone but he doesn’t want to risk it for a little bit.”

 

“Interesting.” Is all that Minghao has to offer, not really paying attention.

 

“ _Hardly_.” Jihoon takes a sip of his green tea and gags. “Also, tea is fucking nasty and I need a new machine or else I’m quitting. Jisoo, do I need to leave a two weeks notic-”

 

“No one’s quitting, you guys. And Junhui, tell Wonwoo I said that he should take all the time he needs to get better.”

 

“Got it.”

 

It’s quiet for a little but Seokmin puts his chin in his cupped hands and sighs whimsically. “What if I co-”

 

“I’m surprised you could stay quiet for that long.” Minghao pushes himself backwards on his rolly chair and spins around.

 

“It’s been less than a min-”

 

“I know.”

 

-

-

**_CHEOL_ **

_Hey I should introduce myself_

 

**_SOO_ **

  1. _2 who. 4 wat raison._



 

**_CHEOL_ **

_UR RIGHT THIS IS MOR IMPRTANT WHO IS THIS WAT DID YOU DO 2 JISOO WHO AKWAYS USES PROPER GRAMER LIKE THE BITCH HE IS WHA THE FUCK_

 

-

-

 

“Hey Jisoo, we’re going to get chicken and beer, wanna come with?” Soonyoung pushes his briefcase across his desk and Seokmin takes it.

 

“Yeah! Sure, just let me-”

 

His phone starts ringing and Jisoo sighs. Everyone groans but Jisoo holds a finger up to his mouth to shush them so he can answer.

 

“Yes, Jeonghan?”

 

“Get to my office. I need you to help me with my contracts. Father wants to see them.”

 

“Right now?” Jisoo bites his lip. Of course right now, why else would he be calling? Soonyoung rolls his eyes and Jihoon looks at him with pity. He feels himself smile in return but knows that his eyes are swimming with disappointment. And maybe a little bit of resentment.

 

“Jisoo, would I be _asking_ right now if I didn’t _need_ you right now?”

 

“I’ll be there in two-”

 

The line beeps dead and Jisoo wants to drop everything and run himself over with a steamroller.

 

“Sorry, Soo.”

 

“I’ll live. You guys have fun!”

 

-

-

**_CHEOL_ **

_my offer 4 dinner still stands_

 

**_SOO_ **

_Cant ive got to wrk on a contrat_

 

**_CHEOL_ **

_Por bb_

-

-

Jisoo spends the whole entire night (until one A.M.) working on writing up contracts for this year’s internship spots while Jeonghan bounces off to meet his father. Jisoo eats instant noodles for dinner at ten and types until his fingers become numb. He’s got the sanity of a seventy-year-old taking acid for the first time.

 

He also sees that he needs to set up a spreadsheet for tomorrow’s meeting so instead of going home, he sits down and finishes creating and editing it for tomorrow. He bets that Jeonghan doesn’t even _know_ what the meetin’s going to be on.

 

By the time he can drop his body onto his bed, it’s too late for him to move again and he falls asleep in his work clothes. He tries to fight off sleep long enough to just take off his new sweater so it doesn’t wrinkle but he can barely lift his eyelids open when it dings with a notification so he deals with the fact that he’ll have to get it ironed.

 

Jeonghan texts him if he finished or not but he can’t be bothered to answer.

-

-

**_CHEOL_ **

_will u be free 2day_

 

**_SOO_ **

_I’ve got a gala_

 

**_CHEOL_ **

_Good God_

-

-

 

Jisoo can’t really say he loves his mornings.

 

He wakes up at eight every single morning to drive over to Jeonghan’s house (in a fucking Mercedes given to him by Jeonghan because one time two years ago Jisoo missed the morning bus and arrived exactly three minutes and seventeen seconds late in a taxi and Jeonghan decided that public transport could no longer be trusted) , prepares Jeonghan’s notes for day, and waters the plants in the living room that the maids usually forget.

 

He’s particularly fond of one of the tall, leafy ferns he’s named, well, _Ferninand_ (obviously), because he had found it near dead four months ago and nursed it back to life like a baby. 

 

Jeonghan just leaves him be, either because he doesn’t care or because Jisoo gets somewhat obsessive about things he can’t do.

 

Jeonghan seems particularly moody today, moping around the house while Jisoo prepares.

 

“Jeonghan, I-”

 

“Shush. My head hurts.” Jisoo nods and smiles but he’s squeezing his left wrist with his right hand so hard his skin turns purple.

 

“Sorry, but would you like your rice to be white or mixed?”

 

Jeonghan gives him a long face. “I don’t fucking care, Jisoo. I just want my breakfast to be my breakfast and not my lunch.”

 

“Sorry, Jeonghan _,_ I’ll get it right away.”

 

Jeonghan lets out a shrill shriek and takes off a slipper, clutches it, and chucks it at the ceiling. It hits the ceiling and comes falling back down face down. “I’m gonna kill myself.”

 

Jisoo colors, keeping his back facing Jeonghan. Whenever he has outbursts like this without context it means his father said something.

 

“Please, don’t, or else I’d be sad.”

 

“Would you really?”

 

“Hopefully, or else I’d be a psycho.” It’s meant to be a joke but Jeonghan doesn’t laugh. Jeonghan’s face falls for split second before returning back to its natural, slightly bitchy looking state. “Sorry. I guess your not in the mood for jokes.”

 

“Stop saying sorry, is that the only word you know?”

 

“No, it’s not.”

 

Jisoo briskly turns around and walks to the refrigerator.

 

_You’re a twenty-nine year old man, Hong Jisoo, don’t do anything dumb, just have a can of beer or something when you get home. You’re free for the evening, it’s fine, just chill out. Twenty-nine years old, okay? Calm down._

 

Once Jisoo gets to the refrigerator, he opens the door and promptly smashes his forehead into a shelf. It hurts but Jisoo doesn’t think it hurts enough. As suspected, being around Jeonghan for so long has numbed down his nerve cells.

 

“I saw that. I’m right behind you.”

 

Jisoo screws his eyes shut before he screws Jeonghan into the wall with a sledgehammer.

 

-

-

**_CHEOL_ **

_How’re u hodling up_

 

**_SOO_ **

_My death is imminent_

 

**_CHEOL_ **

_I see I see_

_-_

_-_

 

“Did you prepare my suit for tonight’s gala?”

 

“Yes, Jeonghan.”

 

Jeonghan looks up from the tablet in hand and crosses his legs, suit shuffling against the italian leather of his couch. There’s a pleased look in his eye. “Good. I want a preview, and make sure I have two extra-”

 

“Handkerchiefs at hand, yes, I know. We’ve been over this.”

 

Jeonghan taps a finger against the white leather. “Don’t interrupt me, then you wouldn’t be able to hear me talk.”

 

“You must think you have the voice of an angel, Jeonghan.”

 

“That _is_ true. I do think so.” Jeonghan gives Jisoo a rare smile. “That was a funny quip, Jisoo. I’ll let it slide.”

 

“Thank you.” It wasn’t meant to be funny _or_ a quip. 

 

“Of course. Make sure to start studying your english book, we have an Ambassador’s party in a month.”

 

Jisoo nearly drops the notepad in hand. “I’m from America, sir.”

 

“Right.” Jeonghan purses his mouth. “You’re fluent?”

 

“I’ve lived there until I was twenty, Jeonghan. You can assume.”

 

“Then I’ll assume you can.”

 

“Good choice.”

 

“Hmm. Jisoo?”

 

“Yes, is there anything else you need?”

 

Jeonghan narrows his eyes and curls his mouth into a malicious looking grin. “Don’t come in here if you’ve drank coffee. I fucking hate it.”

 

Jisoo gulps. He didn’t think the scent would be obvious but it makes sense, since he stood in a cafe for twenty minutes this morning.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Of course you are.”

-

-

**_CHEOL_ **

_Hey i just saw a cat and it looked like you_

 

**_CHEOL_ **

_Hello_

 

**_CHEOL_ **

_I hate ur boss_

-

-

 

Jisoo had forgotten _all_ about the gala. He had gone home a little earlier that day to prepare, nearly crying because his plans to just relax without any human interactions were canceled. Well, maybe _one_ interaction. The chicken delivery man that regularly drops off his food is nice.

 

Jisoo hates that he has to go, mostly because Jeonghan doesn’t care to learn information about other rich people so Jisoo needs to stand there all night directing Jeonghan who’s who. It’s always exhausting, sucking his energy out and draining him of his life span.

 

Changing into a simple black suit, he runs his hands over the lapel of his black jacket to flatten out invisible bumps and takes a look at himself in the mirror.

 

His dress code is as it always is. Black dress shirt, black slacks, black jacket. Black socks and black shoes. An all-red tie, tied into an atlantic knot.

 

Jisoo takes a look at his watch. It’s five, he needs to go.

 

Once he’s at Jeonghan’s he does what he always does.

 

Jisoo can hear the shower running so he makes his way to Jeonghan’s closet and opens it up. It’s a walk-in, obviously. Quickly working through the neat racks of suits, he picks out a simple black one that has subtle, nearly impossible-to-see pinstripes on it. Picking out black socks and a matching tie, he opens up the watch table and grabs a thin silver one.

 

Setting everything out on what he calls the “outfit counter”, he reads through the guest list one more time.

 

There’s the swish of the door and Jisoo immediately finds himself snapping his back straight and waiting for Jeonghan to grab the suit and go into his room to change.

 

Water drips all over the floor from Jeonghan’s very _naked_ torso and uncovered hair. Jisoo sighs. The only thing covering him is a towel around his waist and thighs, but it’s also gathering water at the corners and falling onto the floor. 

 

“I know I’m that dreamy but Jisoo, keep it inside your pants.” Jeonghan winks.

 

“It’s just that I’ll have to clean up all the water, Jeonghan. Please change, you’ve only got one hour. Dry your hair beforehand, I’ll come in and style it once you’re done. And leave the tie, I’m going to end up doing it, anyways.”

 

Jeonghan flaps his hand in the air and closes his eyes. “Whatever.” Jeonghan grabs a towel from who-knows-where and pauses for a second. “Jisoo?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Did you have plans today?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Oh.”

 

A tiny part of him had _maybe_ expected an apology or something. But there isn’t one so Jisoo just puffs his cheeks out and watches as Jeonghan slowly takes his clothes and heads into his room. Only when he leave can Jisoo breathe properly again. 

 

He’s dreading the ride.

-

-

**_CHEOL_ **

_Is ur thing rn_

 

**_SOO_ **

_Yeah can’t talk_

 

**_CHEOL_ **

_Ok have fun_

-

-

 

“Jisoo?”

 

“Yes, Jeonghan?”

 

“As the most amazing boss in the history of the world, I’m giving you a raise. I don’t know if you’ve deserved it or not, but I’m giving you one.”

 

Jisoo overlooks the insult. It stings a little (a whole fucking lot), that Jeonghan ignores everything that Jisoo does, but decides to just focus on the raise part.

 

“Thank you. It’s generous.”

 

“Obviously. That’s what I am.”

 

“But i don't need it." 

 

The car is starting to pull to a stop. Jeonghan giggles and lets out a sigh like Jisoo just made the dumbest joke in the world. “I've never seen someone give up a raise before. Is sixteen percent not enough?”

 

“No, it's not why.” Jisoo hears the car pull to a stop and the driver gets out of his seat to open the door for them.

 

Jeonghan laughs again. But this time it’s sharp and hurts Jisoo’s ears. "Fine. Tell me now or don't, I don't care."

 

Jisoo nods and steps out of the car, and starts walking behind Jeonghan with his phone clutched in his hands so tight he can feel his fingers buzzing. He makes sure to keep his head down, eyes trained on his feet and Jeonghan's legs. 

 

Exactly five steps behind as always. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI this is an edit because i just realized i never put in my usual rambling notes. 
> 
> THIS IS INSPIRED BY THE KDRAMA "WHAT'S WRONG WITH SECRETARY KIM" KEEP THAT IN MIND, JEONGHAN AND JISOO ARE SUPPOSED TO MIRROR YOUNG JOON AND MISO. FJDJFLSDKFJ
> 
> but the plot will be different, just the personalities is what i really wanted to try and play around with. 
> 
> that drama is literally freaking amazing I 100% recommend to anyone that loves a secretary-boss love story with intertwined pasts and a little bit of mystery. basically, it's the perfect equation for love sdjfjslj 
> 
> l want to say with confidence that i will update every two weeks so make sure to look for another update every two weeks? maybe fridays or saturdays. 
> 
> and like lets be real jeonghan's going to be the softest bitch ever later on so bear with me as jeonghan exemplifies pure dick mode for the next couple (a lot) chapters. 
> 
> I LOVE AND APPRECIATE EVERY COMMENT AND KUDOS AND READ AND BLESS YOU GUYS STAY HAPPY AND HEALTHY AND SAFE AND WHATNOT and WEAR SUNSCREEN!!!. korea's summers suck istg


	2. in which the author is being vague w/ seungcheol again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so like
> 
> jeonghan doesn't talk much
> 
> but when he does
> 
> ohoboy
> 
> and jisoo is salty
> 
> and so is seungcheol
> 
> and also i tried to be funny but i am apologizing in advance

“Bro, Soonyoung, dude-”

 

“Don’t fucking ‘ _ bro _ ’ or “ _ dude _ ” me, bitch. I literally had my ass eaten out by you this morning, fuck you.” Soonyoung throws Seokmin a dirty glare and crosses his arms. Jisoo gives himself a pre-migraine massage on his temples because whenever Seokmin doesn’t baby Soonyoung with pet names he throws a bitch fit. 

 

“Okay, sorry,  _ babe, _ anyways-”

 

“You’re supposed to  _ kiss _ me, you know.”

 

Jisoo holds back a whimper and turns away as Seokmin just kind of slides himself into Soonyoung’s still-arm-crossed body and kisses him everywhere until his stupid fucking bitch headass of a boyfriend relents and smiles with pure satanic  _ bliss _ . 

 

Finally clearing his throat, Jisoo stares at the two of them with the intensity of a chaperone of a Christian school prom. And they seperate as if Moses had just stepped into the Red Sea. 

 

Jihoon mutters  _ something _ about poisoning them; his death threats have been becoming more and more frequent these days. (Jisoo isn’t exactly against some of them. In fact, there were a couple of realistic ones in there that Jisoo wouldn’t have minded becoming a part of.)

 

“Seokmin, can you just, like, tell him before we have to hear Soonyoung complain that he ate your dick and can’t get a ‘babe’ out of you?”  

 

“Yes, please. Although, poor word choice, Jihoon.” Jisoo turns on his laptop and brings up a word document. His fingers curl instinctively to match the keys. 

 

“Not the time, Jisoo.”

 

“Right.”

 

Seokmin nods, although his eyes swim with slight amusement and maybe a little bit of unsaid glee. “I was just going to ask him if he was free for dinner today.”

 

-

-

 

Jisoo finds it really hard to type with a burned hand, and when that hand is his dominant one, it’s even harder. (He spilled hot tea on himself again, this time when Minghao called his computer a dick sucker and slammed his hands down on the desk in the middle of a pitch silent work session. Safe to say that Minghao’s  _ high _ up on Jisoo’s list right now.) Jisoo occasionally looks down at the angry red lines on his hands and just decides to settle on being happy that it hasn’t blistered. But it still hurts like a  _ bitch _ . 

 

The document in front of him is nearly filled out - only a couple more lines and he’s good. 

 

And then his stupid phone starts ringing and then Jisoo picks it up and then he’s forced to listen to some form of communication that can only be called intense, vocal-cord-ripping screaming. 

 

“Where are the fucking contracts I asked for, Jisoo!”

 

“It’s on your desk, first drawer. Navy folder.”

 

“I’m asking you because I don’t fucking have it, Jisoo! Do you think I’m fucking  _ dumb? _ ”

 

“No, Jeonghan, I don’t. I left an extra flash drive, purple, in the second drawer.”

 

“Jisoo,  _ stop telling me where to look and get your ass over here! _ ”

 

Jisoo frowns when the line beeps and he resists the urge to throw his phone down onto the floor. (He totally would have if he could have afforded to buy a new one. This is his third phone in two years.) Jihoon grimaces at him and tosses him a lollipop, which Jisoo takes gratefully. It’s his weird habit - whenever he’s stressed, he takes a lollipop from Jihoon and sucks it for a couple of seconds before calming down and tossing it out. Maybe it’s the sugar, maybe it’s because Jihoon’s always got the really tasty ones on him, maybe it’s because Jihoon laces them. Whatever it is, Jisoo feels like he’ll be able to hold back his murderous rage a little bit longer. 

 

Jisoo clicks the  _ print _ button on his screen before he leaves and his compact printer on the desk beeps and spits out ten pages. Jisoo gathers them and paperclips them neatly before grabbing his notepad and phone to head down to Jeonghan’s office of doom. 

 

Jisoo can’t even feel the burning in his hand anymore because it feels like it transferred all to his head.

 

-

-

 

“Hong Jisoo, do you want to be  _ fired _ ? What the fuck happened, how could you lose the contracts?”

 

“I didn’t lose the contracts, Jeonghan, I left you at least three copies of each document.”

 

“Are you saying  _ I _ did?” Jeonghan looks furious, but above all,  _ disheveled _ . His hair is an absolute mess and his tie is crooked. The knot’s pulled loose and it’s slanted to the left. Jisoo sighs. He must’ve gone without sleep for more than a day. He must’ve met his dad again. Jisoo feels uneasy whenever that happens because he’s usually the one to orchestrate all meetings between them. 

 

“Sit down, Jeonghan. Let me take care of it.” Jeonghan barely holds himself back from stumbling onto the couch and Jisoo walks over to the desk. Opening the top drawer, he digs around before sighing. It’s not in it, so he opens the second drawers and moves things around before patting the familiar top of a leather surface. The contract folder is under a couple of other miscellaneous sheets of paper and a binder. 

 

“Fuck.” Jeonghan splays his thighs out and leans backwards into the couch, throwing a hand over his eyes. “ _ Fuck _ . Sorry.”

 

Jisoo places it down gently onto the table in front of him. Instead of wanting to rant inside his head about how much he wants to dunk Jeonghan’s head into lemon juice, he settles on being happy with even getting a tiny form of half an apology. 

 

“Let me straighten out your tie, Jeonghan. Sit up.” Amazingly, Jeonghan grunts and pulls himself upwards. Jisoo can barely contain his wonder, hiding a near-gasp with a delicate little choking sound. Jeonghan raises his eyebrows but closes his eyes as he puffs his chest out a little. 

 

“You know, it must be an honor for you to do my tie this close to me.”

 

“I put your shirt on for you this morning, Jeonghan. Doing your tie is about as flattering as cleaning cat litter.”

 

“I’m offended that I’m being compared to cat shit right now. Although I feel like it.” Jisoo quickly works his fingers through the knot and pulls it taunt, correcting the position as well. 

 

“There.”

 

“What’s wrong with your hand?”

 

“Burned it.”

 

“Why isn’t it treated?”

 

“No time.”

 

“I don’t like employees walking around with injuries. It makes me look bad too, you know. Like a boss who doesn’t care. ”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“God, stop  _ saying  _ that.”

 

Jisoo pulls away and grabs his notebook. He scribbles a couple of things down in his notepad and hears Jeonghan shuffle about. 

 

“Heads up.” Something white sails over his head and Jisoo looks at the floor. It’s a balled up roll of gauze with a single-use tube of ointment in the middle.

 

Jisoo bends over to pick it up. “Thank you.” He’s a little not-so-happy because Jeonghan literally could’ve handed it to him but he still got something and that’s enough.

 

“Get out.”

-

-

 

“C’mon, give me the fucking streamer! Minghao, c’mon!” Literally the only reason for screaming past lunchtime is if Minghao’s bothering someone else. Jisoo would have just ignored it like every other time but looks up in vague confusion because Jun has just  _ cursed _ . Not even,  _ you llama hater!  _ or the much loved, popular choice of,  _ you chilli shrimp bowl-headed freak!  _ (Jun hates chilli shrimp). It’s the actual F-word. 

 

“No! Get it from me, I dare you!” Minghao’s fingers are clinging onto a bright gold cluster of party streamers, smiling with devilish mirth. 

 

“Minghao, why’d you take his streamers?” Jisoo settles on asking questions first rather than sternly telling him to give it back because he’d just end up getting teased and called “mom” (not that he really minds it, though) by Minghao. 

 

“I’m making a welcome banner for Wonwoo, he’s coming back tomorrow! C’mon, give it back!” Jun lunges for Minghao and ends up slamming the both of them to the ground because Minghao ducks to the left at the last second in order to not hit his computer. Jisoo can only watch in horror as the both of them tangle up into each other, Jun still tiredly grabbing (pretty fucking blindly) at the streamers. 

 

“Hi.” Minghao breathes out a puff of air onto Jun’s face and Jun scrunches his nose, pulling back. Jun starts standing up but Minghao playfully clings onto his body and Jisoo maybe wants to chuck his tea mug (he’s sick of burning himself) at him. 

 

“Guys, if you’re going to openly start fucking, could you like, postpone your plans or something? Because we need to get ready for the gala.”

 

“Wait, Soonyoung, what gala? Aren’t we supposed to get ready for the art museum opening?” Seokmin’s fingers stop typing against his keyboard. Jisoo blanches. Because that’s not supposed to be worked on until at least three weeks after the gala and Seokmin truly  _ is  _  useless if it isn’t about numbers or statistics or whatever the hell it is that he does. 

 

“Sjsjsjsjsjsjsj.”

 

Soonyoung looks at Jihoon for a second. “How’d he say that out loud?”

 

-

-

 

“Jisoo. Ring me in.”

 

Jisoo feels the front of his eyeballs high five his brain. His eyes are rolled so far back he’s slightly scared that they might not  _ unroll _ . If that were a thing. 

 

“I could  _ swear _ we’ve been through this before. It’s not your decision to just pop in whenever you want, Hyungwon.”

 

Hyungwon sniffles his nose. “And I could  _ swear _ I’ve told you this before, Jisoo. Just let me in, I don’t  _ count _ as a visitor.”

 

Jisoo wishes he were Minghao right now or something because as the secretary of Yoon Jeonghan, he’s got a reputation to uphold and  _ can’t _ just call Hyungwon a slutty overgrown baby. All he  _ can _ do without getting fired is to ignore the frog-faced menace in front of him and resume his writing. 

 

He’s  _ this close _ to finishing up the last signature when Hyungwon clears his throat. Jisoo’s eyelids literally flutter from how hard he closes them. Seriously. They’re going to fly off his face at this point. 

 

“Jisoo. Fuck off and just say I’m here, God. You’re a fucking secretary, who the fuck are you to go around talking to  _ me _ like you’re all high and mighty. You have the most fucking replaceable job in this whole fucking company, don’t kid yourself. Ring me in before I report you.”

 

_ Jokes on you, bitch. All reports that go to HR go through me. Bitch. Bitchity-bitchity-bitch. _ Jisoo calms the internal flames of rage down a little bit because he’s just not that type of person. 

 

Hyungwon starts doing the finger tapping thing against the top of Jisoo’s little secretary desk and the fingerprint smudges on it make Jisoo seriously consider just fucking it all and calling over Seungcheol so the muscle pig can crush Hyungwon’s froggy ass in between his thighs. 

 

“Who cares? Who cares if his position is the most fucking replaceable job in this whole fucking company, because I certainly don’t.”

 

Jeonghan casually slips out his door and leans against it. Hyungwon flushes. “Jeonghan! God, fina-”

 

“You’re even  _ more _ replaceable. If anyone here is going to get fired, it’s you. Go back to your fucking floor and do your shit.” Jeonghan’s stupidly shiny shoes click loudly against the floor, ringing in Jisoo’s ears like a heartbeat. “If I see you up here one more time bothering Jisoo,  _ no one  _ in your family is lasting more than a minute here.”

 

Hyungwon shuts his open mouth and bows quickly. “Of course.” His face is redder than a steamed lobster. The satisfaction that Jisoo feels in his chest is like the crescendo of an orchestra piece - amazing, beautiful satiating, but over all too quick. 

 

“What the hell is that?”

 

Jisoo realizes he’s smiling at Hyungwon’s back. He’s so happy that he doesn’t even mentally correct Jeonghan’s grammer. “What? That? I’m sorry, I really try to prevent him-”

 

“No, what the hell is  _ that _ ? My fucking plant could wrap a better band aid than you.”

 

“I, oh,  _ what _ ?”

 

Jisoo feels his hand with the burn on it being yanked upwards and swallows back a yowl roughly, hiding his pain by looking down and biting into a finger. He can only feel the bandage being undone and re-wrapped tighter, more neater and comfortable against his skin. It’s clean and crisp, as if Jeonghan’s had practice doing it before. The lines of the bandage fold under each other in a way that look fake.

 

His hand is dropped like this morning’s bread and Jisoo bows his head. “Thank you.”

 

“What’s this?” Jeonghan just steamrolls right past his gratitude and Jisoo is about to ask what’s what but he reacts too slow to stop Jeonghan from grabbing the packet of paper on his desk.

 

“No! No, please, no, give it back!”

 

Jisoo’s outstretched hands are met with Jeonghan’s slightly perturbed, deer-in-the-headlights,  _ betrayed _ look. 

 

“You’re quitting?”

 

Jisoo lets a small mewl slip past his lips. He’s not going to deny it, just, he’s got to say  _ something _ .

 

“I-”

 

Jeonghan scoffs and tosses the packet onto his desk and it lands with a clatter against his pens and pencils. 

 

“Do whatever the fuck you want, Jisoo. Just get the notice in by tonight.”

 

-

-

 

_ Jeonghan _

 

-

-

 

“I think I’m having my midlife crisis right now.”

 

“You’re thirty, Jeonghan. Sit down.” Mingyu keeps typing on his computer, which more or less aggravates Jeonghan to act bitchier than he needs to just because Mingyu’s not paying attention. 

 

He’s not exactly best friends or anything with the tall moron but it’s as close to one that he’s got. 

 

“Yeah. And I could die at sixty, you don’t know that.”

 

“Oh wow. What a shame that would be.” Mingyu looks up with dead eyes and raises a single brow. “For you, that is. Not me.”

 

Jeonghan huffs. “Fuck you. Also, come and sit  _ here _ , in front of me. I’m not  _ turning my neck _ to have to look at you.”

 

Mingyu’s fingers stop clacking on the keyboard and he gets up. Stopping by the mini fridge, he opens it and grabs a Capri Sun. (He’s got a serial addiction to those things and it’s really fucking nasty because it’s cheap and for kids. Also, it’s cheap. If he’s going to drink sugary fruit juices, it should at least be the ones that Jeonghan offers him. They’re specially made from farms and orchards in France.) Stabbing the straw in rather violently, Mingyu flops down while sucking away like a nursing baby (a truly disturbing image) on the couch. 

 

“You wish. Anyways, what do you need? What’s the prince’s crisis.”

 

“First off, you need to ask it like a question because right now, it sounds like  _ attitude _ . And second, I’d be a king, not a prince. Fuck whatever’s not on top.”

 

“You know, if this was a historical kdrama, someone would’ve poisoned your bitch ass by now.”

 

Jeonghan pulls his knees in and sniffles. “Would not.”

 

“No, no, someone would have.  _ I  _ would have. Anyways. Whatever. Tell me what’s wrong. I’ve to go get back to these readings.”

 

Jeonghan frowns at being rushed but he decides hold himself back a little bit. “Jisoo’s quitting.”

 

Mingyu lets out a low whistle. “Not surprised.”

 

“Again, fuck you.”

 

“Again, you wish.”

 

“C’mon, Mingyu,  _ Jisoo is quitting _ .”

 

Mingyu sets his now empty juice pouch down on the glass table in between them, taking his time to flatten it out. He leans back in his chair and rubs his chin in an overly exaggerated thoughtful way. 

 

“So, your midlife crisis is having your crush quit.”

 

“He’s not my  _ crush _ .”

 

“I still think that you like him. You  _ like _ him!” Mingyu squeals at his own stupid squealy voice.

 

Jeonghan glares at Mingyu, who stays silent but his eyes are gleaming with amusement. “We aren’t third graders.”

 

“You’re right. We aren’t. So act your age and ask him why he’s quitting. You say things without a second thought, why is it so hard for you to do this much?”

 

Jeonghan feels the edges of his fingernails digging into the couch, pushing until they feel like something’s pulling the nail bed off. 

 

“I feel like eating right now. Maybe those dumplings from China. You know, authenticity is hard to find the-”

 

“That’s not what I asked, Jeonghan.”

 

“Fine. I don’t want him to quit because it’s comfortable. He’s supposed to just, you know,  _ be there _ . Just, supposed to be there. Yeah.”

 

“You can’t do that to a person, Jeonghan. You can’t talk like you own him. You know it’s bullshit to think like that.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Would you ask him to stay? Do you feel  _ anything _ , maybe? Doesn’t it make you feel something to know he’s leaving?”

 

Jeonghan shrugs. “Nothing. Just. Can’t I just want to keep him there to look nice?”

 

“You’re a dick, no, you can’t do that.”

 

“I know.”

 

“By the way, when does Wonwoo come back? I’m just, you know, curious.”

 

“Yeah, curious about whenever he’d want you to fuck him. You know it’s never going to work, right?”

 

“I know.”

 

-

-

_ Jisoo _

-

-

 

“Jisoo, for the Embassy gal-”

 

“It’s the Ambassador’s gala.”

 

“Don’t interrupt me. Anyways, for the gala, change the order of flowers from lilies to roses. Make them white. Or red. I don’t care. Just change the order.”

 

Jisoo clasps his hands together quietly and pinches the inside of his thigh, moving one hand to the front to cover his action. The sharp pain keeps him from cursing Jeonghan out. The flower order had been placed nearly four months back and to get an order this big (nearly three thousand individual ones) would most likely be impossible. But Jeonghan’s impossible to argue against whenever he gets a new idea so Jisoo can’t do much but to ask why.   
  
“Of course. But is there a reason why?”

 

“One of the ambassadors coming from, uh, Germany? I believe? Has a family member that has recently been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. It would be insensitive to put up lillies all over the place.”

  
  


Jisoo’s still lost. “What does brain cancer have to do with lilies?”

 

Jeonghan looks at Jisoo like he’s sewage slime and makes a  _ for real _ ? kind of face and sighs. “Didn’t you graduate from Seoul University? Lilies represent death. And the cancer is a  _ terminal _ one.”

 

Jisoo nods. “Alright.” He offers Jeonghan a slight smile. “You’re smart.”

 

“Of course I am.” Jeonghan merely looks at his fingertips and blows away invisible dust. “Go, get the order in now.”

 

Jisoo nods. “I’ll get right to it.”

 

Sometimes Jeonghan gets so impulsive to the point Jisoo worries about how long he’s going to live. 

 

Not Jeonghan, literally himself. Because he always ends up having to fix everything. 

 

But not all the time. Sometimes Jeonghan says things that work and he feels a little bad for always expecting the worst. Just a tiny itty bitty bit bad, though.

 

Don’t get that wrong, though. 

 

It’s never enough to make him want to stay.

-

-

 

“Jihoon, it’s okay for you to use the pencil to poke yourself awake but don’t do it hard enough to bleed!” Jun scolds Jihoon as he places a Pororo band aid on his arm. Jisoo winces. 

 

“It’s not okay to  _ ever _ poke yourself with a pencil, I think.” Jisoo sits down in his chair neatly and clicks open a pen. “But maybe it’s what you kids do these days.” He offers Jihoon a lopsided grin, one that he rejects. 

 

“You’re not funny.” Jisoo places an exaggerated pout on his face and Jihoon doesn’t roll his eyes. Jisoo counts it as a victory.

 

“Jisoo! Jisoo!” Minghao bursts into the office from the break room, arms spazzing out and legs tangling up like a web. “Guys! Jisoo! Guys!”

 

“What is it? Are you alright? Did something happen?” Jisoo feels a wave of concern and a strange, (paternal???) feeling arise in his chest. He tries to not let himself panic but he can’t help it because Minghao never does this. “Is someone hurt?”

 

Minghao pauses and rearranges his freakishly long legs to face perfectly forward. “What? Oh, no, I was just going to say we ran out of cookies.”

 

Jisoo plops down in his chair. Minghao is back on his fucking list. 

 

He’s about to ask Jihoon for a lollipop but when he turns his head, the said candy hits the side of his face and bounces onto the desk in front of him.

 

-

-

 

“Oh! Jisoo, hello!” Mingyu nearly bulldozes past Jisoo with a flurry of bodily parts that are all too long and too skinny. He’s like Minghao, but, like, more  _ Mingyu-ier _ . If that makes sense. 

 

“Hello. Have you been well these days?”

 

“Of course, of course. Although my secretary isn’t exactly making things any better.”

 

Jisoo gives him a complimentary chuckle, one that sounds kind but everyone would know it’s somewhat forced. “Really? What happened?”

 

“Seungkwan ran over a dead squirrel this morning on his way to work so he came in late. He said he visited a Buddhist temple for a little bit to pray for it and then got distracted on his way back by someone at the coffee shop.” A bitter grimace decorates the very decoratable face of Kim Mingyu. (In all honesty, Jisoo totally would’ve liked him in any other place or situation.) 

 

“That’s - certainly  _ different _ .” Jisoo remembers Seungkwan. A chubby-cheeked,  _ extremely  _ ambitious yet hard working kid. Well, maybe not a kid but he can’t be older than twenty-two or something.

 

“Yes, it is. Not all of us can be as lucky as Jeonghan and have someone like you by their side.”

 

“I’m nothing special.”

 

“Don’t do that to yourself. You are. Seven years isn’t anything small.”

 

Jisoo ignores how everyone keeps putting the  _ numbers _ on Jisoo rather than what he’s done. So what? Seven years? The people in this company tend to stay until they retire; seven years is nothing. He’s  _ done  _ so much in the seven years, that’s what should be important. 

 

Yes, it’s difficult. 

 

Impossible, really, at times. 

 

But is it really that hard to everyone else?

 

Jisoo doesn’t get it. 

 

Strangely, he feels like he needs to defend Jeonghan right now.

 

“It is, it’s what I’ve done for Jeonghan that isn’t. He’s a great boss. It wasn’t really too bad to stick by him. I’ve learned a lot, too. More than I would’ve if I had taken the original offer.”

 

“Alright, if that’s what you say. By the way, why is there a red circle on the side of your forehead?”

 

-

-

 

_ Mingyu _

-

-

 

Mingyu sets himself down to drink his Capri Sun in peace, washing away today’s stress with yet another pouch of his version of heroin. It doesn’t matter how much Jeonghan hates on it, it’s better than being addicted to a drug or something. 

He’s about to relax when Seungkwan just so happens to burst into the room with a packet of paper, narly flying over the carpet. 

 

“Mingyu-ssi, I’ve just come by to - oh no! No, don’t do that!” Seungkwan reaches for the pouch of juice in Mingyu’s hand, to which the taller one instinctively turns away from. It’s his goddamn Capri Sun, for fuck’s sake. 

 

“Seungkwan! What the hell are you doing!”

 

“You have to drink it cold. Here, let me get you a new one and take that.”

 

“I-it’s fine, re-” But Seungkwan raches yet again and makes contact this time. Mingyu flushes and gently tries to pull it back but Seungkwan frowns and grabs the middle just a little bit too hard. 

 

“No, trust me. It’s got to be cold, let me just-”

 

“No, it’s fine, really-”

 

“I  _ insist- _ ”

 

“And I insist  _ harde- _ ”

 

Seungkwan tries to grab it back one more time and the juice ends up squirting sadly through the straw and bursting all over Mingyu’s suit and desk. Mingyu looks at Seungkwan with a deadpan expression with juice (at least it’s fruity) dripping down his hair and face. 

 

“Seungkwan-”

 

“Oh, sorry, I’ll just-”

 

Seungkwan leans over to attempt to wipe off the liquid on Mingyu’s face with a measly (and very wrinkled) tissue but he places his hand on the juice pouch and the rest of the Capri Sun goes shooting right into Mingyu’s eyes. 

 

-

-

 

“Jisoo, if you’re calling to cancel on me, I’m actually going to kill myself with your stupid notepad. Maybe I’ll choke to death on paper. Maybe I’ll use the pencil to st-”

 

“Seungcheol, I’m just calling to know what we’re having for dinner today. I’m not cancelling.” Jisoo spins around in his chair and watches out of the corner of his eye as Jun starts to balance a on his nose. 

 

He wants to tell him to get back to work but Minghao’s giggling and making jokes and Jun’s smiling back so he decides to not interfere with what love is. 

 

Minghao’s maybe not on his list anymore because he picks up the pencil when Jun drops it and hands it back with a smile on his face. (It’s literally  _ sleazy _ but Jun seems to look at it with endearment so who’s Jisoo to judge.)

 

“Okay. Good. Because I was about to start ranting about how much I was going to hate on you and like, indirect you or something.”

 

Jisoo twirls a pen around in his hand. “Ha. No doubting that you’re a grown up. Anyways, what do you wanna get?”

 

“Your dick.”

 

“What?”

 

“Oops, I meant your  _ pick _ . Autocorrect sucks, man.”

 

“This is a phone call.”

 

“R-right.”

 

-

-

 

Jisoo’s nearly done for the day, he just needs to pack his stuff up and head down to Jeonghan’s office.

 

“So you’re finally able to escape the prison, excuse me,  _ Jeonghan _ ?”

 

Jisoo gives Soonyoung a look and grabs his briefcase (Seungcheol calls it a man-purse, Jisoo calls it his lifeline) along with his coat. “It’s not that bad.” Soonyoung rolls his eyes.

 

“Hong Jisoo, the first and only secretary that Yoon Jeonghan has ever had, is quitting after seven years. Safe to say, yes, it is like that.”

 

“Do you think so?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Do you really think what I’ve been through is that bad?”

 

Soonyoung crosses his arms and lets out a sigh. “I think that it’s not bad just because it’s  _ you _ who’s been doing it.” He looks contemplative for a moment. “I don’t think anyone else could’ve lasted as long as you, though. It’s like, you were just  _ meant _ to do this, you know? But that’s also kind of bad. You shouldn't just have to do  _ this _ , too. You should do what you want to do, be referred to as your own person.”

 

Jisoo presses his lips together gently. He sees Sooyoung’s phone light up with a text message. 

 

“That background is pretty, where is it?”

 

Soonyoung looks at his phone with a smile. “Iceland. I’m going there one day with my mom before she, you know.”

 

Jisoo grins back. “Yeah. I know. You do that.”

 

-

-

 

Jisoo’s walking across the lobby when he bumps into Jeonghan, who’s sauntering around with a cup of tea in hand. 

 

“Hello, Jeonghan. Are you leaving soon?”

 

Jeonghan’s face is stony but he still responds. “I don’t know.”

 

Okay, so much for a response. “Alright. Well, I’ve got to meet someone right now- oh! Wait, I have my papers right now!” Jisoo starts to undo the clasp on his bag but Jeonghan pushes his hand away from it. 

 

“Give it to me tomorrow. I’m tired.” Jeonghan’s eyes seem to sag downwards. “Who are you meeting? A boyfriend? Girlfriend? Parents?”

 

“I didn’t know you cared so much about my external activities, Jeonghan.”

 

“It’s nowhere near as interesting as mine, but whatever.”

 

“Just a friend. He’s outside right now, actually.”

 

“I was right, that’s the blandest thing I’ve heard today.” Jeonghan tilts his head a little bit. “But it matches you, I guess.”

 

Jisoo’s about to say goodbye (and maybe throw him an underhanded compliment inside his head) but Jeonghan’s already walking off. Jisoo makes a face and quickly exits. Seungcheol’s on the curb leaning against his car, just like he promised. 

 

“Hello, kind sir. It’s an honor to see your face after making excuses for two months straight.”

 

“It hasn’t been two months, Seungcheol.”

 

“Yes it has. But whatever. Your boss is letting you out today and I’m going to eat a shit ton and you’re going to pay for the meal.”

 

Jisoo feels a fond feeling of comfort and familiarity swell up inside of him briefly and he just gives Seungcheol a smile and points to car, motioning for him to get it. 

 

“Alright. You do that.”

 

-

-

 

Jisoo’s trying to work up his nerve to hand in his resignation packet but something’s pulling him backwards. Maybe it’s a lingering sense of duty or attachment, but it seems like Jisoo isn’t inside his own body. 

 

Knocking on the door once (Jeonghan hates it when things are done excessively, which is strange because he’s too much in every aspect), and then waits one second. Stepping in, he sees Jeonghan reading through contracts at his desk. 

 

“Hello, Jeonghan, how is you mo-”

 

“Are you here to hand in your resignation letter?”

 

Jisoo purses his lips together. “Yes. I am.” Jisoo walks up to his desk and Jeonghan holds out a hand, twitching his fingers to motion for the packet to be handed over. Jisoo starts sweating a little bit as his boss flips through it rapidly.

 

“When are you leaving? Next week?”

 

Jisoo lets out a weak chuckle but Jeonghan looks up at him with an unamused expression in his eyes. 

 

“I plan to train the new assistant for at least three months before finalizing everything and leaving for good. You can trust me to do a good job, I won’t go until I can confirm that the new-”

 

“Why do you want to quit?” Jeonghan leafs through the papers again. “It says here that it’s because you want some time to yourself. But this is random, Jisoo. Why do you want to leave all of a sudden?”

 

It’s a question yet it demands to be answered like a command.

 

Honestly, Jisoo can’t come to terms with it yet. He had just decided it on the car ride to the gala. He didn’t think of what he would do afterwards, or what he would say. It just-

 

It just was something he felt like he had to do. Suddenly, Soonyoung’s words pop into his head. 

 

“I- I want to go to Iceland.”

 

“Y-you want to go to Iceland?”

 

“Yes.” Jisoo prays that his heated face isn’t really that red right now. His skin isn’t as fair as Jeonghan’s so it tends to cover any blush better than Soonyoung’s or Jihoon’s. But it still happens. 

 

“You’re quitting because you want to go to Iceland?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You, my assistant of seven years. Are quitting this job. Working with South Korea’s god. In order to go to Iceland. I’ll give you an extended vacation, Jisoo. Go to Iceland. Take a break. I’ll be generous enough to do that. Take as much time as you need.” Jeonghan settles into his chair as if he’s just discovered the key to world peace. “Come back when you’re ready.”

 

Jisoo lets out a sigh. He looks down his hand and sees the bandage wrapped around it. It’s been undone a little bit, but he’s (incredibly) impressed that it’s lasted this long. (He even showered yesterday with a plastic bag tied around it.)

 

“It’s not like that, Jeonghan. I just. Really want to go to Iceland. But I can’t do that if I have to remember that I have work. Sorry, but it’s just personal reasons, too. But you don’t like vague descriptions to I left that out.”

 

“You’re right. I don’t like vague descriptions, and yet you have the nerve to give me one right now.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Jeonghan sucks in a breath. Jisoo’s expecting to get cursed out again for saying sorry but he doesn’t. 

 

“Then go to Iceland with me.”

 

“What?” 

 

“Go to Iceland with me. I’ll take you there.”

 

“ _ What? _ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall i truly TRIED to be funny asfjasldjfsj 
> 
> and lemme just rant a lil bit bc im pent up rn
> 
> so 
> 
> im w my friends and theyre going to introduce me to a couple of new ppl right? thats fine i like being friendly u know im a friendly bitch anyways one of thems talking abt vacation and how they went jet skiing or whatever and im like "omg i love watersports as well!" u know just trying to find a circle of interest or something and god everyone just stares at me and im confused and theyre like "uh you like what now" so dumbass me goes like "i love watersports its so fun omgomgomg" and then like my friend laughs and awkwardly tells me that its like a KINK OR SOMETHING WHERE PPL PLAY WIT THEIR PEE OR SOMETHING IDK and yeah thats basically how i resigned my position as "friendly one" 
> 
> thank you. 
> 
> anyways abt the story OMG THANK YOU GUYS FOR THE AMAZING RESPONSE i feel like it's going to die down with this chapter because its just so shit and also iknow my grammars out of whaack rn but im just v v lazy and im posting late so i feel like only diff time zones will be reading also i miss korea take me back plz
> 
> this story is honestly actually really fun to write sdlfjasdjf idk if u guys even like it that much but woohoo im having a blast 
> 
> also if you guys are the type to read smut idk yall but yeah i have gone thru the liberty of preplanning thngs out and im an aetheisit but lemme just say i found myself repentingg and stuf becas WOO boy its been a spucy ride okay 
> 
> THANK YOU FOR READING AND COMMENTING AND THE KUDOS SEE YOU NEXT UPDATE AND THIS HAS BEEN REALLY A LONG NOTES SECONTION BUT I APPRECIATE ANYONE WHO ACTUALLY READS THROUGH IT COMEMNT IF U DID I WANNA SEE AND COMMENT UR LOVELY THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS WEAR SUNSCREEN AND BYE!!


	3. in which jisoo needs to learn what relaxing is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so jisoo panics a lot
> 
> thats it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw idk what goes on in a company so ???
> 
>  
> 
> and this chapter is so LAME *wheeze* also wheeze is a funny word is it not???
> 
>  
> 
> and ill edit this tomorrow omg

_ “What!”  _ Jisoo’s brain is short-circuiting right now, sending out blaring messages that are yelling,  _ get out, get out, get out! _

 

“Well, if that’s the only reason you want to quit, I’ll just take you there.”

 

“Jeonghan,  _ Jeonghan, stop moving! _ Jeonghan, can you  _ wait _ ?” Jisoo pouts and stomps his foot on the ground, the childish nature of his actions and all caution flying through the wind right now. Jeonghan lets out a groan and stops moving things around on his desk. 

 

“Yes, Jisoo, keep talking.”

 

“What is  _ wrong _ with you! I’m not  _ asking _ for you to bring me to Iceland, I don’t want you to give me a raise, I don’t need a vacation from you, Jeonghan, stop! I’m - I’m doing this for real. I’m doing this for real and Jeonghan, please, please don’t make it hard for me. I have seven years here, I have given seven years of my life to this place and to you and I don't want that anymore, okay? Jeonghan, just. Accept that I’m quitting.”

 

Jeonghan flops himself down on his chair and runs a hand through his hair. Making a face as he pulls his tie away from his neck a little bit, he clears his throat. 

 

“Well, Jisoo. You’re going to take responsibility.”

 

“Of course. I take responsibility for everything, anyw-”

 

“Take responsibility for greatly inconveniencing me, Jisoo.”

 

“Of course I will.”

 

“Close the door behind you when you leave.”

 

-

-

 

Jisoo’s been trying to ignore the violent, back and forth tapping noises that have been coming from Wonwoo and Seokmin’s desks. (Oh yeah. Wonwoo’s back. Which means Mingyu’s been visiting nearly every hour. It’s hell.) 

 

Minghao’s the first to snap. “What the fucking hell are you guys  _ doing, _ oh my God.” Wonwoo stops his erratic finger tapping and pauses. 

 

“Nothing.”

 

Seokmin straightens his back out and clasps his hands together. “Yeah, like he said. Nothing.”

 

Soonyoung slams his palms on his desk and makes a growling noise. “Seokmin you better tell me what this stupid inside joke is right now before I do something bad.” Soonyoung’s face gets all red and Jisoo holds his breath. (One time Seokmin had tried to keep a secret that he was going jogging (???) with another coworker and Soonyoung had accidentally (Jisoo bets his ass that it wasn’t)  bit Seokmin’s dick during a blowjob. The only reason Jisoo knows that is because Seokmin couldn’t sit correctly for a week.) 

Seokmin sighs. “Fine. You know how I’ve been staying up late these days?”

 

“Yes?” Soonyoung’s face is icy. Jisoo would crack a joke and call him Elsa any other time but he doesn’t want a staple through his hand. That’d hurt pretty darn bad.

 

“Well, I’ve been learning morse code.”

 

“Uhuh. So- wait, what?  _ Morse  _ code?”

 

“Yeah. Wonwoo and I decided that if we were going to piss each other off all the time, we might as well do it discreetly.”

 

Jisoo looks up for the first time with  _ the  _ look on his face. “And you decided to learn  _ morse _ code?”

 

Minghao snickets. “Dude, even Jisoo thinks it’s stupid.”

 

Seokmin taps his fingers again. Wonwoo gasps and bolts up, his rolling chair sliding out. “You say that to my  _ face _ !”

 

Jihoon throws Jisoo a lollipop wordlessly and takes one out for himself, too. 

 

Jihoon’s been throwing a lot of things lately. There’s still no stupid coffee machine but a part of Jisoo kind of likes it because now everyone has to suffer like he is. 

 

-

-

 

Jisoo’s working on the application form for interviews when Jeonghan rings him into his office. 

 

“Jisoo.”

 

“Yes, Jeonghan. What can I do for you?”

 

“I want a new suit. For the gala.”

 

“A n-new suit? Retailored, or-”

 

“Jisoo, are you dumb? I said new, in what  _ world _ does new mean  _ retailored _ ?” Jeonghan’s lips purse and his eyes narrow a little bit like he’s thinking about something evil. Or maybe he’s little constipated, Jisoo doesn’t know. (No. This is Jeonghan, of course it’s the evil.)

 

“Right. New. From Taehyung’s shop?”

 

“Have I worn a suit from anywhere else? Make it black this time, I’m getting really sick of red.”

 

“You haven’t worn red for a year, Jeonghan.”

 

Jeonghan waves a hand in the air. “Right now, Jisoo, really?” 

 

“Sorry. I’ll get on it right away.”

 

“Oh, and Jisoo?”

 

“Yes, Jeonghan?”

 

“Can- nevermind. Go make the call.”

 

-

-

 

Jisoo’s starting to order roses from flower shops throughout the city when seriously,  _ seriously _ , he considers storming out and just having a car run him over because Mingyu walks in again. 

 

“H-hey, Wonwoo. Wh-what’re you doing right now? A-are you working?”

 

Wonwoo’s head raises incredibly slowly until his eyes hold contact with Mingyu’s and Jisoo fidgets because Mingyu fidgets and everyone else starts to fidget. “I  _ was _ . Do you need something, Mingyu?”

 

“N-no, I was just wondering if  _ you _ needed anything. Because. I’m just walking around the building now. Yeah. So. Yeah.”

 

Wonwoo takes in a breath as if he’s going to talk but then he draws his eyebrows together and puffs his cheeks out. “No, I have got to say, I am fine right now. But um. Shouldn’t you be also, you know,  _ working _ ?”

 

“Oh boy is it getting hot in here. Because it’s awkward. Wow, I am sweating. Isn’t anyone else hot?” Jun lets out a shaky laugh and his eyes widen as Mingyu flushes and chokes on an answer. 

 

“Then strip.”

 

“What?”

 

Jisoo gives Minghao a look and Minghao talks over his croissant. 

 

“What! C’mon, it’s not like you guys wouldn’t want to see it, too!”

 

Wonwoo frowns. “You see, the main difference between you and everyone else in this room is that, um,  _ no _ , we  _ don’t _ want to see it, but  _ yes _ , we do agree that you need help.” 

 

Jisoo nods. “Yes. Yes there is that.” 

 

Jihoon turns his head and claps in a mocking way as if to congratulate him on the astute observation he’s just made.

 

-

-

 

Minghao falls off of his chair randomly in the middle of doing absolutely nothing. And then ends up falling asleep right there on the floor. Jisoo can tell it’s for real because Jun fake cries that he’s all alone with no boyfriend and Minghao still doesn’t wake up. He still flings his arms out and mumbles something, if that counts for anything. 

 

He takes a lollipop from Jihoon and sucks on it for exactly four seconds before wrapping it back up and throwing at Minghao’s face. 

 

It sails across the room and misses Minghao’s face horribly and plunks down sadly next to Jeonghan’s foot, which, by the way, happens to be connected to an anatomically complete Jeonghan with his brows raised and that’s never fun. 

-

-

 

“Seokmin, where do you want me to write our names?”

 

“On a marriage license.”

 

Everyone’s head whips up and automatically zooms over to Seokmin’s, whose head goes flying off of his hand. 

 

“What?” Soonyoung drops the packet of paper in his hand. “I meant on the project’s credit list.”

 

Seokmin smiles. “Yeah, no, totally, that’s what I meant, too.”

 

Jun throws a paperclip at Seokmin’s head. “No, you said marriage license.”

 

Jihoon glares at everyone in the general vicinity of his cubicle. “Can all of you just shut up! God, oh my God, I’m going to quit. I’m going to quit, goodbye, goodbye. Jisoo, take this last lollipop-”

 

Jisoo clicks his pen and frowns. “Go sit back down. No one’s quitting.”

 

“ _ You are. _ ”

 

“...whatever.”

-

-

 

“Jisoo? I don’t want to freak you out or anything, but-”

 

“Oh no, no, no, Jun, you can’t start a sentence like that, I’m already freaking out!” Jisoo feels the inside of his stomach roll in waves of panic. Jun’s face turns a little bit white and the waves of panic turn into a storm of death. 

 

“Okay, okay, this is just a totally normal thing that happens to every single project that we have. Just.  _ TheYamangGrouphasalreadystartedtheirpreparationsforthenewartgallery. _ ”

 

Jisoo caught exactly none of that. 

 

“Okay, I heard what might be  _ wart bakery _ , but um, yeah, could you please repeat that? Like a normal person?”

 

“Yamang Group has already started their preparations for the new art gallery. They’re already starting to get their exhibits set up.”

 

Jisoo quickly whips out his handy-dandy note pad and starts flipping through the calendar he’s set up. “I don’t get it, I thought we were supposed to start setting up a new library! The Gongchan Center was supposed to be ours for June!”

 

Jun grimaces. “Yeah, but if they start first, the whole building’s going to be rented out for at least a month and you  _ know _ how June was supposed to be our most profitable month. If we don’t get everything for the library done in at least three months, we might lose our biggest revenue of the year. Also, the contract with Gongchan’s director needs to be confirmed and signed within three days if we want it, but I can’t tell if he’s free or not, since he’s not on my contacts list.”

 

God. The Yamang Group. SVT’S biggest competitor and run by what Jisoo can only call a group of middle-aged sleazeballs. Those slimy little slimes. 

 

“That’s fine, this kind of stuff is my job. Just get back to the Ambassador’s gala planning. I’ve got this.”

 

A look of relief floods Jun’s face. “Thank you. By the way, we’ve got nearly a hundred thousand won more leftover in our budget so Minghao suggested increasing the security since last year someone tried to sneak in.”

 

“That’s a good idea, I’ll run it by the head of the team. Anyways, wish me luck, I’m going in to talk to Jeonghan right now.”

 

“Yeah. Good luck.”

 

-

-

 

“These bastards. I knew they were going to pull something like this.” Jeonghan massages the bridge of his nose gently with his index finger and thumb, his mouth diving downwards into a heavy grimace. “So. Do you have a battle plan?”

 

Jisoo nods. “Of course. I’ve already got the rough draft of a contract outlined here in this folder, so Mingyu-ssi just needs to revise it and I’ll set up a meeting within a day to have them sign. After that, mostly everything important will be taken care of and the library opening will resume as planned. But. One thing.”

 

Jeonghan sighs. “Of course there’s a one thing. Why wouldn’t there be a one thing?”

 

“It’s just that we don’t have anyone covering the new mall opening right now. So it may be in your best interest to develop a team for that.”

 

“Alright. If that’s all, please give me the folder and leave.”

 

“Yes, Jeonghan.” Jisoo quietly places the folder on Jeonghan’s desk and starts his walk out the door when Jeonghan stops him. 

 

“Jisoo?”

 

“Yes, Jeonghan?”

 

“Are you done writing the application forms yet?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Get out already.”

 

“Sorry. Of course.”

 

-

-

 

Jisoo can barely hold in his smile when he sees Seungcheol waiting on a couch in the lobby. He hardly ever comes to visit Jisoo at his workplace these days, blaming it on the suffocating atmosphere dampening the place. (Which is his way of cursing out Jeonghan even though they’ve literally never met before.)

 

“Seungcheol!” Jisoo dramatically takes a running leap into Seungcheol’s arms, squealing like a little girl when Seungcheol sags under the sudden weight and nearly falls. “You’re getting weak these days, Cheollie! God, I’m going to be stronger than you in  _ no _ time!”

 

Seungcheol hurriedly drops Jisoo. “No, no way! These guns are here to s-”

 

“If you ever call them guns again I’m going to cut ties with you.”

 

“You wouldn’t dare.”

 

“Hmm. So far, I’m leaning to  _ I do dare _ .”

 

Seungcheol whips out a box from behind his back.  _ Where the hell did he get that from _ ? 

 

“How about now?” Jisoo’s inner child jumps the fuck out when he sees that inside the box it’s a cream cheese pastry from the bakery exactly thirty-three minutes from here and also is extremely overpriced so that’s another thing. 

 

“Oh my God, thank you, thank you!” Seungcheol laughs as he hands over the little box. Jisoo cooes at it like it’s his firstborn child. 

 

“Hey, by the way-”

 

“Jisoo, I needed to ask you - oh.” Jisoo looks at Jihoon, who’s appeared out of nowhere and is now standing diagonal to each of them with his eyes wide. He seems so tiny in the moment, swamped out by Seungcheol’s shadow. 

 

“Ji-Jihoon.”

 

“Seungcheol.” Jihoon merely nods and looks at Jisoo again. “I’ll just confirm the ambassadors with you later.”

 

“Jihoon, w-wait-” Seungcheol’s eye starts twitching a little and Jisoo contemplates what this means. 

 

“Sorry, I’m busy.” Jihoon bows quickly and saunters off again to wherever he was before and Jisoo looks over at Seungcheol, who still looks like he’s reeling. 

 

“You know Jihoon?”

 

Seungcheol doesn’t answer. 

 

“Cheol, are you okay? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

 

Seungcheol shakes his head. “I-I gotta go. Bye.”

 

Jisoo holds the pastry box limply as he watches Seungcheol run off out the door and his broad back disappears when he bolts left out on the sidewalk. 

 

-

-

 

“I’m guessing the man you, uh, made physical contact with today was your boyfriend?” Jeonghan looks up from his cup of tea and Jisoo nearly chokes. 

 

“I’m sorry, my  _ what _ ? Who?”

 

“No need to act shy, Jisoo. That man you jumped on, the one who looked like he eats protein powder for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I have got to say, I’m kind of surprised that someone as busy as you are would have time to cultivate a social life.”

 

_ That’s why I’m quitting, you little fucker. _

 

“Oh! Seungcheol, no, he isn’t my boyfriend.”

 

“And you still, you know,  _ touched him? _ Ew.” Jeonghan shudders and sets his cup of coffee down. Getting up, he starts to mill around his room as Jisoo goes back to organizing the files in his lap.

 

“There’s nothing wrong with hugging someone, you make it sound like it’s the same as murder.”

 

“Obviously someone as sophisticated as me couldn’t have peasant germs rubbed all over me in what you people call ‘an act of endearment’. I don’t get the appeal of it. But is that why you quit? Is he the secret reason you’re dropping this job? So you can  _ date _ ?” There’s a strange glint in Jeonghan’s eye, one that kind of makes Jisoo feel unsettled. It’s an emotion he can’t pinpoint, one that he doesn’t really get. Is Jeonghan trying to tease him now? Or is he genuinely trying to get a rise out of him?

 

“No, I’m not quitting just so I can date someone.”

 

“I still don’t get why people just randomly hug others they aren’t affiliated with romantically.”

 

Jisoo acts before he can really comprehend what he’s doing and stands up. Walking over to Jeonghan, he makes a determined face and-

 

_ Hugs him _ .

 

“Jisoo. What the  _ fuck _ are you doing right now. What the  _ fuck _ do you think you’re doing?” Jisoo flinches when he looks down because holy shit, he’s staring at the way his arms are wrapped around Jeonghan’s torse and pinning his own arms down at his sides. Jisoo draws his face away for a moment and during that second they are  _ so close _ , but Jisoo drops his head once he sees something flash through Jeonghan’s eyes. It’s not  _ anger _ , it’s like, a desperation to escape.

 

“This is what a hug is.” Jisoo mentally slaps himself and feels the flush rising onto his cheeks.  _ Obviously, this is a fucking hug. It’s not a headlock, is it? _

 

“Jisoo?”

 

“Y-yeah?”

  
  


“Let me  _ go _ .”

 

“R-right.” Jisoo immediately drops his arms and takes a step back.  _ What the fuck did I do what the fuck did I do what the fuck did I do what the fuck did I do- _

 

He’s snapped out of his mental interrogation when Jeonghan taps one foot against the ground.

 

“I don’t know what the hell that was, Jisoo, but don’t do it again.”

 

“Sorry. It just. You know, was weird to hear how you don’t even like hugging. So. Yeah. Please ignore what I just did. Because. I don't’ know what I just did.”

 

Jisoo bows and bolts out of there because Jeonghan just sucked in a deep breath and whenever he does that it means he’s going to yell. He thanks God that it’s Friday and he’s off work tomorrow. 

 

But, oh, dear Lord, he’s never going to live this down. 

 

All he can think about is the look on Jeonghan’s face, the sheer  _ fear _ that ran through his eyes before he started getting mad. 

 

It’s not like Jisoo had done anything else but hug him and Jeonghan looked like he was going to pass out. 

 

-

-

 

“I hugged Jeonghan.”

 

“You did  _ what _ !” Jun’s legs go helicoptering everywhere and even Wonwoo takes a moment to look up. 

 

“I said what I said and I’m also going to say, if anyone wants to throw a bagel at my head that’d be fine. Maybe hot tea. That’d be better.”

 

Jisoo lets out a whimper as he sinks down in his seat, reliving the events from just minutes before. Jisoo feels something tap his arm and when he looks down it’s a lollipop. He unwraps with a  _ hmph _ and sucks on it. It’s green apple this time. He quickly tosses it into the trashcan and lets out a groan.

 

“Did he finally decide that he wants to know what it’s like to be  _ human _ ?” Jihoon snorts when Jisoo starts kicking his legs in the air like he’s swimming. 

 

“I don't know, I don’t know, oh my God, he was talking about how hugging someone who’s not your partner was wierd so my brain just like, I don’t know! Pooped, yeah, my brain pooped up something and I messed up, oh my God, I think I’m sending myself to hell, oh my God.”

 

“Honestly, it’s fine. Since you’re quitting, you know. You just don’t need to hug him again until you leave.”

 

Jisoo snaps his fingers. “Right! I’m quitting! Oh, thank God, that’s going to be my trump card for everything!”

 

Wonwoo stops typing for a second. “Man, I wish I had something like that.”

 

Jisoo briefly wonders if it’s because of Mingyu but the romantic part of him decides he  _ likes _ how low the odds are for Mingyu and maybe it’d be fun to watch Wonwoo’s misery pan out. 

 

-

-

“Oh! Look, I got free tissues from the company!” Jun drops the said packet on his desk. 

 

“Cool. I got free depression from the company.” Minghao kicks his legs up onto the desk and giving everyone an extremely unnecessary peace sign.

 

“I’m, uh, see, I don’t know how to  _ respond _ when you say things like that.”

 

“You could have sex with me.”

 

“Minghao, I  _ will _ fire you.”

 

Minghao looks at Jisoo with a  _ okay, sure _ kind of look. “Yeah, right.”

 

Jisoo sighs and decides to eat his little pastry. (And pretends with every little bite that he’s secretly chewing apart Minghao’s soul.)

-

-

 

“S-so, um, would you like a um, a Capri Sun?”

 

Wonwoo looks up. “A  _ what _ ?”

 

“A Capri Sun.”

 

Jisoo flinches as he watches Mingyu try and present the drink but it stumbles out of his clumsy fingers and falls onto the desk. 

 

“Sure.”

 

Wonwoo picks it up and places it right-side up on his desk next to his wooden paperweight. 

 

“Hey Soonyoung, want a blowjob?”

 

“Oh dear. How romantic of you to offer.”

 

Soonyoung looks at Seokmin with deadpan eyes and Jisoo watches him shrug proudly. Not that it’s really anything to be proud of. 

 

“I felt like I had to one-up Mingyu’s offering.”

 

“Seokmin, he gave Wonwoo a juice pouch, not a sacrifice for a satanic ritual.”

 

Mingyu lifts up a finger and kind of bends his neck like he’s interrupting. “No offense, but that’s not the way that I’d put it. But whatever. Okay. Bye.”

 

Jisoo watches as Mingyu dashes out but instead of being able to run out like a normal, embarrassed person, half his body hits the wall and clunks his head against the door. It makes Jisoo want to internally die or something. Mingyu shakes his head and squeezes his eyes open and close a couple of times before letting out another awkward laugh and running out (successfully). 

 

At least he doesn’t feel too bad about hugging Jeonghan anymore.

 

-

-

 

“Jisoo, I’m leaving now. Should I turn down the lights or are you going to do it?”

 

“No, Jihoon, it’s fine. I’m staying a little bit longer to edit this piece, you can just leave.” Jisoo places his pen down on his desk and clears his throat. “Jihoon?”

 

“Yeah?” Jihoon stops his packing for a moment and puts on his coat a little less hurriedly. “What’s up?”

 

“How do you know Seungcheol?”

 

Jihoon’s eyes crinkle into a little smile but it looks fake. Jisoo’s good at picking up fake things. It’s a part of his job description, anyways. 

 

“If he hasn’t told you who I am, then I’m guessing that he either doesn’t want to, or doesn’t know how.” Jihoon grabs his briefcase and makes his way to the door. “Maybe he’s scared of what opening that door will do.”

 

Jisoo nods. “Okay. Have a good night, Jihoon!”

 

“You to, Jisoo. Sleep well.”

 

The feeling of something unravelling in his stomach tells him that he is most definitely not going to sleep well tonight. 

  
  


-

-

 

“Jisoo? Are you awake?”

 

“Obviously, Jeoghan, or I wouldn’t have answered.”

 

Jisoo’s genuinely thinking about whether he should jump out his window or not because it’s seven in the morning on Saturday and there’s no reason that Jeonghan should be calling. But he is and it’s seven in the morning on Saturday and dear God he’s going to burn himself with hot coffee if Jeonghan calls him in because after yesterday there’s no way he’s going to keep a straight face. He can see his reflection in the mirror that’s attached to the closet and he looks like he’s been to hell and back. 

 

“Don’t sass me, Jisoo. It’s too early for me to put up with that.”

 

“Sorry, Jeonghan.”

 

“Don’t say sorry, just hearing you say that makes me want to throw myself into a kiln.”

 

Jisoo momentarily snaps and ends up biting the inside of his mouth to hard in order to keep in a scream.  _ Where would you find a kiln, anyways? Oh, that’s right, you’re rich.  _ “Is there anything you need, Jeonghan?”

 

“Hm? Oh, yeah. Pack a suitcase. Preferably with winter clothes. Although I guess I can’t stop you from wearing summer clothes, either. Oh well. I’m just suggesting thicker things, though. Since Iceland isn’t exactly  _ warm _ .”

 

_ Iceland. What the hell _ ?

 

“I’m sorry?”

 

Jeonghan sighs across the line. “You have one hour to get packed for Iceland, Jisoo. I’m coming to get in soon so please be ready by then and don’t keep me waiting because we can’t miss the flight. And I can’t exactly leave without you. Since this isn’t my own stupid dream.”

 

“I’m sorry, Jeonghan, slow down just a little bit.  _ Iceland _ ?”

 

“I know you aren’t fucking deaf, Jisoo. Yes, Iceland. We. Are going to Iceland. So get ready.”

 

The line beeps dead and Jisoo falls back onto his bed. 

 

It’s still not registering into his head until he sees a post-it that’s stuck to his wall. Dragging himself out of bed, he walks up to it and takes it off the wall, reading the scrawled letters on it with a trembling stomach. 

 

 

  * __When you quit move somewhere far away__


  * _Preferably to Iceland_



 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok no seriously idk what goes in inside a company. i havent even decided what everyones job is. thats how much this whole fic was GUNNED lmaooooo (does anyone else read it as L-A-M-O inside their heads idk)
> 
> and i SWEAR on my most favorite winnie the pooh doll that seungkwan and hansol and chan will make appearances and boy will they bring the drama sjsjsjs like why would they not??? who would i be if they didn't???
> 
> also this chapter is so freaking dry that i had to do some drama type thing in the middle and at the end because seriously it was crumbling at how dry it was but OSIDJFSJD they're going to ICLEAND WootWoot. and also ~woo~ hidden past *wiggly arm wave*
> 
> anyone wanna start a petition for me to STOP writing jihan fics where the angst is going to be inevitable and heavy asf 
> 
> bc id join
> 
> and i personally think i deserve a fan club for making the most cheesiest drama-like cliffhanger to ever appear anywhere god i was dyign when i wrote that in sjdfsjf what am i doing sjdfsj
> 
> also this fic got way more recognition than i thought it woudl and im so happy YAY THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH MWAH MWAH I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR READING THANK YOU YOUR COMMENTS KEEP ME GOING AND THEY ALL PUSH ME TO UPDATE FASTER AHHHHH
> 
> and also we all know where this is going Bossman dick jEONGHAN is going to be THRIVING in the next chapter obvi sdjfs so if anyone was feeling upset at the lack of dickiness that jeonghan brought buckle your seatbelts bc ooh boy the next chapter is going to be a ridE
> 
> i keep typing things like "woeuhfjsk" and "skdjhfad" someone stop me its not even funny why cant i stop ew 
> 
> and also fr thank you all for your comments and kudos and im so greedy bc i love them all and i want more but like at the same time i feel like thats a normal response but omg im so scared im gonna sound like a greedy bitch smjsjsjsjsj 
> 
> THANK YOU FOR READING AND IF YOU MADE IT TILL HERE U DA GOAT 
> 
> STAY HAPPY AND HEALTH AND SEE YOU NEXT TIME AS ALWAYS !!!!!!


	4. In which Jisoo is in Iceland and has flashbacks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> adsjkfhadskjfha;sdhfksjadhfl;ajshfjs

Jisoo thinks it’s time to let Jesus take his poor, tired body up to heaven and let him rest. He doesn’t really believe in a heaven made out of floaty wisps of clouds and hymn-singing angels flying about, but it sounds nice. Seriously. Death sounds nice. 

 

You may ask, with hint of slight bitterness laced with a dusting of confusion, why a person so well-accomplished wants to feel the cold embrace of the grim reaper himself. 

 

Jisoo’s got money (dare I say,  _ more than the average man _ ). 

 

Jisoo’s got regular vacations (although he doesn’t really use them). 

 

Jisoo’s got a nice face (rather handsome, if he says so himself). 

 

Jisoo’s got a hot boss (shitty personality aside).

 

Jisoo’s got his own apartment in a highrise in Seoul (no easy feat these days).

 

Jisoo’s got his little succulents that haven’t died (they may be cacti but who cares?). 

 

Jisoo’s got a lot of nice friends that are always there for him (even though he never sees them because of *Jeonghan*). 

 

So it may make you feel a little spiteful when you think about it. Why would a fine and successful man like Hong Jisoo feel like his time on earth is wasted?

 

The answer’s in the context of this whole story.

 

It’s because of Yoon Jeonghan. 

 

And also because of the fact that he’s currently standing in Iceland. 

 

That’s right, folks. Jisoo’s walking down the black wooden boards leading up to the (of course 5-star) hotel, steam from the  _ lagoon thingy  _ blowing gently across his body. The whole thing is extravagantly unbelievable. 

 

He’s actually  _ in  _ Iceland right now. 

 

Let’s backtrack,  _ shall we? _

 

Jisoo had packed a suitcase under the influence of about two and a half crushed advil pills in water. Because of the amount of stress he’s been under in the last seven years, all it did was make him a little floopy. (His record is six. Hearing it makes him blanch with concern but oh well, he’s not dead yet. And plus, he didn’t even need to go to the hospital. But in all honesty Jisoo wouldn’t recommend anyone doing that at once because in the end he went to sleep after throwing up his whole gut.)

 

And then on the entire plane ride (twenty hours. Really. Google it.) Jisoo did nothing but stare at the screen in front of him, replaying some shitty american movie over and over again because he couldn’t find the will to push the  _ end movie  _ button. Seriously. Try listening to  _ Kung-fu Panda 3  _ for twenty hours on loop. Even if it’s cute, it’ll make you lose your mind. 

 

Right now, Jisoo follows Jeonghan, who’s dressed impeccably head to toe in a trench coat, slacks, and dress shoes. Jisoo kind of wants to kill Jeonghan because why anyone would dress like that for a twenty-hour plane ride is something he can’t answer. (And also because he was  _ dragged to Iceland _ but that’s not the PoInT here.) His ears aren’t even red. Jisoo thinks of it as a sign that Jeonghan must’ve been spawned from the Devil because his ears aren’t even  _ red _ and it’s literally blowing ice wind. Jisoo’s seen the reflection of himself. It’s not nice.

 

The hotel room is, with no exception,  _ gorgeous _ . Like if the room was a person, Jisoo would have sex with it. A strange image indeed, but Jisoo shrugs as he thinks it. Also, Jisoo’s in trouble because he doesn’t remember how he got here. Just stared with a dead expression at Jeonghan’s back all the way up. 

 

Setting his bags down, he hears a knock at the door. 

 

It’s Jeonghan (that devil-man). “My room is connected with yours. If you ever need something, knock. Also, please never need something. I don’t like the sound of knocking.” With that, Jeonghan turns around to walk away but Jisoo grabs his arm. 

 

“Wait, wait, Jeonghan.” Jeonghan turns around again, a displeased expression on his face. It’s subtle, but Jisoo reads it clearly in the way his lips twitch and his eyes suddenly grow hooded. He lets go of Jeonghan’s arm. (One thing about Jeonghan is that even though Jisoo’s a little bit taller, he feels small all the time. Like something about him shrinks everything around Jeonghan. Especially his balls. Will he ever have sex again, the world may never know.) 

 

“Yes? I’m pretty sure I just told you to not need anything from me.” Jeonghan sighs.    
“But if you’re as giving as I am, what can you do but expect people to want more? Go on.” Jeonghan flaps a hand in the air. 

 

“Wh-why did you bring me here?”

 

Jeonghan blanches, but it’s more like a disgusted frown. “Are you asking me that  _ after _ you got onto a twenty hour flight with me? Anyways, it’s what you wanted. Here we are. Iceland. Woohoo. Enjoy yourself while you can. We go back in three days.”

 

Jisoo feels an inexplicable feeling of anger rising up inside of him. He feels like Jeonghan thinks of him as an easy person in general, not just as a secretary. 

 

“No,  _ no,  _ Jeonghan, why did you bring me here? This isn’t what I wanted and you know that.”

 

Jeonghan sighs. “You know the shareholders meeting that was supposed to be in Sweden?”

 

Jisoo sighs. “Yes, Jeonghan. I know about it. I spent four months preparing for it.”

 

“Right, right. I moved it here. And moved the date up. It’s going to take place in the capital of Iceland. I’m not going to bother with the name because I can’t say it right.”

 

Jisoo finds himself wincing and massaging his temples. “So I didn’t bring  _ any _ of my work supplies and you brought us to one of the most important meetings we’ll have this year?” There’s a bit of seething with Jisoo’s next words. “And you didn’t even bother to  _ tell _ me?”

 

Jeonghan shrugs off Jisoo’s pained voice with a nonchalant look on his face. “Right. I didn’t. Because I’m not bringing you. I’ve got a backup assistant. You just enjoy yourself in Iceland, get the  _ I want to quit _ virus out of you. I don’t know. Whatever. I’m taking a nap now. Please don’t bother me.” Jeonghan turns his head and walks out, closing the door with a loud but not overly excessive bang. 

 

“Jeonghan,  _ Jeonghan,  _ please, you can’t just-”

 

“I can and I will. Now be quiet before I kill myself. Or you. Whatever’s easier.”

 

Jeonghan disappears down the hall and into the next door with a series of near-silent clicking, the boots on his feet still clean and soft against the carpeted floor. 

 

Jisoo wants to scream into some kind of never-ending void. Does Jeonghan hear  _ anything _ that other people say? Does he have some kind of hole in his ear that just drowns out the voices of anyone who makes  _ less _ than a bajillion dollars a day? 

 

Jisoo’s so frustrated that he wants to cry. There’s a hot stinging behind his eyes, pushing against his eyelids and making his eyelashes blur and clump together. 

 

A boom of thunder explodes out of nowhere and Jisoo  _ screams _ like he just got stabbed because he didn’t realize it was raining.

 

He’s going to kill himself, dear God. 

 

-

-

 

When Jisoo was six, he went to a park in his neighborhood with his younger brother. 

 

Jisoo went to buy them ice cream. A vanilla one for himself, a strawberry shortcake one for his brother.

 

It had started raining. 

 

Jisoo never saw his brother again.

 

-

-

 

So basically, Jisoo has his very own k-drama-esque trauma. And that trauma has led up to a very reasonable fear of rain and storms in general. He’s got his little list of things that he does in order to  _ not _ go berserk and to stay calm when it gets too loud and lightning-y and thundery. 

 

He’s in his pajamas, buried under the thick piles of blankets and a cover-er (he thinks that’s what it’s called, he doesn’t care enough to check) on the bed, folding himself into a little ball and covering his ears with two small pillows, pressing them into his eardrums and pretending like he can’t hear the vibrations of thunder, focusing on the rushing of blood going to his head. He can’t feel a muscle, but at the same time it’s like he’s being lit on fire. Every single nerve in his body is singing out to please,  _ please _ , save him. 

 

_ “Hyung, look, I got a cut!” _

 

_ “It’s okay, we’ll put a band-aid on it, okay?” _

 

_ “Hyung, you’re the best!” _

 

Jisoo’s teeth chatter violently. “I’m s-sorry. I’m so-rry.” He wants to desperately remember his brother’s name but nothing comes up. 

 

Whenever these storms come in, Jisoo tries to focus on his younger brother’s face, praying that an image will surface. But it’s just a little kid’s face, with no features but with brown hair. He always sees the brown hair. He gives up when all he hears is the quiet laughter of the kid before everything disappears altogether. 

 

There’s knocking on the door, but Jisoo deems room service unimportant and stays quiet. 

 

The knocking soon stops and turns into an incessant banging, barraging Jisoo’s already throbbing head with unnecessary annoyance. 

 

“Jisoo, open up! I think you took one of my bags when we got off the plane.”

“Ionnow.” Jisoo mumbles out an “I don’t know” but it’s not like Jeonghan can hear him. He doesn’t  _ know  _ what he’s saying “I don’t know” to.

 

“Jisoo, c’mon, I know I said that you wouldn’t have to see me until we go back home but I need the documents in there, okay? Can you open the door?”

 

Jisoo mumbles something again and squeezes his eyes, either tears or sweat slipping down his face. 

 

“Okay, Jisoo, if you’re naked, not my problem. I’m opening the door, okay?”

 

Jisoo lets out a whimper because when Jeonghan opens the door thunder booms down again but the sound reverberates louder this time. This time, it’s loud enough that the windows rattle against their frames and even the rock-like Jeonghan lets out a curse. 

 

“Jisoo?” Jeonghan’s footsteps are quiet against the carpeted floor and grow slightly louder. Jisoo thinks he’s getting closer. But he can’t really tell. Because you know, he’s trying to keep in the vomit. 

 

“Hnghh...” Jisoo lets out another weird whimpering sound, and the blankets over his body are suddenly jerked off of him. Jisoo lets out a scream. He needs his blankets. 

 

“Jisoo! What happened, why are you so, uh,  _ sweaty? _ ” Jisoo barely cracks enough of one eye open to see Jeonghan standing over him decked out in sweats (they probably cost over a thousand dollars) and a t-shirt (Jisoo  _ knows  _ this one cost over a thousand dollars; he was there when Jeonghan bought it), clutching onto the blankets. Jisoo palms blindly at the air, the cold breeze making the goosebumps on his arms stand straight. 

 

“Give-” Jisoo gasps. “Give them back.” His voice is quiet, but strained. Like something’s holding down his neck. 

 

“What?”

 

“The- the blan-” Jisoo can’t finish his sentence before he lets out a groan. “Blanket.”

 

Jeonghan hurriedly throws it over, but in the process, his arm brushes up against Jisoo’s arm. 

 

Jisoo doesn't know if it’s the pure  _ fear _ that’s running through him or the idea of being alone right now but he grabs onto Jeonghan as well and pulls him down. Jeonghan lets out a noise of surprise when he gets jostled forward. 

 

“Please don’t leave me.” 

 

Jeonghan clears his throat. “Wh- _ at _ ?”

 

Jisoo shakes his head and swallows dry air. It scratches against his throat. “Please.  _ Please _ , if you stay, I won’t quit.”

 

Jeonghan scoffs. “You liar.” But his voice isn’t mean. It’s laced with uncomfortableness but not disgust. 

 

Jisoo sniffles and buries his head as far as he can into the pillow. “S-sorry.”

 

There’s some shuffling and moving around and Jisoo’s brain barely processes that Jeonghan’s sitting upright next to him. A cold hand brushes his sweat-soaked hair back, and adjusts the blankets so they aren’t just strewn and clumped about. 

 

“Is it the storm?” Jeonghan’s voice holds no distaste, just maybe some  _ sympathy _ . It’s new. He can’t think of the proper adjective to describe this. It’s not pity. It’s not kindness. 

 

It’s just  _ new _ .

 

Jisoo doesn't  _ not _ like it. 

 

He nods, and Jeonghan lets out a short, single breath of laughter. 

 

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I think this effectively ruins the strictly professional atmosphere we’ve set up amongst ourselves. I don’t think I’ve ever touched you before.” At first, Jisoo thinks it’s Jeonghan  being grossed out. But he doesn’t move his hand, so it can’t be that. Jisoo squirms, not knowing how to answer. The shirt clinging onto him is sticking to his back, but Jeonghan gently pushes Jisoo’s body closer to his and slips his hand into the shirt. 

 

The alarm bells are ringing.

 

“Jisoo, let me take off the shirt. You’re sweating too much.” Jisoo should feels embarrassed that Jeonghan’s literally voluntarily  _ touching _ his sweat. Jeonghan had once said that he refused to touch dogs without making sure they were cleaned by a vet first. The hand turns into  _ hands _ and slowly, Jisoo’s shirt gets lifted off of his body. 

 

He  _ should _ feel exposed. 

 

He  _ should _ feel stripped down in front of Jeonghan. 

 

But when Jeonghan sighs and places the blankets around Jisoo’s body a little bit tighter, he feels  _ safe _ . The cool air from the room kisses his skin gently this time, while the heat of the blankets and  _ Jeonghan _ keep him nice and toasty. His sweating immediately stops and he doesn’t feel like he’s drowning in a sea of terror anymore. 

 

He feels. 

 

Safe.

 

Jisoo wants to say thank you but the hand gently working its way through his hair is soft and his eyelids grow thick, dragging themselves down and the wind whispering into Jisoo’s ear to just sleep. 

 

-

-

 

When Jisoo comes to, the storm is gone and the raining is barely a drizzle tapping against the window. He feels groggy, the sleep still fogging his head and his throat feels dry. He groans as he forces himself to stand up, bare feet hitting the wooden floor. It sends a shiver up his spine and Jisoo realizes that all he’s wearing are his sweats. He feels naked in front of nothing, quickly making his way to where his bags are and roots around for a shirt. He looks around for the one he fell asleep in, and finds it folded neatly on the desk chair. 

 

Jisoo finds himself blushing, the heat in his face travelling down his neck and onto his shoulders. He remembers Jeonghan sitting next to him and patting his back like he was a puppy or something. 

 

Jisoo lets out a squeal. 

 

Half out of embarrassment (who just grabs someone like that?) and half out of, dare he say,  _ excitement _ ? 

 

Jisoo coughs. Okay. That’s a bit far. But it’s some kind of fluttering. (Maybe he likes hurting himself, Jisoo doesn’t know. But he’s not mad about it.)

 

Jisoo clears his throat and stares at himself in the bathroom mirror. 

 

Jisoo sighs. “He stayed with me through the storm. And played with my hair. And helped me out of the shirt when he saw that it was bothering me. Yeah. I’m just surprised because he was so nice.”

 

(Jisoo refuses to point out that Jeonghan didn’t play with his hair; all he did was push it back. And Jeonghan didn’t help him out of the shirt when he saw it was bothering Jisoo. Jisoo kept pulling at it and Jeonghan took the hint. But let the poor man dream.)

 

Jisoo decides he’s going to take a walk. 

 

The air is cold, but not as cold as he thought. It’s enough to nip at his nose and makes his draw up his scarf a little bit higher. There’s a walkway around the hotel, so Jisoo settles on just making rounds until he feels hungry. 

 

Now that Jisoo’s in Iceland, he finds himself realizing that he doesn’t actually have a game plan. There’s nothing about this country that he knows, except for the fact that it’s an island. It makes him sigh when he realizes the only thing he can confirm for sure is that if he’s ever murdered while he’s here, his body probably wouldn’t be recovered. 

 

A little blast of lagoon (he doesn’t know what the steamy water thing is called) spray blasts into his face and Jisoo jumps back. It snaps him out of his little “ _ Am I going to get murdered while I’m on this stupid forced vacation with Jeonghan _ ” bubble. He quickly scrambles to get off the bridge and back onto the cobblestone path. 

 

When he looks up after he’s safely on solid ground, he sees Jeonghan sitting on a bench with a person next to him who Jisoo doesn’t recognize. 

 

They get up and start making their way inside, a concerned look on Jeonghan’s face while the other man uses his hands to motion. From his decade of experience, it looks like the man is trying to indicate the shape of building. But Jeonghan looks confused. 

 

Jisoo decides to follow quietly, making sure to always be in a place where he can see them, but can’t be seen  _ by _ them. They finally go inside the side of the hotel, and since the windows are glass, he can see it’s the entrance to a restaurant. Jisoo waits until both of their backs are turned to slip in the door and beelines towards a booth that’s close enough to hear them talk, but not to be noticed. Shaking his head when a waiter walks by, Jisoo grabs the menu in front of him to cover his face. 

 

As Jisoo listens, he can tell that Jeonghan is struggling, and that the conversation is in Korean. Jisoo watches and listens as Jeonghan pretends to get it, fake nodding and making noises of approval until someone taps on Jeonghan’s shoulder. Jisoo’s eyes widen. 

 

“I was thinking, if you plan on doing a floor plan of the library with Mr. Kim, you should be careful to make sure to avoid colorful approaches. His methods are much more modern and monotonous, so if you don’t like those options, you should opt out and choose Mrs. Bae over him. Both are very capable, so you should get the best results with either of them.”

 

Jeonghan stares at the man who just tapped on his shoulder, and then snaps out of it. 

 

“You must be Hansol. Have a seat. Mr. Lee, this is my assistant for the day, Choi Hansol.”

 

Mr. Lee, the head architect of Lee & Sam corp, is the man that Jisoo recognizes after the introduction. And then the assistant. So Jeonghan really had found one.  _ Right. It’s not like I’m going to be here forever. At least he seems very informed. _

 

“Oh, is Jisoo not with you anymore?” Mr. Lee asks, to which Jeonghan replies with a simple  _ yes, but he’s on vacation _ .

 

Mr. Lee laughs a little and then they get back to discussing the business deal that Jisoo was supposed to be included in; about whether or not they would open a new children’s wing at Asan Medical Center. Jisoo can’t help but feel like Jeonghan’s going to be okay. Jisoo’s put the resume online, but maybe Hansol was personally picked by Jeonghan.

 

Jisoo decides that it’s time to go to bed. The jetlag is starting to hit him even after his nap, and it’s not like he’ll be any use to the staff milling around in restaurant without eating anything. So he places the menu on the table and gets up, careful to keep his back to Jeonghan’s table and ducks his head to his chest so his face isn’t that visible. 

 

Scuttling back outside, Jisoo realizes that the Icelandic wind isn’t as forgiving as Korea’s, so he hitches up his hood and scarf and pretty much runs back to his room. 

 

Jisoo can’t sleep that night because pictures of Jeonghan doing what he did to Jisoo earlier flash through his head, except this time it’s not him and it’s Hansol that he’s touching. 

 

-

-

 

The next two days are spent, unfortunately, indoors because a freak snowstorm hits the area out of nowhere. Jisoo’s bored and he can’t even work. 

 

He’s a  _ workaholic _ . It’s in the name, he’s got to work. All he did for two days was go to the indoor pool and then napped inside his room. (Jisoo sleeps alot. He didn’t realize how exhausted he was.)

 

Fortunately, it doesn’t delay the plane ride home and Jisoo’s back in his apartment staring at his succulents and saying hello to them in no time. 

 

“Hello, Prickles. Thank you for dying. You too, Lenty. And you three, Greeny. And you grew another flower, Budsy! I’m back, so you guys are safe now!” Jisoo smiles at his three little plants in the center of his white kitchen table, and air hugs them. Glancing over at the suitcase sitting next to his sofa, he frowns because he doesn’t like pushing off unpacking. So he quickly washes his hands, makes himself a sandwich and eats, and cleans his clothes. 

 

Walking around the entire house with a dustpan and broom, Jisoo sweeps and wipes every surface he can possibly touch. He finally hops into the shower when he’s done and stands under the stream of hot water longer than he should, scrubbing away three days worth of tiredness until his skin is red and scratchy. 

 

Jumping into bed afterwards, Jisoo is about to close his eyes for a nap when his phone rings. 

 

There’s an email on the screen. 

 

_ From < _ [ _ LeeChan@email.com _ ](mailto:LeeChan@email.com) _ > _

_ Subject: Open assistant spot _

 

_ Hong Jisoo-ssi,  _

 

_ I am emailing to inquire about the open assistant spot. I have linked my resume below, and am wondering if I could get an interview spot for the job.  _

 

_ From- _

 

_ Lee Chan, Y University Senior _

 

Jisoo reads the email with tired eyes. A sudden rush of  _ competition _ , out of everything, goes rushing through him. 

 

If Jeonghan gets to pick a candidate for his spot, Jisoo’s going to pick his own. 

 

_ To <Lee Chan> _

_ Subject: Interview spot _

 

_ Lee Chan,  _

 

_ Of course! Thank you for sending an email.  _

 

_ I have checked out your resume and see that you are more than qualified to take the position. Please come in on Tuesday morning at 9:00 A.M. for your interview slot. Come to the thirty-seventh floor on the second left after you leave the elevator.  _

 

_ From, _

_ Hong Jisoo. _

 

Jisoo turns his nightstand light off and sets his phone on for seven A.M. 

 

-

-

 

The next morning, Jisoo’s annoyed all the way from waking up to getting to work. (Jeonghan’s nagging doesn’t help. How the hell was he supposed to know that Iclenand had its own language? He’s not a fucking encyclopedia.)

 

Sitting down on his desk, he quickly sets his bag down and waits for everyone to start filing in. Jihoon enters first, surprising, and waves hello to Jisoo before rushing to his cubicle. 

 

“Hey Jisoo, how was Iceland? We couldn’t get in touch with you.” Jihoon takes out his laptop and starts to boot it up.

 

“I don’t know. It kinda just went past me. I don’t remember much of it.”

 

“You got back yesterday, Jisoo. You’re not that crazy. Anyways, wanna hear what happened on Friday?”

 

Jisoo pushes his notebook to the side. “Yes, of course.”

 

Jihoon smiles. “Jun ended up throwing up on Minghao. And it was the messy kind. Very watery. Had a greenish-orange shade.”

 

Jisoo blinks. “Because?”

 

“Because Minghao said he was going on a date with someone.”

 

“But he likes Jun!”

 

Jihoon’s smile grows small. “Yeah. We still don’t know if he actually went on the date or not, or whether he maybe just was nicer to Jun since they came from the same country and kind of get each other more? The whole thing with them is a mess.”

 

Jisoo finds himself copying the expression on his face and is about to say something when Jeonghan walks in through the door. 

“Jisoo. In my office. Now.” Jeonghan quickly walks out, and the glass door slides closed more angrily than Jisoo remembers it. 

 

“Man, if you two ever got together, you’d have the best angry sex. And make-up sex. Probably just sex in general.”

 

Jisoo chokes. “What?”

 

Jihoon looks over at Jisoo with a glance. “You heard me.”

 

-

-

 

Jeonghan seems to be in one of his moods today. It makes Jisoo pissed. 

 

“Jeonghan, stop whining and speak to me properly.”

 

“I moderately bitch. I refuse to be brought down to a child’s level.”

 

_ You’re acting like one perfectly.  _ “Well, tell me what’s wrong.”

 

“I have an assistant coming in tomorrow. Start training him.”

 

“That’s great, I have my own coming in tomorrow as well.” Jisoo narrows his eyes. “It’ll be good to have options, and whoever does better in training will get it.”

 

Jeonghan stands up from behind the marble desk (imported from Italy), the chair sliding backwards and his shadow looms over him. 

 

“You chose someone? Do you know him?”

 

“Did you know yours before you chose?”

 

“No.”

 

“Same.”

 

Jeonghan’s eyes sharpen and they glint behind his glasses. 

 

“Be careful, Jisoo. You’re walking on  _ paper _ -thin ice right now.”

 

A flare of resolve shoots up through him and his shoulders square as if it’s a reaction. “Then fire me. Train them yourself.”

 

Jeonghan frowns, but it looks like a sneer. “Well, I’m going to need to keep you around until the gala. Whatever, do what you want. You’re not staying anyways.”

 

“You’re right. I’m not. I’ll be going now, I need to check over the gala’s guest list and finish the catering orders.”

 

“Jisoo?”

 

“Yes, Jeonghan?”

 

“I liked more when you didn’t talk.”

 

Jisoo feels the sting of Jeonghan’s glare against his back as he walks out the door. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love this fic and yet i STARVE MyselF of writing it. 
> 
> anyways, im gonna keep this note short and just say there will be another update tomorrow at 3 yes you read that right IM UPDATING TWO DAYS IN A ROW??? anyways, ill write a lot tomorrow lol so im gonna stop here and just say thank you so much to everyone who has read this fic! thank you for the support and the comments and the kudos and mwah!!!
> 
> im feeding yall
> 
> bye and see you tomorrowww!!!
> 
>  
> 
> p.s. check out my other svt fics if you'd like!
> 
> p.p.s. im also uploading a new fic tomorrow!!! i love the rich jeonghan character but this time jisoo is v v sarcastic and snappy and amazingly amazing. 
> 
> p.p.p.s. il edit tomorro lkdsjflskdjf


	5. in which jeonghan is going to die if it's the last thing jisoo can make sure of

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chan is finally here !! whatta pure baby!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall i gotta make up for being absent for like a year so heres the second update!!!

Jeonghan and Jisoo sit adjacent to the purest boy that Jisoo have literally ever laid eyes on in his life. Like, the innocent and youth leaks out of his body like halo-esque waves, radiating off of his skin and making Jisoo bite his lip. His person is _so_ going to win.

 

Jeonghan crosses his legs and clicks the floor with the shoe touching the floor. “Name?”

 

“Lee Chan, sir.” Chan smiles and then reclasps his hands together on his lap, the white dress shirt making him seem more angelic.

 

“Age?”

 

“I’m twenty-two, sir.”

 

“What’s your-”

 

“Jeonghan, stop being rude. Let me take care of the questions, he’s _my_ person to watch over.” Jisoo decides to butt in because he can already hear how this conversation is going to go. A flash of unprecedented anger runs through Jeonghan’s expression.

 

“ _Your person?_ ”

 

“Yes, _my person,_ so stop bothering him!”

 

Chan clears his throat. “Is this not a good t-”

 

“No, sit there! Do you know what a business is?” Jeonghan barks it out like a command rather than a question.

 

“Oh, um, yes, a business is-”

 

“Jeonghan, stop being rude!” Jisoo acts impulsively and shoves Jeonghan’s shoulder with a hand. Jeonghan’s mouth opens in schock.

 

“Really, I can come back la-”

 

“You think you can put up with the workload?” Jeonghan pushes Jisoo backwards, and then faces Chan. “Can you?”

 

“Of course! My majo-”

 

“You’re hired!” Jeonghan screams, leaping up from the couch.

 

“Really?” Chan’s eyes open wide in confusion more than relief. Jisoo wants to punch the wall. Or maybe Jeonghan’s empty skull.

 

“Yes. Starting now. Go get me coffee. Jisoo, you come here and talk to me.”

 

“Y-yes!” Chan stands up and runs out the door, not looking back once.

 

-

-

 

“Jeonghan, what the _hell_ was that? I have never seen you act so irrationally! If you’re angry at something, stop holding it in and tell me!”

 

Jeonghan stands still for a couple of seconds, but all of a sudden, he bursts out into laughter. It’s a mocking scoff more than anything, and every huff of breath that leaves Jeonghan’s mouth grates at his bones and digs into his skull.

 

“What are you, my fucking husband?”

 

Jisoo feels his expression contort into one of fury. “No, and I’d rather be fucking dead than to be married to you. Excuse my language, _please_ . Now, I’m going to be _civil_ until the gala but after than, you’re on your own.”

 

“Good. I can’t wait to get rid of the nagging fly hovering around me all day. I can’t prosper like that.”

 

Jisoo’s about to retort but he can’t find words to put together that would be acceptable in a workplace.

 

“H-here’s your coffee, sir!” Chan rushes into the room all of a sudden, holding a cup of to-go coffee from the coffee shop downstairs.

 

Jisoo glowers at Jeonghan before snapping his head around. “Rule number one, Chan. Never enter before knocking. You never know when he’s going to snap and kill you.”

 

Jisoo exits the door and refuses to acknowledge the sudden pang in his heart.

 

-

-

 

In the midst of his argument with Jeonghan, Jisoo finds himself more focused on Minghao and Jun than making sure his work for the gala is going fine. The date is looming right in front of them, hovering around in his brain like an annoying mosquito he can’t kill.

 

Jisoo feels bad for Chan as well, since he acts as the messenger between the two of them along with Hansol. Hansol seems nice, but there’s something about the way he looks at Jisoo that Jisoo wishes he would just leave.

 

It’s not wierd or perverted or creepy, but the feeling of his lingering eyes is heavy and Jisoo’s ears constantly feel red and itchy.

 

Minghao shows up late that day, which adds onto Jisoo’s already pretty shitty mood.

 

“Sorry, something came up last night.” Minghao is most certainly not lying. His hair is a gross, matted mess, his buttons are done wrong, and the bags under his eyes are nearly as low as the ground. Jisoo sucks in a breath.

 

“You were fine yesterday. What did you _do_?”

 

“None of your _beeswax_.” Minghao plops into his seat but screams immediately. Everyone stares at him. “What? My ass hurts.”

 

Jun’s expression drops, but it’s not like the typical sadness of someone who’s found out their crush had sex with someone else. It’s more like a ready-to-cry kind of sadness, his eyes drooping downwards. Like he’s on the verge of breakdown.

 

“Jisoo, can you look over my work? I wanna go to the breakroom.”

 

Jisoo bites his lip. “S-sure. Bring Chan with you, please.” Jisoo pauses as Chan rushes up to Jisoo’s side. “Bring him on a tour of the building, actually. I don’t think he knows how to get anywhere but here. And bring Hansol, too, please.”

 

Jun lets out a breath. “Thank you.”

 

“No problem.”

 

As Jun leaves with Chan trailing behind sweetly, Minghao frowns.

 

“What’s wrong with Jun? He’s been all huffy and sad today.”

 

Wonwoo lets out a groan. “It’s because you took it in the ass from some other dude. Minghao, no offense, but you’re fucking stupid. How could you let Jun down like that even though you know his feelings!”

 

The room is heavy with silence. It’s unlike Wonwoo to say things like that, but his normally blunt personality comes through in times like this.

 

Minghao purses his lips. “He, Jun, he liked me?”

 

“Yes!” This time, every single person in the room yells it.

 

“If you don’t act fast, there are more than willing people to date him.” Seokmin points it out, and Minghao blanches.

 

“I guess I just thought it was us joking around.”

 

Wonwoo leans back in his chair. “Do _you_ like him, though?”

 

Minghao doesn’t move. “I’m not sure. I think I need to think for a little bit.” As Minghao leaves, Mingyu walks in.

 

Jihoon groans. “Fuck, I don’t wanna deal with another heartbroken loser, fucking hell. Jisoo, _I’m_ leaving!” Mingyu watches with wide eyes as if he’s saying, _who, me_? and steps inside.

 

“Hey Wonwoo, I just had an extra box of crackers that you liked. Someone gave it to me. Here.” Wonwoo looks up with a blank expression, and takes the box of cookies from Mingyu.

 

“Thanks. I’ll eat them later?”

 

Mingyu nods enthusiastically. “Yeah, okay! And also-”

 

Soonyoung looks up with a confused face. Jisoo sits still and sends out a telepathic message to Soonyoung as to _please keep your mouth shut_ but it doesn’t seem to go through.

 

“Mingyu, stop giving him cookies! He doesn’t even like sweets; he throws them out all the time.” Soonyoung leans back in his chair. “It’s a waste if you ask me.”

 

Jisoo lets out a high pitched squeal, feeling his face grow hot as the blood rushes up to his brain. Mingyu’s eyes widen.

 

“O-oh. I didn’t know that. I’m sorry, I’ll really stop bothering you from now on. Keep up the good work, Wonwoo!” Mingyu gives him a crooked smile and quickly exits. The reflection of the glass sliding door shows that Mingyu’s eyes are frowning but the lingering smile on his lips is for some reason, still there.

 

“You fucking dumbass!” Wonwoo roars, the box of cookies flying through the air. It crashes onto the side of Soonyoung’s desk, the sound of baked goodies crumbling loud and clear. Soonyoung apologizes and Seokmin kind of just stares at Soonyoung with a _how dumb are you_ kind of look. Jisoo is careful to not do that with his own face.

 

Jisoo sighs. “If everyone can just get me their work in for today, you can leave early.”

 

-

-

 

The Ambassador’s Gala is coming up on the weekend, which means the team has roughly two days left now to finalize and complete every last detail. It’s been a hard week, with Jun being in a slump and Wonwoo not being able to focus. Jisoo finds it unfortunate that those two are plagued with love issues _now_ , because they really did carry the brunt of the work when it came to event. Seokmin and Soonyoung have been more helpful than normal, and if it wasn’t Seokmin telling Soonyoung to do his shit, then he probably wouldn’t have.

 

The assistance that comes from Chan and Hansol is greatly appreciated by everyone, even Jisoo, who still doesn’t like Hansol that much.

 

“Alright, everyone, if you could just listen to me, it’ll be short. As you know, the Gala is on Saturday, and because tomorrow is a test day, we have today to finish everything. So please work hard for the next couple of days and you can take the Monday off!” Jisoo takes another breath and looks down at his clipboard. “Chan, take this packet and run through the invite list one more time. Go down to Operations and make sure that we have one security guard for every five people, too. Hansol, go down with him but please check over the flower orders. Minghao and Seokmin, work on making sure that the catering is complete. It’s good to have more than less and absolutely nothing with nuts. Soonyoung, Jihoon, look through the music. Make sure the orchestra is going to be there and go down to the site to check on the speakers. Wonwoo, crunch the numbers and tell me if we’re off budget or not by the end of the day and Jun, you’re going to come with me to the Asan medical center.”

 

Everyone nods and says they got their part, but Chan gently tugs at the sleeve of Jisoo’s shirt.

 

“Jisoo-ssi?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Why does this team run the galas? Shouldn’t they be split between departments?”

 

Jisoo smiles. “Yes, but with big events like this, we’re put in charge of it because Jeonghan is only chief operating officer. His father still runs the company, so everything put under Jeonghan’s care, he needs to do it by himself in order to show that he’ll be able to run the company later on. Most of the time, events are planned by other company heads but Jeonghan specifically asked to do this one.”

 

“So does this mean that everyone in this team was selected?”

 

“Yes. Like in Wonwoo’s case, he started off working in the financial department. But since Jeonghan needs people on his Board when he gets the company, Wonwoo will most likely to become chief financial operator.”

 

“Will everyone else in this team be on the board once Jeonghan gets the company?”

 

“Depends. I know in Minghao and Jun’s cases that they might work in foreign affairs, which means running the branches in China. And I think Soonyoung may want to be the head of the design team rather than be on the Board. But Jeonghan values every skill each member has, so it’ll be most likely that a position will be created for those who don’t want to be restricted to oversight.”

 

Chan nods. “And you? What would you have become if you were staying?”

 

Jisoo’s smile falls. “I’m not sure. Maybe just stay his assistant until I die?”

 

Chan giggles. “No way! Jeonghan would never be able to do this without you. I think you would have become COO. It’s what you do right now, anyways!”

 

“Jisoo, the car is here. We’ve got to go.” Jun’s head causes the sliding doors to open.

 

“Alright, Jun, let me just get my notebook. Chan, make sure to follow the signs on the right so you don’t get lost. Bye!” Jisoo quickly gathers his things and makes his way down.

 

He can’t really wait to leave. He’s doing out of politeness.

 

Two more days and he’s done. Some training for Chan and Hansol, and he can leave.

 

Jisoo’s going to be free.

 

-

-

 

_SEUNGCHEOL: hey, jisoo, do you remember the deal we made in college_

 

_JISOO: yeah… why?_

 

_SEUNGCHEOL: can I cash that it now? Only if it’s okay with you._

 

_JISOO: you’re using grammar. That’s scarier than the deal_

 

_SEUNGCHEOL: tease me later_

 

_JISOO: sorry. But um. Just not this weekend. But i can next saturday._

 

_SEUNGCHEOL: are you sure you want to?_

 

_JISOO: a deal is a deal. We both agreed to it and I’m just glad you aren’t a sleazeball_

 

_SEUNGCHEOL: i’m going to regret this._

_JISOO: yeah, so am i._

-

-

  


The red carpet entrance to the Ambassador’s Gala is lined with reporters with flashing cameras. They scream and shout as if they’re in the front lines of war. Lines of black cars filled with some of the richest people in the world go down the street like huge ants. Jisoo’s head already hurts and they didn’t even exit yet. Their car is the first in the line, and there’s two minutes left before it officially starts. Which means there are two minutes left until Jisoo won’t be able to see.

 

“Jeonghan, keep your back straight.”

 

“I am, _mom_.”

 

“Stop calling me that!”

 

“Alright, _hubby_.”

 

A flash goes off from somewhere in the distance and Jisoo checks his watch. “One minute left. And don’t call me that, either.”

 

“This is your millionth gala. Calm down, for God’s sake.”

 

“I will _not_ .” Jisoo _hmphs_ and crosses his arms.

 

“Your leg shaking is making _me_ shake, can you stop it?”

 

Jisoo violently glares at Jeonghan, who rolls his eyes and lets out an exasperated sigh. “Jeonghan, this is an Ambassador’s Gala. You’ve got to be on top of your game today?”

 

“Aw, is my babe worried about me? Thanks, but I’ll deal.” Jeonghan snaps. “Time’s up. Get ready, Jisoo. This is your last gala, do it well.”

 

The door swings open and the roar of the crowd hits Jisoo’s senses like a rock thrown from a catapult. That's been doused in gasoline and fire. And covered in dog shit. The lights, the sound, the people tapping his shoulders makes him want to crawl up the stairs.

 

“Jeonghan, Jeonghan! Over here! Is it true that Hong Jisoo is quitting?”

 

“Jeonghan, is it real that Hong Jisoo will leave the company?”

 

“Jisoo-ssi, could you explain why you want to leave? Is Jeonghan a bad boss?”

 

Jisoo controls his expression but he feels the panic in his stomach. How did the press find out?

 

Jisoo’s so concerned about it that his shoe hits the ground but he slips against the carpet, lurching forward. Jeonghan turns around and catches Jisoo, pulling an arm up roughly before Jisoo ends up face planting the floor.

 

Jeonghan doesn’t let go until Jisoo’s standing up straight. The cameras are still flashing.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“No problem, babe. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for the love of my life-”

“Jeonghan, okay, I get it, st-”

 

“Jeonghan, Jeonghan! Did you just announce that you are in love with your assistant for ten years?”

 

“Jisoo-ssi, are you planning a marriage now that you are stepping out of your position?”

 

Jeonghan’s face drops and his body stops moving on the stairs, people starting to pass him because he won’t walk up. Jisoo’s still attached to Jeonghan by a strong grip on his arm, unable to pull himself out of the vice-like grip.

 

“I-I, no, that's-”

 

“Yoon Jeonghan, why did you call you assistant babe? Do you perhaps go through a lot of people?”

 

Jisoo pulls close to Jeonghan’s body and finally, he seems to snap out of it. They walk up awkwardly, and Jisoo leans his face into Jeonghan’s neck area.

 

“Yoon Jeonghan, I’m going to _kill_ you.”

 

Jeonghan gulps, his face blanching and looking paler under the lights.

 

“You might have to marry me first.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well shit it finally happened did it not now they're gonna be lovely dovely in love but not really bc ooh jisoos a sassy hoe now and we all LOVE that for him and hate to love is my fave and my one and only and im rambling rn but LSDFJSFSJ i finally got to write this part i was WAITING
> 
> anyways, lemme know if you guys like where this is going and what i should add or fix!! gotta make my fics readable to u lovlies u know??
> 
> and if you like this work keep your eye out for a new fic coming out soon! it'll be called "Maybe I Love You" and features jeonghan being older (by a lot) than jisoo, arranged marriage, cheating hoes, jeonghan smacking a bitch, and everyone falling gayly in love. Obviously it'll be jeonghan and jisoo as the main couple but finally im writing a jihan fic from the pov of jeonghan!! gotta love his mind whew. 
> 
> and if there's any kind of fics or short oneshot au's you guys like recommend some to me to write! i wanna have a separate folder for short stories to fill in the gaps of time. it'll be like those oneshot collections i see some writers on this site have.
> 
> As per usual, "Normal just isnt our thing, babe" will be updated every two weeks on friday's around 4:30-5:00 p.m. eastern time and please check that out if you havent already! (if you like want to ofc)
> 
> Seriously, comment anything and everything u wanna see and ill make ur dreams come true!!! (fanfic wise but what other kind of miracle is there to love? hmm?) 
> 
> i was originally thinking of writing the jihan version of like "at the end of the road" bc that is my first and so far only "BL" comic i've ever read but im in love? haribo's art style is like my dream style if i could draw lmao. i don't really read webtoons that are in that genre (really at all?) but my friend asked me to translate the raws bc she wanted to read them but offical translations didn't come out yet. (oviously, this was when the webtoon was actually still being updated) so far she recommended me killing stalking and bj alex (?? or maybe it was andrew idremember)
> 
> if you wanna see that kind of stuff let me know in the comments! i wanna expand as a "writer" while i can
> 
> lastly, i justed wanted to thank everyone for being super patient and loving and supportive of my break. i swear ill keep my hiatus's on the short side now, and hopefuly not have one again for a while. But ill be undistrubed for the next year in terms of writing, so there shouldn't be any more drastic breaks like this one. 
> 
> also these fics are gonna be a solid five-seven-ish chapters longer than they say they are bc i just hate seeing the question mark and i feel like you guys want to have some kind of tracker on updates and how much longer the fic is. so yeah, ik some fics are starting to near what the final chapter thing is but just keep in mind that there will be more!
> 
> I'm writing a super lot bc i missed yall and missed writing notes but ill sign off now! make sure to check out my new fic on Friday (if you want) and comment for any questions regarding scheduling, ill answer as i get them!!!
> 
> stay happy and healthy and wear warm things my loves mwah mwah love u im spreading this positive energy so if you feel sad bout something make it the comments or smthing!! see you next time!!!!!


	6. in which jisoo leaves

A week flies by Jisoo. 

Everywhere he goes, there are newspapers, magazines, reporters, and news channels out in the open questioning whether or not Jisoo is just a hobby that Jeonghan has, or if they are seriously going to get married. 

And also, today is Saturday and Seungcheol is coming over and Jisoo feels strangely guilty.

Jisoo’s thankful that his resignation has gone through, because at least there hasn’t been a single message from him asking him to do something. He was scared that he was going to have his very own k-drama-esque, you need to marry me because of this kind of moment. 

But no angry parents, no reporters, and no Jeonghan have shown up angrily at his doorstep demanding answers. It’s like it’s restricted to the media. Jisoo’s not complaining about that or anything, though.

Jisoo decides to spend the day preparing for Seungcheol’s arrival. His best friend has been MIA every since he saw Jihoon, and there have been no clips or tracks that Seungcheol has sent him. Jisoo just hopes that his job isn’t in jeopardy either. 

After their short conversation right before the Gala that Ruined Jisoo’s Life™, Seungcheol hasn’t said anything. Jisoo just assumes that he’s coming over and works hard to clean around the house and makes sure everything is extra perfect. 

Jisoo ends up taking a small nap, in which another appearance by his brother is made.

This time, he hears the syllable -an, which he prays will turn into a name soon. Ever since Jisoo quit his job, he’s had nothing but time on his hands. He might as well try and find him. 

But it’s not like Jisoo can just ask his parents. 

The nap isn’t refreshing at all, just reminding Jisoo that he still hasn’t found his brother and that Seungcheol is going to arrive in about ten minutes. There’s not enough time in the world to prepare Jisoo for his feelings but the doorbell rings and Jisoo quietly prays that he’ll be fine. 

-  
-

Truth be told, Jisoo and Seungcheol had seen each other romantically before just being friends. They had met in the science lab, where Jisoo accidentally assumed that Seungcheol was re-taking the class as a junior, when in fact, they were both sophomores. Seungcheol had found that cute and they had dated for about three weeks before they realized their humor, their personalities, and their feelings for each other fit better as friends. 

They have been inseparable ever since but Jisoo worries that maybe today, it’ll create a rift in the unusually cold distance between them, furthering Jisoo from his best friend even more. 

They had made a pact the night they broke up, so they didn’t end with hard feelings. 

Each person had one “free card”. 

They could use this “free card” to have sex with the other whenever, wherever, and they could do whatever they wanted but only once. 

Without an expiration date. 

Jisoo had used his after his broke up with a serious boyfriend, Jaehyun. He had, of course, broken up with him because his new job as an assistant was too hard to juggle with a romantic life. That night was just a big “fuck you” to life in general but it’s not like Jisoo regrets it.

It seems like Seungcheol was using his today. Well, that’s what Jisoo was assuming since Seungcheol didn’t clarify and it’s not like they had made other deals. 

It hadn’t been awkward for them the day after, partially because they were young and they were close. But now, Seungcheol’s been absent from Jisoo’s life for close to two months and Jisoo doesn’t know how to talk to him. 

Jisoo prays, really prays, that it’ll be fine. 

-  
-

Seungcheol lets out a breath when he sees Jisoo. 

“I’m sorry for being a shit friend, Jisoo.” Seungcheol closes the door and hugs Jisoo lightly, and Jisoo breathes in the scent of body wash. 

“I guess you’re making up for it tonight?”

Seungcheol gives Jisoo a fake glare. But his eyes are shaking with worry. 

“Jisoo, are you okay with this?”

Jisoo stops to actually think about what he’s about to do. But Seungcheol did it for him not out of obligation, but because Jisoo wanted it. And it’s the same with him. Jisoo isn’t doing this to reciprocate. If it’ll help Jisoo, he can endure one sloppy night. Jisoo has pretty much never hooked up with anyone for ten years, either. 

It’s messy. 

“Seungcheol, if you ask me that one more time, I’m going to stab myself with a beer can.”

Seungcheol lets out a huffy breath that sounds like near-laughter. 

“Wanna get drunk first?”

Jisoo is already walking towards his kitchen to find a wine bottle. His slippers swish against the floor. “I literally will not do this without alcohol.”

 

-  
-

Jisoo holds his breath and looks away when Seungcheol sighs and draws closer to Jisoo, the sofa sinking underneath his weight. Jisoo is slightly tipsy, not getting drunk as easily as he usually does. Jisoo blames his slight sobriety on the pressure of what he’s about to do. The both of them are only slightly flushed, not nearly wasted enough but at the same time, thankfully not.

“Jisoo, you seriously don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

Instead of responding, Jisoo just shakes his head and finishes the kiss that Seungcheol almost started, closing his eyes lightly as he pushes himself into his best friends lips. Seungcheol follows suit and gently wraps a hand around Jisoo’s waist. 

“Can you take your shirt off?” Jisoo asks, already unbuttoning the top of his. Seungcheol lets out a laugh. “What? What’s so funny?”

Seungcheol smiles. “I don’t know, I feel like we’re in college again or something. Here, let me.”

“Wow, such a gentleman.” Seungcheol playfully nips at the bare skin on Jisoo’s waist right above his pants line. 

Seungcheol undoes the rest of Jisoo’s shirt with hurried fingers, and pulls it off of Jisoo’s shoulders. Jisoo’s torso is exposed and Seungcheol only undoes the first three buttons on his shirt. 

“No fair, you can’t be less naked than me.” Jisoo frowns when Seungcheol shrugs. “C’mon, strip! Strip like a chicken!”

Seungcheol lets out a bark of laughters. “Dude, it’s going to be hard enough to get well, hard, already, but oh my God I think my penis just killed itself.”

“If you call me dude again while we do this I’m kicking you out.”

Seungcheol just makes a face and presses Jisoo’s shoulders down, Jisoo following the pressure and allowing himself to lay down on the sofa completely. Seungcheol slowly leans over him, placing a knee in between Jisoo’s legs. One of his legs drape over the couch and brushes the floor. 

Jisoo shivers. 

Seungcheol starts again first this time, gently trailing kisses down Jisoo’s neck. 

Jisoo swallows and his mouth dries when Seungcheol’s lips ghost over his collarbone. The sensitivity makes Jisoo cave in even more, straightening his shoulders and giving Seungcheol more room to kiss down his front. 

Seungcheol is this close to taking off Jisoo’s pants but then there’s a knock at the door. 

“Hello? Jisoo? Are you home?” There’s another knock and before the two of them can even register what’s happening, the door opens. “Jisoo? Are you okay? The door’s open, Jisoo-”

Jisoo scrambles up to a sitting position and nearly vomits all over his floor when he makes eye contact with Jeonghan. Seungcheol bites his lips. 

“Uhm, I think I’m just g-” Seungcheol grabs his shirt off of the floor. “I’ll come back for your will later, Jisoo.”

Seungcheol dashes for the door but stops in front of Jeonghan. “Please don’t kill him, sir.”

Jeonghan tilts his head and turns to look at Seungcheol. “Why should I? I don’t care about what you guys were doing.”

Seungcheol flushes. “I - I, yeah, okay. I just saw the news and-” Seungcheol gulps like he's intimidated and Jisoo doesn’t know what to do. “Yeah, bye. Bye, Jisoo!” Jisoo almost throws an empty wine bottle at Seungcheol’s back. That fucking coward. You’d expect a gym rat like him to be able to fight. 

Seungcheol swirls his way out the door and it slams behind him. Jisoo blinks. 

“Are you just not going to put a shirt on?” 

Jisoo flushes and scrambles. “Y-yes.”

Jeonghan scratches his head and clears his throat. “I just needed to ask you something. I can come back later, though?”

Jisoo holds back his bile as he tries to shove his arms through the shirt, but no matter how much he tugs, he just can’t get his hands through the holes. 

Jeonghan lets out a mutter and makes his way to Jisoo, gently untangling the shirt and then placing it over Jisoo’s shoulders. Jisoo looks down as he slowly slips his arms through the shirt and Jeonghan waits patiently until Jisoo finishes buttoning. 

Jisoo decides to get the conversation over with. “Did you need something?”

Jeonghan sighs and sweeps his arm to point at the couch. “Mind if I sit first?”

Jisoo nods with a small smile. “Of course, boss.”

“Ha ha.” Jeonghan slowly sits down with a placid face. Jisoo can’t help but almost twitch. He could’ve walked into Seungcheol’s dick opening my ass. 

At least his timing was good.

Jisoo almost frowns. Was it really? 

“You need something?”

“I came here just for my parents. They’re pretty pissed about the whole press thing. They just wanted me to come here and threaten you.”

Jisoo freezes. “What?”

Jeonghan laughs. “Don’t worry, it’s for show. They want us to marry. But I don’t expect that. Just in case my parents confront you, tell them I came over and screamed and made a whole fuss and you still said no. It’s what I’m going to tell them.”

Jisoo’s stomach feels. “So why didn’t you just text it to me? Or call?”

Jeonghan shrugs. “Why do you think? My parents are tracking me right now. I’m surrounded by their people. They can’t enter your home because that would be trespassing so I just came up here.”

Jisoo kind of, almost giggles. “That’s the fakest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Jeonghan shrugs again. “Whatever. Believe it or don’t. Anyways, I’ll leave after five minutes. Can I borrow hair wax, if you have any? I wanna muss up my hair like I fought.”

Jisoo nods. “Wait here.” Jisoo doesn’t even know what he’s doing but Jeonghan is already grabbing light fistfuls of hair and doing his best to crunch it up under his hands.

Jisoo gets up and leaves Jeonghan at the couch. He walks slowly to the bathroom, trying to let what Jeonghan said sink in. 

“Here.” Jisoo comes back with the hair wax and hands it to Jeonghan, who opens it and rubs a little bit onto his fingers before working it into his hair. Jeonghan uses the reflection on the TV to see what he’s doing. 

“Thanks.”

Jeonghan gets up. “I guess now we’ll really have no reason to see each other.”

“Can I ask who got the job?”

Jeonghan purses his lips. “They both did. Chan’s working with me and Hansol is with Mingyu. Seungkwan may or may not go back to college for a master’s degree. It’s a whole thing with him.”

Jisoo nods. “That’s - that’s good to hear.” Jisoo pauses and thinks about whether or not he really wants to ask Jeonghan his question. But the curiosity gets to him and Jisoo holds up a hand. “Can you really track people?”

“What do you mean?”

Jisoo unclenches and clenches his hands. “Can you find where people are located? Is that really something you can do?”

Jeonghan scoffs as if he’s offended that Jisoo’s even bothered to ask. “Of course. You think my parents got to where they were because of a dead person’s will?”

Jisoo blinks. “I- I don’t know. But really, can you find people?”

Jeonghan is halfway done with putting his shoes on when he looks up with an easy smirk on his face. “Why? You gonna marry me if I say yes?”

Jisoo sucks in a breath. 

“Yes.”

Jeonghan steps backwards, nearly crashing into the shoe rack on the side of the doorway. “Wh-at?”

The alarm bells in Jisoo’s brain go off and mini Jisoo’s are running around all over the place in his head. 

You fucking crazy person, stop it! Do you realize what the hell you’re doing?

Jisoo’s mouth continues. “I will. Isn’t it a win-win? You give your parents a husband and I can find someone.”

Jeonghan lets out a scoff. “I’ll find someone else, thank you very much.”

Jisoo takes a step forward and presses on. “No, you won’t, because the media’s going to spin it around and make you look like the guy who wants to fuck anyone and everyone in South Korea. And I have the contacts of your parents, I’ll tell them I’ll do it.”

Jeonghan looks more amused than anything. Jisoo doesn’t know if that annoys him or if it’s good because he’s not angry. 

“Wow, Jisoo. Is this the real you?” Jeonghan places a hand on the doorknob. “I like it.”

Jisoo nearly flips him off. “Shut up. I’m taking your offer, why are you trying to reject it?”

Jeonghan scoffs again, and takes off his shoes. He saunters to Jisoo, an easy expression on his face. “What makes you think I want to marry you?”

Jeonghan’s directly in front of Jisoo now, their noses almost touching. Jisoo most definitely blames his boldness on the wine. There can’t really be any other explanation for his sudden cockiness. Jisoo steps even closer, close enough that Jisoo can smell Jeonghan’s minty breath on his cheek. 

“You can’t inherit the company if you don’t have a spouse. And your dad isn’t exactly in good health.” Jisoo’s eyes flicker down to Jeonghan’s. It’s the first time he truly accepts that he’s taller. “I’ve been with you for ten years, Jeonghan. You’re thirty-five right now and if you don’t get married in two years, the company gets split between the board of directors.”

Jeonghan takes a step back with a serious face, almost like Jisoo’s threatened to kill his family or something. 

“You knew about that?”

Jisoo cocks his head. “Of course, Jeonghan. I know everything about you.”

Jeonghan’s expression turns into something different, something more offended than mad. Jisoo’s too drunk to care. 

“Someone will call you later, Jisoo.” Jeonghan puts his shoes on for the last time and opens the door. “Bye.”

Jisoo waits until the door closes before collapsing on the floor and starts crying to himself.

-  
-

Jeonghan and Jisoo are to legally marry in three days. 

Jisoo is going to get married Sunday. 

It’s going to be a private ceremony; just signing the papers required to get married and witnesses for the marriage (Jeonghan’s parents.) And then Jisoo’s going to live with Jeonghan. 

The news spreads like wildfire in the public, everyone supporting the idea of a powerful conglomerate future-owner falling deeply in love with a long time, normal secretary that he grew up with. (Ten years counts as growing up together, right?)

People it eat up like cake and then the whole thing blows over. 

Jisoo’s stepping out of the registration area with Jeonghan on his arm when he sees someone and can’t walk further. 

A woman approaches Jisoo tentatively, a hesitant smile on her face. 

“Jisoo, how are you? I can’t believe you’re getting married.”

Jeonghan unhooks his arms from where it’s looped with Jisoo’s. “Jisoo, are you okay?”

Jisoo stares at the woman in front of him, stares at his mom. “Jeonghan, wait downstairs for me, please.”

Jeonghan frowns. “Are you sure?”

“Jeonghan-”

“Okay, I’m going. Come down quickly.”

Jisoo nods slowly. 

“Jisoo, you look thin. Shou-”

“Why are you here?” Jisoo asks, fury broiling at the bottom of his stomach and making it’s way up to his head. “How did you know?”

Jisoo’s mom stops smiling. “The parents of your husband let me in when I said who I was. Why didn't you tell me you were getting married?”

Jisoo lets out an annoyed breath. “Why didn’t you tell me you were in Korea? When did you get here? What do you want?”

Jisoo’s mom frowns even deeper than before, but then it turns into a clipped smile. “Is that any way to talk-”

“You are not my mother!” Jisoo screams, his voice echoing down the hall. He thanks God that the corridor is empty. “You have been absent from my life since I was eighteen. I’m going to turn thirty in a couple of months, mom. You’re a stranger to me.” Jisoo holds back the tears that threaten to spill past his eyes. “I don’t have any money. Leave me alone.”

Jisoo’s mom drops the smile and her eyes glint. “Well, you married well. Your father’s gotten in trouble again-”

Jisoo laughs and shoves past his mom, purposely knocking his shoulder into hers. “Don’t contact me again.”

Jeonghan is waiting in the garage parking lot standing by his car, boredly scrolling through his phone. Jisoo sniffles and Jeonghan immediately looks up. 

Jeonghan sighs. 

Instead of berating him on looking like a mess on their “wedding day”, he pulls Jisoo into a hug and Jisoo lets himself cry again for the second time in a week.

It’s the first time Jeonghan ever touches him in more than a handshake (besides Iceland. But we don’t talk about that.) and Jisoo finds comfort in his arms. 

-  
-

The move into Jeonghan’s home is easier than expected, partially because Jisoo doesn’t have to do anything. Jeonghan’s “people” take care of it all. 

Also, it helps that Jisoo doesn’t really own more than his clothes, a couple pieces of furniture and appliances, and his succulents. Jeonghan had nearly laughed his head off when Jisoo got defensive of leaving his poor babies in the bottom of a trash can.

Jisoo’s not allowed to sleep in a separate room since Jeonghan’s parents are adamant that if someone comes to visit, it’ll be too obvious that the whole thing is a set up. So, Jeonghan allows Jisoo to build a pillow wall in between the two of them on the bed every night before they sleep. 

It’s been a week. 

Jisoo doesn’t do much but clean and take care of his succulents. (Jisoo can feel the glare of the maids that work here once a week. Jisoo thinks he should buy them a cake and tell them that their jobs aren’t in jeopardy.)

Jisoo’s on the kitchen table right now, reading through the news while sipping a cup of tea. Jeonghan nearly blew up at the mention of Jisoo wanting to buy a coffee machine. 

Jeonghan comes down and places a packet of paper on the spot in front of him. Jisoo looks at him questioningly and sets his tablet down. 

“Open it.” Jeonghan motions to the packet. Jisoo nods carefully and takes the packet, pulling out papers. 

Notice of No Trespass. 

“What?”

Jisoo’s heart thuds in his chest so loud there’s no way that Jeonghan can’t hear. 

“Leave your parents officially. The only reason they found you was because of the news, right?”

Jisoo blinks. “How did you-”

Jeonghan smiles. “I owe you.”

“What?”

“You stayed by my side for ten years, Jisoo. I know we both gave each other a whole fucking lot of shit but seriously, no one’s lasted that long with me.” Jeonghan swallows. “No one’s pretended like they cared as well as you can. And this is how I”

Jisoo finds himself grinning, to both of their surprises. “I do care, Jeonghan. No matter how ridiculous this is, do you think I could have offered to marry you if I hated you that much? Furthermore, spend a whole decade by your side? Thank you for this, Jeonghan.” Jisoo glances down at the paper and remembers why he married Jeonghan in the first place. “Thank you.”

Jisoo’s thinking of two things right now. 

The first one is how the urgency to find his brother slowly dies out the longer he stays in this house. 

The second one is how he’s going to disown his parents.

-  
-

Jisoo gives Jeonghan the notice when he’s done filling it out. 

Jeonghan accepts it silently. 

-  
-

Jisoo doesn’t make a pillow wall that night. 

Jeonghan doesn’t comment but keep his back to Jisoo. 

A tiny part of Jisoo wishes that maybe he would turn back around. 

It’s drowned out by the thudding of Jisoo’s heartbeat in his throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo shit bro i didn't mean to make it heavy or anything but !!!! lsdjflksjfdskj
> 
> anyways, i hope you enjoyed this chapter tres beaucoup!! its kinda short, ik ik, but i swear this is just the beginning of the falling in love stuff mwahahaha and trust me there is going to be a lot more angst i litearlly refuse to put people together without them suffering in my hands first sldfjlsdjfs
> 
> and also i keep deleting and posting and deleting and posting new fics but like ignore all of that im gonna do an official one today, which will be the written, jihan version of "at the end of the road" because i seriously love that storyline and the art and everything oh my!!!
> 
> check it out later if you'd like (it'll be up in an hour after this) and check out my other fics if you'd like !! 
> 
> anyways, ill keep the notes short today but please comment and kudos if you enjoyed !! thank you always for the love and support and i hope you guys stay happy and healthy and safe and its winter so stay warm!!!
> 
> bye and see you next time :)


	7. in which jisoo is confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohhoyminoy
> 
> also i literally just opened a twitter ill post about updates and you can tell me what youd like to see there !!
> 
> @ authormin3

Jisoo is _extremely_ uncomfortable right now.

 

Is it because of his suit that is _so_ starched that he literally can’t bend his leg?

  


Maybe, but no.

 

Is it because of the tension in the air, thicker than a tub of vaseline?

  


You could expect it to be, but again, no.

 

Is it because there are eyes on Jisoo from every direction, staring him down beadily?

 

Perhaps, if you were the type of person who’s shy and doesn’t like attention.

 

But it’s none of that right now. In fact, Jisoo would rather combine those three feelings, turn them into a pill, and chug a bottle of it without water.

 

No, Jisoo is _extremely_ uncomfortable right now because he’s in the middle of the dining table with Jeonghan’s relatives up and down the sides, but Jeonghan will not move his fucking _hand_ from the middle of his thigh.

 

Now, if they were in a public space and just to make people think that they were actually together, Jisoo could’ve held in his twitching eyes and uneven breathing.

 

But no one can see and it’s almost as if Jeonghan isn’t aware that he’s doing it, but the palm of his hand nearly wraps around Jisoo’s whole thigh and and pats it as if it were the head of a fluffy dog.

 

 _However_ , Jisoo’s thigh is most definitely _not_ a fluffy dog.

 

But Jeonghan will not stop touching it.

 

Jeonghan is currently talking to his cousin or aunt or someone. Jisoo doesn’t really know who anyone is because they all look like the same age. Bless rich people and their ability to get Botox whenever they want. And Jisoo is currently trying not to stab Jeonghan’s fucking hand with the fork in his hand. He pictures the ident of the prongs in Jeonghan’s skin and sets down his utensil before he actually carries it out.

 

“You good?” Jeonghan’s head turns around with a concerned expression painted on his face, eyebrows drawing in. The thick double eyelid lines turn even thicker when Jeonghan does that, giving him the image of a slightly puzzled puppy. Jisoo mentally slaps his _oh-so-dear husband’s_ cheek.

 

“Move your hand.” Jisoo says it as quietly as he can, drawing his mouth closer to Jeonghan. “Move your hand before I break it with this fork, Jeonghan.”

 

Jeonghan looks down with surprise. “Sorry. It’s a habit, I guess.”

 

Jeonghan offers him a sheepish smile and quickly takes his hand off.

 

 _Habit, my fucking ass_ . Jisoo almost claps a hand over his mouth, even though no one can hear him. Either in his head or real life, he’s been cursing a lot more than before. He used to hate to even say _god dammit_ or _hell_ , but now, the f-word rolls off of his tongue like second nature.

 

Jisoo stops himself from glaring at Jeonghan’s stupid answer but when he thinks about it, he’s extremely secretive about skinship with his “partners”. He’ll never make contact with them openly where lots of people are. (Under a table where no one can see might just be a loophole.) Jisoo feels kind of gross. Jeonghan’s done this so much that it’s second nature at this point? Okay.

 

Whatever.

 

It doesn’t bother him.

 

Jisoo could be a professional make-up artist with the amount of times he had to cover Jeonghan’s hickies. Jeonghan had called them the marks of classy whores.

 

What the hell did that even mean? (Jisoo never questioned because he’d really rather not _know_.)

 

Anyways, Jisoo goes back to smiling fakely at anyone who makes eye contact with him and slices his steak thinly. He eats tiny pieces of it, not really wanting to chew. The scent of american food makes him nauseous, but he holds his vomit back. Jisoo gently tips back a glass of water, avoiding accepting wine from anyone for as long as he can. He doesn’t want to lose it on the (well above) million dollar _marble_ floor.

 

Jisoo presses down on bits of his steak and watches as the red juice squirts out. Jisoo nearly laughs.

 

He doesn’t know why that’s funny.

 

Dinner ends soon after and the party moves into a living room. But it’s not really a living room, because it’s the size of a ballroom, just, with carpeting and armchairs. A huge fireplace takes up one wall, the glass doors open as the scent of crisp, burning wood mingles with expensive perfume. Jisoo likes it.

 

Someone starts making their way to them, and Jeonghan quickly takes a hold of Jisoo’s elbow.

 

“That’s Jungkook. He once rearranged every single roll of toilet paper in my house because it was facing the wrong way. Also, he likes to drink heavily. But he’s only nineteen.”

 

Jisoo blinks.

 

He giggles. “You sound like me.”

 

Jeonghan rolls his eyes. “Make a conversation with him.”

 

“With the information you just gave me? What, should I ask him if he can’t shit without the correct formation of toilet paper in front of him?”

 

Jisoo enjoys the look of bewilderment on Jeonghan’s face. “You just cursed.”

 

“And you just told me about your psychopath cousin who can’t go to the bathroom if the toilet paper isn’t in his _preferred_ position.”

 

Jeonghan opens his mouth to retort but Jungkook finally crosses the room and curly bows his head at the two of them.

 

“Hi, uncle!”

 

 _Uncle?_ Jisoo had forgotten that even though he knew mostly everything about _Jeonghan_ , his family was still a gray area.

 

Jeonghan holds up his wine glass and winks like he _knows_ something. Jisoo holds back a snort. “Hey, Kookie. Do anything fun for break?”

 

Jungkook’s smile falls into a look of mundane boredom. Jisoo would make the face, too, but Jeonghan’s his _husband_ so he can’t.

 

“Uh, our last break was three months ago. I’m in college, remember?”

 

Jeonghan clears his throat and laughs awkwardly. “Yeah. Huh. Anyways, say hi to my husband!” Jisoo is about to wave when Jeonghan looks at someone else and continues to pull Jisoo through the crowd. He can’t really fight back so he lets himself get dragged over to the next person. Also, a part of Jisoo wants to argue that Jeonghan has to stand still for at least thirty seconds in order for Jisoo to make any kind of conversation but he doesn’t want to fight right now.

 

“That’s my cousin, Eunji. She’s a fucking genius and if he could, my dad would give her the company. Except she rejected him and then now makes millions because she’s a pediatric neurosurgeon.” Jeonghan sips his wine. “She’s also twenty-seven. She graduated early.”

 

Jisoo nearly drops the crystal cup in his hand. _Pediatric neurosurgeon? Only twenty-seven? Rejected the chance to become a conglomerate owner but still makes millions_?

 

Jisoo looks at Eunji. Her features a pretty and light, and when she smiles, the mature face a of proper doctor lifts into one of an innocent twenty-something year old. She's wearing a black pantsuit with heels so sharp Jisoo can feel the pain of trying to walk in them. The thin diamond earrings on her ears glint ever so slightly, matching the twinkle in her eyes. Everything about her just looks _expensive_ and above all, _powerful_.

 

“Jeonghan! I haven’t seen you in a hot minute.”

 

Jeonghan groans. “Can you _not_?” But Jeonghan leans in and gives Eunji a slight hug. Eunji soon pushes him away, though, in favor of reaching out a pale, perfectly manicured hand and pulling Jisoo closer to her. Jisoo hopes that the gem embedded in the bright red lacquer is a fake crystal and not an actual diamond.

 

“You guys don’t love each other, do you?” Eunji tilts her head at Jisoo says it with a smile, her laugh bubbling like the champagne in her hand. “Is it because of the news?” Her eyes grow clear and bright, like she's enjoying this.

 

Jisoo purses his lips, but he feels his eyes grow wide in shock. He tries his best to control his face. Jeonghan, on the other hand, makes it so fucking _obvious_ that she’s right that Jisoo wants to boot him the fireplace.

 

“Uh, n-no? What hell, Ji?” Jeonghan does a little fake laugh thing and places his glass down on a passing waiter with a tray. “We _love_ each other!”

 

Jisoo pushes the arm that’s starting to snake around his shoulder away. “Jeonghan, shut up.” Jeonghan nods his head in resignation.

 

“How did you know?” Jisoo asks, sounding nervous. _If she could see it, then  how many others can? Or maybe it's just her. I mean, she got it within seconds. No one else pays that much attention, right?_

 

Eunji takes a sip from her champagne flute. “You guys don’t look like the couples that come into my office.”

 

Jeonghan gives her a _no shit_ kind of look. “Well, maybe that’s because we don’t have mangled kids with brains that need to be put back?”

 

Jisoo pinches the side of Jeonghan’s waist. “Jeonghan, can you shut up, ever? My God, I’m sorry that we had to meet like this, I’m Jisoo.”

 

Eunji merely pats the hand that Jisoo has held out for her and winks. “Bye!” Jisoo isn't sure why she just left like that but something about her tells him that she's like this in person, that once she gets what she needs to out of people, there's no reason for her to stay any longer.

 

Jisoo shakes his head. He retracts his hand slowly, wondering what kind of talk that was. “Did - did that just happen?”

 

Jeonghan shrugs. “She’s like that, I guess.”

 

-

-

 

Every single bone in Jisoo’s body is asking for the respite of being placed upon a bed. So as soon as Jisoo crosses the doorway into the bedroom, he throws his jacket on the floor, takes off his belt, and leaps into the bed. Undoing a couple of buttons and taking off his socks, Jisoo groans when his back finally starts to realign itself.

 

Jeonghan _tsks_. “You’re so messy in a house that isn’t even yours.”

 

Jisoo can’t lift his head. “I’ll do it tomorrow.”

 

Jeonghan laughs. “I never said you had to do anything.”

 

Jisoo sticks his tongue out, but he senses that it looks weird since he’s tired and it kind of just, well, _leaks_ out the side of his mouth because he doesn’t have the energy to do it properly.

 

“Goodnight, Jeonghan.”

 

Jisoo starts slipping away immediately, the thick and cool covers creating a refreshing sense of calm around him, and Jeonghan starts humming gently as he moves around the room. Jisoo hears his footsteps fade and get closer as he walks to the closet and then back out.

 

Jisoo hasn’t slept that well in a long time.

 

Jisoo sleeps fine today, drifting off into a heavy slumber as he listens to Jeonghan’s soft humming and then there’s a gently pressure on his head, like someone’s patting him, and then Jisoo’s out for good.

 

-

-

 

“Would you like to help plan a holiday party?”

 

It’s not the first that Jisoo would expect to hear Seokmin asking him when he visits the office for the first time in three weeks, but it is and Jisoo responds to it without thinking.

 

Because that’s just who he is.

 

“Sure!”

 

Jisoo’s an idiot that doesn’t think before he speaks.

 

The peppy, service voice comes out like _that_ and Jisoo feels his stomach reeling. The company has literally never had a holiday party and since _Seokmin_ is the one asking him, that means that right now, the plans have gone to shit and need to go through maximum level  resurrection, or that Mingyu put him up to this.

 

“Great! I’ll go tell Mingyu!”

 

Yeah.

 

Jisoo is _going_ to throw himself onto a bed of nails because Mingyu is a _psychopath_ when it comes to things like this.

 

To reiterate:

 

Mingyu is a party _lover_ . And not, like, _drinking_ or going to cheap karaoke rooms or fancy after-parties right after an awards show.

 

Like, parties as in _true_ parties. The ones where people have to put on those cone hats with sparkly pom-poms at the end, the ones where funny ties are a must and food needs to be _finger_ food, and where there’s noise and laughing and _fun_. Mingyu is an absolute sucker for parties.

 

Which is why, for the last six years (ever since he was moved up to director of his own division), he’s been pushing for Jeonghan to make an annual Christmas party in the company a thing. Jisoo’s surprised that Mingyu got through Jeonghan, but the man was bound to crack. Jeonghan isn’t a _complete_ bitch yet.

 

(Jeonghan had missed Mingyu’s ceremony and had sent a thirty pound, five tier cake to him as a sorry gift. It had cost over three thousand dollars to make and ship. Jisoo had nearly passed out when he read the list of ingredients. _Pearl powder? Solid 14k gold?_ Was he trying to apologize or turn Mingyu into a rock formation?)

 

So Jisoo makes sad eyes to Wonwoo, who just smiles at him, and heads over to his desk to start planning.

  


-

-

 

By no means does Jisoo have plans to return. But Jeonghan had begged him to at least stop by once in a while on the behalf of his friends so Jisoo had caved and that’s why he’s currently sitting in front of a sprinkle-covered Mingyu and a bawling Seungkwan.

 

“Mr. Kim, really, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I just wanted to show you the different kinds of cupcake sprinkles, and yeah, and I’m sorry!”

 

Mingyu gives Seungkwan a bitter smile. The slight motion sets off an avalanche of green crystal sugar sprinkles cascading down his head to his shoulders, past his legs, and onto the floor. Jisoo swears that they make little twinkling sounds as they hit the tiled floor. Like they're laughing and mocking Mingyu for hiring such a fucking  _idiot_ as his assistant. 

 

Now, it’s not like a cluster of regular sprinkles had accidentally splashed Mingyu in the face.

 

It was a _fancy_ kind of sprinkle, the _Swarovski_ of sprinkles, if you will, with a slight sugary stickiness to them that made them cling onto any surface, mixed in with an even number of edible-glitter sprinkles (like _those_ were going to go anywhere) and small, shiny crystals of sprinkles that were to resemble a crushed rock.

 

Mingyu’s face is absolutely covered in the fine glitter and sticky crystal, the look of wanting a morbid death overridden by the shininess of it. And it’s not even a pretty color. It’s smack-dab-in-the-middle-of-the-spectrum, Leprechauns-on-St.-Patrick’s-Day, _green_.

 

Wonwoo and Hansol choose _now_ to walk in with papers. Jisoo watches as Mingyu tries to dust his face off, but all he succeeds in his moving the glitter around more.

 

“Wait, I’ll help you!” Seungkwan quickly leaps up and _dunks his fingers_ into the cold tea (it's actually strawberry-kiwi Capri-Sun poured into a glass teacup, but, that's besides the point) in front of Mingyu, flicking water droplets all over the place as he starts _rubbing Mingyu’s face_ with his juice-covered fingers and Mingyu looks like he would rip Seungkwan into shreds if he could. But Seungkwan will not _move_ and Jisoo just watches in horror as Mingyu’s fingers start trembling and Seungkwan just keeps on rubbing. The glitter part of it starts _melting_ and clumps into tiny little glitter poop clusters, like freckles, only, _gross_ . And very,  _very_ green.

 

Suddenly, Wonwoo bursts out into laughter. “You look cute!” Wonwoo starts laughing harder and it registers to Jisoo that it’s his first time hearing Wonwoo laugh in a solid three years. Hansol joins in, too. But his eyes scream,  _you know I don't mean this, right?_

 

Mingyu’s hand stops its violent twitching and looks at Wonwoo. “C-cute?”

 

Jisoo decides that he should leave now. “I’ll come back later, okay?”

 

Mingyu stays frozen for a little bit, and Wonwoo sighs. “I’ll come with.” He places something down on Mingyu's desk. 

 

Out in the hall, Jisoo stops Wonwoo with an outstretched arm. “Cute?” Wonwoo playfully bumps into Jisoo's arm and looks over. 

 

Wonwoo shrugs and smiles. He pushes Jisoo's arm away gently. “You’ve got to throw them a bone sometimes.”

 

He saunters off, leaving Jisoo behind in the very literal, very real, glitter dust.

 

Mingyu's voice rings through the doorway, all bright and loud and squeal-y. 

 

“Cute?”

 

-

-

 

Jeonghan grimaces as he looks at the list on Jisoo’s tablet. The wrinkle between his eyebrows only gets deeper and deeper the further he scrolls. Jisoo pulls the tablet away before the wrinkle permanently attaches itself to Jeonghan’s face.

 

“What the fuck is rose? It’s a flower, no? Why would you put that under the drinks section? And what the burning _hell_ is this? Gold-rimmed changamege flutes? _With gold foil glittering the bottom?_ ”

 

“It’s pronounced _rose-ay_.” It’s all Jisoo has to meekly offer.

 

Jeonghan’s nose scrunches. “You mean the girl interning in HR?”

 

Jisoo bites the inside of his cheek. “That’s _Chaeyoung_ . Her _english_ name is-”

 

Jeonghan blinks. “-Do I look like I fucking care?”

 

Jeonghan swivels rather mercilessly on his chair, the squeaking loud as it rings through the air. The look on Jeonghan’s face is the one of someone who is absolutely done with life. Jeonghan takes the tablet back and continues to scroll, and this time, the wrinkles appear next to his frowning mouth. “Did you get these images,-” Jeonghan takes in a breath. “-off of _Pinterest?_ ”

 

Jisoo feels his blush start from the top of his forehead and goes all the way to the tips of his toes. “N-no, I g-”

 

“The URL is literally screenshotted into the picture.”

-

-

 

Chan stops by a little later than day, almost skipping down the hall and smiling brightly at Jisoo. “Hi, sir! Jeonghan-ssi just wanted to let you know that the beverage list is too long and he’d like soju or that fruity beer thing they sell at Quik-Mart?” Chan tilts his head and smiles again, his nosing scrunching up. His eyes form little crescents and the tiny crinkles make his face look ever cuter than it already is. 

 

Jisoo has the sudden urge to place Chan in a giant hamster ball to protect him from all that is unholy. And to maybe take him home to feed him. 

 

But Jeonghan's a bit more of a pressing issue. 

 

“ _Fruity beer? Soju?_ ” Jisoo stands up and cracks his neck. “Oh-ho, no. Excuse me.” Jisoo nods to Chan and Chan grins yet _again_ , in a manner that doesn’t indicate that he’s fake, but more like, it’s his natural personality to look like he just shat (shitted?) out a rainbow or something. Chan bows and Jisoo restrains himself from crashing through Jeonghan’s door demanding _why on earth_ he thinks _fruity beer_ is appropriate for a company party. He can't look like a fool in front of Chan, so he gently strides in (albeit with louder steps than he needs) to face Jeonghan. 

 

“Jeonghan, what’s this I hear about the drinks list?” Jisoo stomps his foot a little childishly in front of Jeonghan, who swivels around in his chair slowly, his head all floppy like he can’t be bothered to hold it up.

 

“It’s too much. Also, don’t you think margaritas are a little, oh, _I don’t know_ , not suited for this kind of thing?”

 

Jisoo deadpans and grits his teeth. “I wouldn’t _know_ , you want soju and I quote, _that_ _fruity beer thing they sell at Quik-Mart_ as a replacement.”

 

Jeonghan sucks in a breath between his teeth. “Right. And?”

 

Jeonghan tilts his head even further to his side and swivels back to facing the windows.

 

-

-

 

Jisoo decides that finger massages should be a thing. Because his poor little digits have spent the last four hours gathering pictures off of the internet, placing them in a separate document, and then researching catering and place settings and literally everything under the fucking sun. If Jisoo were a little bit more meaner, he would have stabbed Mingyu in the wrist or something. But he’s _not_ , so he continues to grit his teeth as his wrists start to ache.

 

Jeonghan looks through the list _again_ , and weirdly, Jisoo feels like a secretary again. Like the clock’s been turned back and Jeonghan is still _just_ his boss and Jisoo is still _just_ his secretary.

 

But Jisoo feels the cold band of white gold on his finger and reality punches him on the side of his head like a boxer who doesn’t give a single _fuck_. Because reality also doesn’t give a single fuck. Because reality is like that. 

 

Jisoo sighs and decides that there’s only so much Instagram and Pinterest and whatever he can look at before he feels his balls start to shrink up. It’s not like this is his _job_ , he doesn’t know how to plan a fucking party. So Jisoo heads over to Jeonghan’s office.

 

“Jeonghan, I-”

 

Jisoo walks into quite the scene.

 

A very caught-off-guard Jeonghan throws a very scared looking Hyungwon off of him, and Jeonghan stands panting with his hair in disarray as Hyungwon makes a noise. Of amusement or embarrassment, Jisoo can't tell. 

 

Jisoo’s not _stupid_.

 

There’s a mark on Hyungwon’s throat, and his buttons are pulled _off_. His lips are redder and even puffier than they normally are and Jeonghan looks scared. Of what, Jisoo couldn’t have said even if his life depended on it.

 

“Jisoo, I-”

 

Jisoo gulps. “I’ll come by later.”

 

-

-

 

Jisoo doesn’t know what to do with himself, really.

 

It’s not like they married out of love.

 

Jisoo did it for his own benefit, too.

 

But _seeing_ that, and then not feeling angry, makes Jisoo angry. Because shouldn’t he be? If you walked in on your husband cheating, shouldn’t you feel angry?

 

Jisoo tells himself that he is, that he’s pissed, but he’s _not_.

 

There’s no sense of burning revenge.

 

There’s no pull in his chest that says to do something dramatic just to make Jeonghan feel bad.

 

There’s nothing.

 

Jisoo’s cold. The shower water is icy against his skin now and there are goosebumps up and down his body. Quickly shutting the water off, he gets out of the (marble, again!!) shower and dries off, throws his clothes on, and walks on out to the bedroom.

 

Jeonghan is waiting for him on the bed.

 

Jisoo clears his throat and pushes wet hair out of his face and takes a seat next to Jeonghan. They should at least talk about it.

 

“So.” Jisoo starts, but he doesn’t know how to continue.

 

“So.” Jeonghan looks down at his hands.

 

“Do you like him?”

 

Jeonghan scoffs almost immediately. “I know what I did was shitty, but come _on,_ Jisoo.”

 

“Then why’d you do it? If someone else had walked in-” Jisoo stops talking, exasperation taking up his sentence by a sigh. His anger grows just  _thinking_ about what would have happened if some other employee had seen it. 

 

Jeonghan frowns. “ _That’s_ what your mad about?”

 

Jisoo lets out his own sound of annoyance. “Of course, Jeonghan! If it wasn’t _me_ that saw that, who knows what could be going on right-”

 

“You don’t care that your husband almost had an affair with someone?”

 

Jeonghan stands up now, rolling his shoulders out in front of Jisoo. Frowning and unhappy with being interrupted, Jisoo continues. _What the hell is he saying_? A part of Jisoo nearly accuses Jeonghan of being drunk but his neck isn’t flushed.

 

“I mean, we didn’t get married out of lov-”

 

Jeonghan groans, angrily pulling his tie over his head. The light brown hair his currently is suddenly looks dark and dreary, his skin sullen in the white light. His eyes flash with  _desperation_ , but for what, who knows?

 

“Do you know why I did that?” Jeonghan throws the tie down. It lands on the floor like a broken petal. 

 

Jisoo smiles wryly. “Maybe to satiate your _dick_? You’re married now and you can’t even have sex. Must suck for you.” Jeonghan’s eyes flash with fury, but there’s also hurt. Jisoo bites his tongue. He regrets saying that. “Wait, sorry. That was out of lin-”

 

“I did it to make you upset, Jisoo.”

 

“Wha-”

 

“Figure it out.”

 

“Hey, you-”

 

But Jeonghan is already grabbing his pillow and heading off, the door slamming angrily behind him.

 

-

-

 

In the morning, the answer comes to Jisoo.

 

_Ah. He walked into Seungcheol and I almost doing it. Maybe that was his revenge?_

 

Jisoo butters his toast happily that day, eating his breakfast with a smile.

 

With his brain, what kind of problem _can’t_ he solve? Seoul University raised him well. 

 

The toast crunches under his teeth and Jisoo can’t wait to tell Jeonghan that it’s fine.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man i just had to kadjflasj i literally did NOT know what to do wit jisoo even though i wrote him like that what EVEN lsdfjs
> 
> and on a separate note, if this chapter gets thirty-five comments (not including me) ill give yall a christmas smut special :)) (write the stuff that you wanna see and i'll go ham and also why is saying that youll go ham on something a thing??) i'll just write a normal chapter if not i think idk and either way it'll be updated on next friday all with "normal just isn't our thing, babe"
> 
> (i dont write smut usually and when i do its v v soft and understated with ~pretty~ words but if this challenge can be met it'll be the ~kinky~ things you guys want with jihan idek idek idek)
> 
> like i don't mean to be that bITCH but i never planned on writing serious smut for this fic but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> thats all i really have for today so like usual, please stay warm and safe and healthy and all of your comments and kudos and reads are appreciated and ily all!!! bye!!!!!


	8. in which the author gives you what you want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i wrote 19 pages of Absolute Mess™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shit dudes idk there's smut so if you dont like dont read!!
> 
> and check out my twitter for this acc @ authormin3 even though i have absolutely nothing on it! maybe ill use it one day who knows

“Could you not smile like that? You look like you’re about to run a knife through me.” Jeonghan shifts uncomfortably in his seat while Jisoo lets his wide smile drop. Jisoo taps his fingers lightly against the table and watches Jeonghan fidget with some sense of satisfaction. 

 

After all, he  _ did _ figure out the reason behind Jeonghan’s anger. Who cares if it took him the whole night? Perfect timing, really. Christmas Eve is today, and subsequently, so is the party that Mingyu finally got together. (And also, he hasn’t seen Jeonghan in three days so it’s a relief that he hadn’t drank his body weight and died.)

 

It’s the perfect way to start what Jisoo is going to make sure is a perfect day. 

 

“Jeonghan, I forgive you.” Jisoo lets his mouth curl up into a sweet smile, trying to convey his honesty. He really does forgive Jeonghan. An eye for an eye, they say. 

 

Jeonghan coughs. “I feel like that’s a good thing but you look like you’re about to stab me, Jisoo. Can you stop smiling?” Jeonghan’s eye twitches. “And also, forgive me for what?”

 

Jisoo flaps a hand in the air like Jeonghan’s question was so meaningless it might as well just be  _ shit _ . Because it kind of  _ is _ . “Well, you obviously tried to do it with Hyungwon because I almost did it with Seungcheol, right?” Jisoo feels his expression slowly start to drop as Jeonghan’s eyes grow angry, but he still hesitantly keeps the grin. “And I guess you wanted a chance with someone before you… got married?”

 

Jisoo’s weird, half-grin his gone and is replaced with a timid smile. Jeonghan closes his eyes and purses his lips. The fist on the table clenches like it’s trying to hold back from punching something. 

 

“You think I did it because I wanted a night to myself?” Jeonghan stands up and lets out a groan of frustration. “Look, I know I’m not good at this whole thing, but I did it to make you angry!”

 

Jisoo tilts his head. “Why would you want to get me-”

 

“Jealous!” Jeonghan lets out, swinging an arm out as if presenting something. “I wanted to get you  _ jealous _ , Jisoo. Not angry.” The last word comes out pressed and forced, like a small whisper. 

 

Jisoo feels his throat start to close as he watches Jeonghan heave in a breath with a hurt expression on his face, like Jisoo’s inability to comprehend the situation was physically hurting him. The thin cords of muscle along his arms flex with tension and Jisoo  _ knows _ with every inch of his soul that he’s going to regret asking his question but for some reason, he does it. 

 

“Why?”

 

Jeonghan lets out a mirthless scoff, the sound grating against the silent dining room. Jisoo clutches his fingers within each other in his lap, pressing his knuckles against one another and trying to focus on the feeling of losing sensation in his hand rather than Jeonghan’s upset face. 

 

“Because I like you.” Jeonghan lets out another laugh, but he runs a hand through his hair like he’s in disbelief. And what he’s just said or the fact that he thought it, Jisoo doesn’t know. “I don’t know, because I like you.”

 

Because he doesn’t  _ understand _ . 

 

“You like me?” Jisoo’s throat dries up. 

 

“What, you don’t believe me?” Jeonghan narrows his eyes and sets his mouth into a line. “I know it doesn’t  _ look _ like it right now, but I guess that’s all there is to it, really. God, what a fucking confession, huh?” 

 

“Am I supposed to be happy?” Jisoo’s voice comes out sharp. How  _ dare _ Jeonghan make him feel bad with this; as if he was supposed to know! He knows that he’s a bit dense in the whole  _ feelings _ department, but it’s not like Jeonghan opens up like a book!

 

Jeonghan’s tensed up muscles soften and he unclenches his jaw. “No, Jisoo, you don’t have to be. I’m well aware I’ve been a dick to you for a decade.” Jeonghan sighs, ready to walk out. His slippers swish against the floor. Jisoo doesn’t feel like stopping him. “Could I get an answer, though? About what you think about that? I mean, how much closer could we get, huh?” Jeonghan holds up his left hand and wiggles his ring finger. Jisoo swallows back his nausea. 

 

“We didn’t do it out of love. We didn’t do it out of mutual respect or like, Jeonghan. I married you to  _ get _ something out of it and you married me because it’s the easy way to becoming the sole competitor for the company.” Jisoo sighs. “Do you still need an answer?”

 

For some reason, Jisoo feels like he’s doing the wrong thing. Like with every word he says, he’s pushing himself further away from a point of safety. It’s like Jeonghan’s connected to Jisoo by a rope but Jisoo picks at the threads on purpose, pulling and pulling until at one point, it’s just going to fall apart. 

 

And then he’s going to be the only one standing in the middle of nowhere. 

 

Jeonghan smiles. It’s a bit too bright, considering the atmosphere. 

 

“No, I’ve got it.”

 

-

-

 

Jisoo sits in front of Seungcheol, who stares at him with large eyes and an open mouth. Jisoo rolls his head back and groans. 

 

“Close your mouth, flies are gonna go it there.”

 

Seungcheol shakes his head slowly. “Let me  _ get this straight _ .” Seungcheol stabs an index finger into the armrest on the sofa with the last three words. “ _ Jeonghan _ , your dickass,  _ what crawled up his ass and died today _ boss, the one who personally told you to royally fuck yourself when you wanted to resign, the one who  _ made you marry him _ , the one who won’t let you leave the company one way or another,  _ confessed to you _ ?”

 

Jisoo sips his tea a little bit. It’s green tea, but there’s not enough caffeine in it. 

 

Jisoo still can’t drink coffee. 

 

“Yeah. That’s, well, yeah.”

 

Seungcheol whistles. “And you said what? Yes, right?”

 

Jisoo laughs quizzically. “What on earth would make you think that I would like him?”

 

Seungcheol clasps his hands loosely around his knees. “I mean, you don’t? There’s got to be a degree of comfort for you to be able to marry him. Even if it’s just, well-” Seungcheol twirls a wrist in the air. “- even if it’s just for the media.”

 

Jisoo shrugs delicately, careful to not let his drink spill onto the carpet. “Well, knowing him for ten years isn’t the same as feeling romantically incl-”

 

Seungcheol tuts him. “Don’t use words like that, you sound like a psychopath.”

 

Jisoo frowns. “Whatever. All I’m saying, is that I don’t ever see myself liking him. I don’t even know what to make of his confession. He’s never shown a single  _ ounce _ of interest in me besides my work.”

 

Seungcheol shrugs, mimicking Jisoo’s earlier action. “Does liking someone work like that? He could have just realized.” Seungcheol lets out a sigh. “Can I tell you what happened with Jihoon?”

 

Jisoo leans back. “You’re amazing at changing the topic, but yeah.”

 

“No, no, it’s because it was  _ like _ this. You know how you were my best friend starting in college, when you moved here?”

 

“Yeah, of course.”

 

“Well, Jihoon was my best friend since kindergarten, probably earlier. I started liking him in seventh, or maybe eighth grade? I mean, it was when I didn’t even  _ know _ what it meant to have a crush on someone, and I confessed to him.”

 

“If you say he rejected you, it’s obvious. You guys were in middle school, he probably didn’t know he liked boys or something.”

 

Seungcheol galres. “Let me  _ finish _ . I confessed when we were seventeen, and he rejected me. Not because he didn’t care about me, but he thought that I was lying.” Seungcheol’s shoulders drop. “Well, maybe not lying, but he thought I was mistaking comfort and familiarity with romance.”

 

Jisoo sets his teacup down on the table in front of him. “So?”

 

Seungcheol pushes his hair back. “ _ So _ , you’re assuming that Jeonghan  _ thinks _ he likes you because you’ve been pushed into close quarters, fuck, I mean, you’re  _ married  _ by  _ law _ . But how do you know? Sure, I may have liked Jihoon a hell of a lot longer than Jeonghan probably liked you, but do you know how much it  _ hurts _ ? To just have your feelings invalidated like that? And you’re assuming. You don’t  _ know _ , you didn’t ask. Yeah, he told you like a dick, but at least he could look you in the eyes and do it.”

 

Jisoo looks down at his hands. Seungcheol’s voice is soft but it’s laced with hurt and lingering sadness. Jihoon was young; it’s different than being almost  _ thirty _ and knowing more about yourself. 

 

“What happened? Were you able to stay friends?” Jisoo can’t bring himself to look Seungcheol in the eye. 

 

“I transferred out of the school after he shut me down.”

 

“That’s a bit dramatic.”

 

“Let me  _ finish _ . I tried asking him out  _ four _ times.”

 

“Seungcheol,” Jisoo doesn’t really know what to say. “Okay. That’s a lot, sure, but why’d you transfer out? No offense, but that’s a dumb reason to go to another school.”

Seungcheol’s eyes droop. “Because you don’t understand how much it hurts to watch and hear the one person who could bring you to your knees reject you and tell you that no, it’s because you want comfort. That you don’t  _ believe _ them, that you won’t even  _ give them a chance. _ ”

 

Jisoo closes his eyes. “And I just told him that nothing matters because it’s fake, right?”

 

Yeah, Jeonghan’s delivery wasn’t exactly perfect, but he probably would have talked about it if Jisoo had asked.

 

Seungcheol shrugs, but it’s not mocking this time. “That’s up to you. Fix it if you want. But Jisoo, didn’t you tell me that you felt shy when Jeonghan helped you out during the storm in Iceland?”

 

Jisoo sucks in a breath, pulling in his bottom lip. “Yeah, but it’s just - I don’t - ” Jisoo lets out a small noise of frustration. “I don’t know.”

That’s different. 

 

“Could you see yourself with him?”

 

Jisoo suddenly pictures himself with Jeonghan, holding his hand and looking over something that he can’t make out. Jisoo shakes his head sharply. The image quickly bleeds back into reality, the one where Jisoo’s sitting in front of Seungcheol and talking to him. 

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Okay, well, figure it out on your own time. We’ve got to get ready for the party. You think anyone I know is going to be there?”

 

Jisoo smiles, but it comes out all wobbly. “Didn’t you work with someone from our marketing team to create that ad one time for that thing?”

 

Seungcheol deadpans. “Thanks for the description, Jisoo.”

 

Jisoo just sticks his tongue out and pushes Seungcheol into the bedroom so they can change. 

 

_ Jihoon, I’m very, very sorry.  _

 

Seungcheol jokingly throws a pillow at Jisoo’s back. 

 

_ Actually, I’m not.  _

 

-

-

 

Jeonghan drives separately from Jisoo to the party. 

 

Jisoo doesn't blame Jeonghan for it, but his stomach jitters as he passes the golden double doors into the ballroom. Mingyu hadn’t really gotten his pom-pom hat and lollipop winter wonderland-esque theme party, but it was  _ somewhat _ like he wanted. (Actually, it really wasn’t because the only party planner the office could get on such short notice was Kim Taehyung, and he personally threatened to stab his own eye out if he had to put  _ soju _ and  _ finger food _ out.)

 

Inside the enormous ballroom, there are decorations all over the place. Gold and green and red tinsel is ornately braided and twisted into intricate designs and traced the edges of the walls in the room. Giant (glass?) snowflakes hung from the chandeliers, and the clearness of it made tiny little lights sprinkle the room. Fairy lights weaved their way through the tables, lighting up the buffet table and snaked their way up the seats for chairs. Each table was covered in either green or red linen tablecloth, and little stands were set up in the middle with a  _ Merry Christmas! _ sign attached to it. 

 

Mingyu suddenly springs out in front of Jisoo, wearing a dark green suede suit. His hair is artfully curled to the side and the soft yellow glow of the room makes him stand out. 

 

“Jisoo! Hi!” Mingyu throws a hand in the air and tiny little snowflake confetti floats around Jisoo. “Like it?”

 

Jisoo laughs. “Yes, Mingyu, I like it. And this is my friend Seungcheol, by the way.” Jisoo motions to Seungcheol, who politely bows. His black suit seems to stand out and Jisoo regrets dressing him up in a classic tux. At least the bow is red, though. 

 

“Oh, hello, Seungcheol-ssi! It’s great to meet you, please enjoy yourselves!”

 

Seungcheol smiles. “I will, the decorations are beautiful.”

 

Mingyu offers one more happy bow before practically prancing away. Jisoo hears him telling Wonwoo to  _ try the rose, it’s great _ !

 

“Rose?” Seungcheol shrugs and points at a table nearby, where Mingyu had said it. 

 

Jisoo looks at the drinks table. 

 

Tall flutes of rosé are lined up like beautiful little glass soldiers, and Jisoo sucks in a breath when he makes his way over to them. 

 

They’re lined with gold on the rim and at the bottom, flecks of gold are scattered through the glass. The pink wine shimmers and Jisoo feels like crying. 

 

Jeonghan still did that. 

“Do you like it?” 

 

Jisoo nearly jumps out of his skin. His head swirls around and he sees Jeonghan standing near him, his hands clasped behind his back and a mellow expression painted on his face. 

 

“You remembered.”

 

Jeonghan smiles, and his lips look awfully pink in the light. It doesn’t help that he looks  _ jaw-dropping handsome _ . 

 

“Yeah. You wanna try?”

 

Jisoo doesn’t answer and takes in the sight of his  _ husband _ , who’s dressed head-to-toe in bright red. It’s an obvious statement to mock Mingyu, but it  _ works _ on him. His dark hair is a stark contrast to his skin, with thin veins of blue running down his hands. Jisoo gulps. His dark brown hair creates a nice difference against the brightness of everything else and his eyes are filled with something that isn’t  _ happiness _ , but it’s close.

 

Jisoo remembers his own appearance. His suit is a dark grey with a thick red turtleneck underneath it, and there’s a joking piece of what he  _ wants _ to say is a cranberry seed branch or something tucked in where his handkerchief would normally be.

 

“Jisoo, are you okay?”

 

Jisoo lets out a breath that he didn’t realize he was holding. “What? Yeah, no, I wanna try the drink, yeah!”

 

Jisoo stumbles over his words and also his fingers, clumsily pushing Jeonghan’s hand out of the way and snatching a flute up himself, not bothering to swirl the glass around like those arrogant rich people do. He chugs the wine down, feeling himself wince with the taste. 

 

Jisoo doesn’t like anything but red wine. 

 

Oh well. 

 

Jisoo sets the glass down but nearly knocks over another one. He quickly picks it up. 

 

“Here, I’ll take th-”

 

“No, I wanted another one!”

 

Jisoo shields the flute with his body and chugs it once more, the wine slipping down his throat with a chill before it’s gone within a single gulp. 

 

“Jisoo, I’m gonna go-”

 

But Jisoo is already downing another glass and Jeonghan sighs. At first, Jisoo thinks he’s going to get scolded but when he looks to his side, Jeonghan isn’t there anymore. 

 

Jisoo sets the glass in his hand down with slight disappointment, a heavy tingle seeping through his chest. He decides that three glasses of wine in a row was a bit much and tells himself that he won’t drink for the rest of the party. 

 

He doesn’t want to go home drunk today, for some reason. 

 

-

-

 

Jisoo walks through the crowd, politely saying hello to people and letting them look at his hand. 

 

More specifically, the  _ ring _ on his hand. 

 

Because even for Jisoo, it’d be weird to hear the words,  _ oh, sir, could I please see your hand? _

 

“My God, it’s all white gold!”

 

“Junghwa, look closer, it’s  _ platinum _ !”

 

People  _ ooh _ and  _ aah _ over his ring like it’s been personally shitted out of Jesus or something. Jisoo keeps a rather tight smile on his face as he continues to spin around the ballroom, trying to find Seungcheol

 

It seems that Jihoon’s had the same thought. 

 

Jisoo finally spots Seungcheol on a bench against the wall, away from the dizzying array of people gently dancing around the place, holding their partners as they sway to the orchestra version of christmas music. 

 

As a violin crescendos on a classical rendition of Holy Night, Jisoo watches as Seungcheol mouths something to Jihoon and then takes a hold of his jaw, pulling the small man in and kissing him. 

 

Jisoo feels jealous. 

 

It hurts him when he realizes that it’s not because he wants to be where Jihoon is right now, but rather, the fact that he  _ could _ have that and he’s keeping his own damn self away from it. 

 

-

-

 

Jisoo mingles with various directors and chairmen and employees and finally, he’s able to escape the man-eating trap that is drunk-on-holiday-wine-partygoers. A woman in the slinkiest, thinnest, most  _ glittery _ golden dress Jisoo has ever seen pushes herself onto him and Jisoo swerves before she tries to talk to him. He rushes out of the crowd and drops himself into a secluded bench, pressed up against the wall near the back entrance. 

 

Seungcheol and Jihoon are long gone so all Jisoo does is close his eyes. 

 

They fly back open, however, when there’s a small pressure on his left shoulder. Gasping, Jisoo nearly flies off the bench ready to fight when he sees that it’s only Jeonghan. 

 

“Are you drunk?” Jisoo’s tone is accusatory. Jeonghan straightens himself up. 

 

“Are  _ you _ ? You drank a lot back there.”

 

Jisoo scowls. “I haven’t drank  _ anything _ in two hours. I’m all  _ sobered up _ , thank you very much.” Jisoo tries to calculate how much Jeonghan’s had. He didn’t slur his words, but there’s a slight flush to his cheeks. 

 

“Well, I’m  _ little _ bit tipsy.”

 

“Yeah? What’s your address?”

 

Jeonghan recites it and smiles, obviously proud of himself. He pats himself on the shoulder. 

 

“Well, I guess you’re not drunk. I’m taking you home, though.”

 

“Great.” Jeonghan sighs and forces himself to stand up, straightening out his suit and clearing his throat. “Let’s go.”

 

-

-

 

Jisoo is thankful that Jeonghan’s not drunk, because he’s never fun when he’s drunk. He’s sober enough that he can walk up the stairs by himself and to the room. 

 

_ He’s not gonna sleep on the couch today, at least _ .

 

Jisoo corrects himself.  _ He’s not going to sleep in the guest room that cost fifty-thousand dollars to renovate, at least.  _

 

That’s more like it. 

 

“Take my tie off, please.” Jisoo looks up from where he’s undoing his bow. Jeonghan’s index finger is looped between two strands of the tie and his hand is twisting to get it free. Jisoo lets out a loud sigh and walks over, quickly, working his fingers through the knot and finally pulling the tie off. 

 

“You’re welcome, you know.”

 

Jeonghan looks up at Jisoo, who’s standing over him. Jisoo is suddenly aware of how  _ close  _ they are, with his body slotted between his two legs. 

 

“Thank you, Jisoo.”

 

Jisoo finds himself flushing. “Whatever, move your leg-”

 

Jeonghan reaches up with a hand and gently holds onto the side of Jisoo’s neck, goosebumps erupting down his body. Jisoo gulps. 

 

“Can I kiss you?”

 

Jisoo frowns and pushes Jeonghan’s arm down. Jeonghan smiles sadly. 

 

“I get the message, I’m sorry.”

 

“Wait, Jeonghan, I-”

 

Jeonghan stands up and moves past Jisoo. “I’m sorry, I’ll seriously stop now.”

 

Jisoo’s stomach pulls together in a giant tangle of nerves. Jeonghan swallows and his eyes flit over to the dresser. 

 

Like he’s planning an escape. Jisoo doesn’t think before grabbing Jeonghan’s wrist and letting Jeonghan’s body fall on top of his as they kiss. 

 

Jeonghan immediately rips himself off of Jisoo, pulling himself away like Jisoo is made of poison. Jisoo feels the hurt ripple through his body, but Jeonghan’s face is pale and pain flashes through his eyes. 

 

“What’re you doing, Jisoo?” Jeonghan’s voice is strained and his chest raggedly expands with every shaky breath he takes. 

 

Jisoo can’t stop the awkward laugh erupt from his mouth. “W-what? Didn’t you-”

 

“I wanted you to kiss me if you wanted to, Jisoo, not because you felt  _ bad _ for me.” Jeonghan backs up, and he tugs at the open collar on his shirt. Jisoo watches as Jeonghan’s neck muscles tense up. 

 

Jisoo stands up and reaches for Jeonghan’s hands, singing and pulling him to the bed. Jisoo gently sits down and Jeonghan hesitates on what to do. Jisoo motions with his head and pulls his legs up onto the bed so Jeonghan can stand in front of him. 

 

“I want to know.” Jisoo swallows and Jeonghan swings his body around as if to ask,  _ so what _ ? He doesn’t pull his wrists out of Jisoo’s grasp, so Jisoo continues. “I don’t know, I don’t know yet, Jeonghan, if I like you or not. I don’t think I do?”

 

Jeonghan deadpans. “Thanks, Jisoo, I feels  _ so _ much better.” The sarcasm drips from his voice like honey. 

 

Jisoo  _ tsks. _ “No, let me  _ finish _ . I don’t know if I like you, but how am I supposed to know if you don’t let me  _ try _ ?”

 

Jeonghan shrugs. “ _ I  _ found out without doing anything.”

 

Jiso sucks in a breath. “I’m  _ really _ this close to squaring up, Jeonghan.”

 

Jeonghan lets out a laugh and all of Jisoo’s tension evaporates and he grabs Jisoo and moves in to kiss him. 

 

Jisoo finds himself smiling into the kiss, allowing Jeonghan to press a hand up against his hip bone. His skin burns into Jisoo’s hip and even though there’s a layer of fabric over it, Jisoo feels his heartbeat pick up. 

 

Jeonghan mouth hungrily into Jisoo, pressing and growing insistent. Jisoo struggles to respond properly. After living the last ten years basically celibate, he’s not  _ used _ to having someone touching him like this. Little tears form at the corners of his closed eyes, just from the  _ feeling _ of it all. It’s like flying and drowning all at the same time, the pressure of Jeonghan’s skin and hands and lips against him too much and too little. 

 

Jeonghan pulls himself off and gently places a thumb on Jisoo’s lips. “Jisoo, I’m not going to want to stop if you keep going.”

 

Jisoo feels his throat tighten up a little but he hears himself answering with a soft, “Okay.”

 

Jeonghan smiles, a hand carding through Jisoo’s hair delicately. The light red flush on his neck from the alcohol has started to disappear and Jisoo gulps. 

 

The both of them are sober. 

 

But Jisoo wishes he could at least blame it on  _ something _ . Just in case. 

 

Jeonghan gently places two fingers on the hem of Jisoo’s turtleneck and leans downwards to lightly kiss the area of skin right under his ear. Jisoo feels his eyes close and the tears make his lashes stick together. He shudders and Jeonghan laughs with a rough breath right into Jisoo’s ears. 

 

“Are you sure?”

 

Jisoo just lays himself down on the bed and smiles as he pulls Jeonghan down with him. 

 

-

-

 

Jisoo holds back a shiver and it’s half because he’s cold, but also half because he’s in only his boxers in front of Jeonghan. 

 

Which he finds unfair. 

 

“Hey, come on! Take your pants off!”

 

Jisoo crosses his arms and frowns but Jeonghan goes back to holding himself above Jisoo and kissing down his collarbone. 

 

“I’m very good the way I am, Jisoo. I like this better.”

 

Jisoo is about to retort when Jeonghan grazes his teeth against the skin right above his nipple and he holds back a moan. Jeonghan kisses it and Jisoo nearly kicks Jeonghan in the side with how fast his legs jerk up. 

 

Jisoo feels like everything’s too hot and cold and he grips onto one of Jeonghan’s arms and forces himself to not rut into Jeonghan’s thigh. Because  _ that _ would be embarrassing. 

 

“J-Jeonghan, it’s weird.”

 

Jeonghan pulls himself off immediately and sits back onto his calves. “Are you okay?”

 

Jisoo groans. “Oh, my  _ God, _ Jeonghan, I meant that I felt weird being the only who’s  _ naked _ .”

 

Jeonghan lets out a sheepish laugh. “Oh. ‘Kay! Well, you got boxers on!”

 

Jeonghan leans over Jisoo again but Jisoo holds out a hand to prevent Jeonghan from moving closer. 

 

“No way, take your shirt off.”

 

Jeonghan stays still for a minute before shrugging and starts undoing the buttons on his shirt. Jisoo swallows when Jeonghan slips the shirt off and watches the slight outline of muscle on Jeonghan’s midsection tense up. Jisoo traces the light scars on Jeonghan’s ribcage with his eyes and almost frowns when he remembers what his father did. The veins on his arms start to flex lightly and Jisoo pushes himself further up the bed. 

 

Jeonghan smirks and Jisoo squeezes his eyes shut so he can’t see Jeonghan watching his blush form. 

 

“Okay, I did it.” Jeonghan grabs Jisoo and promptly turns him over so he’s straddling Jeonghan. 

 

“Your pants, too.”

 

“W-wh- uh, huh-”

 

Jeonghan stutters and Jisoo tilts his head, feeling his eyebrows knit together. 

 

“Your  _ pants _ Jeonghan. Unless you plan on on fucking me with an invisible dick, take your pants off.”

 

Jeonghan gasps theatrically, drawing up a hand and placing it over his mouth. “My  _ God, _ you just full on cursed!”

 

“Jeonghan!” Jisoo whines and starts tugging at Jeonghan’s belt. Honestly, the silky feeling of the slacks under his thighs feels nice but now is  _ not the time _ . 

 

Jeonghan starts to fidget. Jisoo sighs. 

 

“Jisoo, I’ll go turn off the l-”

 

“And what, fuck me in the pitch black of night? No way, take your pants off!”

 

“Stop cursing!” Jeonghan actually  _ blushes _ and Jisoo relaxes his shoulders. “It’s weird.”

 

“Jeonghan, why won’t you take your pants off? I did it, right?” Jisoo points himself to emphasize his point. “ _ I,  _ Hong Jisoo, stripped in front of you. And weren’t you the one who said you didn’t want to stop?” Jeonghan coughs and his eyes dart over to the side. 

 

“There’s uh, there’s something.” Jeonghan clears his throat. “That I don't’ want to show you.”

 

Jisoo leans back, no longer pressed up against Jeonghan’s front. Instead, he sits back right above Jeonghan’s knees. 

 

“Is it like a wart on your dick or something? Do you-”

 

Jeonghan  _ tsks _ and rolls his eyes. “No, Jisoo, I don’t have a  _ wart on my dick or something _ .”

 

“Then what?” Jisoo lets out a stressed breath. “Jeonghan, are you okay?”

 

Jeonghan swallows, his eyes flitting around the room with anxiety. “It’s a scar.”

 

Jisoo takes in a breath. “A scar? Come on, everyone’s got one of those.”

 

Jeonghan shakes his head. “N-no, but it’s not small.”

 

Jisoo stands up and gets off the bed. He motions for Jeonghan to follow and so he does, pushing himself up and standing by the end of the bed. 

 

“Jeonghan, I am stripped down to my  _ underwear _ for you. I haven’t done that for anyone in ten years. Nothing’s going to scare me off, okay? Your penis could be rainbow colored and I wouldn’t care.”

 

Jeonghan shrugs. “What about Seungcheol?” Jeonghan meets Jisoo eyes. Jeonghan runs his tongue over his bottom lip. “But that’s not the point.”

 

“Hey, you can bring him up as much as you want but you were going to have sex with Hyungwon in the office!”

Jeonghan frowns. “No, I, just, whatever!”

 

“Jeonghan, will you at least do it under the sheets?”

 

“Yeah. And also turn off the lights.” Jeonghan looks thoughtful. “But keep the nightstand light on.”

 

Jisoo flits around the room while Jeonghan pretends to dive into the bed. The room is dark except for the soft glow of yellow light coming from the light. 

 

Jisoo crawls under the covers and Jeonghan turns to face him. 

 

“Did you tak-”

 

“Yeah, yeah, now come here.”

 

Jeonghan gently pulls Jisoo body to the side and they start kissing again, they’re lips moving in sync as Jeonghan uses his hands to graze over his body, and when a finger starts tracing his spine, he feels goosebumps breaking out up and down his body. He trembles and Jeonghan pulls him in closer when Jisoo’s eyes snap open. 

 

“Jeonghan?”

 

Jeonghan sighs and turns to lay on his back, and throws an arm over his eyes. “I know.”

 

Jisoo quietly skims his fingers across the top of Jeonghan’s thigh and feels it. 

 

There are deep grooves on Jeonghan’s thigh, but the skin is incredibly soft. 

 

Like it’s baby skin that grew back to cover a scar. 

 

Or a burn. 

 

Jisoo sits up and continues to trace around the soft muscle, feeling tears forming under his lashes and his eyesight goes blurry. He doesn’t know  _ why _ he feels bad; it’s obvious that it’s been healed for a while but it’s so  _ large _ , coving the expanse of his thigh and wrapping around his leg in uneven ridges.

 

“Who did this to you?” Jisoo’s voice comes out as a whisper, soft and rough and Jisoo wants to look but he can’t. 

 

Jeonghan takes a hold of Jisoo’s wrist and pulls it off. He pulls Jisoo to on top of him, so Jisoo’s straddling him again. 

 

“Can we talk later?”

 

Jisoo shakes his head harshly, sniffling because his tears are going to start flowing out. “No, tell me now, Jeonghan. Who did this to you?”

 

Jeonghan sighs. “My dad was abusive, you know that, right?”

 

Jisoo feels his shoulders trembling. “Yeah?” He  _ hates _ how easily Jeonghan brushes it off. It’s no secret that rich people have their own problems but Jeonghan’s always been so  _ flippant _ about it that it annoys Jisoo. Because it’s not normal. 

 

“Well, he did a bit more than commit corporal punishment. He would throw things until they broke and then threw  _ those _ pieces at me, or whatever, I don’t want to get into the whole thing.” Jeonghan waits for Jisoo to respond but when he doesn’t, he continues. “One day, he was angry that I wasn’t doing well in math.”

 

“You never dropped below third place in school, though?”

 

“Well, third place is just telling people that you want to be fucked over in my world.” Jeonghan wraps Jisoo up in a hug. “And so he threw his cup of coffee on me.”

 

Jisoo can’t stop the trembling now, pressing his eyes into Jeonghan’s shoulder so he doesn’t have to look into his eyes as he cries. Jisoo feels the tears slip down Jeonghan’s front and Jeonghan runs his hand through Jisoo’s hair. 

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“For what, Jisoo?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Let’s talk about everything else later, okay?”

 

Jeonghan pulls Jisoo off of his shoulder and laughs gently as he wipes the tears off of his face, and presses a gentle kiss to his lips. 

 

Jisoo decides to lose himself in Jeonghan before he starts thinking about everything too much. 

 

-

-

 

Jisoo shudders just a little bit  _ too _ much when Jeonghan’s fingers start to move inside of him, the sweat on his forehead sticking to his hair. Jeonghan’s fingers work slowly, only skimming past the  _ one _ spot that Jisoo really needs to be touched in. Jeonghan smiles when Jisoo twitches, anticipating it but never  _ getting _ it. 

 

What a sadist. 

 

“Jeonghan, put another-” Jisoo sucks in a breath and closes his eyes, waiting for Jeonghan to finish pushing and pulling against him, too slow and too  _ much _ all at once. He doesn’t listen, continuing to use only two fingers to scissor him open. Jeonghan pushes Jisoo’s hair out of his face and kisses his neck slowly, eliciting another response from him. He feels the cold lube drip down onto his thighs, leaving a thin sheen behind that mixes in with his sweat and it’s disgusting but Jeonghan pushes into him harder. His thumb starts to gently massage around his perineum and Jisoo lets out a sound that’s a cross between a strangled gurgle and a grunt. 

 

Jisoo’s body feels like it’s burning, his back arching every time Jeonghan bites or nips or licks something on him. He holds onto Jeonghan’s wrist when teeth painfully scrape against his nipple, biting into it and then letting go of it with Jeonghan works around it with his tongue. 

 

“Jisoo, when’s the last time you jerked off?”

 

Jisoo gasps, partly because the question surprises him but also because Jeonghan slips a third finger in and the stretch is too much, and Jisoo wants  _ more _ . 

 

“W-what?” Jisoo blushes when Jeonghan places a finger over the top of Jisoo’s cock, tracing a line down until Jisoo moans. Tears make his lashes stick together and his breath feels strained, like the oxygen isn’t going to his head. 

 

“It’s just that your dick looks like it’s about to pop.” Jeonghan gently removes his fingers from Jisoo’s entrance before taking a condom from the nightstand and tearing the top off. He rolls it onto his own cock, and the sudden act makes Jisoo shy. He turns his head and his neck tenses when Jeonghan laughs and gently place his index finger and thumb around his neck like he’s going to  _ choke _ Jisoo. The fingers move away quickly, and Jisoo thinks that maybe he  _ wanted _ Jeonghan to. (Choke him, that is. Jisoo’s finding out a lot of things today.)

 

“S-shut up and-” Jisoo’s eyes squeeze and he feels the veins in his neck start to strain as Jeonghan places a wet kiss over his collarbone. Jisoo feels bad for not doing anything so he gently pulls Jeonghan’s head up and kisses him, trying his best to not slow down as Jeonghan moves faster. His lips aren’t experienced, and they slide and clash against Jeonghan’s mouth in a way that almost  _ hurts _ , in a way that Jisoo can feel his lips bruising, but he doesn’t  _ care _ , he just wants Jeonghan right now. 

 

He can’t decide if it’s just pent up lust or if he maybe really wants Jeonghan. 

 

Jisoo buries his hands into Jeonghan’s hair, shy about being open with his touches but he feels Jeonghan grin into the kiss and Jisoo takes a bit more initiative by letting his hands roam around his body, and letting them rest against Jeonghan’s hips. 

 

“Jisoo, I’m gonna pu-”

 

“Okay.” Jisoo’s voice trembles and comes out soft as Jeonghan presses the tip of his cock into Jisoo’s entrance, letting it slide in and Jisoo gasps when Jeonghan waits a bit before kissing Jisoo sloppily and pushing himself all the way in. The feeling of the head catching on Jisoo’s  _ actual fucking asshole _ makes his mewl. Jisoo can’t stop his eyes from rolling back and Jeonghan groans as Jisoo clenches around his cock, panting because it hurts and it feels good and it feels  _ new _ . Jisoo feels like he could cum right now but Jeonghan seems to sense it and holds the base of Jisoo’s cock to hold him back from doing anything. 

 

“Jisoo, are you okay?” Jeonghan stays still while Jisoo breathes out to adjust himself. Everything around him is hot and cold and it swells and rushes around Jisoo’s head to the point that he can’t see properly. 

“M-m-move.” Jisoo pants it out like he hasn’t drank water in years, his throat drying up when Jeonghan laps at the little dip at the center of his collarbones. He bites it softly, in a way that borderlines onto painful. Jisoo grabs onto one of Jeonghan’s arms as he starts to pull himself out and then covers his mouth with the back of his hand when Jeonghan slams back into him, the sound of skin on skin hitting each other repeatedly driving Jisoo closer to the edge. 

 

Jeonghan moves the hand on Jisoo’s mouth and drops his head. “I want to hear you, Jisoo.” Jeonghan kisses the side of Jisoo’s neck. “Don’t hold it back, please.”

 

Jisoo decides that tonight, he can throw caution to the wind. 

 

Fuck it. 

 

Jisoo allows himself to cry out every time Jeonghan touches him, moans every time Jeonghan thrusts into him. They go on like that, Jeonghan encouraging Jisoo to do whatever he wants and Jisoo turning shy every time he gets a compliment. At one point, Jeonghan’s hand moves off of his hip and onto the back of his thigh, forcing Jisoo’s leg to move up and making him open up more. 

 

It builds and builds until Jisoo’s tears flow over his eyelids, down the sides of his face, wetting the pillow underneath him. Jeonghan kisses them away and lets out a small noise. Jisoo  _ likes _ it.  

 

“Jeonghan, I’m going to c-” Jisoo’s interrupted when Jeonghan starts touching the tip of his cock and he cries out. 

 

“It’s okay.” Jeonghan grips onto Jisoo’s hipbones and presses his fingers into his skin as hard as he can. “It’s okay, Jisoo. It’s okay, you can-”

 

Jisoo finishes with a cry, panting heavily when Jeonghan cums into the condom and everything comes crashing down all at once. The feeling of sweat in places that Jisoo didn’t know  _ could _ sweat, the thumping of his heart, the feeling of Jeonghan’s warm skin on him. His own  _ cum _ is painted on his chest, hot and disgusting and Jisoo wants to clean it off. Jeonghan moves off the bed to toss the condom out and Jisoo thinks he’s leaving for a second and clutches Jeonghan’s wrist before he can go. 

 

“Jisoo, I’m just going to get towels, okay?”

 

Jisoo bites his lip and slowly lets go of Jeonghan’s wrist, watching him disappear into the bathroom. For some reason, watching Jeonghan walk naked into the bathroom causes Jisoo to envision them in the future, possibly as an  _ actual _ couple.He emerges soon, with a handful of wet towels in his hand and soon, the bed dips under Jeonghan’s weight and the soft towels make contact with Jisoo’s skin. 

 

The cool waters feels good on Jisoo’s skin and he feels tired, like all of the energy’s been sucked out of him. Jeonghan’s in the middle of placing boxers on himself and grabbing a pair for Jisoo when someone’s phone rings. Jisoo snaps out of his sleepy state when he hears Jeonghan answer it. 

 

“Oh, hey Eunwoo!” Gibberish leaks from the phone and Jisoo can’t make anything out. “Yeah, no, Saturday is good, why?”

 

Jisoo sits up and pretends to be busy with putting his clothes on, albeit slowly since he can’t really feel his legs. 

 

“Yeah, okay, three? Sure, stop by my office and we’ll go out to lunch.” Jeonghan writes something down on a post-it note and sticks in on his desk. “Yeah, bye.”

 

Jisoo crawls back into the bed and Jeonghan turns around to look at him. 

 

“Jisoo?”

 

Jisoo clears his throat and feigns carelessness. “Yes?” Jisoo makes sure to keep his eyes open a little wider than they normally are and smiles. 

 

“I’m going to be busy for the rest of this week. But we’ll talk, okay?”

 

Jisoo yawns. “Of course.”

 

Jeonghan crawls into the bed and slumps on the mattress. “Goodnight, Jisoo.”

 

“Goodnight.”

 

Jeonghan places his arms around Jisoo’s waist tentatively, like he’s gaging whether or not Jisoo will move them. “Merry Christmas, Jisoo.”

 

Jisoo feels a knot build up in the back of his throat. 

 

The little green monster inside of Jisoo wakes up and rears it’s ugly,  _ ugly _ head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ACK YOU GUYS ABSOLTELY BLEW ME AWAY W/ YOUR ENTHUSIASM FOR A SMUT CHAPTER AND ALSO EVERYONE HATES JISOO RN SO I HOPE THIS FIXES BUT IN ALL HONETY IT MAY MAKE THINGS WORSE IDEK WHAT I WAS AIMING FOR OSDKFJSLKJ 
> 
> and aslo and also thank you guys so much for the comments and kudos and this fic is almost at 400 kudos!!! wtf!!! i love you all and i know this isn't exactly "christmassy" but it was either this or a cute little date thing and maybe some of yall wanted that instead but just saying that'll happen later anyways. and also yeah consent is impoirtant u saw how jeonghan stopped when jisoo said he felt wierd!! take notes !!! and also yeah i have never written such grphaic smut (but it wasn't even that graphic) so im sorry if it sounds awkward im not used to it and i deadass didn't even edit and i just spell checked bc i couldn't look at it more than once which was when i was tuping it!!!! 
> 
> and also some fun facts about me bc i want you guys to feel like im not a stranger over a screen and write little things you guys like too thatd be nice!!:  
> \- i like being nice!!! its nice be nice ok u should just always be nice u never know what someone is going thru !!  
> \- i am half korean, half thai and i speak a bunch of languages ! korean, english, and french are what im fluent in and im currently learning thai! (its a hard fucking language why is it out to kill me why god why)  
> \- i like making my readers suffer because it makes you guys yell and i like chaos and its fun and i like suffering and being a sadistic bitch when it comes to literature one time my english teacher asked me why my wrting promt was so sad and if i was alright and i just smiled and said oh yeah no that's just me perosnally and her eyes when wide and she ok u can leave  
> \- i like animals !! im allergic to everything, tho. sucks.  
> \- i am in college as a premed! but i waste a lot of fucking time writing lmao how am i passing?? only god knows  
> \- also im an atheist reffering to god means absolutely nothing to me but its a habit, i guess?  
> \- i really really really want to respond to a hate comment one day idk does that make me a masochist as well? who knows who knows  
> \- i either curse so much that i need to be calmed down or i talk like an absolte angel there is no in between  
> \- if i could have a super power it would be to fly or to know everything that has ever happend (basically being infintely smart sounds lit)  
> \- i started writing fics to practice for my literuture class when we had to create short stories or something idek
> 
> and yeah! i just didn't want to feel like a stranger to you all :)))) 
> 
> anyways!
> 
> thank you for the overhwmlimg love for this fic and i will continute to practice and get better and i hope you guys have an amazing holidays and i love you and stay safe and happy and warm!!!


	9. in which the author decides to take back a lil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why?

Jisoo is  _ sick _ right now. 

 

And not in a cute,  _ oh, look at my cute little voice that’s a little stuffy right now and oh dear someone needs to take care of me, oh no  _ kind of way. 

 

It’s the full on  _ thing _ , with a stuffy nose that continues to leak snot out in a steady stream, eyes that are puffed up like cotton balls have been shoved under the lids, and cold sweats running down his back while some of it sticks to the base of his neck, matting his hair down and causing him to shudder violently.

 

Also, his asshole really hurts. (But that’s not why he’s sick, so.)

 

Jisoo coughs a phlegmy cough. 

 

“Jisoo? Are you okay?” Jisoo lets out an indescribable moan as he tries to turn his body onto his back, the mountains of blankets burying him feeling a bit suffocating. 

 

Jisoo cracks his eyes open a little bit further and bites his lips when he sees Jeonghan stand over him, a little bit saddened (more like tragically disappointed) by the fact that Jeonghan had finished dressing himself and was no longer standing and milling around the room in his godly shirtless form. (Jisoo doesn’t know where these horribly intrusive thoughts are coming from. Really. He doesn’t.)

 

“Nghhhh….” Jisoo’s voice trails off from a high-pitched whine into a guttural cry for help. He wants to ask Jeonghan why he would ask if it’s that fucking  _ obvious _ . Jisoo squirms around the bed. 

 

“You were fine yesterday, what happened?” Jeonghan looks down at his crotch for a brief moment. “I mean, I’m like-”

 

Jisoo snaps out of his sickly daze long enough to rip his arm from out under the sheets and swings blindly at Jeonghan. Jeonghan laughs and drops himself on the bed, the mattress doing a floofy little jump under the sudden weight. Jisoo’s too embarrassed to say the real reason why he’s sick. 

 

“Yeah, I think I just overdid it or something. Get me water, please?” Jeonghan tilts his head but he shuffles out of the bedroom with a concerned look. Jisoo sighs. 

 

The  _ real _ reason that Jisoo is sick is pretty fucking embarrassing. It’s not even that; embarrassing, is, well, a  _ softer _ way to put it. 

 

After Jeonghan had fallen asleep last night, Jisoo had felt too uncomfortable and sticky to fall asleep, so he sneaked into the guest room next door and showered. After that, he had gone out to the balcony, too wrapped up in his own thoughts to grab anything else but his boxers and a loose t-shirt. (Courtesy of Jeonghan’s closet.) 

 

He did nothing but sit on a chair and thought about who  _ Eunwoo  _ was. Out of curiosity, Jisoo had googled him, and saw nothing but pictures of some small little kid who was the son of a well off, “old money” family known for their dabble-ment in the entertainment industry. Apparently, the kid’s cousin was rumoured to be a part of the next big boy group, while his sister had already debuted as an actress. There were other  _ Eunwoos _ thrown in the mix, but they were most definitely insignificant people. 

 

Jisoo had returned to bed in a haze; his search had led him to nothing but an article that was already a couple of years old. 

 

And that’s the story of why Jisoo is currently drowning in his own snot and boogers and sweat. 

 

Because he got childishly jealous of whoever could make Jeonghan talk that  _ easily _ , and what’s more ridiculous is that Jisoo doesn’t even like Jeonghan right now. 

 

Jisoo’s never been  _ jealous _ before, or, more likely, he was  _ unaware _ of things like that. He’s never really had the time to like someone and after yesterday, he’s still trying to figure out whether he could potentially like Jeonghan. 

 

But the burning envy that squeezes his chest suggests that he’s grown accustomed to Jeonghan, regardless of his incessant whining and complaining and as he once put it, “mild bitching”. 

 

Or maybe this is what Stockholm Syndrome is. Maybe Jisoo’s a victim but at least he’s a victim to someone hot. (Jisoo’s surprised at how shallow he sometimes seems. Call it a character flaw.)

 

Jeonghan comes back with a glass of water and his phone in hand, a determined look on his face. 

 

“I’ll take care of you today, Jisoo. Don’t move, alright?” Jeonghan gently helps Jisoo up and at least he can blame his blush on his fever because  _ God _ , his face is hot right now. Jeonghan tips the cup of cold water down Jisoo’s throat and he sighs in relief, his chest feeling lighter already. The water rushes down all the way into the pit of his stomach and calms down his raging fever by a tiny little bit. 

 

“I couldn’t even if I wanted to.” Jisoo coughs and his head twitches when a hair falls in front of his face. Jeonghan makes a mocking smile as he puts Jisoo back down, moving the strand away from his eyes. Jisoo holds in a cough. 

 

“I’ll be back soon, okay?”

 

“Jeonghan, I don’t mean any offense, but I’d rather just call Soonyoung or Chan to help me; they’re good with this kind of stuff.”  _ Do you even know how to boil water for tea?  _ Jisoo shakes his head, apologetic for assuming that Jeonghan can’t. (But he knows, he  _ knows _ he can’t.)

 

Jeonghan shakes his head firmly. “Can’t let my lover be touched by anyone else.” Jeonghan wiggles his eyebrows on the word  _ lover,  _ like he’s emphasizing that it’s a joke. 

 

“I’m not your lover.” Jisoo partially regrets his statement. But he still needs time. 

 

Jeonghan smiles, but Jisoo’s known him long enough to see the flash of hurt dance around in his eyes. Jisoo pretends to be tired and sighs as he closes his eyes. 

 

He can only hear Jeonghan start to make his way towards the door, stopping before completely leaving. “I know, Jisoo. Sorry if that made you uncomfortable.”

  
  


-

-

 

_ Jeonghan’s POV _

  
  


“Mingyu! I said-”

 

“Pick up by the third ring, whatever, whatever.” The sound cuts off when there’s a scream in the background. “But as you can  _ hear _ , I’m busy.”

 

Jeonghan narrows his eyes, the confusion evident in the warped reflection he watches on the refrigerator. His eyes bug out and one cheekbone dips all the way into his lip. There’s more screaming in the background and at one point, there’s a clear echo of a phone being dropped onto the floor and someone shrieks so loudly it sounds like Mariah Carey herself would be jealous of that whistle note. Jeonghan frowns and pulls the phone away from his ear. He waits a couple of seconds that feel like hours until Mingyu clears his throat over the line.

 

“Jeonghan, I’m back!”

 

Jeonghan purses his lips.  _ For Jisoo _ . “What do you do with a sick person?”

 

“Well, you might want to not talk about them like you would a dog.”

 

“Mingyu.”

 

“I just put out a fire that Seungkwan started. Let it  _ goooo _ .” Mingyu stretches out the last word loudly like he’s purposely trying to egg on Jeonghan. (Which he clearly is.) 

 

Jeonghan does.  _ A fire _ ? He’ll ask about it later. “Alright.”

 

“Who’s sick, anyways?”

 

“Jisoo.”

 

“Oh. How’s the apple of your eye, anyways? Fallen for him yet?” It doesn’t occur to Jeonghan until now that no one really understands that he likes Jisoo. Makes sense. It wasn’t like it was a progressive thing. He had just seen Jisoo one day a little differently, and that little crack on the surface had shattered when Jisoo became something he couldn’t have. 

 

Something,  _ someone _ , for the first time in his life, that Jeonghan could have the chance to call his own. 

 

“Shut up. Answer the question, Mingyu.” Jeonghan unintentionally lets his words bite. 

 

“Give them abalone porridge. And warm barley tea or hot water with manuka honey mixed into it. And make sure they sweat a lot, and make sure they shower often. Use clean towels to clean the sweat off their face and dip it in cold water before you do. And if they have a fever, get medicine from the pharmacy. Ask for a mild one, since if it’s not dire enough to go to a hospital, he might feel a bit loopy.”

 

Jeonghan runs through the words in his head once and nods to himself. “Why do you know all of that? You never get sick.”

 

“Wonwoo got sick once an-”

 

“It’s self explanatory; stop talking.”

 

“Fuck you.”

 

“I’m hanging up.” Jeonghan doesn’t even have the will to make his usual,  _ you wish _ quip to Mingyu. 

 

Jeonghan hears another curse escape Mingyu’s mouth and his thumb twitches but he doesn’t want to end the call yet. 

 

“Jeonghan?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You wanna know what Seungkwan did, don’t you.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

-

-

 

Jeonghan stares at the ingredients in front of him, the fruits of his grocery shopping event (literally) laid out in front of him. He had gone all over town looking for the stuff that Mingyu had said, after a very satisfying story of how Seungkwan set Mingyu’s favorite orchid flower plant on fire. (Seungkwan wanted to clear out the room’s “bad energy” and had brought in a lit candle, but had tripped on his way and dropped the candle onto the orchid. And well, you can guess what happened after.)

 

Jeonghan had gone up and down the isles of the local grocery shop (major food corporation chain, of course. Consider where the man lived.) and found it to be a whole new world full of endless possibilities. Candies that he wasn’t allowed to eat were right in front of him, shoved by the handful into his cart. He chucked bags of chips in and random vegetables. Green onions went into plastic bags where their long stems stuck out from the top, a whole chicken was placed gently into a corner. Prunes, jujubees, ginseng, anchovies for broth, and fresh albalones went it as well. He had scooted to the rice section next, going through the sacks for sticky rice. Jeonghan decided to restock on green, black, chai, lemon, and raspberry tea, a little bit panicked that the section was right next to the coffees. 

 

Jeonghan looks at the boxes of tea, and feels the ghost of Jisoo’s fingers trailing down his thigh, and the image of Jisoo’s pained face staring at him earnestly hurts him. 

 

Jeonghan shakes his head and rolls up his sleeve, slightly regretting wearing a white dress shirt. 

 

Well, it’s not like he can’t replace it. 

 

-

-

-

 

There are a mere handful of things that Jeonghan can’t do. 

 

One of those things, is, as you can guess,  _ cooking _ . 

 

He’s maybe made  _ one _ pot of ramen successfully in his life. To him, cooking is putting milk in his cereal. To him, placing jelly on a piece of toast is cooking. 

 

To him, making a sandwich is culinary  _ art _ . 

 

But he attempts it today. 

 

He had watched a video on how to make porridge a couple of minutes ago, but the phone died and Jeonghan didn’t feel like calling up a maid to get him an iPad so he just decided,  _ I’m going to wing this _ . 

 

Obviously, he was going to get it right because it’s abalone and rice. 

 

How hard could that be?

 

-

-

 

Apparently, very. 

 

Jeonghan half-heartedly stirs his rice in the pot, watching the rice swim around. It looks bloated, like the tiny little grains have been soaked to its limit of of water. The abalone floats around in big chunks, cooked a bit more than they should be. Jeonghan decides to taste a little bit of his concoction. 

 

Well. 

 

It’s not inedible?

 

Just, very  _ soft _ and for some reason, a thin film of thick porridge water coats his tongue and Jeonghan curses. 

 

Jeonghan sighs and throws the spoon down into the sink, frustrated with his inability to do anything. 

 

Frustrated with his inability to help Jisoo, to do anything that isn’t about  _ business _ properly, and probably underneath it all, his inability to understand where the feelings for Jisoo came from. 

 

Jeonghan decides that he should make a cup of tea instead of porridge, and takes out a teabag. Getting the kettle that he dug out of the cupboard, he gets it ready filled with water over the stove. 

 

Except turns out that Jeonghan can’t really make tea either, because he accidentally places the bag  _ inside _ the kettle, which means that the leaves have been boiling for close to fifteen minutes. Wehn Jeonghan tries it, the flavor is so concentrated that he can’t tell what it is. The whole things just tastes like what the color brown would taste like if it had a flavor. 

 

Jeonghan is ready to throw the whole fucking teapot at the wall when someone coughs behind him. 

 

“Sir, if I may.”

 

Jeonghan’s eyes settle upon Mrs. Kim, a housekeeper that has been with his family since the beginning of time. Jeonghan had literally watched the wrinkles settle on her face and the hairs on her head turn gray. He had watched her son grow up with him until he moved to France to complete something for some degree. Jeonghan nods as a hello. 

 

“How’d you get in?”

 

Mrs. Kim smiles. “You think I couldn’t get into my own son’s house? Now, go and see if Jisoo needs a towel; I’ll take care of the food.” Jeonghan’s heart flutters when Mrs. Kim calls him her son. She says it sing-songy, but Jeonghan would like it if it were true. 

 

Jeonghan wipes down his hands and groans. “Is there something wrong with me? My husband is sick and I can’t even make a simple meal for him.”

 

Jeonghan realizes that he never told Mrs. Kim that Jisoo was sick. 

 

“At least you’re trying to learn. If you had succeeded at this, I think I would have died of shock.”

 

Jeonghan raises a brow and makes a face of pretend offense. “Excuse me?” Jeonghan draws his shoulders sideways and covers his mouth with a hand. 

 

“Shoo.”

 

Jeonghan scuttles off with a smile. 

 

-

-

 

_ Jisoo’s POV _

  
  


Jisoo’s brain throbs with the pain of a thousand elephants stampeding all over his nerves, a headache pounding against his skull and pressing against the sides of his head. His throat is absolutely demolished by only oxygen, dry and rasping with every breath. Sweat rolls down his back like a river, sticky and wet against his shirt. 

 

The door opens all of a sudden and Jisoo uses his last remaining strength to pull himself up enough to see who it is. Jeonghan walks through the doorway holding a small tray. 

 

“Sorry I was gone for so long, but I have food?” Jeonghan walks over and sets the tray down on the nightstand and helps Jisoo sit up more properly, placing a pillow under his back so he can lean against something. The aroma of warm porridge calms Jisoo down and something cool touches the back of his neck. 

 

“Jeonghan?”

 

“Yes?” Jeonghan doesn’t look at Jisoo as he sets a towel behind Jisoo’s neck, making sure to push Jisoo’s hair away and using a dry towel to wipe down some of the sweat on his back. 

 

“How do you know how to cook?”

 

“Mrs. Kim made it for me.” Jeonghan fiddles with the towel. “Well, for you, actually.”

 

“Thank you.” Jisoo makes a mental note to thank her later. 

 

Jisoo decides that even though he’s not hungry, he should eat something if he’s going to take medicine. Leaning over, Jisoo turns his head to the nightstand and picks up the spoon. The thin metal feels cold against his hot palm. 

 

Taking a bite, he’s suddenly conscious of the fact that Jeonghan is the room with him. He flushes without out realizing, but Jeonghan seems to see it. Jisoo’s about to stop him from leaving but he falters. 

 

“I-” Jeonghan stands up. “I’ll be in my office. When you finish just leave it and I’ll send a maid up.”

 

Jisoo swallows and suddenly the taste is sour and metallic in his mouth. He watches as Jeonghan darts out of the room as if the floor was burning the soles of his feet. (Even though he was wearing a pair of slippers that cost roughly 2,000 dollars.)

 

Jisoo suddenly wishes that Jeonghan was in the room with him, because he’d casually bring up Saturday and ask about who  _ Eunwoo _ was. 

 

Ew. 

 

The name pisses Jisoo off and he shovels spoonfuls of the porridge into his mouth, ignoring how much his tongue is fucking  _ burning _ and before he knows it, his spoon hits the glass bottom of the bowl. 

 

Jisoo sighs and gives his stomach a little pat. He’s full, and it feels like the fever has gone down a little. However, there’s still remaining nausea inside of him so he manages to drag his body out of the bed, and starts looking for his slippers. 

 

Once he gets them on, Jisoo grabs the tray and starts making his way down the stairs, careful to not slip against the glass stairs. 

 

“You should have just called one of us down, Jisoo-ssi.” A young looking woman scuttles out from the kitchen and snatches the tray out of Jisoo’s hands like it’ll poison him if he holds it any longer. 

 

“Oh, I needed to come down for medicine, anyways, it’s no big deal.” Her name floats around ambiguously through his head, but Jisoo can’t remember. He’s never interacted with the staff too much even after working here for a decade. It’s like their life motto was, don’t be seen, don’t be heard. 

 

The lady cocks her head with a small smile. “Jeonghan-ssi would have been upset if he found out you didn’t get help.”

 

“I’m not a baby bird.”

 

She smiles, but it’s a weird one, almost like she’s jealous and happy at the same time. He feels defensive all of a sudden, like,  _ ha, well, just go on being jealous because he’s mine, okay? _ “Just take his help. He does it because he cares.” She turns around and heads off. “The medicine is in the kitchen, please ask for Mrs. Kim to give it to you.”

 

Jisoo is about to say thank you but she disappears around the corner and Jisoo treks across the living room. He mentally says hi to all of the ferns (looking as green as ever) and walks up the little steps that lead to the dining room. 

 

“I presume you’re looking for the medicine?” A grandmotherly figure stands up from the table where she had been reading moments before. Jisoo assumes she’s Mrs. Kim. 

 

“Ah, yes. Could you lead me to the medicine cabinet, if it isn’t any trouble?”

 

“Of course.” Her voice is warm and it flows thickly like sweet honey, her hair gray at the edges but eyes full of youth. 

 

Jisoo follows her into the kitchen and gasps.“Oh, I’m sorry if I caused any trouble with the kitchen staff, I didn’t think the porridge was going to create such a mess!” The sink, which is already twice as big as other  _ normal people sinks _ , is filled to the top with pans and a big pot. Green onion stacks wilt out the top of a paper bag and a kettle is teetering off of the edge of the sink like it’s about to jump in. 

 

“Oh, no, that was Jeonghan.”

 

Jisoo looks at her as she opens up a drawer from the side of the island in the middle of the kitchen. 

 

“He can cook?”

 

Mrs. Kim doesn’t look up from her search. “Oh dear, no. I found him trying to fix you up a meal but he wasn’t able to. Oh well, the poor boy tried. He was very sad about it.” She tuts and then gets back to looking. 

 

Jisoo clears his throat, suddenly feeling a cold breeze trail down his spine, causing him to shiver. “He tried to cook for me?”

 

Mrs. Kim rifles through something and laughs. “For the better half of his morning, I bet.” She stands up with a bag in hand. “But alas, even gods can’t do everything.”

 

Jisoo takes the bag that Mrs. Kim gives him and opens it. There’s two chewable pills in it, white and clean and Jisoo nearly chokes when he takes them without water. Mrs. Kim disappears with a strong scolding for not wearing anything thicker, even though the whole house is heated to an unbelievable temperature. (That could just be the sick talking, though.)

 

Footsteps shuffle in behind him and when Jisoo looks up, he sees Jeonghan looking surprised. “What’re you doing up?”

 

Jisoo holds up the now-empty bag of medicine. “Pills. Why do you look so surprised?”

 

Jeonghan shrugs, taking the moment to move backwards, separating himself a bit further. “Eunwoo might be coming over; I thought you were him.”

 

Jisoo crumples the paper under his fingers, the crinkle of the slightly glossy packet loud against the silent air. Jeonghan tilts his head and his eyes open slightly, as if asking,  _ are you okay? _

 

Jisoo wants to scream,  _ of course I’m not okay! The person that I may or may not like just spend the whole morning trying to cook me sick people food and I didn’t even know and you’re acting like you did nothing and also on top of all of that you say this Eunwoo kid’s name like it’s nothing? Come on, dude! Sense the air!  _

 

_ Stop talking about Eunwoo! _

 

(Jeonghan has literally said his name twice but WHATEVER, Jisoo’s allowed to be mad right now.)

 

Mayhaps, Jisoo develops feelings after sex. 

 

Or something. 

Jisoo sighs because he knows he has no right to say anything. After shutting down Jeonghan as subtly as he could this morning and Jeonghan still going about as if nothing happened, last night or today. 

 

“Can you come upstairs with me?”

 

“Oh, do you need to go shower? I know the functions are different in the bedroom bath-”

 

“To your study.” Jisoo fiddles around with his hands and shoves the paper ball in his hands into the pocket of his sweats. “Can we talk?”

 

Jeonghan looks confused. No one ever goes into Jeonghan’s study. It’s like a haven amongst hell or something. A war bunker, if you will. 

 

“Of course.” Jeonghan bites the inside of his cheek, dramatically sucking in one side of his face. 

 

Jeonghan stays quiet but swings his arms around and motions for Jisoo to follow. The walk up the steps is awkward and Jisoo makes sure to stay four steps behind Jeonghan the whole way up. Their slippers are loud against the glass stairs, and Jisoo looks down at the see-through steps and watches as they get higher up. (The first time Jisoo had ever gone up the stairs he nearly cried on his way down because he though the glass was going to collapse. Jeonghan, a lot younger and fun ten years ago, had thrown one of his forty pound gym weights at it enthusiastically to prove that it was stable. While Jisoo was on it. Needless to say, Jisoo was  _ this close _ to quitting.)

 

Jeonghan opens the door to his study and Jisoo steps in carefully. 

 

The air itself is different, with three walls covered in bookshelves. There’s a window on the  _ ceiling _ in the shape of a circle, white panes tracing the edges and leading to the center with another circle. A singular chandelier drops from the middle of it all the way down to the floor level, hanging only about ten feet above their heads. The floor is wooden and two armchairs sit off on the side in front of a wall that’s covered by a full bookshelf, with one of the wheely things that let you climb up them to reach the highest-placed books. A huge desk sits behind them, and the wall behind it is dark and has a single clock that’s at least six feet across. The numbers are in roman numerals and everything looks like it came from a pottery barn catalogue. 

 

Jisoo follows Jeonghan as he leads them to the armchairs, and Jeonghan gently leans forward by placing his elbows on his knees. Jisoo bites his lip at the sight of Jeonghan’s veins starting to pop out along his arms.  _ What the fuck _ . Jisoo sits down and sinks into the leather. 

 

“Is something wrong?”

 

Jisoo clears his throat and his hands suddenly grow clammy under the anticipation. 

 

He’s not sure what he wants to say, though. 

 

“Nothing’s um,” Jisoo clears his throat  _ again _ . At least he can blame it on his illness. “Nothing’s wrong.”

 

“Alright.” Jeonghan leans back, keeping an easy look on his face, but Jisoo can feel the nervousness radiating off of him in waves. 

 

“I just wanted to sa-” Jisoo looks down at the table and notices the packet on it. “What’s this?”

 

“Wait, no-”

 

Jisoo snatches up faster than Jeonghan can stop him. 

 

The label on the packet has his name on it. \

 

He knows what’s in it even without asking.

 

Jeonghan rushes up and lunges for the paper but Jisoo lets out a noise and dashes out of the room. He spins around the chair so he can give himself a little bit of leeway. When Jeonghan groans from when the chair hits his side, Jisoo rushes out the door and sprints into the hallway into the main bedroom. Jeonghan’s footsteps are  _ right _ behind him when he finally gets the fucking door open. 

 

Spinning around, he slams it shut as soon as he hears Jeonghan’s body land on the door with a thump. Locking it, Jisoo backs up with his heart in his throat and tears open the folder, not caring if he rips open the file. The manilla paper lands on the floor and Jisoo’s hand starts to tremble along with his bottom lip. 

 

“Jisoo, Jisoo! Open the door! I can explain, Jisoo! Jisoo!”

 

Jisoo looks up at the door and watches the thick wood shudder under the weight of Jeonghan’s body slamming. Jisoo hears the thumps of fists pounding against the door and his breath shakes wetly when his vision turns blurry. 

 

“Wh-why?”

 

“Jisoo, open the door,” Jeonghan roars, “Open it!”

 

“No, what the  _ hell _ ?”

 

Jeonghan lets out a sound that sounds strangely like a  _ cry _ and Jisoo starts crying because he doesn’t know what to do and he wants to  _ run _ because Jeonghan  _ lied _ , he didn’t just  _ lie _ , he hid this from Jisoo and his head starts to spin and his tears burn against his face. 

 

“Jisoo, please.” Jeonghan’s voice is quiet and the door slamming stops. Jisoo blankly walks over to it and pulls the handle roughly. Jeonghan stumbles in. 

 

“What the hell is this?”

 

“Jisoo-”

 

“Screw off.”

 

Jisoo  _ knows _ he should listen to Jeonghan; there’s no way he’d keep something like this on purpose without some kind of reason but he doesn’t want to hear shit right now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall fycing tHugOt 
> 
> did u guys rly epext them to make up and be soft bc um no ?? anyways lets see how much longer they need to suffer and btw fyi its gonna be a lot anyways yeah idek why i wrote it so angry-like i guess it was bc i was on a plane when i shat this thing out which means a lot of held in anger for the fucking woman who decided to breast feed her baby next to me like idc abt that but if ur gonna ask me to hold the fucking breast pump woman we got an issue kay anyways i needed to get that OUT and also thank you for all the love !!! mwah!!
> 
> "normal just isnt..." will be updated next friday !!
> 
> Thank you and i hope you enjoy this chapter despite the lack of FluFf !!!!


	10. in which there is madness and blood (not)

Jisoo takes a deep breath and stares daggers into Seungcheol, throwing up into the toilet and Seungcheol does nothing but stand there, patting his back lightly once in a while and scurrying into the corner when Jisoo retches. “Fuck you, you know.”

 

Seungcheol winces, either because he  _ caused _ this mess or because Jisoo just cursed or maybe both, Jisoo can’t think of anything right now. Jisoo tightens his grip on his shirt so he doesn’t have to touch the toilet seat. Jisoo shudders once but warm saliva fills his mouth against and he vomits up some more. 

 

“S-sorry.” Seungcheol hurries over to the sink and Jisoo hears the sound of mouthwash gluggling into a cup. When he looks up, Seungcheol sheepishly offers him the little plastic thing and Jisoo snatches with a glare. Flushing the toilet with his foot, Jisoo walks over to the sink and risnes his mouth out with the mint-cold mouthwash. When it runs out, Jisoo turns on the faucet, cups his hands, and washes out his mouth until the only thing he can taste it the faint spearmint of the mouthwash. 

 

“Why on  _ earth _ , Seungcheol, would you make something you don’t know how to make?”

 

Seungcheol clears his throat.”You said milk tea, and well, y-yeah.”

 

Jisoo coughs and turns out to the door, dramatically stomping his slippers against the floor. Seungcheol follows quietly. 

 

Still nauseous from throwing up every single drop of digested food in his stomach, Jisoo carefully places himself on one of Seungcheol’s couches. The seat sinks under him and Jisoo sighs. 

 

Now, reader, it’s understandable that you may be curious about how Jisoo came to release his insides into Seungcheol’s toilet after a cup of milk tea. 

 

The simple answer is, Seungcheol had literally used,  _ milk and tea _ . And the milk was expired. And the tea wasn’t flavored juice, they were the actual leaves. 

 

Jisoo doesn’t even know an old person that still brews tea with the leaves. 

 

Seungcheol refuses to meet Jisoo’s eyes, and settles on staring at the manilla packet in front of him. 

 

“Well, uh, if you’re good, would you like to continue?”

 

“Did I even start?”

 

Jisoo just remembers getting to Seungcheol’s house in the middle of the night, crying, drinking the fucking tea that nearly  _ killed  _ him, throwing up for a solid half hour, and then coming out here. 

 

Seungcheol runs a hand through his hair. “You can now.”

 

Jisoo sucks in a deep breath and turns up his nose. He’s going to  _ milk _ out this guilt trip for as long as he can. 

 

-

-

 

Seungcheol clears his throat and Jisoo watches him as Seungcheol claps his hands together. 

 

“Excuse my language, Jisoo, but are you fkcing  _ dumb _ ?”

 

Jisoo groans. “What? How am  _ I  _ in the wrong about all of this?”

 

Seungcheol grabs a white cushion from his seat and chucks it at Jisoo’s face. Jisoo squeezes his eyes shut as it hits the side of his face with a soft  _ thwack _ . “You aren’t! But that’s not the point, Jisoo! Ever since you got  _ married _ , it’s like you’ve been regressing into a child or something! Hey, I know, I  _ get _ it, you have every right to be furious. But what’s the point of being angry when you don’t know why he has this? You should’ve  _ listened _ . I highly doubt that someone like Jeonghan would just keep something like this for no reason.”

 

Jisoo pouts. And then un-pouts because of Seungcheol’s comment about him being “childish” was kind of annoying. 

 

“Fine, whatever. It’s not like I’m  _ not _ gonna talk to him.” Jisoo looks at his hands and stretches out his fingers. He watches the veins pop out and disappear every time he flexes his knuckles. 

 

Seungcheol grins a wide grin. “Alright, okay, I’m done with the scary-dad lecture.” Seungcheol bounces on his legs and stands up, rearranging his legs so he’s sitting on his thighs. Jisoo looks at him expectantly. “Now, what’re you gonna do about the biggest issue you’ve ever faced?”

 

Jisoo tilts his head. “I know this is bad, but it was nothing like four years ago when we forgot to release a press report about-”

 

Seungcheol frowns and flaps his hands. “Shut up, that’s depressing. I’m talking about Eunwoo!”

 

Jisoo’s stomach drops at the sound of his name. “Why? That’s not a problem, there’s no problem, there’s, yeah.” Jisoo clears his throat. He suddenly wishes for a cup of Seungcheol’s death tea just to have something to put into his mouth besides words.

 

“Well, considering that he was important enough for Jeonghan to forget the fact you guys  _ sexed it out _ a couple of minutes earlier, I’m guessing, yeah, he’s gonna be a problem.”

 

“Well, if you had called, I probably would have picked it up.” Jisoo shrugs. 

 

Seungcheol mimics him by raising his shoulders all the way up to his ears and scrunching up his face. “The point it, I didn’t call and you didn’t pick up.”

 

“I don’t think that’s the-”

“Jisoo, the last time you had someone confess to you was ten years ago, and I don’t think Jaehyun even liked you that much.”

 

“I wonder why he likes me.” Jisoo stares a bit blankly at Seungcheol. 

 

“Right, I don’t  _ care _ ! Dude, what if Eunwoo likes Jeonghan? What if he confesses at the lunch meeting? What if he’s going to fight you for Jeonghan’s hand?”

 

Jisoo looks into Seungcheol’s sparkling (maniacally so) eyes, and remembers how much a teenage girl he can be. 

 

“That’s not possible.”

 

-

-

 

It is, in fact,  _ quite _ possible. 

 

Seungcheol had found the name familiar and dug around his phone for twenty minutes while Jisoo watched Spongebob, sprawled over the long sofa like, well, a starfish. (If you weren’t thinking about Patrick, then you should please educate yourself on the biggest meme king on the planet and also of our time.)

 

“Look! Look, I think I found him!”

 

Jisoo turns his head lazily and Seungcheol promptly shoves a picture of a guy into his face. It’s too close for him to see anything more than black hair. 

 

“I can’t see when you do that, Seungcheol.”

 

“Right.” Seungcheol just hands his phone to Jisoo and he takes it delicately. 

 

He’s staring at God. 

 

Jisoo opens his mouth to say something but he forgets because he’s starting at  _ God _ . 

 

The pearliest white skin stretches over a tiny face, with black diamonds placed where the eyes should be. Jisoo follows the invisible trail down and looks at this  _ god’s  _ lips, pink beyond what could humanely be called  _ pink _ . 

 

“Y-you don’t kn-know this is Jeonghan’s E-”

 

“No, no, listen, it  _ is _ . When you said Eunwoo, I remembered that there was a trainee in my company getting ready to debut. His name is Cha Eunwoo, and this is most  _ definitely _ the Eungwoo that Jeonghan is meeting.” Seungcheol takes his phone back.

 

“Well, Eunwoo is a very common name in Korea-”

 

“His uncle owns S&S CORP and his sister is the news anchor you see on KSK seven o’clock news.”

 

Jisoo happily thinks to himself,  _ I’m royally fucked _ , and smiles. “I’m royally fucked.”

 

“Yeah. I guess.” Seungcheol has the look on his face of a man that wants to say,  _ do you need me to carve the words into your butt for you to know that? _

 

“Are you writing a song for the group?” Jisoo watches as Seungcheol offers him a sheepish smile. “Did you already write one?”

 

Seungcheol doesn’t respond. 

 

“I hate you, Choi Seungcheol, and you should just throw yourself out. The whole thing. Everything should just go. Bye.”

 

Jisoo and Seungcheol spend the rest of the night discussing sex and Jun’s finally-been-adopted llama.

 

-

-

  
  


Jisoo opens the door to an empty house. 

 

Mrs. Kim isn’t there, reading her lady magazines as always. 

 

A single maid comes to greet him, coat draped over her arm. “Mr. Yoon went out to find you, Jisoo-ssi.”

 

Jisoo steps back, nearly rammingh is tailbone into the door handle. “It’s five in the morning.”

 

The maid smiles awkwardly. “Yes, and you ran out yesterday night at midnight.”

 

Jisoo forgot about that. 

 

“D-do you know-”

 

“I do not know where he is. I believe he went to visit the office, but I don’t know where he could have gone after that. Please, just sit tight and I’m sure he’ll come back soon.”

 

“A-alright. Goodnight.”

 

The maid bows curtly and walks past him, motioning for him to move away so she can open the door. When the door clicks shut, Jisoo saunters down the lobby and past the staircase. There’s a wide area of just  _ floor _ before it opens up into the living room, so Jisoo hands up his coat and tosses his phone onto the couch. He gently lays the packet on the table. Dropping himself into the cushions of an armchair, he nervously bites his lip as he thinks about Jeonghan. 

 

There’s not that many places one can find Jisoo. 

 

There’s no family for him to turn to, and it’s not like he would risk intruding on his friends’ homes, except for Seungcheol. 

 

Jisoo feels himself nodding off, from the combined exhaustion of not sleeping for over a day and the softness of the pillows surrounding him. He’s just about to call it quits and head upstairs when his phone dings. 

 

_ Hey, you meet me tomorrow. I’ve got a plan.  _

 

 

  * __Seungcheol.__



 

 

Jisoo sighs and grabs his phone, getting ready to head up the stairs. The tired part of him decides that he can change in the morning but the thought of having to sleep in his when-he-was-sick clothes one more time makes him slightly nauseous. 

 

Climbing up the stairs in a slow shuffle, he finally reaches the door to the bedroom and places his his hand on the doorknob. It’s cold and Jisoo pushes it open and it swings back with a small click.

 

Jisoo nearly has a heart attack. 

 

-

-

 

Falling backwards with a yelp, Jisoo starts circling his arms to try and catch himself. He balances himself before he lands on his back, but his butt painfully hits the floor and Jisoo winces. 

 

“Sorry if I scared you.” Jeonghan stands up slowly, like it physically exerts him to get himself up. Practically dragging his feet over to Jisoo, he holds out a hand. Jisoo opens and closes his mouth like a guppy and takes Jeonghan’s hand. 

Surprisingly, Jeonghan pulls him up with ease, almost sending Jisoo flying into Jeonghan’s shoulder. 

 

“W-what are you doing here?”

 

Jeonghan raises a hand like he’s going to push Jisoo off and he braces himself for it but instead, he wraps an arm around Jisoo’s shoulder and hugs him tightly. Jisoo feels his shaking breath underneath the thin pajama shirt he’s wearing. 

 

“Be quiet for a minute, please.” Jeonghan drops his head into the crook of Jisoo’s neck and Jisoo bristles. It feels weird. 

 

Jisoo wraps his arms around Jeonghan in return. 

 

Jeonghan smells like citrus and the scent of lemons curl around Jisoo’s nose and sends tingles down his spine, like a ghost snake training down his back. 

 

Jisoo lets out a groan, but it’s soft and more for show than anything. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Jisoo bites his lip. He’s not going to raise his voice now. “Why did you keep it? Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

Jeonghan stays quiet for a little bit before sighing. His breath his hot against Jisoo’s neck. “I was going to, but then we got distracted the night after the party and then the day after, you woke up sick, and then I was going to tell you technically this morning but also technically you ran out so I couldn’t.” Jeonghan drops his hands and takes a step back. Jisoo has to literally dig a foot into the back of his calf in order to keep himself from reaching out and trying to hug Jeonghan again. He feels like a dick. “I’m sorry.”

 

Jisoo decides to throw himself onto the bed face down as to try and show how bad he feels. Jeonghan lets out a short laugh and follows suit, but chooses to land on his butt. 

 

“Why’d you keep it, Jeonghan? You saw my mom that day.”

 

“Right. And I saw your mom again the day that I went to hand it in. She came up to me and begged me to ask you one more time if you could reconsider sending her money-”

 

“Hey,  _ hey _ ,” Jisoo sits up. “I  _ know _ she’s my mom, but she’s not my mom. I don’t owe her anything; she barely kept me alive when I was young-” Jisoo lets out a weird moan and throws a fist into the air, the anger rising out of him and preventing him from putting together a coherent sentence.

 

Jeonghan sets his mouth into a line and wrestles Jisoo’s arms down and Jisoo is about to scream something but then Jeonghan uses a finger to tilt Jisoo’s chin upwards. 

 

“I know. That’s not my business.” Jeonghan lets out a small chuckle. “She was wearing a two-piece Chanel suit. And holding onto a Gucci bag whilst begging me to tell you to write her a check.”

 

Jisoo feels the weight of the world drop from his shoulders and slide onto the floor. 

 

“Thank you.”

 

Jeonghan nods rather nonchalantly. “I know I’m not your best friend, but if you ever need to talk to me about things, like, your demon mother, you can tell me. It’s not like I don’t come from a dysfunctional family.”

 

Jisoo hopes that Jeonghan didn’t catch his eyes flitting over to his thigh. It’s obviously covered, but the image of the burns snaking in and out of each other is, well, burned into his mind. 

 

“Right.” Jisoo clears his throat and tugs at the bottom of his shirt. The material is soft but clearly due past a good wash. “Hey, you know that kid you’re meeting on Sunday?”

 

Jeonghan raises a brow. “Saturday, not Sunday. And not kid, he’s like twenty-something.”

 

Jisoo smiles and resists the urge to claw at Jeonghan’s throat. Because. 

 

_ Because he’s still going to see him _ . Jisoo forces the jealous monster lurking underneath him to shut the fuck up, please. 

 

“Oh, yeah, um, where are you going?”

 

“A restaurant, why?”

 

Jisoo blanks out at Jeonghan’s confused face. “A potential job opening.”

 

“At a restaurant?”

 

“Y-yeah, why not?”

 

Jeonghan coughs. “I will,” Jeonghan pauses and claps his hands together in that awkward way people do when things get awkward. “-send you the address.”

 

-

-

 

“Hey Jeonghan, did you eat breakfast?” Jisoo delicately takes a sip of water, hand trembling as he eyes the manilla packet in the middle of the table.

 

“Y-you ate with me?” Jeonghan looks up quizzically. 

 

Jisoo nods. “Good. Right. Let’s talk.”

 

Jeonghan tilts his head. “About what?”

 

“My parents.”

 

Jeonghan sucks in a breath. “Alright.”

 

“Why didn’t you hand in the packet?” Jisoo clenches his fist harder around his cup. “I know the gravity of the situation. I realize that disowning your parents remotely is not something you do over a small argument.”

 

“And I know that. But I just thought, that maybe you’d want a second chance.”

 

“Jeonghan, I signed the damn packet! Why would I hesitate handing it? If I  _ was _ hesitant, I’d never have given it to you in the first place!”

 

Jeonghan takes the cup out of Jisoo’s hand and Jisoo assumes it’s because he’s about to break it in half. “She mentioned something about reuniting you with your brother.”

 

“Do you think you could find him on your own without her help?”

 

“Why?”

 

“I highly doubt she knows where he is. He disappeared when I was like, ten, or something, and that was in America. You’re always saying that Seoul is too big, but what about the United States? Could you find someone?”

 

“You don’t remember his name, right?”

 

“No, Jeonghan, I do not.”

 

“Do you regret marrying me now? Because this is going to be really fucking hard.”

 

Jisoo feels an inexplicable desire to take off the stupid ring on his finger and chuck it down the drain or something. “Isn’t the exact reason I got married to you being contradicted right now?”

 

Jeonghan opens his eyes wide and then breaks out into a smile. “Nah, yeah, I’m just messing with you. Give me a week.”

 

“That fast?” Jisoo leans forward in his chair. 

 

Jeonghan waves a finger in the air. “Kidding. I’m gonna need at least a month.”

 

-

-

  
  


Seungcheol sits on his hand as if he’s a child being forced to wait patiently for a piece of candy. Jisoo sighs and slides into chair across him. 

 

“Hey Seungcheol, do you want something? I’ve got tea or juice or something. If you want.” Jisoo watches as Seungcheol lets out a full on  _ squeal _ and flaps his hands around in the air. 

 

“Whatever, no, sit, come on, settle in!”

 

Jisoo wants to mention the fact that he’s already sitting and settled in.

 

But he doesn’t because Seungcheol has the tendency to derail the conversation into irrelevant topics when the subject of how right he is comes up. 

 

“I am. Please talk before you explode in front of me. I don’t have experience in cleaning up body parts.”

 

“Wigs.”

 

Jisoo leans in and creates a little tent with his fingers, lacing them together and smacking his lips together. “ _ What _ ?”

 

Seungcheol mimics his movements and widens his eyes. “Wigs. We wear. Wigs.” 

 

“I’m sorry, last time I checked, I’m  _ not _ a five year old girl getting ready for a tea party.” Jisoo smiles mockingly. 

 

“No, no, we wear wigs and masks and trail Jeonghan to his lunch!”

 

Jisoo groans. The last time Seungcheol was this excited for a plan, he ended up mistaken as a bartender and had to make drinks for people.  _ Rich people _ . 

 

Jisoo doesn’t know how to mix drinks. 

 

Anyways, Jisoo quickly tries to get to the part of Seungcheol’s brain that’s responsible for the logic. 

 

“Anyways, I was thinking blond? That’d be new. And you could try pink!”

 

It seems that it’s too late to deal with reason. 

 

“Okay, but how about we  _ don’t do that _ and we just, don’t do anything? At all? Jeonghan’s just going to to lunch with his junior and that means it’s a professional lunch because he’s with me-”

 

“-Have you ever told him that you actually like him? Like, besides the whole marriage thing?”

 

Jisoo grits his teeth and if he were the type of person to, he would hit Seungcheol over the face with an ice cream bar or something.

 

“Shut up, we aren’t doing this, I’m almost thirty, and so are you, and we’re not doing this. No wigs, no nonsense, I’m not a crazy boyfriend who goes after his boyfriend because he thinks that the  _ kid _ he’s meeting up with is shady and -”

 

Jisoo’s interrupted by Seungcheol’s hand slapping his mouth shut. Jisoo tries to bite his way out but Seungcheol  _ shrieks _ . 

 

“You think of him as your boyfriend? You think he’s your boyfriend-  _ oh my God! _ ” Seungcheol starts skipping around the kitchen and Jisoo simultaneously feels his heart skip a beat. 

 

Does he?

 

Seungcheol suddenly appears in front of Jisoo again and he looks up to a picture on Seungcheol’s phone. 

 

The god model. 

 

“You still wanna just sit this one out?”

 

Jisoo  _ knows _ that nothing good is going to come out of this. 

 

“Get me a hoodie.”

 

-

-

 

The restaurant is a fancy one, but a  _ mid _ -fancy one at best. The candles at each table are lowly lit and the red carpeting causes Jisoo’s shoes to sink in with each step. Seungcheol adjusts the wig on his head. It’s white-blue and fits surprisingly well with his I-could-beat-you-up aura. Following the waitress, they trek across the floor until they reach a table. 

 

Jisoo looks around and looks for Jeonghan. He spots him at the bar, sitting next to the exact Eunwoo that Seungcheol had shown him. 

“Tough luck, huh.” Seungcheol nudges Jisoo’s shoulder and Jisoo bites back a curse as he takes a seat. 

 

“Please press the button on your right when you are ready to order. I am Soljin, I will be your waitress today.”

 

She’s gone before the either of them can say thank you. 

 

-

-

 

After their lunch, Jisoo and Seungcheol inch their way over to the bar. Jisoo makes sure his back is facing Jeonghan’s back, and Seungcheol ducks his face down so his fake hair covers his face. 

 

“Hey, can I drink? You drove, anyways, and this is going absolutely  _ nowhere _ -” 

 

Jisoo holds up a hand and motions for Seungcheol to order whatever he wants. This  _ is _ going absolutely nowhere. Because they can’t really hear that well. Jisoo signals for Seungcheol to stay quiet as Jisoo inches out of his seat in order to get to the next one closer to Jeonghan. 

 

He can hear better. He gives a thumbs up to Seungcheol, who downs a shot of tequila (at one in the afternoon) in return. 

 

“So, hyung, I know we haven’t seen each other in a while, but I just want to cut to the chase. You know how I’m debuting soon, right? You have to come to the showcase, okay?”

 

“Yeah, and sure. I’m pretty sure I’ve heard of someone in your company. He knows Jisoo, actually.”

 

Seungcheol gives Jisoo a sly smile. 

 

“Oh! Cool! Do you know who? Maybe I know him!”

 

“Nah, I don’t like him enough to know his name. I’ll ask Jisoo for you.”

 

Seungcheol chokes on his drink and Jisoo slams in index finger against his lips to get him to shut up. 

 

“Oh, speaking of your  _ husband _ , how’s it going?” Jisoo strains his ears. “Did you forget your promise to me, by the way?”

 

Jisoo leans as far back as he can without looking weird. 

 

“It’s been fine. What promise though?”

 

“I’m offended. Remember when I was five and you were like fifteen and you promised to marry me when I turned thirty? I can’t believe you ran off with another man, hyung, because quite frankly, I think of myself as quite the catch-”

 

Eunwoo’s “joke” is cut off by Jeonghan’s laugh. Jisoo meets eyes with Seungcheol and immediately goes back to his original seat and Seungcheol gasps. 

 

“Dude, he’s totally trying to flirt! And they’re ten years apart, ew?”

 

Jisoo bites the inside of his cheek. “I don’t know what to do, Seungcheol, stop me before I do something stupid-”

 

Too late. Jisoo’s feet move before his body registers that he should just stay quiet and  _ seated _ but this time it’s like all reason just flies out the fucking window and Seungcheol’s about to say something and Jisoo just can’t do it. 

 

He marches up to Jeonghan seat and (rather violently) taps on Jeonghan’s shoulders. Jeonghan whirls around, shock painted all over his face. Freaking  _ Eunwoo _ starts to flush like he’s been caught doing something wrong. (Which he has, in Jisoo’s mind.)

 

“Hey, I know I look like a crazy person right now, but please stop talking to Jeonghan because he’s  _ my _ husband and too bad he didn’t marry the five year old kid he once babysitted but,  _ ha _ , missed your chance, and I really like him and I really, really,  _ really _ like him on top of all that.”

 

Jisoo’s mouth dries up and Seungcheol lets out a single,  _ fuck.  _

 

Eunwoo smiles. 

_ Bring it.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HVJBKL i love cliffhangers woohoooey 
> 
> THANK YOU ALL FOR ALL THE SUPPORT AND THE LOVE AND WE'RE SO CLOSE TO 500 KUDOS ? WHAT EVEN!!! I LOVE YOUUUU ALLLLL 
> 
> and a special thanks to those who always comment and i love "chatting" wit yall and i look forward to you guys every time i update !!!
> 
> i also really wanna write a oneshot? bc ive never written one before and it sounds fun! ive got potential ideas but comment things you wanna read !
> 
> anways, stay happy and healthy and see you guys next time!!!
> 
> byeee!!!


	11. in which there is a step forward

“Jisoo, are you okay? What they hell are you even-” Jeonghan’s widened eyes finally take the chance to land on Seungcheol, who’s wig has slipped off his face. It looks like a colorful rat skin decided to take nest on his neck. “Seungcheol?”

 

Jeonghan looks hurt. 

 

“I knew it, I knew you didn’t like me!” Jisoo galres accusingly at Jeonghan. Jisoo just  _ confessed _ at Jeonghan’s making no move to show that he cares.

 

Eunwoo leans his head into the circle. “Aren’t you married?” Jisoo stares daggers into Eunwoo’s eyes and he shriveled up like a raisin in the sun. (Although technically raisins have already been dried.)

 

“They are, but it’s a whole thing, and-”

 

“Seungcheol subnae? You’re here too?”

 

Seungcheol removes the wig from his neck and shoves it into his hoodie pocket. “Right-”

 

“Everybody, just shut  _ up! _ ” Jeonghan’s voice roars through the restaurant and Jisoo thanks the lords that it’s empty. The staff look away, like this just  _ happens _ to them on a normal basis. 

 

Jisoo straightens out his back, losing his trail of thought and inevitably, the snarky remark he was going to quip at Eunwoo with. 

 

“Hyung, did you not marry him out of love?”

 

Everyone turns to look at Eunwoo, who’s sitting on the chair with a strange look on his face. Like he’s deliberating whether his next words are going to be worth it or not. 

 

“Hey Eunwoo, I don’t think that’s your business-” Jeonghan starts, but Eunwoo raises a hand to cut him off. 

 

“I guess not.” The air is thick and suffocating and Jisoo would kind of like to drag Jeonghan out of here to finish his confession. Eunwoo grins. Seungcheol gives Jisoo a side eye. “Then count me in!”

 

“What?” Seungcheol speaks for the three adults. 

 

“Count me in the race! I mean, if hyung didn’t even marry out of love, then what does it matter? I was just kidding about the promise thing, but if he doesn’t actually-”

 

“Eunwoo, aren’t you banned from dating?” Seungcheol says it and Jeonghan and Jisoo nod along like two bobbleheads. Jisoo doesn’t know why Jeonghan hasn’t cut in yet. 

 

“That’s only if they find out. Hyung’s a family friend; no one would suspect any-”

 

“Excuse me, but you’re talking like I’m not here.” Jisoo takes a step closer to Jeonghan, but he’s scared to take a hold of Jeonghan’s hand. He settles on just standing a bit nearer to his  _ husband.  _

 

“Well, you might as well not be. He doesn’t even  _ lo- _ ” 

 

“Eunwoo, that’s  _ enough _ .” Jeonghan finally says something. His voice is icy and cold and Jisoo looks down at his hands. 

 

Jisoo’s never been good at talking back to people, no matter how rude they were. He’s always relied on friends to be able to help him, and after getting hired by Jeonghan, there was always a protective bubble around him. 

 

He’s livid but he can’t form the right sentence to spit into Eunwoo’s face. 

 

It kind of stings that Jeonghan isn’t butting in. 

 

“Why, hyung? You’re fair g-”

 

“Eunwoo, don’t be disrespectful.” Jeonghan takes a hold of Jisoo’s hand and harshly pulls him flush against his side. Jisoo looks at the floor but his eyes widen. At least it’s dark enough in here to cover his blush. “An innocent crush on a hyung; fine. Understandable. Everyone’s been through it. But don’t push it; I’m married and even I have my limits.”

 

Seungcheol coughs. “Yeah. That.”

 

Jisoo holds back a scoff. Seungcheol has the face and body of an ex-professional MMA fighter but he can’t snap back for  _ shit _ . 

 

Jeonghan’s great at it, though. Jisoo watches with mild satisfaction as Eunwoo’s pale skin turns even whiter, impossibly ashy under the yellow lights of the bar. 

 

“Fine. But I don’t give up easily.” Eunwoo smiles hazily. “I’m not going to stop this quickly, hyung. I never not get what I want.” Eunwoo’s voice turns clipped and his hands curl into fists, but he stalks off and Jisoo lets out a shiver. 

 

“Jeonghan, I-”

 

“Go home.” Jeonghan lets go of Jisoo’s hand and Jisoo’s head snaps up. 

 

“What?”

 

“We’ll talk later, go home.”

 

Jisoo reels backwards, nearly toppling Seungcheol over. Seungcheol, ever the graceful man, awkwardly catches himself and says he’ll make sure Eunwoo gets back to the dorms safely and takes off. 

 

“Jeonghan?”

 

“What the hell were you thinking? You trailed me? That’s why you wanted to know the location of my meeting?”

 

Jisoo frowns. “The kid thought it was a date, Jeonghan!”

 

“That can  _ not _ be your excuse!”

 

“He likes you and I got angry! I knew something like this was going to ha-”

 

“How, Jisoo?” Jeonghan’s forehead crinkles in between his eyebrows and his eyes narrow into slits. “Do you think so low of me that I wouldn’t have scolded him for trying to pull something like this on me? Do you  _ think _ , that I would have told you that I like you, confess to you, and then go behind your back to get with a fucking twenty year old kid! Do you?”

 

Jisoo’s chest piles up with intense pressure and he can’t breath. 

 

It really was ridiculous when he thought about it. 

 

“I didn’t-”

 

“Mean it, I know, so whatever, Jisoo. Drop it. Get in my car, it’s around the back.”

 

Jisoo nods and bites back his sniffles. He’s not going to cry right now, dammit. 

 

-

-

 

The more Jisoo thinks about it, the more he realizes how absolutely stupid he was. Jeonghan’s thirty-five. No matter how clueless he might have been, there was no way Jeonghan would let himself get in that situation. Unconsciously thinking about the whole ordeal and embarrassing himself, Jisoo flings out an arm and smacks something soft. 

 

“Could you get your hand off of my penis?” Jisoo looks at where his hand lands and yanks it back with a squeal. “Thanks.”

 

“Sorry! I just! Sorry!”

 

Jeonghan doesn’t respond and continues to drive, hands tight around the steering wheel. Jisoo squeezes his left hand like he’s trying to strangle it, flushing even more than what he thought was humanly possible. 

 

“Are you a lot mad?” Jisoo knows that prodding an angry Jeonghan while he drives isn’t exactly the best course of action to follow, but Jisoo has no shame anymore. 

 

Not after that whole confession debacle. 

 

“Talk at home.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Jisoo watches out of the corner of his eyes as Jeonghan sighs and twitches his fingers like he wants to reach out and say that it’s fine but Jeonghan just grits his jaw and drives on. 

 

-

-

 

Jisoo trembles nervously as he takes off his jacket, watching Jeonghan with hawk eyes to see what he’s going to do. Pulling at his collar uncomfortably, Jisoo tries to not flush when Jeonghan’s shirt rides up a little bit when he pulls his coat off. 

 

“If you want to talk, let’s talk.” Jeonghan’s mouth is set into a straight line and Jisoo burns with shame as if he’s five years old and caught with candy in his hands. 

 

“Okay. Can we sit?”

 

Jeonghan nods and walks towards the living room. Jisoo follows and sits lightly on the sofa, so close the the edge that if he relaxes his weight, he’d slip right off. 

 

“What the hell were you thinking?” Jeonghan crosses his arms. 

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Do you actually like me?” Jeonghan’s tone softens and his expression is unplaceable but it’s like he’s sad or hopeful or mad or a combination of everything. 

 

“What?” Jisoo kind of feels offended that Jeonghan doesn’t believe it. 

 

“Do you actually like me or was that like, marking your territory or something?”

 

“Are you asking me if I went through all of that to just lie to about liking you?”

 

Jeonghan shrugs. “How should I know?”

 

Jisoo frowns. “I like you!”

 

“What about me do you like, exactly?”

 

Jisoo opens and closes his mouth and searches for the right words. “Well, you, I just, I don’t know, you’re you?”

 

“I’m me?”

 

“No! Like, you care?” Jisoo cringes. That’s not what he means. “You just, you’re honest with me and just, little things like that, I guess.”

 

Jeonghan stands up slowly. “I like you, Jisoo, and I know exactly why.” Jeonghan holds up an unfurled hand. “You make it known that you’re passionate about your work, no matter how much you hate it. Mistakes drive you crazy and frankly, it’s really fucking cute watching you run around trying to make sure everything’s perfect.”

 

Jisoo flushes. “I-”

 

“I hate it when you apologize for things that aren’t your fault. I hate listening to you say sorry when you don’t need to, when nothing was your fault. I want to be the one to make you stop that stupid habit, for you to be confident enough about yourself to not feel like you’re lower than others.”

 

“Hey, J-”

 

“I love that even though I’m problematic enough, you try and stand up for me. I’m not stupid, I know people badmouth me and I know you try your best to prove to them that it’s not the case. Even though I am. You say I’m not. Maybe you were doing it out of duty, but it made me feel better when I felt shitty with myself.”

 

Jisoo feels wet pressure pile up behind his eyelids and he sucks in a sniffly breath. “Jeo-”

 

“I love your real personality. Whenever you quipped at me for something you disagreed with, you let it slip that you’re a real person. Whenever you looked scared because you thought you messed up in front of me afterwards, I smiled after you left. You shouldn’t be scared to let people know you have your own sense of self.”

 

Jisoo decides to stay quiet for the last reason because he feels like he’s going to start crying if he does. 

 

“And you wanna know the last reason?” Jeonghan places his thumb down so now he’s just holding up a fist. “You’re you. I haven’t fired you for ten years, Jisoo. I liked you for ten years, Jisoo. I liked you for ten years just because you were you. So yeah.”

 

Jisoo has no response and watches Jeonghan smile sadly when there’s nothing he says. Jeonghan starts to turn into a blurry that moves away from him and towards the stairs but Jisoo still can’t find words. 

 

He hears a door click shut heavily and Jisoo assumes that it’s the study. 

 

Jisoo starts bawling. 

 

Heavy tears pour out of his eyes, hot and wet and Jisoo sinks on the floor, wrapping his arms around his knees and burying his head in between them. His pants quickly start to turn soaking wet and Jisoo heaves in gulps of oxygen.

 

Everything’s too hot and Jisoo’s tired. 

 

He doesn’t know anymore. 

 

-

-

 

Jeonghan stays in the study all day and when it turns into night, Jisoo decides that he’s going to pass out trying to stay awake so he changes into one of Jeonghan’s oversized t-shirts and crawls into bed, trying to stop himself from crying again (third time today!!). 

 

The scent of Jeonghan’s cologne wraps itself around Jisoo’s body and he falls asleep like that, covered in Jeonghan’s shirt and the blankets bury him into a pile of warmth. 

 

-

-

 

Jisoo sleepily climbs down the stairs, trying to not plunge to his death. During the middle of the night, he had gotten cold so he put on Jeonghan’s sweats, too. He’s like a walking replica of him, but nothing fits right because Jeonghan’s not built as skinny he is. The shirt slips off of his collarbones uncomfortably, the cold morning air nipping at his skin. 

Jeonghan’s already downstairs. He looks up and runs his eyes down Jisoo’s body. 

 

“You’re in my clothes.”

 

“Y-yeah.” Jisoo’s voice is soft and quiet. “S-sorry, I’ll go and change r-right now.”

 

“Leave them on.” Jeonghan goes back to mixing his tea. “They look better on you.”

 

Jisoo looks up in shock but Jeonghan’s already slipped out into the hallway on the other side, footsteps quiet against the tiled floor. 

 

Jisoo blushes at absolutely nothing. 

 

They day goes on like that, Jisoo trying to bump into Jeonghan but Jeonghan always stalking off somewhere right before he can say anything. 

 

In the library, Jeonghan had said, “ _ Oh, hey, are you going to read? _ ”

 

Jisoo had nodded and prepared to say something but then Jeonghan had smiled widely and said, “ _ Hope you find something good! _ ”

 

In the sitting room, Jeonghan had stood up immediately and said “ _ Hey, the sun’s great today, enjoy! _ ”

 

And like, five other encounters that ended up in Jisoo standing dumbly in the middle of the room while trying to process what he was doing. 

 

So he makes an ultimatum. Jisoo hears Jeonghan shuffling around the bedroom, so Jisoo quickly runs up there and slips through the door. 

 

“Oh Jisoo, I was just about to-”

 

“Nope!” Jisoo shuts the door behind him and clicks the lock, standing in front of it defensively. Jeonghan looks up quizzically. 

 

“What?”

 

“No, I’m going to talk and you’re going to listen.”

 

Jeonghan leans back and his eyes remain unchanging, but his shoulders roll forward like he’s trying to shield himself. “Okay.”

 

The dam that Jisoo’s been biting back floods out like a broken river of words.

 

“I like you. And I really, really mean it. I’ve never been good at hiding things like that and on top of that, I’ve never really had to hide it because I’ve never really liked anyone.” Jisoo takes in a deep breath and keeps his eyes on the floor, but his voice grows stronger. “I have never been in a relationship in my life that I can call significant, Jeonghan. I’ve never had someone confess their love to me, I’ve never celebrated a one-year anniversary. And I’ve only dated three people before, of which nothing came from them. The amount of times I’ve had sex is less than the number of fingers I have on my hands. And the only reason that is, is because you were the sixth one. And I would like to explain to myself and to you why I care about you, why I feel like I like you all of a sudden, but it’s hard and you’ve just got to understand, I don’t get it.”

 

Jisoo sucks in a deep breath before continuing. His hands are curled up and his eyes are wet again, but he presses his nails into his palm to keep himself steady. Jeonghan doesn’t stay anything. 

 

“And when the day comes that I can explain to you why I like you, I’ll tell you. All of my reasons are stupid but they’re only stupid because I don’t know how to explain them further. I don’t know how to show that I like you besides saying that you’re just you and for some reason, I’ve fallen for you over the last couple of months and I don’t get, I don’t  _ get it _ , but just give me time, I swear, Jeonghan, please, I just-”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Arms corded with muscle wrap around his body and Jisoo presses his chin into Jeonghan’s shoulder and Jisoo can’t really talk anymore because his mouth is too busy sobbing, tears and hiccups and sniffling and everything. 

 

“I hate that you thi-” Jisoo hiccups. “- think that I don’t want you-”

 

“I’m sorry.” Jeonghan’s voice is a soft whisper and his arms grow tighter around Jisoo’s thin shoulders. “Sorry that I was such a dick, Jisoo. I guess I was angry. I’m sorry.”

 

Jisoo wails even louder and Jeonghan pushes his chin forward with a finger and Jisoo lets him. Jeonghan gently wipes the tears away with his sleeves and finally moves back. 

 

“You should get a tissue, Jisoo.”

Jisoo sniffles and walks over to the dresser, where he (very embarrassingly) calms himself down. It’s really only the  _ sound _ of crying at this point, but the wet cough is gone and Jisoo throws his tissues out. 

 

“Can we pretend like we’re dating? Can we pretend like we aren’t married and we’re just dating and it’s all new?”

 

Jeonghan throws himself onto the bed and pats the space next to him. Jisoo drops himself down gently and lays down, allowing Jeonghan to turn onto his side to look at him. 

 

“I’d like that.”

 

Jisoo is too surprised to react when Jeonghan presses a warm kiss onto his lips and he has to control his legs so he doesn’t accidentally kick him in the balls or something. He eventually relaxes into it, allowing Jeonghan to move Jisoo on top of his lap. 

 

Jisoo feels awkward, since he’s never been spontaneously kissed before. 

 

Jisoo’s never even really made out with someone before. 

 

But it’s exciting when Jeonghan casually flicks the stretched out top of Jisoo’s t-shirt off, completely exposing the left side of his neck all the way down to his collarbones. 

 

“Wh-”

 

Jeonghan cuts him off when a small kiss where his clavicles meet and runs his tongue down the side. 

 

Jisoo lets out an involuntary moan and feels himself twitch. 

 

“Just enjoy it.”

 

Jeonghan flips them over so Jisoo’s lying on his back and Jisoo nods. 

 

“Okay.”

 

-

-

 

“I love watching children!” Jisoo slams his hands down on the table and feels his eyes bug out wildly at Seungcheol and Jeonghan. (Yes, he’s gathered them for a nice,  _ friendly _ dinner and also to announce his big announcement. Jeonghan’s only called Seungcheol  _ Chanyeol _ like, three times.)

 

“That’s great, babe, but I’d prefer it if you kept the illegal things you like to yourself.” Jeonghan takes another bite of rice without looking up. “Unless it’s having sex at a park. I’m always down with that.”

 

Jisoo snaps out of his frenzy.  _ How does that even?? Correlate??  _ He’s not even thrown off by the word “babe”, the most domestic a domestic couple could get. 

 

Seungcheol coughs. “Wonderful.”

Jisoo glares at Seungcheol. He feels like  _ he’s _ being attacked, now. “Don’t act like you haven’t done something like that with Jihoon.”

 

Seungcheol turns red. “Can we get back to your statement, please? Clarify why you like watching children that much.”

 

Jisoo rolls his eyes. “I meant like, as a job. Just, imagine being with them for hours? So cute.”

 

“Job? You’re going to make money off of your disgusting fetish?” Jeonghan fakes a gag.

 

Seungcheol wipes his mouth off with a napkin before saying, “This isn’t going in the direction I-”

 

Jisoo rolls his eyes and interrupts him. “You two, shut up and listen to me! I’m going back to college. I’m getting a degree in early childhood education and I’m going to teach kindergarten.” Jisoo leans back in his seat, somewhat satisfied with their open-mouthed reactions. Jisoo’s really going to do this.

 

Jeonghan sets his chopsticks down slowly. Jisoo keeps the smile on his face but the back of his neck turns warm. “That’s, actually-” Jeonghan pauses long enough to look up with a smile. “That’s actually not a bad idea.”

 

Seungcheol grins. “Aw, I didn’t think that you’d be the type to like kids.”

Jeonghan shrugs. “What’s not to love? They haven’t done anything wrong. It’s when they reach the  age of thirteen that I’d like to throw them all out.”

 

Jisoo’s happiness at Jeonghan’s happiness starts to fade. 

 

Does, -

 

Does Jeonghan want kids?

 

Jisoo covers up his nervous expression by sipping his water, but his heart thuds. 

 

Jisoo doesn’t want kids. 

 

He will literally refuse to have kids. 

 

Nope. 

 

No. 

 

Non, monsieur. 

 

Although he’d love to do it as a job, there’s a difference between teaching a class of twenty five-year-olds why they shouldn’t shove lego blocks up their own noses and actually  _ raising _ a five year old that likes to place lego blocks inside their own nose. Also, the sex would have to stop. 

 

“R-really? You like kids?” Jisoo pinches the inside of his thigh with a covered hand to keep his voice steady. 

 

Jeonghan does that stupid, careless shrug again and Seungcheol gives Jisoo a look that says,  _ we’ll talk later _ and Jisoo smiles in response. 

 

“Hey, Jisoo? I’ve got some paperwork to fill out. If you need anything, I’ll be up in my study.” Jeonghan merely nods at Seungcheol, but it’s an improvement than last time. Jisoo had formally introduced Seungcheol a couple days after  _ that night _ when Jisoo’s ass finally healed itself and Jeonghan had nearly murdered the poor man right there with a pencil. And then grabbed Jisoo’s dick. (As a display of dominance or to just plain freak Seungcheol out, Jisoo doesn’t know.)

 

It was kinda cute, though. 

 

Jisoo stands up to peck Jeonghan on the cheeks and watches with a heavy heart as Jeonghan walks up to his study. (Such domesticity!!)

 

“Hey, so, what’s with you? Aren’t you glad that Jeonghan likes your plan?”

 

Jisoo’s teeth knock together. “No! Did you hear what he said? He wants kids! Why does he want to adopt all of a sudden?”

 

Seungcheol shakes his head slowly. “No, I believe wholeheartedly that that is  _ not _ what he said, like, nothing like that?”

 

Jisoo groans. “I don’t know! But does he expect us to have a kid one day? Because I’m not having a kid, Seungcheol, okay? You know I’m not going to raise a child!”

 

“Talk t-”

 

“If you tell me to talk to him like a normal person in a healthy relationship, I will skin your dick with his spoon.”

 

Seungcheol mock shivers. “Yeesh.”

 

Jisoo is not going to have a fucking kid. 

 

Ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys im like sinking into a depression lake?? which is really ironic bc im a phsyciaty major but turns out learning how to give therapy doesnt mean u can give it to urself :((( this is not the epitome of transferable job skills ! (and also parents suck!! esp the entitled ones !!)
> 
> but im posting today and that means im like not as bluesy?? and im going to stay an optimistic queen bc if i dont ill shrivel up like the flower rupi kar is always talking about and so yeah lets just whoohoo it out!!
> 
> hope u guys like this chapter and mwah thank u for all the support yall seriously--- ily all and ur comments make me cri bc im usually not emotionally vulnerable but lately i am?? thank you for loving the fic and i kinda sensed that it was starting to slow down a bit so i decided to finally give jisoo a fucking job (besides snatching our wigs sldkjfs) and also his brother !! so many arcs to cross so little chapters lksjdfj
> 
> bye and see you next time!!  
> stay healthy!!  
> for all u sad bubs out there reach out in the comments and lets talk so u become a happy bub kay??!!


	12. in which there is djfsljslj

“Baking? Really?” Jeonghan sleepily shuffles into the kitchen in his pajamas, hair sticking up in all directions. Jisoo smiles lightly as he whisks the cupcake batter around in his bowl. 

 

“Yeah! I haven’t seen everybody in a while and I want to make cupcakes for them. I’m coming in at one, right?”

 

Jeonghan shrugs, and it turns into a yawn with his arms stretched out. He rolls his shoulders out and it vaguely reminds Jisoo of watching a grandpa trying to stand up. “Come in whenever you want. I wouldn’t mind seeing you earlier, obviously.”

 

Jeonghan’s turned around, grabbing a cup from the cabinet. 

 

Jisoo drops to the ground and covers his mouth. He’s gonna squeal, goddammit. (Jeonghan’s been saying things lately that make him feel like a girl in middle school. He loves it.)

 

Jisoo calms down his heart and curls his toes in his socks a couple of times, the flush on his face not going down. 

 

“Hey, you good?”

 

Jisoo pokes his head out over the counter. “Yeah, I’m good.”

 

“You’ve got food coloring on your nose.”

 

“I didn’t open it y-”

 

Jisoo looks up long enough to watch the jar of liquid (obviously it’s liquid. Why wouldn’t it be?) tumble down and crash onto his face. 

 

He doesn’t know what hurts more - the sting of thick liquid in his eyes or the glass jar knocking right into the bridge of his nose. 

 

-

-

 

Thankfully, Jeonghan moves fast and washes out the ink in Jisoo’s eyes with contact solution within a minute, running from room to room to find it. It just leaves Jisoo’s eyes red, but the bruise on Jisoo’s nose is starting to form and he looks kinda (a lot) stupid. 

 

“Bye, see you later!” Jisoo stands in the huge doorway and waves as Jeonghan pulls out of the driveway with his car. 

 

It just hits him how 1950’s-white wife-and-mother-of-two he looks like. 

 

Jisoo shakes his head. He needs a job. 

 

-

-

 

Jisoo taps the sensor near the door with a foot, and the automatic woosh gently blows air into his face. Jisoo smiles as he pokes his head in. 

 

No one notices him at first, and Jisoo doesn’t mind. Everyone’s quiet and working, low murmuring voices smooth against Jisoo’s ears. 

 

Minghao and Mingyu bitch quietly amongst themselves while sharing papers. Jun stares at the photograph of his alpaca whilst typing in numbers. Wonwoo and Seokmin lean against the counter in the back and talk amongst themselves. Chan’s sitting on the side next to Jihoon now and Hansol isn’t anywhere to be seen. Jisoo hopes that he’s still somewhere since bsides the staring, he was a good kid. (Seriously. The staring.)

 

“Jisoo! Hi!” Soonyoung waves his hand in the air like a child motioning for his dad to pick him up. Jisoo smiles back and walks through the door, the doors sliding shut quietly behind him. The blue box of cupcakes is set down on an empty desk (his old one) and stands still for a little bit. 

 

“Hey, guys! What’ve you been up to?”

 

Minghao stands up and stalks over, taking a perfectly iced cupcake and glaring at Jisoo. He points a frosting covered finger at Jisoo accusingly. “Don’t you dare come in here with your face and your stupidly delicious cupcakes and think we’re okay with you  _ abandoning us! _ ” Minghao thrusts a fist into the air with a ready-for-war kind of expression on his face. “You left us!”

 

Jisoo takes a seat in his chair. It squeaks slightly under the weight but it spins. “Sorry. I’ve been busy.”

 

“Being a  _ sex-cratary? _ ” Minghao narrows his eyes even more. Jisoo mimics his expression. 

 

“Getting a new  _ degree _ .”

 

Minghao straightens up faster than lightning could strike. “Oh. Yeah. That’s okay. Get your education, dude.”

 

Minghao takes a bite out of his muffin and Jun nudges him with his shoulder with a slight smile. “What’re you getting a degree in?”

 

“Early childhood education. I want to become a kindergarten teacher.” He didn’t start yet, but he’s looking into colleges. It’s hard to start over as an almost-thirty man.

 

“That-” Seokmin tilts his head. “That fits pretty well, actually.”

 

Soonyoung nods. “Yeah, but how’d you pick that?”

 

Jisoo lets the chair spin a little bit and hums while he thinks of an answer. “I don’t know. It just - it came to me, I guess. I wanted to become a teacher before college but I needed money and since I couldn’t go into law or medicine, I went into business.”

 

Chan taps Jisoo on the shoulder lightly. “Hyung?”

 

Jisoo twirls around and nods. “Yeah?”

 

“If you had a business degree, why didn’t you enter the company as a businessman? How’d you become Jeonghan-ssi’s secretary?”

 

Jisoo lets out a breath and his bangs shift slightly. It itches. “I needed money.”

 

Wonwoo lets out a whistle. “And you got it.”

 

Jisoo laughs. “I forgot that you’re the one who configures all of our checks.”

 

“ _ Configured.  _ You’re not with us anymore.” Wonwoo has a face that says it’s a joke but his eyes kind of mist over. 

 

“Yeah, Jisoo. You abandoner. I can’t even fight Hyungwon properly. There’s nothing to roast him on anymore now that you’re gone.”

 

Jisoo lets out a crooked smile. “Yeah. How is he, by the way.” Jisoo grabs the water bottle that Chan had given him earlier and takes a huge gulp of water. Hyungwon’s stupid face floats around in front of his head and Jisoo wants to choke the man out. 

 

Minghao shrugs. “I heard him bragging about giving Jeonghan a blowjob under his desk like two days ago, so I’m guessing he’s still not processing what a marriage is. Or how un-fucking-believable it is.”

 

Everyone looks up when Jisoo crumples the plastic bottle under his hands. 

 

“He said  _ what _ ?”

 

“Well, Jisoo, you don’t actually believe it, do you? The dude he was talking to rolled his eyes so hard I thought they would just, you know, stay pointing at the ceiling forever.”

 

Jisoo stands up and the chair slides back, hitting the wall. Chan grabs his hand. 

 

“Hyung, it’s not tru-”

 

Jisoo feels bad for ripping his hand away but he’s  _ pissed.  _

 

“Jeonghan!” Jisoo roars, stomping towards the door. 

 

“C’mon, Jisoo, it’s not t-”

 

“Eat another fucking cupcake, Minghao!” Jisoo shoves past the door. “Jeonghan!”

 

His voice echoes loudly through the hallway and Jisoo quickly makes his way to Jeonghan’s office. The golden handle glistens as if it’s teasing Jisoo to come in. Jisoo grabs it and shoves it open. 

 

Of course, Hyungwon’s face is the one to to greet him. Jeonghan turns around with a little jump. 

 

“Jesus Christ, Jisoo. What happened.”

 

Jisoo sniffles.  _ Why the hell am I crying? Jeonghan didn’t cheat. It’s so obvious that he didn’t do anything and Hyungwon’s an asswipe who wants attention and it’s all fake but still I’m crying dear God I’m not crying in front of Hyungwon.  _

 

“Get out.”

 

“Jisoo, are you-”

 

“Hyungwon,  _ get. Out _ .”

 

Hyungwon scoffs. “Hey, I’m talking about next we-”

 

“Hyungwon, maybe this isn’t a good time. I’d like to be with Jisoo alone now. Please leave.” Jeonghan eyes Jisoo nervously.

 

“Jeonghan, the plans are d-”

 

“Hyungwon. Out.”

 

Hyungwon makes the same stupid scoffing noise and the hairs on the back of Jisoo’s neck tingle when Hyungwon leaves. Waiting until he’s completely out the doorway, Jisoo slams the door shut and storms up to Jeonghan. 

 

“Hey, Jisoo-”

 

“Go sit down on your chair.”

 

“W-” Jeonghan’s eyes bug out with confusion but Jisoo just drags him over onto to the desk and wrestles him into the chair. 

 

“Be quiet and let me do this.”

Jeonghan lets out a surprised laugh when Jisoo starts to grab the buckle of his pants. 

 

“What the fuck are you doing, Jisoo? You were mad at me three seconds ago and now you want sex?”

Jisoo groans. 

 

Seriously. 

 

_ What the fuck am I doing? _

 

Jeonghan gently tilts Jisoo’s head down, lightly pressing his jaw so they can face each other. 

 

“Jisoo, are you okay?” Jeonghan’s voice is quiet but he’s so close that it sends vibrations down Jisoo’s back. He twitches. 

 

“No.”

 

“Why? Did seeing everybody kind of make you feel bad?”

 

“Hyungwon tried to spread a rumor that he sucked you off in your office.”

 

“When?” Jeonghan’s eyebrows pulls together. “Also, no fucking thanks?”

 

“Two days ago. They told me. I know it’s not true but I hate it, you know? Even before we got together, even before everything went down, he liked you and he tried to go after you and you knew it and I didn’t care before but we’re  _ together _ now so I care and I-”

 

“It’s okay for you to feel jealous, Jisoo. And also, I like the idea of office sex. You should do this more often.”

 

“What, get irrationally angry and storm your office so I can force a blow job on you? Or have a mental breakdown on your lap? Both sound nice, actually.”

 

Jeonghan smiles and pushes the back of Jisoo’s neck closer to his face and presses a small kiss on his lips. Jisoo’s insides literally melt into goop. Intestine goop. 

 

“Any blow job from you would literally never be forced.” Jeonghan looks at Jisoo with a mock serious face. “And you can have a mental breakdown on my lap anytime.”

 

“If this is turning you on I want a divorce.”

 

“Shut up and take off your shirt.”

 

Jisoo’s about to complain but a strand of Jeonghan’s hair falls in front of his eyes and he watches as they glaze over. 

 

Jisoo takes off his fucking shirt. 

 

-

-

 

“I don’t want to become a kindergarten teacher!” Jisoo declares loudly and the whole room looks up. (Jisoo’s feeling flamboyant; he just  _ did it _ with Jeonghan in his office and then took a nap. There’s nothing he can’t do.) Seokmin’s cup drops onto the floor and it tinkles as it breaks. 

 

“Can you not fucking  _ scream _ !” Seokmin kicks around the pieces of glass into a pile and quickly covers it with a tissue. 

 

“I don’t care! I’m not gonna become a teacher! I wanna work here again! With you guys! I want to be a businessman and write contracts and sign them and I want to be here again!”

 

Jisoo spins around and smacks right into Jeonghan. He smells like citrus and looks like heaven but that’s not the point right now. 

 

“You’re coming back?”

 

“Yup!”

 

Jeonghan smiles. “Great.”

 

Jisoo watches as Jeonghan breaks out into a smile. He realizes that it’s the first legitimate smile he’s ever seen on his  _ boyfriend ( _ husband only legally as of now _ )  _ with teeth and the eye crescents and everything. 

 

Jisoo loves it. 

  
  


_ - _

_ - _

 

“Jisoo, we couldn’t find leads on your brother but we might have found out the reason why.”

 

Jisoo’s mouth dries up and watches Jeonghan’s every movement with sharp eyes. “You did?”

 

“You said you were in America at the time that you lost him, right?”

 

Jisoo nods carefully. “Yeah, so?”

 

Jeonghan slides a thin packet of paper over to Jisoo. “Well, we were able to find out that your mother had an affair around the same year you lost him.”

 

“I know that.” Jisoo feels sick saying it out loud, but it’s true. It was shocking as a child but as an adult, the clues were  _ right _ there. 

 

“Right. So what if you’re brother isn’t Korean?”

 

“What?”

 

“Well, he could be half white. He could be half chinese, half russian, half canadian. We don’t know.”

 

Jisoo swallows. “But does that mean you’re closer to finding him?”

 

Jeonghan sighs. “I don’t know. I’ve been looking into DNA testing and things that could potentially help but it’s all very illegal. It’s not like we don’t have the ability, but I feel like you wouldn’t want to take that r-”

 

“Hello?” A knock interrupts them and Jisoo nearly jumps out of his skin. 

 

Jeonghan coughs and takes the packet back, placing it in drawer before clearing his throat. “Come in.”

 

The door clicks and Hansol walks in. 

 

Jisoo tilts his head and looks at him. 

 

“Hey, Hansol.”

 

Hansol turns his head quickly and smiles. “Hello, Jisoo.”

 

-

-

 

“Jisoo, it’s literally impossible that Hansol’s your brother.”

 

“My God, Jeonghan, you can’t just plant things in my head and then say they aren’t true! How do you know, anyways, you don’t have a DNA test or something!”

 

“Jisoo, Hansol’s an  _ orphan _ . He literally could not be your brother because he was in an orphanage since  _ birth _ . The records are all there; there’s no point in asking.”

 

“But what if!”

 

Jisoo’s getting worked up because it’s literally not possible, but what if it  _ is _ , what if Hansol is somehow his brother and it’s fate that brought them together. The faster Jisoo can confirm it, the faster he can finally get rid of his parents and get his brother back. 

 

“Fine. Ask.” Jeonghan sighs. “You need to get closure and there’s no point in arguing.”

 

“Fine. I will.”

 

Jeonghan groans. “Fine.”

 

Jisoo’s feeling a little less lovey-dovey right now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SKJDFHS I DN=TT EVEN KNOW just i came up with the ending already which means theres gonna be crying !!!!!
> 
> anyways i really dont know what the say but lk]ike i love all of you thank you for all the comments and u=kudos and !!!! uwu!!! ily!!!
> 
> and also please stay happy and healthy and hope u all had a lovely valentines day!! i had a very fun night in w my bed and netflix and a box of chocolate covered strawberries ugh rip my diet ? 
> 
> bye!!!!


	13. in which there is an explanation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> might be a bit darker than the other chapters, but nothing scary :) heads up if anyone doesn't really like to read stuff. It's more heavy than dark, though.

“Jisoo, I think you need therapy.”

 

Jisoo looks up from his seat on the couch, too surprised with what he’s hearing to be angry. “You think I need  _ what _ ?”

 

Seungcheol tilts his head a bit forward, pursing his lips in that way embarrassed people do. “I think you need therapy. I think you should seriously consider going into counseling.”

 

Jisoo slams his book down against the white cushions and stands up aggressively. “Do you mind giving me an explanation as to why you think that?” Jisoo’s voice comes out quiet but sharp. 

 

Seungcheol lets out a rough sigh and runs a hand through his hair. “This is your fourth day at my house.”

 

“If you want me to leave, I’ll just go.” Jisoo bristles, ready to grab his bag from his room in a second.

 

Seungcheol raises a brow. “It’s  your fourth day at my house because you’re pissed at Jeonghan for being insistent that Hansol is not your fucking brother. You said you’d apply to college again to become a kindergarten teacher and then you decided that you’d come back as assistant within three days. You rushed into a  _ marriage _ , Jisoo, for the sake of finding someone who may or may not be out there! What the hell are you gonna do if you find him, Jisoo? Your brother? Go back to being a family? Congrats for actually liking him, but were you planning on divorce after things didn’t work out your way? For God’s sake, you tried to disown yourself from your parents and the only reason your not is because Jeonghan telling you to hold on a little bit longer! Yeah, it may have been his idea, but at least he realized it was wrong! You get angry at me for not wanting to go along with your childish ideas and you run away from Jeonghan the minute you feel like you’re going to get scolded by him or something. This is your third time at my house that you’ve stayed overnight, Jisoo! You need to realize that there’s something that’s causing you to do this!”

 

Jisoo feels his whole body tremble; whether he’s going to cry or hold it together depends on whatever flies out his mouth next. “So what, Seungcheol! At least I’m control of my own life! I hated myself before, Seungcheol. That me in college, that me when I got hired. I hated it! Why couldn’t I say what I wanted or do what I want, Seungcheol! I’m trying to make up for lost time, Seungcheol, the time I lost being me. I’m sick of being quiet, I’m not like that! I’m not a shy introvert who likes to stay in, I like being loud and sometimes aggressive with my friends!” He’s not crying. Anger that he can’t explain floods through his veins and Jisoo feels his neck starting to hurt from how much he’s straining it. 

 

Seungcheol lets out a small sigh. It sounds almost pitiful. “Can’t you hear yourself? No one is telling you to be anything you’re not, Jisoo. I actually love that you say more and talk about what bothers you more often. But you know what? You can’t just change yourself and say it’s for the better when you’re hurting the people around you. It’s fine that you like holding your ground, but you can’t run out of the fucking house every time you feel like you’re going to lose. It’s amazing that you’re saying everything you want but you can’t lash out at Jeonghan, especially, because you’re jealous over something he can’t control. And yeah, he said he would never reject you coming on to him, but Jisoo, how the hell do you plan on trying to have sex with him every fucking time you want him to not think about your mistakes? You can’t come back to him with half-hearted apologies and expect him to always be okay with it.”

 

Jisoo spins around and punches the couch as hard as he can. It’s soft but the leather echoes loudly throughout the room. Jisoo suspects that his rage comes from how  _ true _ Seungcheol’ words are.

 

“Fuck off.”

 

Jisoo storms off into the guest room, shoving everything he’s brought (which isn’t that much to begin with) into his little bag and storms right back out. 

 

“I know you’re angry, but consider it-”

 

“Save it, Seungcheol.”

 

Jisoo throws on his shoes and grabs his coat and heads out the door. 

It slams loudly behind him. 

 

-

-

 

“Hey, Jeonghan.”

 

Jisoo stands a bit stiffly while Jeonghan looks at him, the wind from outside blowing in. He’s standing awkwardly on the steps. 

 

“Hey.” Jeonghan steps aside to let Jisoo into the house, but it’s not like he has to. THe door’s about as wide as two cars connected end to end. “Was four days enough for you to get it out of your system?”

 

Jisoo lets out a small, dry laugh. Jeonghan’s voice doesn’t hold spite. “I’m sorry. I’m being a bitch about everything. I just want to find my brother, you know? I’m sorry.”

 

“Well, put your stuff down and come down to the kitchen. We’ve got a guest.”

 

Jisoo shuffles into the living room. “Oh, wh-”

 

“Hello!” 

 

Jisoo drops his bag, his fingers losing the strength to hold it up. “Eunwoo?”

 

-

-

 

Jisoo nervously takes the seat on the sofa next to Jeonghan, turning his body to face the armchair Eunwoo’s sitting in. 

 

“Eunwoo was over to ask if the company could help with spreading the news of his group’s debut around.”

 

Jisoo stiffens a bit and finds himself unconsciously leaning into Jeonghan’s body. Jeonghan gives him a small smile and wraps an arm around his shoulders. 

 

“Why not ask your dad? He’s t-”

 

“I did, hyung. He said that I chose this path and I need to deal with the consequences of not following his orders.”

 

“Why do you want to be an idol, anyways?” Jisoo feels like he needs to butt in with something. Eunwoo’s eyes are starting to get all sparkly and focused on Jeonghan. 

 

Eunwoo, not to Jisoo’s surprise, smiles coyly and runs a hand through his hair before answering. “I hated the fact that I had to do things I didn’t want to with my life. Acting a certain way, being a person I wanted. To put myself in a public place like this is the biggest middle finger to my dad that I could possibly give him, you know.”

 

Jeonghan tilts his head to the side and makes his thinking face. “Why going out into the public, though?”

 

“I don’t know. He’s just very against the whole flamboyant dancer-singer thing. I don’t know. It might be a bit reckless but he deserves to be hurt.”

 

Jisoo feels that same constricting feeling he did earlier when Seungcheol was screaming at him. Some kind of dread tugs and pulls at his heart, squeezing and squeezing until he loosens himself out of Jeonghan’s side-hug under the guise that he’s stretching. “You’re jumping into this without thinking, right?”

 

Eunwoo swirls his head back to Jisoo and he wears a thin smile; his round eyes narrowed into cold slits. “So what? Why do I have to apologize for things other people made me do? Excuse my language, but who the hell  _ cares _ , sir? I want to be  _ me _ , not some image that was created because of the people who put me into this world. I didn’t ask for it, I don’t want it. I’m doing this because I can.” Eunwoo smiles and his incisors glint sharply. “Which is why I know it’s a fruitless attempt but I’m still going to try to go after Jeonghan hyung. So what if both of you think I’m a whore. You can’t arrest me for it, right? I’ll stop eventually; I bored fairly easily.”

 

Eunwoo wears the expression of a person so done with life they don’t care about themselves. His eyes are dead and dark against his now-sallow looking skin, and his cheekbones jut out unnaturally from his face. He smiles still, but it’s not coquettish like before; it’s sunken in and sad. Like he’s saying,  _ just let me have this; I know I won’t won’t win. _

 

Jisoo  _ hears _ it. 

 

Eunwoo is essentially him, just younger and slightly more steamroller-y. It hits him that this is what he sounded like to Seungcheol, to basically everyone. 

 

Jisoo feels his throat feel all tight and everything just pushes itself into his gut, pressing and pressing until Jisoo jolts upright and mumbles something out to Jeonghan before rushing off into the nearest bathroom and vomiting. 

 

Jisoo sniffles against the cold wall, his cheek pressed against it. 

 

_ I need therapy _ . 

 

_ I need to get better _ . 

 

Jisoo gags again and heaves for the toilet, fingers slipping against the porcelain tiles of the floor. 

 

-

-

 

“Hey, Jisoo. You up?”

 

Jisoo forces his sticky eyes to open and his view goes in and out of focus, muscles aching weirdly and something soft wrapping his whole body. A couple more blinks show him that he’s lying tucked into a bed, with Jeonghan sitting at the foot of it. His back is to Jisoo. 

 

“What?”

 

“I heard you stirring.”

 

“No, I-” Jisoo sucks in a breath and realizes how dry (and minty?) his mouth is. “- what happened?”

 

“Eunwoo and I heard you throw up so I sent him home and went to the bathroom. You were passed out with a bottle of mouthwash on the floor and some of it was leaking out of your mouth.”

 

Jisoo gulps. His throat catches against his breath and he can just picture himself on the bathroom floor. He scratches his nails lightly against his arms, trying to get rid of a gross feeling thickly layered onto his skin. 

 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

 

Jeonghan sighs and creates a little stand with his fingers, placing his forehead into the little nest. He leans forward on his elbows and Jisoo watches as Jeonghan’s back curls, shoulders caving in like wings that aren’t going to fly any time soon. 

“I don’t know what you want me to do, Jisoo. Should I just do whatever you want me to do? Should I just be quiet when you start getting angry at me for things I can’t control? Don’t get me wrong; I’m not leaving you, but I need you to do something because I’ve got my own limits.”

 

Jisoo lets out a quiet breath.

 

Jeonghan might have been a pain in his fucking ass in the past, but he’s never broken  _ down _ because of him. Jeonghan was the source of mild discomfort; an itchy sweater given to him by life that he waited years to outgrow but never did. Jeonghan never got better, but he never did anything to hurt Jisoo beyond little insults that even Jisoo would retort with. 

 

“Can I ask you for one more thing?”

 

Jeonghan stands up and Jisoo’s ready to burst out of the covers and grab onto him but he turns around and looks at Jisoo with soft eyes. They droop at the corners. “Yeah, Jisoo. What do you need?”

 

Jisoo feels salty tears hit his tongue as he speaks. They roll past his chin and quickly soak into the silk duvet cover that covers his lower half. “Get me help, Jeonghan.” Jisoo feels like his mind is shattering into a million pieces and someone is watching, someone is watching as he breaks apart at the seams and smiles. “I hate this; I don’t know what’s happening and I don’t know how to fix myself, I’m sorry, Jeonghan. I-” Jisoo hiccups and his sobs wrack through his body. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what to do, please don’- ‘t leav-ve me, I’ll get b-”

 

Jeonghan wraps Jisoo up into a tight hug and Jisoo sobs into his shoulder like it’s somehow going to make it all better. Jisoo’s just hit rock bottom and now he’s digging himself into a deeper hole. 

 

“I won’t.” Jeonghan presses his forehead against Jisoo’s. It’s kind of gross, with Jisoo’s uneven cries and extremely minty (hey, at least it doesn’t smell like vomit) breath mixing in with Jeonghan’s sandalwood-y scent. It wraps around his mind like a thin cloud and Jeonghan holds him tighter. 

 

Everything hurts.

 

-

-

 

Jisoo swings his legs back and forth, the bottom of his shoes hitting the carpeted floor with every swipe. The room is empty, since everyone is out for lunch. Jisoo looks at the salad in front of him and swears he can see the lettuce wilting. 

 

He’s on his fourth week in therapy, and third on medication. 

 

Turns out, yeah, there was something wrong with him. Bipolar II Disorder, to be more specific. The process through meeting with a psychiatrist, getting a diagnosis, and finding out how to help himself has been putting mounds and mounds of pressure on him, which is the opposite of what he wants. 

 

Jisoo knew the process wasn’t going to be easy but he’s trying to adjust without complaints. Jeonghan’s been putting up with his mood swings and ups and downs and his either ravenous or non-existent appetite, his fatigue-induced sleep that doesn’t end for twelve hours or when Jisoo can’t sleep at all, Jeonghan makes him tea to try and get him to calm down a little bit. 

 

It’s slow. 

 

It’s a process. 

 

The thought of Hansol always stares at him, too. 

 

“Hello, sir.”

 

Jisoo looks up and clears his throat in shock. “Hansol.”

 

“You look a bit grey, sir.”

 

Jisoo flaps his hand in the air a bit sloppily. (Oh yeah. Sometimes his muscles get sore and his limbs don’t move as fast as he wants them to.)

 

“It’s just, my meds or something.” Jisoo bites his tongue. He shouldn’t have said that. “I’m s-sorry, I shouldn’t have s-”

 

“It’s okay.” Hansol places something on Jisoo’s desk. It’s a cup of steaming green tea. The aroma of warmth clears up Jisoo’s muddled brain a bit. Even the salad looks a bit more appetizing than it did a few minutes ago. “I kind of expected something like that to happen, if I may be honest.”

 

Jisoo looks up from where he’s staring at the tea. His stomach bounces a bit. “What?”

 

“I know you shouldn’t go around diagnosing people just because you’ve had something, but it was obvious that you weren’t okay. I don’t know, it was just kind of a feeling. Anyways, I’m glad you’re getting help.”

 

Jisoo wraps his hands around the warm mug, letting the heat seep into his palms. “If you don’t mind me asking, what were you diagnosed with?”

 

Jisoo doesn’t know what Hansol’s expression says because he’s not looking up. “I had depression for a very long time. I mean, I don’t want to blame it on the fact that I was an orphan, but it probably was something along those lines. But it doesn’t matter, because I’m good now.”

 

Jisoo’s heart squeezes itself and the desperation to ask Hansol if  _ maybe _ , he remembered anyone from his family swirls around his tongue and he’s about to somehow bring it up into the conversation when the door slides open and Jeonghan comes bursting through the doorway. 

 

“Dammit, I need wooden doors that slam when I come dramatically charging in!” Jeonghan doubles over and sucks in a wheeze of air. Jisoo nearly sends his cup flying across his keyboard and Hansol jumps up in his seat. “Jisoo, what’re you doing?”

 

Jisoo watches and Jeonghan shoots a glance to Hansol. 

 

Jisoo bites his lip. Jeonghan’s trying to stop him from asking Hansol anything. 

 

“Hello, sir?” Hansol stands up and quickly unwrinkles his already very unwrinkled shirt. “Is there anything you need?”

 

Jisoo opens his mouth to talk but Jeonghan claps. “Pool party!”

 

Hansol smiles, but it’s puzzled. Jeonghan goes over to Jisoo and grabs his wrist. “You want a pool party? For who? Should I or-”

 

Jeonghan flaps a hand in the air and drags Jisoo to the door. Jisoo doesn’t know why he’s not saying anything, but he doesn’t really have the energy to try and fight his way out of Jeonghan’s grasp. 

 

“No, no, an employee pool party. Thirteen people! Go, do something! I’m trusting you!” Jeonghan shouts, disappearing into the hall with Jisoo connected to him by an iron vice. Jisoo can’t see Hansol anymore, trying as hard as he can to not stumble. 

 

“Alright! Hansol’s voice is muffled and Jisoo digs his heels into the tile floor as hard as he can. 

 

“Ow, Jeonghan, it hurts!” Jisoo uses his free hand to try and wriggle free and Jeonghan lets out a gasp and drops his wrist. 

 

“Sorry! Sorry, are you okay?”

 

Jisoo rubs his wrist. It doesn’t hurt. “Yeah. But what the hell?”

 

“Did you ask him something weird?”

 

Jisoo frowns. “I wasn’t g-”

 

Jeonghan swings his arms around groans. “No, no! Jisoo, he could  _ sue _ the company if you ask something like that, c’mon! I just-” Jeonghan sighs so hard it sounds like a borderline whine. “Just, take the pool party. See if he has the scar that you think your brother has.”

 

“ _ Know _ .” 

 

“What?”

 

“I  _ know _ he has a scar, Jeonghan. I know it, okay? And thank you for the great opportunity, but it sounds weirder that I’m trying to look at some kid’s naked body to see if he’s m-”

 

“And asking an orphan whether or not he’d like a new half-brother isn’t exaclty the best thing either! If you’re so sure about the scar, then just make sure before you rush into anything. The last thing I want to do is to tell you to not get closure, but I also don't want to pay millions in damages. Just, take this opportunity, okay?”

 

Jisoo bites his tongue. He should listen. 

 

He’s going to listen. 

 

He’s tired of being wrong all the time. 

 

“Alright. Thank you.”

 

Jeonghan lets out a breath of relief and pulls Jisoo in for a gentle hug. “Go eat lunch, Jisoo. You need to eat for your meds.”

 

Jisoo breathes in Jeonghan’s clean, linen scent. 

 

-

-

 

Jisoo takes a break when people start to file in. Wonwoo comes in, then Chan, then Jihoon. (It’s still kind of weird between them; Jisoo doesn’t know why. They should go on a double date.)

 

Seokmin walks in with a limping Soonyoung, and Jisoo  _ knows _ he’s going to regret asking, but he does. “What’s wrong?”

 

Soonyoung wasn’t in this morning. If it’s because of a hurt leg, he should’ve just stayed home all day. 

 

“Oh, I don’t thi-”

 

Soonyoung cuts his boyfriend off with a smile. “I was jerking off and Seokmin decided that would be the perfect moment to give me a jump scare! In the shower! I slipped and yanked on my dick as I fell onto my ass! I’m a broken man, Jisoo!”

 

Soonyoung happily limps over to his desk while Seokmin flushes into a red that’s so impossibly scarlet that Jisoo doesn’t know whether to be more concerned about the fact that Soonyoung seems to be  _ proud _ of what happened or about Seokmin, who’s about to have an aneurysm. 

 

Jisoo feels his eyelids droop into crescents and he tries to smile. “Amazing. I’m so happy for you.”

 

Soonyoung leans forward, blows Jisoo half a kiss, and then doubles over in a scream while clawing at his abdomen. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I planned for a very long time to make Jisoo's character suffer with a mental health issue. This is because mental health is something extremely important to me, and I've been suffering from depression for a while now. It's been getting a lot better recently, I'm nearly done with medication! Sometimes I feel good without it, too! So from the start, I wanted Jisoo's character to suffer somehow from the way he grew up, to his manipulative parents, and being forced to work and cope in a job environment that would be extremely stressful for everyone. 
> 
> Please don't think of this chapter as some kind of way to "exploit" people with bipolar disorder; this is just to show that people in real life go through things like this! And diagnosis in males tend to take longer because things like depression more often come off as agression and irritability rather than females, who tend to suffer from the more melancholy aspects of the disorder. It can manifest in anyone and you might not even know it!
> 
> Jisoo's character is someone that I wanted to show that kind of stuff in. His newfound recklessness was to imply that he was going to cause trouble, but lots of you guys saw it as him finding his actual self and throwing out the old Jisoo. In reality, his character repressed those aspects of depression and bipolar disorder and it wasn't until someone intervened that he realized he needed help. Lashing out at Seungcheol was an example of how acceptance is the most important part of finding help. 
> 
> And medication might be scary to start! I had to try lots of things to find a med that worked and honestly I was probably more tired out by the meds than when I was untreated. At the end, medication should be used to help you, but not something you should grow dependent on. If you are on medication or plan to start, please make sure that you don't take it for granted because the medication should only aide you, not be the only reason you feel okay! It's important to learn to do it yourself eventually. :)
> 
> Basically, that's my long-ass explanation to show that I'm not trying exploit anything for the sake of a fic, and I'd rather try to bring awareness to it. You read this fic through the eyes of Jisoo, so it's not obvious that there's something wrong with him. It's only when people say something about it that you might realize. 
> 
> So please take care of your mental health! I always say take care of your body but take care of your mind! Your body will inevitbaly get old but your mind is what keeps your soul forever. 
> 
> If you've read up to here, thank you! And thank you for all the support and love and kudos and comments and readers! I love you all, and please don't be shy! Comment your own ordeals if you have any and I'd love to talk to you guys about stuff! (Sometimes it's easier to open up to strangers that show you that they care rather than those closest to them, right?) 
> 
> See you next week! (and i know its dumb but im planning to write another fic with like a florist and bake au with jihan so just !! lmk if youd like that?? idk)


	14. in which jisoo goes to therapy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lots of insight on jisoo's past and what therapy is like !! 
> 
> dont worry i promise in the next chapters the main arc of the story will be wrapped up and there's going to be a lot of fluff coming your way :)!!!
> 
> disclaimer: the parts of jisoo in therapy are very light versions of what goes on irl. it is just a summary of what would happen. don't read this and actually beleive this is what you're going to get if you go to therapy !!

“What was your childhood like, Jisoo? I’m sure there’s something under everything else that is contributing to your problems. I know, I know. It’s an old question and it gets, well, old. But I think your case is a bit different.” 

“Oh, that’s a fun question.” Jisoo leans into the couch cushions behind him and looks at his therapist. Minseok’s eyes are soft and inquiring. Jisoo can’t decide if he feels calmed by his weirdly immortal-looking youth or a bit nervous with the pressure of having to spill everything. 

It’s not easy. 

Nothing about therapy is. 

Bipolar disorder isn’t something you can just talk through to get better; therapy is something that can aid the process. Jisoo decided to just jump into everything because there’s no reason to hold back. 

“We don’t have to start with that right away. Would you prefer that we went over your medication first?”

“Yes, please.”

Minseok’s really good at making Jisoo feel safe, but it borderlines what a kindergarten teacher does. It’s not bad, though, since Jisoo’s never gone to kindergarten and it kind of feels nice to be coddled. (With the mix of airy, neurotherapeutic professionalism, Minseok’s basically a human mood stabilizer.)

“Alright. We’ve put you on Ziprasidone for a couple of weeks. How have you been reacting? It’s normal to experience a little bit of weight gain, drowsiness, small things like that. Has there been anything bothering you?”

Jisoo fiddles around with his fingers, twisting his knuckles and tapping his palms to try and open himself up. It’s always a bit awkward at first, but Minseok looks at him with warmth and Jisoo clears his throat. “I’ve been fine, actually. I don’t find myself impulsively doing things and I don’t lash out as easily either. But sometimes I get really tired, you know? Like I can’t get out of bed long enough to go to the bathroom. And I don’t know if that’s because I’ve hit a low or if it’s because of the medication. And sometimes I get all shaky and restless, you know? Like I have to move around and do things except it’s not like, the high part of the disorder, just, I can’t stop moving around.” Jisoo recounts everything in his head. “Oh, and I get headaches, but they aren’t that frequent.”

Minseok scribbles something down before looking up. His eyes lose their sense of welcoming and quickly turn cold into what’s expected of a doctor. “And have you been experiencing tremors?”

Jisoo shakes his head. “No.”

Minseok frowns slightly. Jisoo catches it and it unsettles him a bit. 

“Can you hold your arms out for me?”

Jisoo sits up and holds his arms out. “Like this?”

Minseok smiles. “Yes, just like that.”

At first, Jisoo’s shoulders just start to ache a little with holding them out, but within seconds, Jisoo’s hands start to shake. It looks like normal, tiny vibrations at first, but it gets to the point that they tremble violently and Jisoo quickly draws them back in, holding his hands to his chest. They shake slightly before tapering off. 

“Nevermind?” Jisoo feels cold for some reason. “Sorry.”

“No, no, don’t be sorry. SOmetimes tremors are so slight that people don’t even recognize them. Sometimes people drop things a little bit more than frequently than they used to, and don’t even realize it’s caused by tremors. It’s nothing to worry about, but I think you’re showing a lot of side effects. They’re all completely normal, but I think I’m going to wane you off of it and find out other options. Usually they’ll get worse.”

“So should I stop taking them?”

“No, your prescription doses were low in the first place so we’ll just continue to decrease them until you’re off of them completely. Quitting cold turkey, even with a small dose, might not be the best idea. I’ll look into another medication within two weeks. I will have to look into it, but maybe adding an antidepressant into the mix with a mood stabilizer might work better, because your depressive episodes last much longer than your hypomanic ones do. I think we can work through the medication within a month or two, though. Sound good?”

Jisoo nods, unable to really find a voice to answer. It’s strange. 

If Minseok wasn’t an incredibly trained neuropsychiatrist with like, a million degrees and his own personal office and assistant and everything, he could be a door to door salesman and make as much as he does now. 

“Great! Now, let’s move on to the nitty gritty. I know I’ve asked you before, but I want a clearer answer, Jisoo. I don’t want to push you but I feel like you’re not telling me about the full history. Please, Jisoo. You can be open. It’s all confidential, anyways. Can you do that for me?”

Jisoo clears his throat. It’s dry and raspy. 

He nods and pulls a cushion up to his chest. 

-  
-

Jisoo’s history is a bit of a tumultuous one. 

Ever since he was born, he was given the bare necessities to survive. 

Childhood had been rough, but overall, he got through without any scratches and although his parents weren't exactly the best ones, Jisoo made sure to do well in school and to always stay on top of his class. He worked hard and studied for things he didn’t have to, developing a compulsive habit of notetaking and staying up for nights in order to memorize whole chapters. 

Growing up, he believed he was poor. 

His parents never signed him up for sports, extracurriculars, and they didn’t give him gifts. Jisoo thought they were the lower half of middle class workers. He thought that he had to study and get perfect scores in order to get a scholarship to college. 

Jisoo was about fifteen when he realized that wasn’t the case. Slowly, everything he had believed as a kid started to change. 

His parents were nowhere near poor. A lawyer father that worked with immigrants and a mother who was a PA. 

They just hadn’t cared enough about Jisoo. 

He blamed himself tremendously at first. If a child is unlovable, is it the child’s fault? Is parental love supposed to be a default, and his mom and dad are the strange ones? He blamed himself for not doing better, for not pushing himself harder, for not being whatever his parents wanted him to be. 

His younger brother had been a shining light through all of that. He was going to take care of this new baby; he would give up everything that a four year old kid had. 

And then three years later, he disappeared. 

The two of them had been at a park. Jisoo left him alone for five minutes tops, and then came back to an empty bench. 

He was seven. 

Jisoo can’t breathe under the weight of reliving it. 

He snaps out of it. 

-  
-

“It’s hard, isn’t it? You can’t help but feel responsible for it.”

Jisoo frowns a little bit. “It is my fault, though. I left him alone when he could barely run. I’m the one who left him behind, I’m the reason why he’s not with me anymore!” Jisoo feels the same anxious frustration building up in the pit of stomach. It’s the same thing that he felt right before he ran out on Jeonghan a couple of weeks ago. 

Minseok leans back in his seat. “Why don’t you look at it a different way, Jisoo? You were only seven; how could you understand that something could have happened if you had left him alone? It was not your fault. It wasn’t the fault of anyone. You can’t blame yourself for this, Jisoo.” Jisoo’s very instinct is to reject what Minseok is saying; every single nerve tingles and pushes the thought out of his head, that maybe it wasn’t his fault. Thick guilt floods his chest and Jisoo fights between letting himself sink under the shame and to finally, just finally, accept that nothing else could have been done. 

But Minseok’s voice fights its way through the black inkinesss in Jisoo’s head that threatens to suck him under again and pushes away the images of a small child flashing in and out of his sight. Jisoo closes his eyes involuntarily and works through it; the features that he can’t make out on a baby so small he could hold it with one hand, to the image of his mother trying to stop him on his wedding day. 

What would have happened if Jeonghan had actually given the packet in? Would anything in his life be different? 

What if Seungcheol didn’t realize who Eunwoo was. 

Jisoo never would have realized how erratic he had been acting. 

What if Seungcheol was too passive to call Jisoo out?

Jisoo suspects that he wouldn’t be here. 

“Jisoo, are you okay?”

Jisoo looks up through blurry eyes and a closed throat. Minseok’s face wobbles in and out of sight. 

“I want to get better.” Jisoo’s head splits in half. It feels like a hammer is constantly being slammed on top of his head over and over and his skull isn’t giving into it. “Please help me.”

Jisoo claws at his head, trying to tear the feeling of emptiness and also being too full at the same time. Something pulls at his hands and he feels like he’s being choked. 

It’s too much. 

It hurts.

-  
-

“Can you hear my voice? Jisoo, can you hear me? You’re safe now. Open your eyes. It’s okay.” Jisoo’s head thuds with Minseok’s dull voice, echoing around as if a tin ball had been dropped into a velvet box and was being shaken around. Jisoo can’t see very well yet; he just feels soft things surrounding him. “Can you feel the pillows, Jisoo? Try opening your eyes. What do you see?”

Jisoo’s slowly pulled back to reality, Minseok’s face warping in and out of focus. Jisoo has to shake his head a little bit before everything falls into place. There are fluffy blue and yellow cushions pressed against his sides, and a blanket is thrown over his shoulders. It calms him down a tiny bit to feel the warmth of everything pressing up against him. Minseok waits patiently with a calm face, but his eyes tremble with worry. 

“I’m fine. I just-”

Minseok taps the pillow next to Jisoo with a smile. “It’s okay. You had a panic attack. It’s completely normal to be overwhelmed. But I think this is even more of a reason to work through your past, don’t you think?”

Jisoo sucks in a breath. He nods. 

“Yeah. Can we start today?”

Minseok smiles. “Of course.”

-  
-

 

“How was your first session?”

Jeonghan places a small bowl of caesar salad in front of Jisoo. He murmurs out a small thank you and picks up his fork. Lately, he’s only been able to eat a fistful of lettuce and a couple croutons without wanting to vomit. 

“It went fine. I had a panic attack, though.” Jeonghan drops the bowl in his hand onto the floor and lettuce goes flying all over the place. Jisoo looks up slowly. “I’m fine, though. We worked through it and started talking about my brother.”

A maid quickly makes her way to the floor and reaches down to clean up the spilt food, but Jeonghan frowns and tells her that she can just go back to what she was doing. (Jeonghan’s slowly letting all of the help go. Only about two maids remain.)

“Why didn’t you tell me when I picked you up? I didn’t ask anything until now because I thought it was fine.”

Jisoo grits his teeth and swallows the tomato he’s eating in his mouth. “I said we worked through it. I’m fine. I don’t have a panic disorder.”

Jeonghan’s over at the sink now, rinsing his hands off and washing the food down the garbage disposal. “That’s not the point, Jisoo. You can’t just keep something like that from me!”

Jisoo puts his fork down. His mouth turns sour. “Well, I told you now, right? You didn’t ask earlier.”

“I shouldn’t have to ask to know something like that!”

“Sorry!” Jisoo barks out, and stands up. The chair he’s sitting in scrapes backwards and screeches against the floor. “Sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, Jeonghan.” His eyes start stinging again. Jisoo hates his fucking mood swings. 

Jeonghan sighs and makes his way over to Jisoo and hugs him. His wet hands soak his shirt with water, the cold liquid running down his back and causing him to shive. Jisoo closes his eyes and sniffles, not wanting to cry for the ten fucking millionth time since he started his medication. 

“It’s okay. I’m sorry.” Jeonghan pulls him in tighter. Over the last couple of weeks, Jisoo notices how thin Jeonghan is. There’s no more noticeable muscle that covers his arms and his abdomen is more corded veins and ribs than anything. 

Jisoo realizes just now that Jeonghan doesn’t eat more than he does. 

“I’ll tell you everything. Don’t apologize.”

Jeonghan’s breath is soft against Jisoo’s nape. “It’s fine. Just, please get better.”

Jisoo stands there, letting Jeonghan pat his back. 

If Jeonghan fell in love with the aspect of him that was his secretary, then would he still love him after all of this is over?

Jisoo stands there, quiet and unreactive. 

He can’t find the will to hug Jeonghan back. 

-  
-

“Jisoo, are you done packing for the trip?”

Jisoo looks up. His eyes hurt. “Huh?”

Chan and Hansol smile brightly. “The pool party!” Chan jumps. “Jeonghan-ssi said he’s bringing the team on a retreat! At one of his hotels! And they have a pool! And there’s sightseeing; come on! Hyung, aren’t you excited?”

Hansol gives Jisoo a knowing look and gently pulls a jumping Chan into a side hug. To Chan, it’s a friendly gesture of, well, friendship. Hansol gives Jisoo a smile that says it’s to calm him down. 

“Yeah, I’m packing tonight.” Jisoo makes the effort to try and make his voice a bit life-like. It’s not as hard as before, since he’s officially switched medications. His mood swings are lighter and he doesn't cry as easily. He has more control over how he portrays himself, too. He’s no longer stiff when he tries to talk and it comes to him a bit more naturally to smile. 

That’s not to say he’s completely emotionless. His medication is a great mood stabilizer, but it doesn’t take away his ability to feel things. 

“Cool! Don’t forget goggles!” Chan giggles and spins himself out of Hansol’s grasp. “You know, my friend’s older brother went swimming without goggles once and he went blind in one eye. Be careful!” 

“Really?” Hansol opens his eyes up all wide.

Chan shrugs. “Well, for two hours. But still!”

Soonyoung snorts. “Try getting jizz in your eye, you’ll be blind for like, a fucking week. Seokmin can’t aim for shit.”

Jihoon slams his forehead onto his desk and lets out a high-pitched scream and Seokmin looks like he wants to do the fucking same. “Shut the fuck up, Soonyoung! No one gives a shit about you and your fucking sex life, shut up!”

“Yeah, well, you don’t act like you didn’t suck dick in the bathroom on the fifteenth floor! Fucking fight me, Jihoon.”

Jihoon and Soonyoung remain glaring at each other Jisoo smiles. 

He thinks it’s going to be fine.

-  
-

“Jisoo, did you pack the goggles?”

Jisoo looks up from where he’s sitting criss-cross-applesauce on the floor. Jeonghan places a bag onto the couch. It’s full but it remains unzipped. 

“No, I was going to go buy some right now.” Jisoo stands up. “Do you need one, too?”

Jeonghan bites the inside of his cheek. “Are you sure you want to go-”

“Alone? Yes, Jeonghan.” Jisoo gives him a soft smile. “I can go by myself. I don't’ space out as much, remember?”

Jeonghan nods slowly. “Alright. Be careful.”

Jisoo’s last medication had wonderfully suppressed his hypomanic and depressive episodes, but the list of side effects was a bit too long for anyone’s liking. One thing it did was make Jisoo distracted extremely easily. One time, he was sent out to buy some green onions and fruit. 

He somehow ended up three towns over wandering the parks until three in the morning. The police had found him after a panicked and screechy Jeonghan had called up every favor he had with the force. 

That was not a fun night. 

-  
-

 

Jisoo drops the shopping bag that was in his hand on top of the suitcase that’s still left unzipped. He pulls along the zipper to close it, and Jeonghan walks in quietly. 

“You got them?”

Jisoo smiles. “I found a pink one and a blue one. The pink one’s for you.”

Jeonghan returns his grin and his eyes crinkle. “Naturally.” He leans against the wall, crossing his legs at his ankles and putting his hands into his pockets. His hoodie droops off of him like a shapeless bag, but nonetheless, he still looks amazing in it. “C’mon. Take your meds and let’s go to bed.”

“Okay.”

Jisoo pulls off his coat and hangs it up (he didn't bother changing out of his pajamas before he left) and trudges into the kitchen. A bit sleepily, he shuffles around the little army of bottles that stand on the edge of the island and grabs a water bottle that’s half-empty. Opening it, he pops in his medication and gulps it down with water. 

Jeonghan waits patiently for Jisoo to finish closing the bottle and then they walk up the stairs side by side. The bathroom door in their room is open and Jisoo can see that Jeonghan has already laid out a toothbrush with toothpaste already squeezed on it. Jisoo smiles. 

Getting ready for bed takes him about ten minutes and then he’s under the covers, soft blankets piled around him like a little fortress. Jeonghan finishes tucking him in and then gets under the duvet himself, sighing as he sinks into the mattress. 

“Jisoo, I have something to tell you tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

“We’ll talk after we get settled into the hotel, okay?”

“Of course.”

“Great. Goodnight, Jisoo.”

Jisoo feels the blankets shuffle as Jeonghan leans over to press a kiss into his forehead. 

“Goodnight.”

The air feels heavy and Jisoo knows it’s not going to be a happy thing that Jeonghan wants to talk about. 

He twists his ring around and around his finger, pulling and tugging at it until the band turns warm from how long he’s been touching it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! i know this chapter dealt with a lot of technical aspects but it also showed jisoo's past and stuff. i'm planning on wrapping up the brother arc next week (plot twist: he doesnt that a brother he was actually just a lonely boi) (jk thats not true lol) and then after that, a lot more office-related humor. i think i can finish this fic within five to eight chapters, which means ill be done with this fic in about two months! time flies but its also so slow lol. 
> 
> the descrpitions of therapy are very watered down versions. if you have ever been in a therapy session, chances are, it probably was much more complex than this. i just didn't want to get too medical and technical with the whole thing becuase im not here to educate you guys on mental illess lol. 
> 
> im so thankful every single one of you guys reading this, and im so thankful for all the love and comments. Seriously. we're halfway to 1000 kudos!!! like what!! i freaking love all of you so much!! i promise to try and keep the next chapters more fic-like and i appreciate those of you who have stuck through the heavier parts of this, and still enjoyed the chapters even though they seemed a little rushed. im so grateful for it all! 
> 
> thank you, please take care of yourselves (phsycailly and mentally!!) and i hope to see you again next week!!
> 
> byyeeee!!!
> 
> (ps ill post my next jihan fic next friday as well as the next chapter of this. please check it out! it will be a florist x baker au with tons more fluff and humor than this fic has!! )


	15. in which there is a vacation: PT I of II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pt 1 of a 3 part chapter !

“Jisoo, what’re you doing?” Jeonghan’s voice is light and airy and Jisoo peeks up from the dresser that he’s digging through.

 

“I don’t know, I just want to make sure that I have everything. What about you? I thought you were making breakfast.”

 

“I was  _ trying _ to make breakfast. I had Mrs. Kim whip something up. She’s leaving in about thirty minutes.”

 

“Alright, I’ll be down in five. Just let me finish here.”

Jeonghan smiles and Jisoo goes back to rifling through the closet. (Not that he has to rifle. The closet is the size of his old apartment’s living room. What a life.)

 

But seriously. 

 

What a life. 

 

Jisoo thinks about how much has changes in about six months. He walks numbly into the master bedroom, opening the small drawers to the nightstand. Jisoo’s side has an empty notebook and a random pencil rolling around inside of it. He thinks about his old apartment, with its rustic-yet-modern look; toasted oak tables and cacti plants placed strategically around the apartment. Jeonghan’s castle-mansion has more empty rooms than Jisoo thought was possible and the furniture is all clean and white and there’s glass accents everywhere, with monochromatic paintings spread around the house. 

 

Jisoo walks over to Jeonghan's side of the bed and opens the nightstand. 

 

It’s a bit more cluttered. There’s a pair of glasses, a single post-it with nothing on it, and a bottle of lube.

 

Jisoo nearly breaks the drawer from how hard he reels back. 

 

He hasn’t been with Jeonghan  _ that way _ since a couple months ago when Jisoo had his freak-out. 

 

“Jisoo, what’s taking you so long?”

 

Jeonghan’s voice is muffled and it echoes around Jisoo’s head. 

 

“N-nothing, coming!”

 

Jisoo bites his lip and grabs the bottle, slipping it into his pocket and scrambling for the kitchen. He’s going to talk himself out of even  _ thinking _ of doing anything if he stays longer.

 

“Did you find anything?” 

 

Jisoo watches as Jeonghan takes a bite of his breakfast porridge. He smiles.

 

Jisoo returns it. “No. I didn’t.”

 

Jeonghan motions to Jisoo’s bowl with his spoon. “Mrs. Kim left early. C’mon, eat.”

  
  


-

-

 

“Hey, you ready?”

 

“Yeah, of course.”

 

Jisoo looks up from where he’s sitting on the couch. 

 

“Alright. Why don’t you head to the car and I’ll just grab the last bags? You’ve got your meds, right?”

 

Jeonghan’s eyes reveal nothing except his usual care and Jisoo nods. “Okay. And yeah, they’re in the blue bag.”

 

“Great.”

 

Jeonghan disappears back into the corner he came from and Jisoo stands up. It’s particularly hot today, but he guesses that it’s not too unusual, considering it’s nearly the middle of May. Still, he feels like a weekend pool getaway might be a little bit to early, considering that the nights are still chilly. 

 

Jisoo slides into the car and sets the seat a bit back, closing his eyes and sighing. He’s been up all night, unable to get a full hour of sleep without waking up and having to move around. He hopes that whatever Jeonghan has to tell him, won’t be bad. His thoughts have been running around everywhere in all directions. 

 

_ He’s going to break up with you.  _

 

_ He wants kids?  _

 

_ Maybe he cheated.  _

 

_ He doesn’t love you anymore, but he’s scared to leave you. _

 

_ Does he want to move?  _

 

Each thought is on such a different tangent than the last that Jisoo had spent hours quietly contemplating the outcome of each one, playing out various scenarios and conversations. 

 

Jisoo taps his fingers on the leather covering of the consol, leaning forward out of his seat when Jeonghan still doesn’t show up. He shoves the lube bottle into the console in front of him because it’s getting uncomfortable. The weight of it is nearly judgemental. 

 

Where’s Minseok when you need him? 

 

“Hey, sorry for keeping you, I couldn’t find the keys.”

 

Jisoo leans back into his seat and tries to cover up his mini-panic attack of the door opening without him hearing with a breathy laugh. 

“Well, took you long enough.”

 

Jeonghan doesn’t bother responding; just smiles and settles into the seat. He starts the ignition and within seconds, they’re pulling out of the driveway and Jisoo closes his eyes. 

 

He can tell that they’re out on the highway by the way the air sounds like it’s whooshing around the car faster, and the hum of the wheels speed up to the point where Jisoo can’t tell if it’s the car or his heartbeat that’s going a hundred miles a minute. 

 

Whatever Jeonghan has planned out for them is most definitely  _ not _ good for Jisoo’s heart. 

 

-

-

 

“Hey, we’re here.”

 

Jisoo’s eyes snap open as if he hadn’t just taken a very satisfying nap. He looks at the time. 

 

They’ve been driving for two hours. 

 

Jisoo follows Jeonghan out the car. The parking lot is one of those that you find near mountains. It’s all gravel and no white lines are drawn for cars to park between. 

 

Not that the place needs it. There are no other cars (or signs of life) besides them. He also hears something. It’s like a light echo around his whole head, muffling his sense of hearing and making everything seem kind of dream-like. 

 

“Where is this?” Jisoo turns around and walks a bit near the edge of the parking lot, before realizing what would have happened. He jerks backwards with a surprised gasp. 

“Jisoo, be careful! This place is built on a cliff!”

 

That, it is. A couple of feet past where Jisoo walked up to is where the ground just drops. It’s a terrifyingly scenic view - the ocean is right under it; waves crashing and splashing violently around jagged rocks that jut out from the land. He would have died watching a gorgeous scene, at least.

 

“Well, then, why’d you bring me here?” Jisoo’s eyes nearly bug out when he thinks of falling off of it by accident. 

 

Jeonghan smiles a bit stiffly. Jisoo walks back over to Jeonghan. 

 

“Just, follow me.”

 

So he does. 

 

The gravel parking lot eventually leads into a gravel stretch of road (does it even count as a road?), which then leads into a path filled with larger chunks of rocks. The stones grow in size the more Jeonghan and Jisoo walk, the crunch of dirt and pebbles growing quieter. 

 

Eventually, the path turns into a legitimate walkway made of paved stone. A white building is visible now, with a large dome and Jisoo can see the paint is chipping. Jeonghan’s face says nothing, but his breath is a bit forced and Jisoo can’t help but start overthinking things again. 

 

“Jeonghan, what is this place?”

 

“You’ll find out.” His voice is soft and his eyes don’t meet Jisoo’s. He stares at the ground. 

 

The building itself is very worn down, yet majestic at the same time. It’s a strange word to describe it as, but it seems to be the only word. It’s huge frame looms above the two of them, and beautiful flowers that Jisoo doesn’t know the name of mingle with thin green vines to climb up the walls. They lace over each other in pretty patterns and loop over the large, arched windows of the building. It has to be the size of a cathedral. When Jisoo looks closer, the walls are made of brick that have been sloppily painted with white. Jisoo feels like an ant. 

 

A plaque is placed next to the doors of the building. 

 

_ A place where they can rest.  _

 

It’s cryptic and the hairs all over Jisoo’s body stand up. 

 

“Is this-”

 

Jeonghan pushes the door open and they walk in. The smell of roses and dust fill Jisoo’s nose and he coughs. 

 

The inside is completely empty, besides the old wooden panelling underneath their feet and crooked photographs that hang precariously off of their sides. 

 

“Wait a little bit, Jisoo.”

 

Jisoo silently walks into the center of the floor, and the wide open floor swallows him up whole. It’s evident that things were torn off of the floor and Jisoo assumes that this building was supposed to be renovated but never was. 

 

“Jeonghan, I’m kind of getting freaked out. What is this place?”

 

Jeonghan walks up to Jisoo pulls him through the building, all the way to the other side where they reach a series of glass double doors. It takes at least thirty steps. Jeonghan pushes the doors and they swing open without resistance. 

 

“This place used to be a funeral home run by nuns. For people who were sick. People who were so sick that they couldn’t even make it home to die lived out their last days here. They were cremated here and placed in ceremonial urns, but the shelves were eventually torn out, about seven or eight years ago, when the head pastor got involved in a scandal regarding one of the patients. He ended up killing himself and they removed all of that and decided to reform into a building where terminal patients could come to rest. Obviously, that plan never came to fruition because no one wanted to help fund it. Everyone just ended up leaving.”

 

Like that’s not fucking  _ creepy _ .

 

“So why are we here? Did someone in your family die here?” Jisoo feels Jeonghan’s fingers stiffen and Jisoo looks over. Jeonghan’s face is ashy and his eyes sink into his face a bit too much. 

 

“I guess.” Jeonghan’s voice is barely above a whisper. They continue to walk, with Jeonghan’s footsteps agonizingly slow and Jisoo having to will himself to not try and speed up. 

 

They reach the center of the garden. It’s spacious and lush, overgrown with brush and clumps of wildflowers. Stone benches with names and years carved into them sink underneath tall grass and two huge oak trees stand on the sides of a fairly large mausoleum. 

 

Jeonghan can’t seem to meet eyes with it. 

 

“Oh, Jeonghan, I’m so sorry.”

 

They’re in front of the mausoleum. The walls are thick marble and the sunlight reflects off of the white stone in a nearly blinding fashion. 

 

“No, I am.” Jeonghan lets go of Jisoo’s hand a bit forcefully, twisting his hand of Jisoo’s grasp and pushing the door open. It squeaks a bit, but it falls open. “Go inside, Jisoo.”

 

Jisoo sees that there’s a single table at the center of the room. There’s a bronze urn and a letter peaks out from under it. 

 

“Who was this?”

 

“Your brother.”

 

Jisoo coughs. “What does that mean?”

 

Jeonghan crosses his arms together like he’s cold, and his hair falls down over his eyes. “The reason we couldn’t find him wasn’t because he was placed in an orphanage, or kidnapped, or went through an identity change.” Jeonghan steps backwards. “He was dead.”

 

Jisoo tilts his head and finds himself giving Jeonghan a crooked smile. “No, I mean, what? I - there’s no- he can-” Jisoo sees that Jeonghan’s not budging from his spot. “He can’t-”

 

“Jisoo, do you think I would have brought you all the way out here if I wasn’t one-hundred percent sure? I checked all the records; he grew up in L.A., was found by a child protective services agent one day in the park, and was sent here because at the time, they couldn’t find an orphanage that wasn’t overcrowded. He found out one day that he had family, but for some reason, decided against trying to find out more. The only thing is, you got the ages wrong. You weren’t seven; you were thirteen. He was at least nine at the time. I’m guessing the stress and trauma from losing him made you press the memory back into your head into a time period where you couldn’t have been fully responsible. I also think you’re about thirty-five years old, not twenty-nine. It wasn’t strange to me until I found out these records, but remember I showed you the comics that I had? You recognized those even though when they came out, I was five. I didn’t recognize the comics but you did, Jisoo. You talked as if you were old enough to read at the time they came out. I brushed it off as you just liking comics but you  _ knew _ the plot, Jisoo.” Jeonghan still isn’t looking up but Jisoo can see the river of tears that fall onto the ground. Jeonghan’s sniffling is loud and Jisoo sucks in air like he’s surfacing after having been under water for an hour. 

 

Jisoo feels his heartbeat all over the place. It thuds against his ribcage, against his skull, it pulses through his wrists and stomach and Jisoo can’t control the tremors that run up and down his back. His knees feels weak and stiff and Jeonghan doesn’t move. 

 

“What?”

 

He doesn’t want to accept it. 

 

He  _ can’t _ accept it. 

 

The only reason that he was holding onto anything, the only reason that he was with Jeonghan, the only reason that he was still  _ alive _ , was under the hopes that he could find his brother. 

 

The one person in his life that didn’t wrong him. 

 

Jisoo gently pulls out the letter from under the urn and runs his hands over the paper. It’s dusty but it’s not old enough to be cracking.

_ Hong Jisoo.  _

 

Jisoo pulls it open gently and takes out the paper that falls out. It’s more of a small packet, clumps of ripped up paper shoved together into a little envelope that crumbles a bit in Jisoo’s hand.

 

-

-

 

_ Will anyone ever read this?  _

 

_ I doubt it. But I don’t have much to do these days but write. So I guess I’ll start from the beginning. I don’t have much to do anyways. _

 

_ I don’t remember much, actually. I know I had a brother. He would call my name a lot, he would say, Jaehan! Jaehan, come here! Jaehan, come eat! Jaehan, watch this! I don’t remember his name, though. I think it started with a J. Like mine.  _

 

_ I know that I came to live here when I was nine.  _

 

_ I know that I’m twenty-four right now.  _

 

_ I know the year is 2010 and it’s a nice year.  _

 

_ I like this number. 2010 is even; 2010 is the end of a decade but also the start of one.  _

_ Will I last another ten years? A part of me hopes I don’t.  _

 

_ Will I find him? I don’t mind if I don’t. Because. _

 

_ I have found love. Pastor Kim has found me. I found him first, though. Everyone said to stay away; don’t look at him longer than you have to.  _

 

_ Confess false sins.  _

 

_ For he will find a way to twist your truth until you turn mad.  _

 

_ Until you don’t know God anymore.  _

 

_ And only him.  _

 

_ Do not eat more than one bowl of food because Pastor Kim does not care about us, doesn’t care about us enough to give us proper food. Don’t eat or drink or sleep more than you have to. He is a suspicious person. He watches carefully. He watched me closely. I felt nice and special.   _

_ I was fifteen. How was I supposed to separate blind devotion and love? Now, it doesn’t matter. I’m sick and Pastor Kim is kinder to me than ever. He is there for me and I know he doesn’t care about anyone else. He hurts those who try to hurt me.  _

_ When we touch it hurts but I feel like I am in heaven, even if it is only for a short amount of time.  _

 

_ He will not touch anyone but me. I made him promise.  _

 

_ No one but me.  _

 

_ It is hard to write in bed. I get dizzy too easily. I don’t like any of the food here. It’s too salty.  _

 

_ What if Pastor Kim is the one poisoning me? _

 

_ Too much salt in the food. _

 

_ He is going to get caught one day. He thinks if he can’t have me, no one can.  _

 

_ But I don’t mind. I like being his. He is mine. He is torturing himself over me.  _

 

_ I do not mind.  _

 

_ I don’t know what I don’t know.  _

 

_ I want to find him.  _

 

_ It’s okay.  _

 

_ I want him to hurt.  _

 

_ Am I talking about Pastor Kim or Jisoo? _

 

_ Oh, I do remember his name. It was Jisoo. I am a little jealous. His name is prettier than mine, I think. Jisoo.  _

 

_ Jisoo.  _

 

_ Jisoo.  _

 

_ Jaehan.  _

 

_ Jisoo.  _

 

_ See? It is prettier. I should change my name. What will my tombstone read? _

 

_ I want them to hurt.  _

 

_ I want Pastor Kim to hurt like he hurt me and never get better. It is my last honest sin; that I wish for him to hurt more than he hurt me.  _

 

_ I want Jisoo to hurt.  _

 

_ I want him to let me go.  _

 

_ Then I want him to hurt some more. He has a prettier name. He should suffer for that. _

 

_ I will be fine.  _

 

_ Let me go.  _

 

_ I am happy.  _

 

_ Let me go.  _

 

_ I hope it reads Hong Jaehan. That is who I am.  _

 

_ Let me go.  _

 

_ I am not here anymore.  _

 

_ So let me go.  _

 

_ For I am happy.  _

 

-

-

 

At Jisoo’s feet lie dozens of scraps of faded paper. Jisoo had scrambled through the rest in his hand, but the gradually-worsening handwriting had finally turn illegible and it looked like chicken scratch. Jisoo picks them all up one by one. 

 

His head goes a mile a minute, flurries of thoughts all going back to the same question. 

 

He remembered me?

 

How?

 

He remembered me. 

 

Thank God. 

 

Jisoo can’t help but cry over all of it; the fact that Jeonghan didn’t hide what he knew, the fact that his brother had written to him; the fact that his brother was now deceased; the fact that Jisoo didn’t even know how old he was, all of it. 

 

All of it is too much and suffocating and yet at the same time, it’s  _ freeing _ . 

 

He’s been  _ asked _ to let go. 

 

After carrying the burden of everything that’s happened to his brother for his whole life, he can let go. He can move on. 

 

The crippling, harsh pain that had once held onto Jisoo’s heart with a vice-like grip is now gone and something else replaces it, all too fast and too slow at the same time. 

To live life without this repression versus having to fill the void with something else confuses Jisoo. It makes him feel exhilarated and exhausted. 

 

Jisoo places the scraps of paper in the envelope and looks around the mausoleum. He decides to leave the urn there. 

 

Jaehan should be able to rest where he wanted to. 

 

-

-

 

Jisoo walks slowly back to the car, where Jeonghan is. He stands facing the sea and Jisoo smiles. 

 

Jeonghan must hear the crunch of his footsteps and turns around. 

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“What was in those letters.”

 

Jisoo’s light small flitters. “I don’t know. I’m pretty sure he went insane near his death. They started out like journal entries and then it sounded like he had figments of thoughts but couldn’t put them together. You can read them, if you want.”

 

Jeonghan shakes his head. “Maybe someday. But I don’t think I can deal with that.”

 

Jisoo nods. “Of course. Can you wait for me to do one thing, though?”

 

“Yeah, sure, what is it?”

 

“Take a picture of me standing here. I just want to remember it. You have the film camera we brought, right?”

 

Jeonghan smiles. “Of course. Go stand where you want while I get it.”

 

Jisoo finds where he wants to stand. It’s angled so that the white building will be in the background, but so will the cliff and a bit of the sea and ocean. Jisoo holds the letter in his hand. 

 

“Okay, smile!”

 

Jisoo doesn’t have time to think before he hears the snap go off. He giggles. “I wasn’t ready!”

 

Jeonghan laughs back. “I know. One more!”

 

This time, Jisoo smiles for real. 

 

“Is that good?”

 

“Sure, let me just, take one more!”

 

Jisoo smiles again, but as soon as the shutter goes off, a huge gust of wind that comes from the sea knocks Jisoo forward, and the envelope goes skidding on the floor. 

 

“Hey, Jisoo, pick it up! It’s about to-”

 

Jisoo can’t reach it in time and the envelope catches against a tree branch, tearing in half and spilling the scraps of paper. The wind picks up all of a sudden as if it were planned by the gods. They scatter like fat snowflakes. 

 

“Jeonghan, they’re getting away!” Jisoo and Jeonghan run all over the place, trying to catch them, but they get sucked away by strong gusts of wind. Jisoo’s hair flies all over the place, blocking his vision and causing leaves to dance around the air. 

 

They’re gone.

 

Jisoo watches helplessly as they all disappear over the cliff’s edge, down into the ocean. 

 

“Jisoo, I could only grab one of them, I’m sorry.”

 

Jisoo turns around. Jeonghan holds out a little yellowed scrap of paper. He takes it carefully. 

 

_ I am not here anymore.  _

 

_ So let me go.  _

 

_ For I am happy.  _

 

“Thank you.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Jisoo looks up. He walks over to Jeonghan and hugs him. Jeonghan stumbles a bit and Jisoo laughs. 

 

“You saved the best one.”

“Really?”

 

Jisoo hugs Jeonghan as hard as he can with his thin arms. 

 

“Yes.”

 

“That’s good to hear.”

 

Jisoo lets go. 

 

_ I am not here anymore _ . 

 

Jisoo is. 

 

_ So let me go _ .

 

Jisoo does. 

 

_ For I am happy _ . 

 

Jisoo will be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GIRLIES I DONT EVEN KNOW I FELT SO ???? LIKE I FEEL LIKE I LIKE THIS CHAPTER A LOT BUT AT THE SAME TIME I HATE IT ?? LIKE I DONT KNOW I DONT KNOW I DONT KNOW FEEL FREE TO HATE I LSDJKFJSJS
> 
> but in all honestt-  
> jisoo let go of his pain and torment and hes gonna move on now oof!!  
> (btw i planned to make his brother be dead and now i finally did i and idk how to feel)  
> like i feel like this chapter was ethereal but also really crappy i dont know ..  
> my thoughts all over the place,, but,, announcement:  
> my new fic is / will be up by the time you're done reading this!!
> 
> anways yeah!
> 
> bye and take care of yourselves !!! thakn you for all your support and love !!!


	16. in which there is a vacation: part II of II

Jisoo knows that his friends (especially the ones at the office) to be rowdy, but to be honest, he’s still not very used to them being  _ themselves _ outside of the honest. Except maybe Soonyoung. 

 

He’s always like that. 

 

“Hey guys!” Jisoo waves widely from where he can see everyone a little past the gate. The pool is empty besides Jun, Minghao, and Hansol having some kind of fight (play or real; Jisoo doesn’t know. Or care.) while the rest are milling around the cabanas spread out over the grounds. There’s a hut/tiki-inspired bar where the roof is made of straw. There’s no one working, though, and Jisoo can see that the lifeguard chairs are empty. 

 

“Jisoo! Jisoo hyung! This pool is so good! It goes all the way to four meters deep! And look at the diving board!”

 

Chan shoots out of his cabana and runs up to Jisoo. His swimsuit has little suns plastered over the whole thing and Jisoo can’t shield himself from Chan’s hug. 

 

Jeonghan smiles and taps Jisoo’s shoulder. “I’m just going to put our stuff down, ‘kay?”

 

Jisoo nods and hugs Chan back. He feels a strange longing inside of him. 

 

He really thought it would be Chan. 

 

It was like God was saying,  _ you’ve had enough kdrama-eque occurrences in your life. The streak of luck ended with you marrying Jeonghan.  _

 

But Jisoo doesn’t feel sad about it. 

 

Like he said, he let it go. 

 

“Alright. Why don’t we go in the water? I brought floaties.” Jisoo pulls Chan’s hand along. His bleached hair glints in the sunlight and shines like a halo. Jisoo looks away. “And the ones that actually work, not the crappy ones that deflate after an hour.”

 

-

-

 

If there’s one thing that drives Jisoo crazy, it’s that others are driven crazy by his love of sunscreen. 

 

“Dude, calm  _ down _ , it’s fucking May. What do you need sunscreen for?”

 

Jisoo glares as harshly as he can at Wonwoo. “Shut up and don’t come crying to me when you burn like the raisin you are.” Jisoo goes back to lathering his legs and face in with sunscreen. He motions for Jeonghan to hurry up and finish rubbing the lotion in to his neck. Jeonghan groans and quickly massages the slightly sticky lotion into his skin. 

 

“Whatever, Jisoo. By the way, you look like a white-out pen finished on your face.” Wonwoo saunters away with Soonyoung snickering next to him before Jisoo can squirt sunscreen onto his swimsuit. 

 

“Ugh. They just don’t understand the essence of skin. You have to be healthy all over the place, Jeonghan! Why would you  _ not _ take care of the largest organ in your body, you know!”

 

Jeonghan pats Jisoo’s hand a bit fakely. Jisoo glares at  _ him _ , crossing his arms and his irritation grows when Jeonghan mimics his motion. “I’m terribly sorry for you, Jisoo. So sad.” Jeonghan pokes Jisoo’s cheek and goes back to laying down under the cabana. The light caramel drapes keep out the sun but it keeps in the heat so it’s comfortably warm in here. However, he promised Chan to play around in the pool and so he tells Jeonghan that he’ll go out for a little. 

 

“Don’t forget your mom hat.”

 

“Than-” Jisoo hufss. “Screw you.”

 

Jisoo grabs his floppy hat from under Jeonghan’s hand and storms off. 

 

“Hyung, over here!” 

 

Jisoo’s head turns and he sees Chan bobbing around on a floatie in the shape of a pineapple. The printed-on triangles representing the marks on a pineapple are as big as his fingers. A flat strawberry-shaped floatie sways back and forth next to Chan, too, which Jisoo guesses is his. 

 

“Hey, when did you even get this from my bag?”

 

Chan giggles. “Just get on!” Chan pushes the floatie over the edge and it takes a couple of seconds before it reaches him. Gently lowering himself into the pool, Jisoo nearly drowns right away. They’re in the four meter end, not the half meter one. Jisoo thanks God that he can swim, quickly saving himself before his face goes under. 

 

It hasn’t been thirty minutes yet, which means the sunscreen hasn’t really set it. Jisoo adjusts himself onto the pool floatie and fixes his sleeves. (Yes, he found a long-sleeve rashguard.) Jisoo clambers onto the plastic strawberry and finds that the water is actually kind of nice against his skin. He leans back on the end of the strawberry that’s kind of raised so a person can lay back on it and he waves at Jeonghan. Jeonghan’s skin looks tawny under the reflection of the sun and the additional tan curtains blocking out most of the light. 

 

Like stretched caramel. 

 

Jeonghan smiles back and goes back to nodding off. Jisoo looks around. 

 

Soonyoung’s currently piggybacking Seokmin in the water, engaged in a violent and very splash-inducing fight with Minghao on Jun’s back. Jisoo just kind of leans to the side so he’ll reach Chan faster. Soonyoung announces that he wants a drink, though, and they get out in a simultaneous mess of water and floppy hair. Jisoo’s glad he’s on the other side - he doesn’t mind pool water but when it splashes onto him, the feeling bothers him. 

 

“Hyung, this is so nice. We should have a company getaway every year.” Chan’s closed eyes pop open and he gasps. “Wait, not saying that I’ll get, hired, like, if I do! I’m not saying that I think I’m worth the - I’m an inter-”

 

Jisoo laughs and uses his hands to sprinkle water onto Chan’s floatie. “You’re going to be chosen, Chan. It’s been a very long time since I’ve seen a better intern for the job. You know, your spot right now has been being passed around for five years?” 

 

Chan breaks out into a smile. “Really?”

 

“Really.”

 

“Thank, hyung! Wow, this is the-”

 

“Chan, watch out!”

 

The basketball that Seungkwan and Wonwoo were throwing around somehow gets flung all the way out into the water, all the way from the court they’re on. Except it’s not as far is looks, because it’s just separated from the pool by a small fence of flowers. 

 

The ball flies at Chan, but hits the floating. Jisoo laughs, but then the floatie starts to spin and Chan ends up in the water. 

 

“You guys, be careful!” Jisoo carefully slips off of his floatie and grabs the ball, and uses an arm to swim over to the edge. He climbs out as he hands the ball back to Seungkwan, not wanting to throw it.

 

“H-hyung, hyung! Chan!” Seungkwan runs over the fence and Jisoo turns around. Chan’s not in the water anymore. 

“Chan?”

 

There’s a small white blob under the water and Jisoo’s heart thrums in his chest. He runs towards the water without thinking, sucking in a deep breath of air right before he hits the water. 

 

He sinks as quickly as he can, kicking the water around him. His eyes sting with chlorine and his lungs start to burn a tiny bit. He must not have taken in as much air as he thought. 

 

Jisoo reaches Chan fairly fast, but he sees that someone else is already tugging up Chan’s body from the bottom of the pool. Jisoo squats throughout the blurry field of vision. Chan is still moving, though, but it’s slow and Jisoo kicks even faster.

 

It’s Jeonghan. Jeonghan must notice him because he jerks his head up and Jisoo follows suit, grabbing Chan’s other arm and shoulder and swimming up. They surface and Jisoo sucks in a deep breath of air, but he coughs in a gallon of pool while trying to bring Chan’s head up along with him. 

 

“When the hell did you j-” Jisoo coughs and swims over to the edge of the pool, holding onto Chan’s arm. Seokmin and Wonwoo are there, ready to pull Chan out. “-jump in!”

 

Jeonghan tries his best to shrug while struggling to keep Chan’s head above the water while pushing his body up the edge so Wonwoo can grab his back. 

 

“I don’t know, a couple of seconds after you did? I didn’t realize you were in there, though.”

 

“You reached fourteen feet in three seconds!” Jisoo pulls himself up and forces himself to cough up the water he swallowed when he was down there. He pulls his wet rash guard off of his skin and shakes his head before heading over to Chan. 

 

“Oh. Cool, I guess.” Jeonghan turns around and looks at Jisoo. Jisoo stands there for a moment, kind of surprised at the cold shoulder he just got. It might have been normal in the past, but - 

 

But he’s not like that now. 

 

Jisoo’s footsteps move in rhythm with his heartbeat.  _ Is he getting tired of me now _ ? 

 

Jisoo ignores the twisting in his chest and tries to pull himself together. Chan’s sitting up, kind of pale but otherwise, he looks fine. Jeonghan leans over him with a concerned expression on his face. 

 

“Chan, why didn’t you tell us that you can’t swim?”

 

Chan shivers under his towel. (Presumably given by Seungkwan, because it’s got a giant cartoon Mickey-Mouse on it and Seungkwan’s the only one who’d actually buy something like that.) “I was embarrassed.” Chan flushes and his teeth knock together loudly as he shivers. “Sorry, though. But at least I didn’t die.”

 

Jisoo lets out a strangled squawk. “Embarrassed? Chan, you could have hurt yourself!” Jisoo flaps his hand around. “I’m sure a lot of people can’t swim! Raise your hand if you can’t swim!”

 

Jisoo kind of melts into a puddle. 

 

Soonyoung, Mingyu, Hansol (!! the most enthusiastic out of all of them about a  _ pool _ party!!!), Jihoon, and Chan raise their hands. Jisoo’s mind starts to blow. 

 

“Sorry, Jisoo. I guess we were lazy children.” Jihoon shrugs and pats Chan on the shoulders. “I hated the summer. And outside. So.”

 

Mingyu holds up his hand. “And I didn’t learn because I was always taller than the water.” Mingyu looks at the spot that Chan sank in and shudders. “Except for now. Except for  _ there _ .”

 

Hansol bounces on his feet. “I thought we could naturally swim, you know? Like birds? Until I was seventeen. And then I never bothered learning.”

 

Jihoon coughs. “I think that’s enough sharing today.”

 

Jisoo’s eyes just kind of bug out at Hansol and all he does is give everyone and easy smile. 

 

-

-

 

Jisoo’s not  _ worried _ or anything, but yeah. 

He’s pretty worried. 

 

_ Jun _ , out of everyone, is manning the grill and cooking for twelve people isn’t easy to start with but cooking for twelve on an open-fire grill is going to be next to impossible. Taking into account that everyone eats too much to be considered normal and the fact that, again,  _ Jun _ is the one that decided to cook, Jisoo shakes in his seat a bit. 

 

It’s not that Jun is  _ bad _ at cooking. If anything, he’s definitely one of the best. But if you need a list, please read on. 

 

  1. Jun _burned a hole_ into his tent on a camping trip while trying to fry himself an egg. 
  2. Jun almost set fire to his own apron when he leaned against his oven after putting his cookies in. And no, it wasn’t because of the heat coming from the oven, but his elbow slipped, hit the button that turned on his stove, and the story is self-explanatory. 
  3. Jun had to go to the emergency room for _seven stitches_ on his hand when he got distracted by his Netflix show. While. Chopping. Carrots. The thin scar’s still kind of visible. 
  4. Jun, one time, wanted to feed a stray dog that he had found before taking into the pound so he cooked a 32-ounce steak for it. And then had to disinfect his whole house because it had tracked in lice. (He lived in a hotel for two weeks.)



 

The list just goes on and Jisoo meets eyes with Jihoon, who seems to be thinking the same thing, but taking it much lighter. He smirks (?) as Jun starts up the grill and places the veggie kabobs on it. 

 

“Ow!”

 

Jisoo sights. 

 

It has  _ literally  _ been two seconds. 

 

Jeonghan  _ tsks. _ “What’s wrong?”

 

Jun holds up his hand, and two fingers are bright red with two lines indented onto them. “I clamped my hand on the tongs.”

 

“Hard enough to leave a mark?” Jeonghan raises a brow. Jun smiles awkwardly. 

 

“No, I dropped the grill top on top of them.”

 

Jisoo sees Mingyu looking at him and jerks his head to the grill.  _ Take over _ . 

 

Mingyu lets out an exasperated sigh and walks over to Jun, motioning for him to move. 

“Okay, fine, but be careful, the handle is slippery and-”

 

“Fuck!”

 

Mingyu howls and staggers backwards, pulling his hand close to his chest. 

 

“See? Told you.” Jun smiles goofily. 

 

Chan clears his throat. “The grill’s not turned on, hyung.”

 

-

-

 

Jisoo takes his seat next to Hansol and Seungkwan. He was  _ this close _ to being put next to Jeonghan but Seungkwan had snatched his hands so fast and so hard he thought they would be ripped right off of his body. Seungkwan had pleaded with his eyes to  _ just sit down _ , please, so Jisoo did. 

 

Maybe he likes Hansol?

 

“Hey, Seungkwan, why weren’t you in the water today? Chan and I were playing the with the noodles and you didn’t come in!” Hansol looks earnestly over at Seungkwan, and Jisoo kind of leans backwards so Seungkwan can answer. (And also to see his reaction.)

 

Seungkwan flushes. “I - uh, don’t reall-”

 

“Guys! Where’s Seokmin!” Wonwoo stands up all of a sudden, interrupting Seokgwan from answering. Seungkwan’s bright pink flush disappears and he returns to his regular coloring. The relief floods onto his face. “He’s not back from the-”

 

Jihoon grabs onto Wonwoo’s shirt and tugs hard enough to slam Wonwoo down on the bench. “Shut up, he left with Soonyoung a while ago.”

 

Everyone stares placidly at their food that Jun and Mingyu serve while thinking about Seokmin and Soonyoung and what they could possibly be doing on open grounds. 

 

Jisoo doesn’t feel like eating anymore. 

 

-

-

 

Soonyoung and Seokmin return  _ well _ after everyone’s had their last bite of food, their last shot of soju. Jisoo squints at the both of them; Soonyoung has the audacity to stick his tongue out. Seokmin just smiles like a fucking goon and takes a seat. 

 

Chan averts his eyes and flushes. “You guys smell weird, where were you?”

 

Pretty much everyone else snorts or chokes or has their eyes bugging out. Jisoo does all three. 

 

-

-

 

The suite room is pretty fucking huge. 

 

It’s the size of his old apartment. 

 

Jeonghan throws himself on the bed with a groan, throwing his hands up around him and Jisoo drops down next to him, but Jeonghan’s quick to push him up. 

 

“No, no, no. You put on a whole bottle of sunscreen today. Go take a shower and get the gunk off of you first.”

 

Jisoo giggles. “You went into the water, too.”

 

Jeonghan lets out another groan and stands up. This time, he tosses himself into a chair that’s in front of a desk. “Fuck. I’ll shower after you.”

 

Jisoo tilts his head and lowers his chin. “Just come in with me.”

 

Jeonghan opens a single eye and looks at Jisoo like he’s contemplating the pros and cons of showering together. Jisoo can’t help but turn red. He’s never been so  _ obvious _ before. 

 

“You want us to shower  _ together _ ?” Jeonghan crosses his arms across his chest and pulls his leg in like he’s trying to conserve his modesty. He laughs. Jisoo forces himself to laugh as well, but it kind of hurts his chest. “But you’ll see me  _ naked _ .”

 

Jisoo smiles. “Right. Well, I’ll take only a couple of minutes.”

 

Jisoo quickly turns around so Jeonghan can’t see the look on his face and rifles through the open suitcase on the floor to find his clothes. As fast as he can, Jisoo grabs everything he needs and walks into the bathroom. 

 

The process of turning on the fucking shower takes way longer than it should. But once he does, Jisoo turns the heat up to the point where he can’t really feel his skin anymore. 

 

_ Does Jeonghan not want me anymore? He’s always been the more enthusiastic one out of us. Am I not likeable anymore? _

 

_ Is it the therapy? The medication? We haven’t really done anything since I got diagnosed. I know he understands, but did he just grow tired? _

 

Thoughts fly around Jisoo’s head like they were shot from a cannon. One thing brings him to the next, which brings him to the next, which brings him to the next. Jisoo scrubs away the sunscreen and the dried chlorine off of his skin almost mindlessly, rubbing until his arms and legs are pink with the scratches of the loofa. 

 

Jisoo decides that he’ll try one more time before completely giving up. 

 

He misses Jeonghan. 

 

Jisoo quickly cleans himself and slips out of the shower. 

 

He’ll try one last time. 

 

-

-

 

When Jeonghan’s in the shower, Jisoo shuffles through the suitcase and pats down the pockets of everything he’s brought. 

 

It’s not there. Jisoo looks through everyone one more time and he rushes when he hears the shampoo bottle clatter. Jeonghan’s almost done. 

 

Jisoo’s about to give up finding it, hoping that he dropped it somewhere no one can see, but then he feels it. 

 

It’s under Jeonghan’s jacket. 

 

Jisoo’s heart and breath catch at the same time. Jisoo remembers that he put it in the glove department of the car all of a sudden, and that he didn’t take it out. Did Jeonghan find it? 

 

“What’re you doing on the floor, Jisoo? Come up here and dry your hair.” Jeonghan ruffles his hair around with a towel and Jisoo gulps. He didn’t even hear him get out. 

 

“Um, yeah, I just-”

 

Jeonghan squats down and Jisoo falls over onto his butt, caught off guard.

 

“Why’re you holding the lube bottle?”

“I- I just, it was-”

 

Jeonghan takes it out of Jisoo’s hand. “I found it in the glove compartment but I don’t remember putting it there. I took it out because I didn’t want it to heat up and explode or something.”

 

Jisoo finds himself breathing out a small sigh of relief. “Oh.”

 

Jeonghan gives him a small grin. “I hope you didn’t think something weird.”

 

Jisoo looks up. “Like what?”

 

Jeonghan shrugs and stands up. Jisoo follows. “I don’t know, maybe you’d think it was for someone else? I don’t know, I’m just saying, I hope you didn’t think of it as weird.”

 

“Would you do it with anyone else?” Jisoo can feel his pulse rush in his ears. “Would you?”

 

Jeonghan turns around from where he’s standing and gives Jisoo a hurt look. “Why would you even ask that? Of course not!”

 

Jisoo can feel the thrumming in his heart, he can feel the air in the room still. “Then why won’t you do it with me?”

 

Jeonghan lets out a defensive scoff. “Are you asking me to fuck you with expired lube?”

 

“No, I’m asking, why do you keep turning me down? Do you just not want sex anymore, or do you not want  _ me _ anymore?”

 

Jisoo shields his heart in advance, ready to take in answer he gets. Jeonghan looks pissed. 

 

“Because, Jisoo! I don’t think we should do anything like that for a while. Just, let’s just-”

 

“Why!”

 

Jeonghan slams his hand down on the desk but Jisoo can’t even find it in himself to flinch. 

 

“Because! You’re still adjusting to your medication, Jisoo, and I don’t want to do anything that could mess up the process. I don’t actually  _ know _ if sex could do anything about it but still, you’re always tired! I don’t want you to feel obligated to anything. And you  _ just _ found out about your brother and everything yesterday. How could sex even be on the list of things you’re thinking about right now!” Jeonghan’s neck vein bulges like an unwanted guest. It throbs and Jisoo’s pretty sure he looks the same right now. 

 

“Well, then ask! I’ve already  _ adjusted _ fine! And you would have known that if you asked, Jeonghan. I get that you want to be careful around me, but you’re my boyfriend, you’re my  _ husband _ . It’s okay for you to want to ask! To be curious or to feel uncomfortable! Just talk about it!” 

 

Jeonghan sighs. “I try, Jisoo. I’m trying. But this isn’t something that you’re going through by yourself. You keep asking me to talk to you more, right? But when am I going to be asked? You can’t just throw yourself at me all of a sudden, after months and then just expect for me to think that’s normal, Jisoo.”

 

Jisoo falls down onto the bed; knees buckling and giving out. 

 

He just realized that over the entire course of just, well,  _ everything _ , Jisoo’s never asked Jeonghan how he was doing. 

 

Of course, Jeonghan had gone out of his way to help, he had bent over backwards to do things to help Jisoo’s therapy and recovery. 

 

But Jisoo’s never even questioned how Jeonghan was doing. How he was holding up. 

 

Jisoo sniffles and his face turns hot with tears of embarrassment. 

 

Jeonghan sighs and comes up to him, pulling Jisoo into his abdomen. Jisoo cries quietly. 

 

“I’m sorry, Jeonghan.” Jisoo sucks in a breath of air and Jeonghan smells like the hotel soap; linen and clean cloth. “I never asked you. I’m sorry.”

 

Jeonghan presses a kiss on top of Jisoo’s wet hair. “It’s okay. We can start tomorrow, okay?”

 

Jisoo nods into Jeonghan’s stomach and his hands won’t stop shaking. 

 

-

-

 

Jisoo lays in bed quietly, waiting for Jeonghan to come back from the bathroom and to turn off the lights.

 

“Jisoo, are you under the covers?” Jeonghan appears from the hall, (yes, there’s a fucking  _ hall _ inside the  _ hotel room _ ) and he’s holding his phone, scrolling with concerned eyes. The middle of his forehead pulls together and Jisoo notices it. 

 

“Yeah. Is something wrong?”

 

Jeonghan takes a second to answer, staring at whatever’s on his phone until he shakes his head and turns it off. “No, no, nothing’s wrong. Let’s go to bed.”

 

Jeonghan’s spinning the conversation. 

 

Actually, there  _ is _ no conversation. Jeonghan quickly slides under the blankets and Jisoo turns around onto his side. 

 

“Goodnight, Jisoo.”

 

“Goodnight, Jeonghan.”

 

They sleep with their backs facing each other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LSKDJFSJ????!!! 
> 
> SORRY FOR THIS SHITTY-AS-FUCK CHAPTER LIKE IT'S SO BAD IM CURSING IN MY NOTES OMG !!
> 
> BUT LIKE I WANTED ONE LAST DRAMATIC ARC BEFORE THE END OF THE FIC SO BEAR WITH ME FOR THIS DISAPPOINTING AS SHIT CHAPTER ITS JUST TO BUILD UP FOR THE NEXT ONE!!  
> AND ALSO IM YELLING BUT!! MAKE SURE TO TALK TO THOSE AROUND YOU IF YOU'RE GOING THROUGH THERAPY/TRANSITION/RECOVERY!! YES, YOUR THERAPIST IS IMPORTANT AND YOUR FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE IN KNOWING HOW TO DEAL WITH THINGS BUT PEOPLE LIKE YOUR PARENTS, SIBLINGS, CLOSE FRIENDS, AND PARTNERS ARE GOING THROUGH IT W/ YOU IN A WAY. DON'T TAKE THEM FOR A GIVEN AND WHEN THEY NEED TO BE TALKED TO, BE OPEN WITH THEM!!
> 
> sorry i just forgot to turn off caps and then like tuning them off in the middle seemed wrong to me lskjfjs
> 
> anwaysy thank you for all the love for this fic and im so sad to think it's like 80% done omg slkjsjs 
> 
> please check out my other fic, "a rose by any other name" and i'll update next week!
> 
> see you next time!!
> 
> annd also of course and as always, take care of yourselves! drink water! moisturize! study! mwah!!!


	17. in which there is a crack in the walls

“Okay, that’s it. Tell me what’s wrong.” Jisoo stands in front of the bedroom door, barricading Jeonghan from being able to leave. “You said that you wanted to talk. So talk.” (It’s been two months since the pool party but Jisoo brings it up every time Jeonghan tries to avoid a conversation.) Jisoo kind of bites his tongue because he realizes how aggressive he sounds. However, Jeonghan had been avoiding his eyes the whole day, jittering around and scurrying off everywhere. That, as a result, drove Jisoo’s anxiety off the walls and he’s literally going to explode if Jeonghan taps his foot one more time. 

“N-nothing.” Jeonghan’s eyes widen. He’s usually not that shitty at lying; it’s clear to the both of them. Jisoo gives Jeonghan a look. 

“What’s going on?”

Jeonghan sighs. “Nothing, really. I’m going to fix it. It’s just a small bum-”

“What is it!” Jisoo tries his best to control the whine rising out of his throat but he finds that it leaks out unwittingly. 

“Um, there’s just been a small hitch in our marriage contract.”

Jisoo feels his heart skip a beat. “What?” He swallows but his throat is too dry to do anything and so he just holds back a choked, snorting noise. “Are we not, like, legally married or something?”

Jeonghan gives him an awkward laugh and rubs a spot on the back of his neck with red cheeks. “Close?”

“Jeonghan, spit it out!” Jisoo’s throat feels like it’s closing and he doesn’t know why, but he does, because they might not even be married? And the reason that he feels like he’s in the wrong for no reason is because he doesn’t think of it as a bad thing. 

Why don’t I think of it as a bad thing?

“We’re legally going to be divorced on the sixth-month anniversary of our wedding.”

“That’s in like, three weeks.” Again with the palpitations. A flurry of thoughts swirl around Jisoo’s head like little snowflakes. 

“Yeah. My point exactly. The fact that we signed it voluntarily is going to make it hard to break the contract.”

“We can cancel it, though, right? If both parties agree to stay to-”

“No, no, Jisoo, you don’t get it. My parents’ also signed it. My mother, my father; they also signed the contract. It wasn’t just for the sake of us getting married, to them, it was a business deal. You knew that.”

“Right.”

Jisoo did know that. 

Jisoo had gotten married to Jeonghan under stupid circumstances. He wanted to get something out of it, and Jeonghan’s parents wanted to clear up a scandal that was dragging the company’s name through the mud. 

But now, Jisoo got what he wanted and so did Jeonghan. 

What everyone originally wanted, they all got. 

“I scheduled a dinner today, Jisoo. I know this is rushed and I wasn’t going to get you mixed up in this but I want you to come with me.”

Jisoo suddenly gets a thought. “Jeonghan, what did your parent’s sign under?”

“What’re you talking about?”

Jisoo tries to think as hard as he can. He doesn’t know a lot about law but he’s signed a lot of contracts and had dealt with even more during his decade-long run under the company. “SVT, they always write the title of the person signing under the line. Your parents, they signed on a line, right? And their titles must have been company owner, or something along those lines if you said this was more of a business deal. No feelings were involved; they wouldn’t have signed as your parents or something.” Jisoo looks up at Jeonghan and he can tell he’s wearing the same expression; hopeful and desperate to come up with an answer. “And the fact that they signed in the first place to vouch for us, not as witnesses, means that they must have had to sign as company owners! Our marriage was a contract, Jeonghan, it’s only legal because it’s a contract!”

Jeonghan’s optimistic smile falls and his expression turns into one of confusion. “I’m not following. All marriages are legal contracts, Jisoo.”

Jisoo paces around the room, a newfound adrenaline pulsing through his veins. He hasn’t felt this useful in a long time. “Yes, a regular marriage is a legal contract. But ours was under the pretense that we would get divorced as soon as we hit the six-month mark. That’s not a normal marriage. Your parents also didn’t sign as witnesses, since we had the HR representative to do that. They must have signed as something else, so why don’t we become that?”

“Hold on. I have the contract, just, wait here.” Jeonghan skids out of the room but then swings himself around. “Actually, why don’t you come into my study with me?”

-  
-

“Jisoo, I know I don’t say this a lot, but I fucking love you.”

Jeonghan lets out a quiet breath and drops the papers he’s holding in his hands onto the table. 

“Uh-huh.”

CEO, SVT Industries.

CFO, SVT Industries. 

“Seriously, Jisoo, your brain. Wow.”

“Uh huh.”

Jisoo’s hand shakes as he touches the packet of paper. The words are imprinted onto it with expensive ink and Jisoo’s fingertips trace the raised ridges of each letter. 

“Are you okay? You don’t look so good.”

Jisoo shakes his head and squeezes his eyes open and shut. He should be ecstatic. 

“I’m sorry, I’m just overwhelmed.”

“Are you su-”

“I’m fine, Jeonghan.” Jisoo’s voice comes out all distant and floaty, like he’s about to cry but is trying to holding it back. 

-  
-

“So, I see you two have been up to a lot these days.”

Jisoo lowers his head as Jeonghan’s mother raises an eyebrow in a sharp, judgmental way. 

“What do you mean, mom?” Jeonghan takes a bite out of his chicken. Jisoo tries to swallow the pea he’s been chewing for the last two minutes and he barely gets it down without gagging. 

“The pictures. They’re everywhere.” She raises her knife slightly and tips it to the left, indicating for the two of them to look around. She’s right. 

Vacation pictures, selfies, and images of them standing in front of various things with goofy smiles on their face litter the top of every surface a frame can be placed on. The small china cabinet near the entrance of the kitchen. One’s on top of the dining table, but they’ve all been pushed to one end. 

“Well, people need to buy the act.”

Jeonghan’s mother narrows her eyes at her son. She’s much scarier than his father; something Jisoo picked up years ago. Jeonghan’s father has the face and voice of a top-tier mafia boss, and yet, he can’t make decisions or responsible deals for shit. Which in itself, is completely ridiculous considering he’s the CFO. 

Everything goes to Jeonghan’s mother. 

The CEO. 

Her face holds thin wrinkles that melt into her otherwise perfect face. Free of blemishes and age spots, her exterior is completely rigid and youthless; old and young at the same time. Her eyes merely grow sharper with age and so does her voice. Not a single hair lays out of place. She’s managed to turn her graying hair into a respectable look. 

It helps that she refuses to wear things that aren’t from Italy. 

She takes a small bite of her food and chews. Jisoo holds his breath as she swallows and he’s not even the one who cooked it. Jeonghan’s father just happily eats his plate and looks like everything being said at the table is going in one ear and getting shitted out the other. The tension just flies over his head, missing him by a fucking mile. 

“Yes, Jeonghan. People do need to buy the act.” She pauses like she’s trying to convey a secret point only the two of them will understand. “But this is a bit much. It’s too much, Jeonghan.”

“I don’t see where you’re getting at, mother.”

“Do you think I’m stupid, Jeonghan? I can see that you two aren’t in this for business.” She scoffs like someone just threw a first-class insult at her face. About her face. “Don’t forget, this ends in t - is that why you called me here?”

Jisoo has to try his very hardest to keep his face still. How the fuck did she put that together so quick? The corners of her lips raise in the satisfaction of knowing she’s right. Somehow, instinctively, she’s right. 

“No, mom, it’s not. Give me the company.”

Her fork clatters onto the table. “Excuse me?”

“It’s about time you retired. Give me the company and retire. You can trust me, mom. And Jisoo and I will be separated in three weeks. It’s the perfect time to give it to me. You could say that because I was busy preparing for the transfer, Jisoo and I had a falling out. The media wouldn’t find much to attack. It’s not like they can turn a couple naturally just falling out of love a scandal.”

Jisoo’s throat closes up and he wants to vomit except he didn’t eat anything besides like, three peas and a microscopic slice of chicken so there’s really nothing much to throw up. 

Jeonghan’s good at lying. 

He’s forgotten how good. 

“I want to argue with you.” Jeonghan’s mother sighs. “But you’re not completely wrong.”

“Mom, you can trust me. Sign me off as the CEO. I have multiple candidates ready to take over the other board spots and it just makes sense, mom. I hate to say it, but your getting old. And so it dad.”

Jisoo taps his own thighs quietly, trying to calm himself down with the little motions. His fingertips don’t make a sound as they hit his dress pants. 

“I’ll think about it.”

-  
-

“Do, we have to?”

Jeonghan looks up and takes his glasses off of his face. He’s holding a bunch of papers, rifling through them to find something. “Have to what?”

Jisoo feels the bile rise up his throat and he knows how he’s going to react. 

Himself, not Jeonghan. 

He can already feel the hot flashes of anxiety all over his body, the palpitations of his heart thrumming against his ribcage. 

“Stay married.”

Jeonghan stills. His face is no longer inquiring and Jisoo bites his tongue just to feel something else other than hot shame that floods his body. 

“Is it weird of me to say that I was waiting for you to say that?”

Jisoo feels his eyes open up a bit larger. Immediately, the guilt floods away and is replaced with a sense of curiosity and also, rejection. (Which is totally not justifiable, considering that he literally just asked to let the divorce happen.)

“What?”

“Well, you never told me that you wanted to stay married. You just didn’t want to be divorced; you never said you loved me enough to just stay married.”

“So you think I don’t love you enough?”

Jeonghan sighs and stands up, placing his hands in his pockets and leaning against the side of his chair. 

He looks old.

No. 

He looks worn out. 

“Don’t turn my words into something they’re not, Jisoo. I just meant, from the beginning, you were more confused than anything. Who knows if you actually like me, or if it’s just the proximity and my constant confessions that are confusing you? I don’t know, it’s not a bad thing. I just mean, I wasn’t going to be surprised if you asked to just separate.”

Jisoo takes a step forward and his hands shake violently. It feels vaguely like the panic attack he had in Minseok’s office and he’s scared that he’s not going to be able to control himself. It’ll end up throwing Jeonghan into a loop of guilt for making him like that and the both of them are just going to end up upset with each other for not being able to understand. 

“No, no, Jeonghan, I do! I like you, I love you! It’s, like, I’m-” Jisoo wills every inch of his body to not tremble like a leaf in the wind. “- I’m just, saying, why don’t we start over? You were right earlier, we didn’t marry because we loved each other, so why don’t we just let the divorce happen and we can start from the beginning? We can date and find out things about each other and it can be new, Jeonghan, that’s what I meant.”

Jeonghan gives him a small smile and walks over to hug him. His arms have gained a little bit of weight. That, in turn, makes Jisoo smile in relief. 

“I like it.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah, it is.”

-  
-

Jisoo looks at the calendar on his desk. Everyone in the office is talking and milling around. Seokmin and Chan sit next to each other, going over numbers. Wonwoo quietly talks to Seungkwan, who’s been visiting the floor a lot lately. Hansol, Soonyoung, and Minghao talk in the break room, coffees and papers in hand. 

The scene makes Jisoo calm. 

It helps him stay grounded while his brain works on overdrive, trying to constantly keep him calm with the looming date ahead of him. He can’t focus on anything for too long; an unfortunate side effect of his new medication and the stress of having to work and deal with Jeonghan and his parents for a little while longer. 

Jeonghan’s been distant lately. 

And not in the way he was before; the touching and the hugging and the compliments but not having sex. 

It’s a different kind of distant, one that Jisoo doesn’t like. 

They have a whole plan. 

It would be to let the divorce fall through but continue with dating and being with each other in a relationship, just taking it slow and letting themselves be together like normal people. 

If they continue to feel the same feelings for each other that they have now, marriage would be the right answer. 

But Jeonghan feels like someone Jisoo’s already broken up with. 

He doesn’t know what to do. 

-  
-

“It’s going to be over in a couple of hours.” Jeonghan looks down at his watch and taps his foot against the floor. Jisoo feels his heartbeat pick up with each tap, the incessant noise driving him to the point of near madness. 

He holds back. 

“Yup. Two hours.”

“Two hours.”

“We’re going to be fine, right?”

“Yeah. We are.” Jeonghan looks up from his loosely clasped hands. “You have your apartment ready?”

“Yes.”

Apparently, Jisoo’s apartment was never put back on the market. The company kept it. Particularly for this reason. 

It’s like everyone knew but them. 

But. 

Them? 

“Jeonghan?”

“Yes?”

The clock ticking away on the wall starts to grow louder and louder and the living room starts to distort itself. Jeonghan’s a million feet away. 

“How did you miss it?” Jisoo can’t make his voice go over a slight whisper. He can feel the heat from his stomach spread. 

“I don’t know. I read the contract through.”

Jisoo closes his eyes. “Which means you had to see it. It was a whole clause, Jeonghan. How did you miss it?”

“It was a rushed week, Jisoo, I just happ-”

“Just that? You missed just that?” Jisoo clenches his hands together and he wants to pace around the room; he needs to get this energy piling up inside of him somehow. 

Jeonghan sighs. “Fine.”

“Fine, what?”

“Fine, I’ll admit it. I knew about it. I knew about.”

“How long?”

Jeonghan shrugs all too casually. Jisoo’s mouth dries up. “I was the one who put the clause in there, so for a while, I guess.”

“What’s wrong with you?” Jisoo’s voice cracks. “Why’re you being like this? Are you falling out of love with me? Were you lying? Did you just want me to love you?”

Nothing makes sense. Jeonghan stays still like a possessed ghost. His eyes remain glassy and besides his chest moving because of his breathing, he’s as rigid as the glass coffee table in front of him. 

“Yes, Jisoo. I’m a childish fifteen year old teen who bet fifty dollars with his friends that I could get you to fall in love with me in three months. You blew my plan, dammit.” Jeonghan sarcastically slaps the leather sofa and it echos around the room like a gunshot. 

Nothing makes sense. 

Jisoo can’t even find it in him to cry. Jeonghan’s being abnormal; this isn’t him. 

“If you want to break up with me, just say it.”

“I want to break up with you. No more. I’m tired, Jisoo. I thought I liked, no, I thought I loved you but I got confused. Living together; it makes people say and feel things that might not be true. Let’s just end it here. Legally, emotionally, mentally.”

Jisoo doesn’t say anything. 

He’s beyond embarrassed. 

He’s humiliated. 

It burns through his like a hot knife, searing his heart and making it hard to breath. He runs up the stairs he’s run up so many times, each footstep growing louder than the last. 

Something’s wrong. 

Jisoo’s not going to fix it. 

He doesn’t know what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh throwback to the first fic i ever tried to write.... ew
> 
> I hope this chapter makes up for the last one TT i hated it but like?? i needed something to lead in to this
> 
> but yea.
> 
> ohohoho there's something wrong w jeonghan?? will they make it?? will i make all of u cry ?? will i break apart this couple or make sure they end up together forever???
> 
> who knows
> 
> sdjfs
> 
> hope you stay happy and healthy and ily all thank you !! over 8000 hits and 600 kudos!! wtf i cant !!!
> 
> mwah bye!!


	18. in which there will probably be tears

“Jisoo, would you like to transfer over to a new branch? It seems we have a position open for office manager at our building in Incheon.” 

 

Mingyu sits with his legs crossed and folded. The seat barely sinks under his weight. Jisoo tries his best to look like he’s fine, when in reality, he is most definitely  _ not _ fine. 

 

“Incheon?”

 

Jisoo briefly considers it. It’s barely an hour away from here, and Jeonghan’s refusing to talk to him. They’re not together anymore. 

 

The divorce is final.

 

His brother no longer has to be found. 

 

Jisoo doesn’t care about his parents anymore. 

 

There’s nothing holding him back anymore. He can start over. He’s thirty. He still has time to fall in love with someone and make a name for himself. Work his way up the corporate ladder. 

 

Jisoo could do so much more. 

 

He could stop being sad. 

 

“I think I can give you an answer by after lunch.”

 

Mingyu places his chin on his fingers and looks down like he’s calculating something. His eyebrows pull together the slightest bit. “That works for me. Thank you for meeting with me.”

 

“Could I ask you one thing?”

 

“Yes, Jisoo, of course.” Mingyu leans forward and his seat and Jisoo straightens his back out. 

 

“Who referred me? I never applied for the position.”

 

“Jeonghan believed you were more than capable of leading a floor. It’ll be what you did for ten years, so no need for training. Everyone on the board was more than happy with the decision.”

 

Jisoo’s stomach tumbles. He was expecting that answer; he was expecting it so why does it hurt him? “Did he say anything else?”

 

Mingyu gives him a look at that says he knows something, so Jisoo uses his best droopy eyes he can. Mingyu breaks. “He said he wanted to get you out of here as fast as possible.”

 

Jisoo nods once. “Right.” He gets up and heads for the door. “I’ll do it.”

 

“What?”

 

“I’ll take the job. If you’ll let me. Please notify me any other details.”

 

Jisoo steps out of Mingyu’s office before he hears anything else come out of his mouth. He makes his way to the office on their floor that no one uses. 

 

Closing the door, he presses his back against the wall until his legs can’t hold him up any longer. 

 

He cries as quietly as he can, but he can’t help the sobs that leak past his lips. They echo quietly around the room and Jisoo sniffles even harder. The tears are hot and they burn themselves into Jisoo’s skin, into his clothes, leaving their trail on everything they touch. He hates everything. 

 

He hates Jeonghan. 

 

That’s a lie. 

 

There’s a knock on the door and it opens, not giving Jisoo enough time to gather himself or to try and hide. 

 

Speak of the devil. 

 

“Jeong-”

 

“Please refrain from showing emotional outbursts on company property. It doesn’t transmit a good image to the-”

 

“Jeonghan, what’re you doing?” Jisoo can’t really see his face through his tears. They blur up his vision and make everything seem hazy. “Why are you doing this to me? You said you l-”

 

“Someone walking down the hall could have heard you. You’re lucky that it was me.”

 

“Jeonghan!” Jisoo cries, and Jeonghan sighs. He steps closer and closes the door behind him. 

 

“Jisoo, please stop crying. I don’t know why you are, but this isn’t the best place for you to have a breakdown.”

 

Jisoo feels his heart collapse onto itself like a dying star. 

 

“What do you mean,  _ you don’t know _ ?” Jisoo throws his hands up in the air and lets out a huffy breath. “You know what? Fuck you.”

 

Jeonghan draws back. “What?”

 

“Fuck you. I’ll cry wherever the fuck I want to.” Jisoo storms up to Jeonghan and slams a finger into his shoulder. Jeonghan staggers backwards, a shocked expression on his face. 

 

“Jisoo-”

 

“I don’t care if you don’t love me, Jeonghan. I hate you.”

 

The words hit Jisoo. 

 

“Hey, wait, J-”

 

“Fuck you.”

 

Jisoo purposely bumps his shoulder into Jeonghan as hard as he can as he passes, slamming the door open and walking out. The hall’s empty since it’s still working hours and Jisoo walks to the direction of the bathroom. His skin feels hot. Everything’s too hot. 

 

Jisoo gets a text message.

 

_ <<Kim Mingyu>> _

 

_ We have the contract, if you’re ready. Please stop by as soon as you can to pick it up. Details about pay and relocation fees will be discussed in person. _

 

_ <<Me>> _

 

_ I’ll be there in ten. Thank you. _

 

_ - _

_ - _

 

“Thank you for stopping by, Jisoo. We understand you’re busy but we appreciate that you took the time to meet us.”

 

Jisoo takes a seat in front of Mingyu (who’s in charge of the people who work in this branch; he checks their numbers, finds openings and fires people, etc) and Mr. Park, a board member who’s been here for as long as Jisoo can remember. 

 

“Of course,” Jisoo says. He feels his back stiffen. “Anything for this company.”

 

Jisoo knows that he needs to meet their eyes, but he does it a bit warily because his eyes are still a bit puffy. 

 

“Jisoo, you can relax. You have the job.” Mingyu gives him an easy smile. “I think it’s time that we exercise your abilities further than an executive assistant.”

 

Jisoo nods. “Thank you.”

 

Mingyu places a manilla folder on the table in between them. “This is the contact; you can sign it and hand it in to HR by the end of the week. We’ll keep this talk brief. The salary is going to be a significant increase than what you have right now. Three hundred thousand dollars a year. You’ll be charge of your own division; the marketing division. Wonwoo’s actually going to be moving with you.”

 

Mingyu looks down when he says it. 

 

“He is?” Jisoo’s confused. He thought that things that worked out between them.

 

“Yes. He’s transferring as a financial manager for your floor. So at least there will be one familiar face.”

 

Mr. Park laughs and pats Mingyu on the back. “Don’t look too down, Mingyu. I’m sure you’ll see each other more than you think.”

 

Jisoo and Mingyu both look up at Mr. Park, who just laughs his old-person laugh and leans back in his seat like he’s just accomplished something great. 

Jisoo takes the contract from the middle of the table. The paper’s smooth and thick. 

 

His hands itch to rip it open and sign it without hesitation. 

 

-

-

 

“Jisoo!” Soonyoung wails. “I can’t believe you’re leaving us!”

 

“Hey to you, too.” Jisoo takes a seat in his chair and runs a finger sentimentally against the white wood. His fingertips glide over the edge without catching on anything. 

 

He’s going to miss this place. 

 

Wonwoo doesn’t look up from his computer. “Leave him alone, Soonyoung. He can’t just stay here forever.”

 

Soonyoung shoots Wonwoo a dirty glare. “You shut up. You’re leaving to.”

 

Jihoon mumbles something out and it sounds like an ambiguous threat towards Soonyoung’s wellbeing. Jisoo smiles. He would like to be here the day he actually goes through with one. 

 

“I’m going to miss you so much.” Jun’s mouth folds and his eyes grow watery. “I hate you for moving.”

 

“I’ll be an hour away. I probably won’t even have to move apartments.”

 

Jun smiles at this. “Can I stay over?”

 

Jisoo thinks back to the first and last time Jun had crashed at his house. He had woken up to a dog licking his face and three stray cats sprawled lazily all throughout the living room. He did not appreciate that, as cute as the cocker spaniel was. (Jisoo had to be treated for rabies because the animals were strays. Jun refused to apologize as Jisoo sent them to the proud. It was a rough week for everyone.)

 

“Yes, Jun. You may stay over.”

 

Minghao snorts. “That’s code for never.”

 

“Can I stay at your place, then?  _ Hao _ ?” Jun bats his lashes and giggles. Minghao turns away. 

 

“Whatever.”

 

Jisoo wants to cry again but he’s not going to be  _ that _ person. 

 

He sucks in a deep breath and signs the dotted lines. The black ink runs and bleeds a bit throughout the otherwise white paper and Jisoo feels like he’s ruined something. He’s about to ask Chan to go fetch another copy when his phone lights up and vibrates on the table. 

 

_ <<Unknown>> _

 

_ It’s Eunwoo. Please meet me in the downstairs cafe. I would like to tell you something.  _

 

_ - _

_ - _

 

“Thank you for meeting with me.”

 

Jisoo gives Eunwoo a slightly sarcastic smile. “I seem to be running into everyone today. What do you need me for?”

 

Eunwoo smiles and his eyes crinkle so beautifully that Jisoo has to turn away and remind himself that he’s supposed to  _ not _ like this guy. 

 

“Very direct. I’m surprised Jeonghan-hyung went for someone like you; he likes quiet people.”

 

“Because you’re so silent.” Jisoo can’t keep the bite out of his voice. Eunwoo doesn’t seem to mind. 

 

“I called you down just to say that I won’t be going after hyung anymore. I’ve only got a few pre-requisites for my men and he didn’t end up passing the test”. Eunwoo looks at his nails. “He failed them, sadly.” He pouts like it’s the tragedy of the century. 

 

“Which is?”

 

“He’s divorced.”

 

Jisoo sits in disbelief. “But when he was married, that was just perfect?”

 

“You’ve got to keep things interesting in life! You should thank me, I’m sure you guys got lots of things said because of me.”

 

That’s actually pretty hard to argue with. 

 

But still. Eunwoo sounds like an absolute maniac right now. 

 

“How did  you get my number?”

 

“Hyung. He also wanted me to give you something.” Eunwoo reaches over into the bag by his side and takes out a folder. “I didn’t read it, don’t worry.”

 

Jisoo takes it. He’s sure attracting a lot of paper today. It’s thin. 

 

“Thank you.” Jisoo stands up. “I hope this is the last time we have to see each other.”

 

“Have fun in Busan.” Eunwoo winks and disappears within a second. Jisoo doesn’t bother looking for him in the crowd. 

 

_ It’s in Incheon, dumbass. _

 

-

-

 

Jisoo stares at the closed folder that has Jeonghan’s messy signature traced into the top corner. He debates on whether he should open it or not. It’s just probably the severance note or something that has to do with his transferal, like a recommendation. 

 

“Does that packet hold the answer to life? Why’re you looking at it like that?” Seokmin takes a seat next to Jisoo in the break room. 

 

“I feel like it does, Seokmin. I feel like it does.” Jisoo rubs his chin with his hand. He sighs. 

 

Seokmin rolls his eyes. “Ugh. I hate it when you get like this.”

 

Jisoo looks up, kind of defensively. “Like what?”

 

“Like  _ this _ .” Seokmin gives him an over exaggerated version of his expression, squinting his eyes and sliding his fingers against his chin as if he’s trying to rub off permanent marker. 

 

“Oh, screw off.”

 

“Screw? What happened, Jisoo, are you okay?” Seokmin gives him a mocking giggle and falls back into his seat. He starts peeling the little tangerine he has in his hand. 

 

“Yeah. I’m just sad about having to move to a different branch. As much as you guys are hard to deal with, I wouldn’t have anyone else by my side.”

 

“Gee. Thanks.”

 

“Mhmm.” Jisoo closes his eyes. “You think everything’s going to turn out okay?”

 

Jisoo can’t see Seokmin but he can imagine him doing the same thing. “If you’re talking about your job, then yes. The building’s an hour away; we’ll see you often enough if you aren’t moving. If this is about  _ Jeonghan _ ,” Seokmin pauses. “Also yes. I think you’ll be just fine. You aren’t going to never fall in love again, Jisoo. Sometimes people just have to move on. Sometimes, you can love someone so much that it  _ hurts _ and you just have to let go.”

 

“I’m not quite sure I know how to respond to that, Seokmin.”

 

-

-

 

“Jisoo, one thing.”

 

“Yes?”

 

Mingyu averts his eyes quickly. “We misread the branch request. It’s in Busan.”

 

_ How the hell did Eunwoo know? _

 

“What?”

 

“You’re getting transferred to Busan. It was Wonwoo that was going to Incheon, not the both of you.” Mingyu looks up. “I hope this doesn’t inconvenience things, Jisoo. Our company will pay for your apartment and travel fees, but you’re allowed to back o-”

 

“Mingyu, I took the job because I wanted to get out of here.” Jisoo’s voice is quiet; he can’t find the will to go above a slight whisper. “I’ll go.”

 

“Oh, that’s great then. Here, just m...”

 

Jisoo can’t really hear anything else besides the thudding of his heartbeat. The rush of blood that shoots to his head drowns out Mingyu’s chatter. 

 

He’s got to get out of here.

 

-

-

 

Jisoo’s in line to get on the airplane. 

 

There’s a garbage can in front of him. The last one he’ll probably get to see before he touches ground in Busan. 

 

He tosses Jeonghan’s packet out. Jisoo leaves no traces of his former life on him. The move to Busan was long enough already without having to deal with the emotional attachment that came with everything. The souvenirs, the photos, everything’s been shoved into boxes that’ll never get to see the light of day; Jisoo doesn’t even have the white-gold wedding ring that Jeonghan gave him. He’s pretty sure it’s in a jacket’s pocket. 

 

Jisoo breathes in the stuffy air the plane. 

 

First class. 

 

SVT Industries does not disappoint when it comes to relocating employees, it seems. Jisoo stretches his legs out on his seat and looks out the window with a lurch in his stomach. 

 

The last time he had been on a plane, Jeonghan was whisking him off to Iceland for a surprise vacation. 

 

It’s a distant and fading memory, just like Jeonghan. Something that Jisoo will look back on in years to come with melancholy and a little bit of a hurting heart; nothing more. 

 

He hasn’t even told the rest of the group that he was going to be heading a branch in Busan. Wonwoo thinks they’re going to meet up for dinner tomorrow night. Jisoo still has to cancel.

 

Everything hurts but in a good way. 

 

Jisoo’s finally going to get a start on his own life after ten years. 

 

How?

 

-

-

 

Jisoo’s new apartment is luxurious at its worst. Large and spacious, everything is wide and it makes Jisoo smile a bit. He likes the feeling of freedom. He’s a bit high up; the twenty-seventh floor. 

 

He’ll make do with this. 

 

Jisoo breathes in and looks at his watch. Then the boxes on the side. He still has to unpack, but he didn’t bring much stuff in the first place so it shouldn’t take more than a couple of evenings. 

 

It’s almost eight. 

 

He’s got to go now or he’s going to be late for work. 

 

-

-

 

If Jisoo had read the letter, he might have been able to find out a lot of things. 

 

Jeonghan had written more than in seemed like. 

 

All handwritten; scrawled out lazily and slowly and hasty and desperate at the same time on thick, cream-colored paper. 

 

Jisoo would have read the following: 

 

_ Jisoo, I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry things turned out this way. I couldn’t get my parents to cancel the divorce. They signed me as the new CEO two hours after our official divorce; I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know how.  _

 

_ I should have.  _

 

_ I’m sorry.  _

 

_ I’m sorry for hurting you. They were watching. We were always being watched.  _

 

_ They knew that we were in love. That we are in love. It’s just that they were watching and knew what we would try to plan.  _

 

_ So I’m sending you away. It’s safest for you. And everyone. It’s the only choice. _

 

_ I’ll meet you there.  _

 

_ Mingyu told me Belgium; I don’t know why you chose such a place but I’ll see you there; I already leased out an apartment. You’ll meet me there, right? I’ll have Mingyu send you the address, come by the 17th if you still want to be together.  _

 

_ You said you hate me; I hope that was out of anger. I hope you didn’t mean it. I can’t live without you, Jisoo, I can’t continue without you. I’m a CEO now, I can’t risk falling apart. You’re keeping me together.  _

 

_ Meet me by the address that Mingyu sends you by the 17th. I’ve already picked up a project in Belgium; to open a new hotel. I can’t leave without you. Please meet me, Jisoo.  _

 

_ Let’s just be together.  _

 

_ Let’s stay in love together.  _

 

_ I can’t breathe without you, Jisoo.  _

 

_ I’m sorry I hurt you.  _

 

_ I’m sorry I got you dragged in all of this.  _

 

_ I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry. Because I still got you to fall in love with me. I still got you. I still got to have you.  _

 

_ I still have you.  _

 

_ Please don’t let my thoughts be wrong. You still love me too, right? You still care, right? _

 

_ I’m sorry.  _

 

_ I love you.  _

 

Except Jisoo threw that packet away on his plane to Busan and now he won’t ever read it again. Jeonghan’s words are lost in the trash compost. Jisoo won’t ever read them.

 

Some poor, unfortunate souls these two are. 

 

Very unfortunate indeed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why do i do this to myself?? to u guys? to myself?
> 
> also two random notes:
> 
> @ stanjicheol if ur reaing this;;; u got through to me;;;im going for the pink lsdjfsj
> 
> second note: i really wanna write a mafia au? like a good one? im not saying that the ones out there aren't but like,,,i want it to actually center around a realistic "mafia" life not all guns and kisses and oh he's a former prostitute and ooh there's been a random group that suddenly hates us like i wanna??
> 
> does that make senes??
> 
> idek??
> 
> yeah sorry im down to my last two braincells and all they're capable is telling to use lots of exclamation points and lowercase letters!! so yeahsldjfs
> 
> hope you all enjoyed and ily all and u guys have my uwuwssdjfsjksj!!!
> 
> stay happy and healthy everyone !!!


	19. NOTICE

Hello, everyone !! It's me, Min! 

 

I'm just uploading a notice to say that I won't be able to upload as planned. Finals/Exams season is coming up again and I need to get my nerd on! (i immediately regret saying that lsjdfs). i also would like to announce on a sepearte note that being a premed sucks. balls. and i have not sucked a ball before. but i know what it feels like because this is what it feels like it feels like death and i need to just NOT !! be!!! so!!! fucking !! hard!! on!! myself!! (when did this become a rant about school sldkjs)

 

On another note, I thank you all so much for your support on this fic! We're literally almost at 10,000 hits, kudos, and comments! Each! How is that even possible!! You guys have no idea how much that makes my heart swell; it makes me want to continue to practice writing for fun and if I can make someone happy for a little bit, it's all worth it. 

 

I will upload regularly starting next Friday as planned; with uploads of "the perfect man", "a rose by any other name", "at the end of the road", and I have written my first chapter for the mafia!au fic that i planned. if you guys wanna read the mafia au one, please comment down below! i don't know if i want to post it or not yet, but if you guys would like that, i'll post! It'll become a quadruple-udpate friday!! im going to find that so satisfying lskdjfs. 

 

sorry that i couldn't upload but as always, please take care of yourselves! go on a walk! take a nap! study a little bit ! go out wit ur friends! get your nails done! drink three glasses of water in ten minutes just to see if you can!! i love you all!!! my door is always open for talking!! spill the hot tea sis!! (ew sldkjs) !! get ur rants out i genuinely want to hear them!! also success stories always make me smile share the good news !!!

 

\- authormin

 

 


	20. in which that it was not the way that it was supposed to go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note 1: for the last couple of chapters, ill be switching to jeonghan's pov once in a while. i wont be mentioning when but it should be pretty obvious, however, if it's not, then just comment down below and ill start doing it !

three years later

 

-  
-

Jisoo leans back in his seat and stretches his arms out, letting out a small noise when his back cracks painfully. Minhyuk looks up with a smile. 

“Tired already? It’s not even lunch.” He types something on his computer and then spins around in his chair. 

Jisoo gives him a teasing frown. “I’m not tired, just, mentally absent.” Jisoo goes and ahead and decides to crack his knuckles while he’s at it. They pop satisfyingly and Minhyuk laughs. 

“No, you’re just getting old.” Seokjin smiles.

“Hey! Thirty-seven isn’t that old!” Jisoo puts his arms down. 

“Oh, sure, Jisoo. It’s not old.” Seokjin gives him a shrug and slides over onto the floor. “Sign there, please.”

Jisoo grumbles but complies, scrawling out his signature messily on purpose. Seokjin shakes his head and flips the paper over. 

“Again.” Seokjin gives him the same sheet, and Jisoo lets out a sigh and signs along the lines again as clearly as he can. Seokjin’s a perfectionist. Getting on his wrong side means having to deal with the scent of lemon cleaner clinging onto your skin for days. (He makes Clorox wipe bombs. Very not good for your wellbeing but also very good at cleaning things that shouldn't be cleaned. It’s a punishment that no one wants to ever face.)

“Here.” Jisoo hands him the paper. 

“Thank you. And stop frowning, you’ll get lines.” 

“Oh, just, get out, hyung.” 

“Hmm. You have a pretty face but a dirty mouth.” Seokjin playfully ghosts his fingers over Jisoo’s cheek and then pokes at it. “Shame.”

“I’m going to bite your hand, hyung.”

“Like a doggy.” Seokjin bares his teeth. “Like my little pet.”

Hoseok giggles. “You’re into really weird things, hyung.”

Seokjin turns around and straightens out his shoulders. “Take it up with Namjoon.”

Everyone in the office freezes. Taehyung presses a button on the copier in the back corner and sighs with defeat. “I’d rather not.”

Everyone nods in agreement and Seokjin dances out of the room with his middle fingers sticking out for the whole world to see. 

No one bothers looking. 

-  
-

Busan has good food, and that kind of makes everything better sometimes. 

Jisoo bites into a piece of grilled pork belly and Jungkook clambers to cut him another piece. Jisoo shakes his head and pushes it onto Jungkook’s bowl. 

“Aw, sunbae, you need to eat more-”

“You’re twenty-two, Jungkook. It makes me full to see you eat.” 

Jungkook flushes but smiles like a giddy child and eats his food. 

He reminds Jisoo of Chan. 

The personalities, the smiles, the way they try and take of others before themselves; it’s uncanny. 

Sometimes Jisoo pats Jungkook on the head or ruffles his hair because he just looks like Chan, they look nothing alike but they are and he feels guilty afterwards because he doesn’t know whether he likes Jungkook for himself or because he reminds Jisoo of Chan; he doesn’t know. 

Everything in life for the last three years has been a question of whether he wants something or not, whether he made the right choice or not, whether he regrets anything or not. 

Sometimes the days are hard. 

Sometimes the days are easy. 

Jeonghan feels like a distant memory of some big relationship that went bad because it was just too good to have worked and then some other days, Jeonghan feels like a mistake that Jisoo never got closure for. The good times don’t outweigh the bad but that doesn’t really mean that the bad outweighs the good and Jisoo still loves him, but he doesn’t know what he loves Jeonghan for. 

Still. 

It’s been three years and Jisoo still can’t pinpoint what about Jeonghan that was just that fucking special, it’s sad but he doesn’t know. Or maybe he isn’t special and Jisoo’s desperate to have just one relationship in his life that didn’t end up absolutely fucked over.

Jisoo doesn’t know. 

Most of the time, he wakes up feeling like his life is great; he’s leading a whole floor in marketing and he’s actually really good at it. He has new friends and still stays in contact with the guys from his old office. He gets to eat out every week and he’s on good terms with his bosses. His (fifth) medication is working great and helps him balance things out. He’s in control of his emotions and his lows don’t go that low. He actually likes to do things now.

But once in a while, Jisoo wakes up feeling like he’s on the other side of the moon. He feels isolated and alone and the thought of Jeonghan gnaws away at him like a little bug, itching and itching and itching until he scratches it and the wound just opens up and he can’t take it anymore. 

It’s been three years and he’s still not completely over it. 

There’s something wrong with him. 

-  
-

Jeonghan brushes his hair back and looks at the blueprints in front of him. The white lines against the dark blue make no sense to him and he wants to roll it up just to have something to smack himself with. 

“What the hell do you want me to do with this, Hwiyoung?”

“Look at it?” Hwiyoung shrugs and flicks his hair back. “I don’t know, I’m not the architect around here.”

“Then what did I hire you for?”

Hwiyoung gives Jeonghan a blank face. “I’ve been your translator for three years, Jeonghan.” He gives him a fake glare. “I’m offended.”

Jeonghan groans. “You said that you could do anything on your resume.”

“Yeah, because normal people understand the mechanics of building the infrastructure of an eighty-floor hotel.”

Jeonghan glares at him for real. Hwiyoung just glimmers and pops a grape into his mouth. 

“I miss him.”

Hwiyoung gives him a look and taps his fingers on the table in front of him. “Who is he, anyways? What was so special about your old secretary? Was she hot? I’m weirdly jealous of them.”

Jeonghan looks down at his hands. They’re pale and thin and they fumble around each other. “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean, you don’t know? You keep bringing them up in every conversation. Did you get involved with them or something?” Hwiyoung gives him an evil smile. “Did you get mixed up?”

Yeah. 

Jeonghan got mixed up. 

“He was my husband.” Jeonghan takes a long drink of his water and watches through narrowed eyes as Hwiyoung immediately sobers up. The joking expression on his face melts away and Jeonghan sets his cup down. “I’m not with him anymore.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

Jeonghan stands up and reaches for the blueprints again. “Don’t be. It was an amicable split.”

It wasn’t. 

Jeonghan leaves with the papers in his hands. 

-  
-

The cafeteria in this branch is bigger, but it’s not as nice. There’s no separate cafe for coffee and pastries, which isn’t the end of the world, but still. 

Jisoo still doesn’t drink coffee anyways, so it’s not like it matters. 

“What’re you thinking about?”

Jisoo turns around. “Oh, hey, Jimin. I’m just daydreaming, I guess.” Jisoo holds his tea with both hands and feels the warm bleed out comfortingly into his palms. “What’re you doing here?”

Jimin gives him a bashful smile, suddenly turning away and looking down at his feet. “I, uh, wanted to ask you a favor.” Jimin’s face drops within a second, though, and he lets out a sigh. “Taehyung got a date to the annual company gala. The one for the new hotel opening in Belgium.”

Jisoo frowns a little bit and places his hands over Jimin’s little fist. Jimin looks up with sad eyes. “What do you need, Jimin? I’ll do anything.”

Jimin bites his lips and his eyes flicker all over the place, like he’s trying to determine whether or not his next sentence is appropriate or not. “Well, you know, we’ve been friends for three years now, so I feel like I can ask you this but I also don’t want to sound childish and I just don’t know; asking someone else would be embarrassing and this is embarrassing! It’s embarrassing but I’m comfortable with you, but that’s not-”

“Jimin.” Jisoo cuts him off. “It’s okay. You can ask me.”

“Taehyung has a date and I don’t. Would you mind going with me?”

Jisoo feels his mouth open the slightest bit in surprise. Jimin flushes again he pulls his hand out of Jisoo’s. 

“I know, it’s stupid. I-”

“Come on, Jimin. It’s fine, why’re you shy? I’d love to go with you.”

Jimin lights up. “Really? Really?”

Jisoo smiles. “Of course, Jimin. I’d be honored. And if we can piss of Taehyung, all the better!”

Jimin smiles and Jisoo throws him a wink before standing up with his tea. 

“Thank you, Jisoo! Thank you!”

Jisoo twirls around dramatically and bows. “I’m your prince in shining armour, Jimin. Mwah!” 

Jisoo blows him a kiss and goes back to his office. 

He needs a suit.  
-  
-

“I hate Belgium. I hate it. I hate it. It’s stupid. You can’t even eat chocolate every single day. This is stupid. I fucking hate it.” Jeonghan repeats it over and over again like a mantra and Hwiyoung gives him a tight lipped smile. Turning around to the clueless investors, Hwiyoung bows curtly and smiles. 

In french, he says something that Jeonghan can’t understand. He assumes it’s along the lines of, please excuse my fucking dumbass of a boss; he’s just being bitchy because he just told me he has an ex-husband who he apparently still loves. Also it’s cold and his bitching is kind of justified, so. 

Or maybe Hwiyoung’s just finalizing the contract. 

Whatever. 

-  
-

Jisoo grabs Jimin’s arm reassuringly, watching as his “date’s” eyes flicker all over the place trying to find Taehyung. 

“Jimin, if you look like you care, it’s not going to make him want you.” Jisoo shakes his head and tsks him with a smile. “You have to look like you own this place, okay?”

Jimin shudders and looks down. “Yeah, well, this place cost the company over a million dollars to rent out and decorate and cater so I’d really rather not take responsibility for this and also, Ta-”

“He’s coming, quick!” Jisoo gently spins Jimin around so they’re heading in the opposite direction. 

Jimin nearly slips against the floor, buckling forward and he grabs onto Jisoo’s shirt in order to gain his balance back, except he doesn’t and they crash onto the floor in a giant jumble of limbs and hair and suits. 

“Ugh, sorry.” Jimin groans under the weight of Jisoo’s body. “I think the floor was wet.”

Jisoo pulls himself up and smiles at those around them who try to help him up. He can feel the embarrassment rise up into his face but he holds his hands out for Jimin to take. 

But someone shoves him out of the way and yanks Jimin up onto his feet with one sharp motion. 

“Taehyung, that hurt!” Jimin snatches his arm back and bows curtly to the surrounding crowd as well. People nod back and disperse rather quickly, which Jisoo’s grateful for. He pulls Jisoo into his side as gently as he can. 

“Jimin, you should be careful. Are you sure you’re going to be okay with Jisoo? I’ll stay with you instead. I’d feel better if I could see you.” His voice sounds like he’s worried but his eyes grow darker and he makes eye contact with Jisoo rather than Jimin. Jisoo gives him a little grin. 

Taehyung and Jisoo haven’t really talked that much, even if they did work in the same branch. Taehyung was one of the graphic designers, which meant that they only discussed things during the end process of submitting projects. He’s always seemed aloof yet cold.  
Jisoo sees that it’s true. Either that, or he likes Jimin a lot more than Jimin knows. 

But Jisoo thinks that playing the game’s going to be more fun than just letting them get together now. 

It’s been three years since anything’s happened. 

He’s bored. 

“He’ll be fine with me, Taehyung-ssi. Thank you for your concern.”

Jimin doesn’t say anything and Jisoo gives Taehyung a smile. He doesn’t get one in return. Taehyung tightens his jaw and his eyes flit to the floor. Jisoo watches in slight sadistic amusement. 

“Taehyung, you should just go back to your date. I can’t just leave mine because you want to keep me around.” Jimin balls up his hands into little fists. “Jisoo, let’s go.”

Jisoo doesn’t say anything, just quietly follows Jimin’s quiet stomping all the way over to the bar. 

“I’m your date now?” Jisoo slides into the stool with Jimin right next to him. He had just assumed he was Jimin’s accompaniment for the night so he could get Taehyung jealous. He didn’t even consider that Jimin would consider this an actual date. 

Jimin flushes and fiddles around his hands. “Y-yeah, if that’s okay with you. I’m sick of Taehyung toying with me and you’re really nice. I’m not saying it has to work out or something, but I’d like to give it a try.”

Jisoo considers it. For how much longer is it rational to be hung up over someone? He can’t just not move on for the rest of his life. And Jimin’s cute and funny and nice. Sure, they might not work out but he needs to start trying things. 

He looks at Jimin. He looks self-conscious but also hopeful at the same time. His cheeks are dusted pink and his eyes twinkle. Jisoo smiles. 

“Of course. Let’s give it a try, Jimin; I’d love to go out with you.”

Jimin lets out a small laugh and raises his hands in a little cheer. “Yay!”

Jisoo laughs back. 

It’s real.  
-  
-

“Hey, Jisoo, isn’t that Jeonghan-ssi?” Jimin looks up from his drink with wide eyes and Jisoo nearly spits his soda out in surprise. He starts searching the crowd. “The CEO’s here!”

Jisoo’s heart drops and then shoots back up again. He’s forgotten that everyone knows him as the CEO, not Jisoo’s ex-husband. “What?”

“Your ex-husband, Jeonghan? Ring a bell?” Jimin sips his drink and Jisoo sighs. 

So Jimin remembers. 

Fun. 

“Where is he?”

“Over there, by the guy with the long-ish hair. He’s talking to chairman Lee.”

Jisoo spots him. 

He’s over at the corner, dressed like an absolute king. He drips with some kind of aura that can’t be described. Nothing sets him apart from the rest of the crowd that’s also dressed in diamonds and gold and sparkly things and perfect hair and dark reds and blues and luxury, but at the same time, there’s just something fundamentally different about him. It’s just something Jeonghan has. 

He looks a bit different, now. His hair isn’t brown anymore. It’s black and short; the shortest Jisoo’s ever seen it and his eyes are set a bit deeper. The age isn’t obvious but it’s slowly creeping up. 

But Jisoo’s thirty seven (as he’s found out that his life was a complete sham, he’s also found that he’s about four years older than he thought he was) so he can’t say that he’s as young as he was before. 

“Oh. I guess he came.”

Jimin nods. “I heard that he was in Belgium for the last three years, personally overseeing the hotel project himself.”

Jisoo feels his stomach flip. “Oh. I didn’t know that.”

Jimin draws his brows together. “Wh-what?”

“I didn’t know that?” Jisoo looks at him. 

“But it was all over the news that you guys got divorced because of his job.”

“The news said what?” Jisoo tightens his grip on his wine glass and he’s scared it’s going to snap under the pressure. Jisoo had heard through PR staff that the official statement would be because they had “lifestyle” differences. That it turned out, they weren’t as good in a relationship as they were friends. That the office romance prompt just hadn’t worked out for them as well as they’d hoped. 

That the comfort between them was more friendly than romantic. 

That their personalities didn’t mesh well in a relationship. 

That the love they felt for each other was platonic. 

He didn’t realize the company would sweep it all under the rug. 

“It was an official release, Jisoo, how did you not see it? They said that the CEO had to go Belgium for an unstated amount of time and you couldn’t move your life to another continent just out of pure love.”

Jisoo bites the inside of mouth. “I’m going to talk to him.”

Jimin grabs onto Jisoo’s hand as he stands up. “Hey, hey, they didn’t say anything bad, Jisoo, just-”

“I know, but it was wrong. I didn’t agree to it. He should have-” Jisoo drags himself over closer and closer to Jeonghan with Jimin clinging to him. Jimin tries to dig his heels into the floor to no success. 

“Jisoo, come on! You can’t just go up to your ex-husband of three years and tell him you’re pissed about the press release!”

Jisoo makes eye contact with Jeonghan. 

Jeonghan’s eyes widen and the guy with the long hair snakes an arm around Jeonghan’s waist. 

Jisoo feels Jimin let go and the guy pulls Jeonghan into a kiss. Jeonghan puts his hand on his chest and lets himself get turned around a little bit so he’s covered by the guy’s back. 

Jisoo stops and his arm drops. 

Jimin frowns. “I’m sorry.”

Jisoo brushes off his coat and smiles. “Don’t be.”

-  
-

“He’s coming over.”

“Who?”

Jeonghan clicks his tongue in an annoyed manner. “My ex-husband!”

“Well, what do you want me to do about that?” Hwiyoung flicks the hair out of his eyes and straightens his shoulders. 

“I don’t know, cover me-” Jeonghan freezes. Jisoo looks at him. “Cover me!”

Jeonghan feels an arm slide over his waist and he looks up in surprise. Hwiyoung’s smiling. 

“What the fuck are you doing, H-”

“Nothing gets people more jealous than other people. I’m going to kiss you.”

Jeonghan gives him a scoff out of the corner in his mouth. Jisoo’s getting closer. “No, you are not. Because that’s inappropriate. You’re twenty-five, that’s like, child-”

Hwiyoung kisses him. 

Jeonghan’s too surprised to fight back at first, but when he does, he tries to press his hands against Hwiyoung’s chest in order to get out but Hwiyoung just turns Jeonghan so he can’t see Jisoo anymore and then Hwiyoung’s off of him and Jisoo’s stopping. 

They can’t be more than twenty feet apart. 

Jisoo’s eyes crumple into sad half-moons, drooping along with his shoulders. Jeonghan wants to call out. 

This isn’t what he wanted. 

He came back, just to see Jisoo for one night. 

And maybe more. 

Maybe Jisoo was coming back to him. Maybe Jisoo was going to say that the letter hurt him and that he read it and thought about it and he couldn’t get over him and that he had always been in love with him. 

Jeonghan bites the inside of his mouth so hard he breaks skin. 

“Why the fuck did you think that would help, Hwiyoung?”

“Made him cry, didn’t it?”

Jeonghan glares as harshly as he can and Hwiyoung wilts a bit. “And how is that good for anyone?”

Hwiyoung looks down. “Because if he cried, Jeonghan? That means he cares. He wouldn’t have gotten upset if he was just coming over to say hi. He’s upset.” Hwiyoung’s voice grows quieter and quieter. “If he cries, he cares.”

Jeonghan shakes his head. “Hwiyoung, you’re too rash for your own good. I feel like I defiled a minor.” Jeonghan shudders. It’s a horrible feeling and Hwiyoung’s twenty-five but he’s a decade older and it’s just not right? To him? 

“Whatever. I’ve succeeded in my mission.” Hwiyoung lets out a sigh and turns his head away from Jeonghan. “I think something got in my eye. I’m going to the bathroom, hyung.”

Hwiyoung rubs his eyes and scitters off. 

Jeonghan finds a bench to sink into. 

He wants Jisoo so bad that he can’t breathe. He can’t hear, can’t see, can’t talk, can’t focus on anything. It just. Hurts. 

But Jisoo’s not here anymore and if he looks to his side, he’s not going to be there so Jeonghan just breathes. 

He breathes but he’s not living. 

He wants Jisoo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u know... i keep saying that im going to MAKE THEM MAKE UP but like
> 
> seems to
> 
> not be clicking w me slkfjslkj
> 
> and like i know there's only like four or five chapters left but like
> 
> i need to MAKE UP MY MIND
> 
> skdjfs ok u guys can please comment down below what you thought would lvoe to hear it and mwah !! love u !! all!! stay happy and healthy plz!!


	21. in which they meet again .... again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love making myself cry love that for me !!

“Hey, Jungkook. Do I have anything on my schedule today besides submitting the paperwork down to accounting?”

 

Jisoo leans over the little wooden divider that separates Jungkook’s reception desk from anyone in front of it. Jungkook looks up and spins around on his seat before typing something into the computer in front of him. 

 

Jisoo smiles. 

 

Chan used to do the same thing. 

 

“No, you’re goo-” Jungkook clicks something. “Oh, wait! Actually, you’re scheduled for an emergency meeting today at two in conference room A2.”

 

“Alright, thank you.” Jisoo looks at his notepad and scribbles down the note. Jungkook flushes and leans back in his chair. Jisoo looks up with concern. 

 

“Sorry. I thought I got your schedule right today.” It’s a small and embarrassed murmur, which is abnormal coming from someone who doesn’t usually show those two emotions. Jisoo tilts his head and feels a strange bloom of parental protectiveness rush through his chest. 

 

“It’s fine, Jungkook. It’s not like I missed it or anything. There’s still five hours left.”

 

“Yeah, but still.” Jungkook’s eyes flicker downwards. “It’s not like I’m new to this and I’m still messing up.”

 

Jisoo smiles and places his briefcase on the reception desk and clicks it open. Pushing past a cluster of papers, he grabs the bag of lollipops and takes out the red one. Strawberry. Jungkook’s favorite. (He's found out that pretty much every single employee here in their twenties has a sweet tooth. He goes through hundreds of dollars a year on bags of candy. It's worth it.)

 

He hands it to him. 

 

“We all make mistakes.” Jisoo closes his briefcase and smiles at Jungkook. He’s still red, but he takes the lollipop with a giggle. 

 

Jisoo says goodbye and walks to his office. 

 

His feet feel like they’re made of lead as he trudges down the hall. Even Jungkook calling out his name in that bubbly voice he has when he’s happy to thank him for the candy doesn’t make him smile. 

 

-

-

 

“Chaeyoung, do you have the notes ready for me? I was notified that PR sent them down to you.”

 

Chaeyoung smiles. “Yup! Right here!” She bounces up to Jisoo’s desk and hands him the packet. The folder is a light blue and Jisoo puts it down next to his keyboard. She clasps her hands behind her back expectantly, so Jisoo gives her a motion that indicates that she can talk. “Sunbae, could I ask you something?”

 

Her face is too bright for Jisoo to say no to. God. Twenty-three year old enthusiasm. 

 

“Of course.” He tries to give her a grin because he can  _ sense _ that this isn’t about work. 

 

“Is it true that you’re dating Jimin-ssi?”

 

Jisoo nods cautiously. Does she like him? Is he going to have to fight his assistant over a boyfriend he's had for  _literally two weeks days_?

 

But she gasps and covers her mouth with her hands, eyes crinkling into crescents as she skitters around a little bit. 

 

“Is this reaction something that I should be concerned about?” Jisoo watches as Chaeyoung dramatically looks around, makes sure no one else is really paying attention (even though he’s in a separate room than the rest of the floor), and leans in close. Her pinkish-blonde hair is pinned back but it falls across her face like a curtain. 

 

“No, no! It’s just that, okay, well, basically, I know you’re my boss and this is basically office gossip but seriously!” Chaeyoung shakes her hand and blinks a couple of times like she’s trying to get in the mindset of taking an exam. “Okay. Whatever. I’ll tell you, sunbae, because you’re really chill, and I know you won't tell anyone, but basically, Taehyung-ssi likes Jimin-ssi, you know? And he has for a really long time, but he basically thinks that he can’t really  _ express _ himself well, you know?”

 

Jisoo nods as if he  _ does _ know. (He's also trying to keep track of how many times Chaeyoung uses the word "basically". He's lost count.)

 

He really doesn’t. 

 

“Okay, that’s not important, whatever-” Chaeyoung flaps her hands around as if she’s cutting herself off. “Anyways, basically, after the gala, he confessed to Jimin-ssi! Even though you and Jimin-ssi were already established as a couple!”

 

“Oh, I’m-”

 

Chaeyoung gives Jisoo a look that says  _ cut me off and see what happens, good sir _ , so Jisoo shuts his mouth and lets her resume her talking. “Jimin-ssi said no, that basically, he was dating you, and so yeah. Here we are.” She lets out a huffy breath like she’s trying to laugh but it’s too awkward to  _ actually _ laugh. “And then there’s the whole thing with the CEO, you know, your  _ ex _ -husband coming back and working on an advertising project with this floor, it’s just, you know. Gonna be fun. Well, not for you. But I-”

 

Jisoo feels the playful smile on his face melt off and he can’t control the shock that must be spreading across his eyes. Chaeyoung straightens herself. 

 

“Jeonghan’s coming back?”

 

“O-oh, you didn’t know? The meeting today; it’s about a temporary merger between this branch and the main one. You have to collaborate with the head of corporate, which is-” Chaeyoung stops talking and her normally soft voice dies down into something even quieter. Jisoo looks at the folder on his desk. 

 

“Please make sure you set the meeting room up neatly. If it’s corporate we’re working with, we’re going to need to go all out.”

 

Chaeyoung’s eyes droop downwards. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfor-”

 

Jisoo sighs and he feels his shoulders tighten. “Don’t be sorry, Chaeyoung. I would have found out sooner or later. Thank you for letting me know.” Jisoo can  _ feel _ the anxiety rolling off of her, though, so he dramatically leans over his desk to look out the glass wall that separates his office and the floor. He looks at Chaeyoung. “Lisa looks like she’s going to die of boredom. Why don’t you go out at get the meeting room ready together.”

 

Chaeyoung flushes and her hands finally stop fidgeting over each other. “Will do, sir!”

 

Jisoo makes sure she’s out on the main floor being sinking his head into his hands.

 

Dear lord. 

 

-

-

 

“Are you nervous?” Jimin stands in front of Jisoo with a calm expression, but he can see the jittery-ness growing. Corporate leaders coming over to the other branches always means that it’s a test of some kind; to see which workers are competent and which can be replaced. It's never  _just_ a project or  _just_ a day to observe the office communities. 

 

Jisoo smiles and lets Jimin adjust the lapel of his jacket. “You’re not even in the meeting and you look like you’re about to throw up.”

 

Jimin lets out a small whine. “Well, you look  _ too _ collected, Jisoo! You  _ should _ be nervous; I’m just making up for you somehow being so freaking  _ cool _ about all of this!” Jimin bounces from foot to other foot and honestly? Jisoo’s getting more and more nervous just by  _ watching _ Jimin get nervous. 

 

“I’ll be fine. And so will you. Okay? We can grab an early dinner after this, okay?”

 

Jisoo’s still not used to  _ dating _ , and it seems like Jimin isn’t either. 

 

Jimin nods with a happy scrunch of his nose and gives him a peck on the cheek. Jisoo tries to express that he appreciates it, but he’s not really  _ good _ at that so he just squeezes Jimin’s hand once. 

 

“You’ll do amazing, Jisoo. I’ll see you in a bit, okay?”

 

Jisoo nods and pushes himself off where he’s leaning on Jimin’s desk. 

 

He needs to start walking to the conference room. 

 

Honestly? 

 

He doesn’t see it going much further with Jimin. 

 

But he wants to at least  _ try _ . 

 

So he can finish one stupid fucking relationship without destroying himself. If it ends with Jimin, at least it’ll be a matter of personality difference. 

 

It's just that, Jisoo and Jimin are a little bit  _ too _ similar as people to succeed in a relationship. The both of them lean on the shyer side of the spectrum, which means neither of them really knows how to  _ engage  _ things. They've kissed like, maybe four times. (One of them was an accidental peck on the corner of Jimin's lips. Does that count? If he wasn't aiming for his lips?)

 

Another issue is that Jimin’s not an anxious person by any means, but when he gets the jitters, he gets them hard. And and Jisoo has the tendency to feed off of that to the point that he gets all jumpy for no reason. Which then leads to a spiral of them trying to comfort each other when each of them just need to be taken care of. 

Jisoo counts down his reasons like the cynical mess he is. The next one. They're too kind for their own goods. They don't understand that it's sometimes  _okay_ to talk to your partner about problems. Jisoo thinks his stress is going to become a burden to Jimin and Jimin desperately wants to prove that he's wrong, so they fall into a never-ending cycle of spilling their guts and then regretting it and then apologizing, and then other person says, no, it's fine, that's what boyfriends are for, except it's too awkward and not very relationship-y and-

 

On paper, it should work. Two kind people who like to look out for others before themselves. 

 

But apparently it doesn’t. 

 

Jisoo just needs to hold on a little bit longer. 

 

He can’t crash again, not when he’s so fucking  _ close _ to getting his life back on track. 

 

Jisoo bumps into someone while he’s walking in his daze. 

 

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Jisoo looks up. 

 

Taehyung’s inky eyes bore into him and his jaw sets. 

 

“No, I am.”

 

-

-

 

“Alright, I think this is everyone.” 

 

Jeonghan sits up in his chair and looks around. He nods at Mr. Baek, who opens up the folder in front of him. Jisoo bites the inside of his cheek. Jeonghan looks as good as ever. “Please, proceed.”

 

Jisoo swallows dryly and tries to stop his squirming.

 

He looks as good as ever. It seems like Jeonghan cut his hair again within the two weeks since Jisoo's last seen him. It suits him. Jisoo doesn't like it because it shouldn't be that short; it's never been that short in the whole time he's known him and it's like he's  _changing_ , and Jisoo isn't, he's just getting old.  

 

“Hello, everyone. I hope you were all able to easily get situated with the, well, situation.” Mr. Baek laughs at his own sentence and everyone else seems to loosen up a bit. It’s like a collective weight is taken off of their backs. “We’re here today to continue with the opening of our newest hotel in Belgium. We have finished the final construction of the building, but we are nowhere near done with production. Jeonghan-ssi, our  _ wonderful _ CEO, will be listing the things we need to finish.” Mr. Baek finishes with a little flourish and everyone laughs again. Jisoo feels himself breathing a bit better. 

 

“Ah, thank you for that, Mr. Baek.” Jeonghan gives everyone a smile and takes a packet onto his hands. “Alright, everyone, there’s no reason to stretch this meeting out. As Mr. Baek mentioned, the hotel is finished being built. But now, there are things we need to do in preparation of opening it. First off, we need a name. Please have everyone on the marketing, advertising, PR, and HR teams start brainstorming ideas. We need reasons behind the names as well. Second thing on the list is interior design. I need a contract with an interior designer team set up by the marketing division. They’ll work together to assemble the best-looking hotel, but all final decisions, of course, must be run by the board. We need advertisement. This consists of galas, of press conferences, of news articles let out by the journalism branch. We need PR to set up a preview day with celebrities and influencers.” Jeonghan sets his packet down and clasps his hands together. “Any questions?”

 

Jisoo twists his fingers together. Jeonghan still has the same habit of rambling off without breaking apart sentences in meetings. 

 

So maybe he's not  _changing_ changing. Just a little bit. 

 

Jisoo looks out of the corner of his eye and sees Chaeyoung and Jungkook scribbling furiously in their notebooks. They whisper quietly and point to things in the packet laid out for them in exchanges of nods, head shakes, and harsh points. Jisoo smiles. 

 

They’re both good assistants. 

 

“Yes, Jeonghan-ssi, I have one.” A woman that Jisoo doesn’t know the name of holds up her hand. Her nails are manicured to absolute  _ perfection _ and her face is young; she could either actually  _ be _ young or maybe she’s fond of botox. 

 

“Of course, Ms. Ahn.” Not married. Probably young. “Please, go ahead.”

 

“I run the marketing division in headquarters, so I know how the corporate branch works better. Are we bringing over our members here, or is this acting as a temporary shift so we just work with the people here?” Her voice is powerful but she doesn’t seem to be trying hard to be heard. Everyone kind of just gravitates towards her. Jisoo sees Chaeyoung drooling and shooting heart eyes to her out of the corner of his eye. (Jungkook looks like he’d rather die than touch her. Jisoo stifles a laugh.)

But he doesn't dwell on that feeling for long. 

 

Jisoo feels kind of defensive over this, actually. He clears his throat before Jeonghan (or any other person in the room; he swears he’s not targeting anyone) can go off on some spiel about how every branch is equal and whatever. “I’d hate to be overstepping my bounds, but is it that you’re uncomfortable with that idea? Would it be so bad to engage in a project with employees of the same company; just in a different town?”

 

Ms. Ahn presses his lips down. Her blood-red lipstick contrasts harshly against his large, dark eyes and pale face. She’s got the whole vampire aesthetic down to a point. “Yes,  _ Jisoo-ssi _ , it is what I’m saying.” Jisoo plays off his shock that she knows his name somehow with offense. It works. “We don’t even know the workers that we’re being paired with, and corporate expects the perfect  _ hotel _ opening out of this? It's not some kind of poster reveal. Jeonghan-ssi, excuse my forwardness, but if this flops-”

 

Jisoo grits his teeth. He feels the eyes on him. “This branch has proven to give either equal or higher numbers in success with many projects. The satisfaction with our clients and the public should prove to you that everyone here is more than capable enough to take part in this project. It’s understandable that you wouldn’t want to be uprooted from your workplace in exchange for an area that you don’t know, but I did it. I did it and and it was amazing. I’m not asking you to turn into one of us, but it’s unprofessional that you don’t want to adapt and try this out.”

 

The room is silent. 

 

Ms. Ahn places a thin, curled finger on her finger and smiles. Her eyes don’t move, though, and it seems like she’s more proud of something rather than happy. 

 

“I’ve never had anyone stand up to me in a in a long time.” She leans back her her chair and casually runs a hand through her long hair. Jisoo's heartbeat picks up. 

"I didn't mean to _stand up_ -"

 

“I’ll do it.”

 

Jeonghan nods, almost warily. Jisoo does the same in thanks. Her aura might just even rival that of Jeonghan's. “Of course. We’ll proceed normally with the temporary merger tomorrow. For today, I hope everyone from the Seoul branch has an easy time getting situated in their hotel accommodations. Any other questions can go to Hwiyoung.”

 

Jisoo looks ups. 

 

The guy with the long hair. 

 

He’s sitting next to Jeonghan. 

 

And he’s staring at Jisoo unrelentlessly. 

 

Jisoo gulps. 

 

The rest of the meeting goes by in a swirl of voices. Plans for meetings are set up; assistants are being shared; ideas are being sketched out. 

 

Jisoo can’t focus on anything. 

 

-

-

 

Jisoo’s the last one to leave the conference room. He feels dizzy and he kind of just wants to curl up into a little ball and disappear. Even though nothing out of the ordinary’s happened, Jisoo still feels nauseous. 

 

He’s back in his office. 

 

Jeonghan is sitting in his chair. It's a very modern-villian-with-a-cat kind of situation. 

 

“Hello, Jisoo.” Jeonghan lets out a little sigh. “It’s been a while, huh?” Jeonghan lets out a single breathy laugh like he’s just witnessed something incredible. Jisoo’s footsteps stutter as he walks in, closing the door behind him. 

 

“Do you need something?” Jisoo sounds weak. 

 

He sounds drained. 

 

“Now, is that any way to greet your boss?” 

 

Jisoo looks up sharply and Jeonghan immediately shakes his head in apology. 

 

“Is that our relationship now?”

 

“No, Jisoo, I’m sorry. I don’t think of myself as just your boss. That was-” Jeonghan uncomfortably grabs at his collar and tugs at the tie. It’s crooked. 

 

Someone’s been doing it for him and Jisoo feels like he’s just been punched in the stomach.

 

“Uncalled for. Jeonghan, why’re you here? Do you have any questions?”

 

Jeonghan nods slowly. “Would you, um, like to grab dinner with me today? To catch up?”

 

“You’re my  _ boss _ , Jeonghan. That wouldn't be appropriate.” Jisoo presses his fingers into his palms and he can feel the little trenches forming. He lets his fists go. “Besides, with the way that we left off, I don’t think it warrants the response that you seem to want. We aren’t friends. ”

 

Jeonghan stands up. “Are you  _ mad _ at me right now? After what  _ you _ did? Or didn’t do?”

 

Jisoos takes a step back. Jeonghan’s throwing his standoffish attitude all on him now?

 

"What _I_ did?"

 

"Yes, what _you_ did. I laid my heart on the line and you didn't even bother with a response! I-"

 

“Did the week of you  _ shunning _ me,  _ embarrassing _ me, and  _ closing me off _  after our fucking _divorce_  just fly out of your brain? Am I supposed to be grovelling at your feet right now? About how much I miss you? Because quite frankly, I don’t! Please, Jeonghan. I’m just  _ so _ close.” Jisoo’s shoulders sag and Jeonghan walks to the front of the desk like he’s going to grab Jisoo. Jisoo takes another step back. “I’m  _ so _ close, Jeonghan. I’m so close to moving on. And letting everything go. Let me just. _Let me start over_.”

 

“Jisoo, I’m sorry for everything I did. I thought you  _ knew _ that, about how much I hated what I had to do! I’ll forever be sorry for that, Jisoo, you have  _ no idea _ how much I couldn’t even stand to look at myself in the mirror because all I saw was your face looking back at me, looking at me with hurt and the pain that I gave you must have been horrible but I-”

 

Jeonghan sucks in a breath and pushes his hair out. 

 

Jisoo’s going to cry. 

 

“You don’t get to do that to me right now.” Jisoo sniffles and turns his head before Jeonghan sees the tears fall. “You have  _ no _ right to come here and ruin all of this.”

 

“Jisoo, I just want to talk-”

 

“But I don’t.”

 

It feels like there’s a knife lodged in Jisoo’s chest, and then a fist wrapped around it. Pushing and squeezing and pressing and pressing and pressing and  _ pressing _ until Jisoo breaks down. Until it crushes him from the inside out and takes away his ability to  _ breathe _ ; he’s suffocating and he needs to get out of his skin. 

 

“Jisoo, I’m s-”

 

“Get out.” Jisoo presses his palms into his eyes in a meager attempt to stop the tears from falling and slipping out. He fails miserably. “Jeonghan, get  _ out _ .”

 

"Jisoo, please, I don't want to leave you again while you're ups-"

 

" _Get. Out._ "

 

-

-

  
  


The minute Jeonghan leaves, Jisoo’s office, a man with black hair and incredibly puffy lips gives him a sharp look before speeding into the room. The door slams with an audible thud and Jeonghan feels a shudder rack through him. 

 

Hwiyoung’s by the entrance of the floor, holding a bunch of different colored folders and packets and a clipboard is hugged to his chest. 

 

“Hyung, what took so-” Hwiyoung takes a concerned step forward. “Are you okay? What did you do? Oh, God, did you talk to him?”

 

Jeonghan sighs. “Yeah.”

 

Hwiyoung’s eyes soften a bit. He usually looks like he’d fight you if you so much as breathed on him but right now? Jeonghan wants to give him a candy or something. “And?”

 

Jeonghan turns around and looks into the office. 

 

Jisoo’s out on the floor with his new boyfriend. He’s sitting down while the man with black hair is perched on the edge of his desk, saying things that Jeonghan can’t make out and pressing kisses into Jisoo’s cheek. 

 

“There’s your answer.”

 

Hwiyoung lets out an incredulous laugh. “Wait, wait, wait. Were you trying to get him  _ back _ ? Like you would have just dated him like nothing happened if he miraculously accepted your confession?”

 

“Well, obviously.”

 

Okay. 

 

Jeonghan kind of hears how ridiculous that sounds but he just  _needs_ Jisoo right now. And forever. Most definitely forever. 

 

“Hyung, you can’t just ignore the fact that it’s been nearly three years since you’ve seen him. Well, besides the gala two weeks ago. You told me that you gave him a letter, which, by the way, makes you sound like a Shakespearean villain, but not the point - confessing what actually happened, and he didn’t accept it! I thought you were just trying to be friends again.”

 

“Jisoo isn’t someone I can just be  _ friends _ with.” Jeonghan closes his eyes and briefly contemplates his life. He’s spilling his deepest thoughts to his barely-out-of-college translator-slash-assistant after witnessing Jisoo breaking down onto the floor in front of him. “I love him  _ so _ much. I don't think I can stop until I get him back.” Jeonghan looks up at the ceiling and takes in a deep breath. It stings his lungs.

 

Hwiyoung raises a fake-hopeful hand into the hair. The clipboard  nearly slips from his fingers. “Well, if you’re gonna keep trying, do it subtly. He’s in a relationship.” Hwiyoung leans in conspiratorial. “Although if we’re being super honest and in our feels right now, I don’t think the relationship is going to last.”

 

Jeonghan wrinkles his nose. “Okay. First,  _ in our feels _ ? You’re  _ this _ close to being fired. Second, how would you know that, Hwiyoung? You can’t just tell if something’s going to work or not.” Jeonghan smiles when he remembers his start with Jisoo. “You just never know.”

 

“Well, I happened to be at the water cooler at the same time as that pretty assistant from earlier. She talks a lot and it wasn’t hard to get the conversation to lead to Jisoo-ssi and Jimin-ssi.”

 

“Pretty?” Jeonghan looks up. “That’s the first time I’ve heard you describe someone as that.”

 

“Well, she is. I asked her for her number.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yeah. But then her girlfriend marched right on up and then kissed her in front of me. I’m pretty sure my murder is being planned right now. By her. By the girlfriend.”

 

“Well, you'll get over her. I'm sure love takes more than a couple of minutes of conversation at a water cooler to develop.”

 

“I wish I could, but my heart has been shot by Cupid’s Arrow. No matter how unfortunate I am in that department.”

 

“Maybe make sure that the person you want to make a move on  _ isn’t _ in a relationship before you make a move?”

 

Hwiyoung eyes the floor and he smiles to himself, clutching the papers in his hand harder. “Do you know how _stupid_ that sounds, coming from you? Based on, what you,  _literally_ just said? Like, literally  _just_ said? Thirty seconds ago?”

 

“Oh, shut up. You know that's not what I meant.”

 

He looks at Jeonghan. 

 

“I know, hyung. It’s not like I’d ever do anything.”

 

-

-

  
  


Jisoo walks into the meeting room the next morning with every single ounce of confidence that he can muster. 

 

Jungkook and Chaeyoung flank his sides and they wear enthusiastic expressions, like they’re giddy to take this thing over. 

 

He opens the door and gives a quick bow to everyone in it before walking up the podium up front. Chaeyoung stands off to the side and Jungkook takes a seat in an empty chair up front. 

 

“Hello. My name is Hong Jisoo and I am the head of the informational media and telecommunications floor in the Busan branch. I have here my two assistants, who will be ready to help anyone who needs aid, Jeon Jungkook and Park Chaeyoung. I will be helping conduct the finalizations to this project while also helping bridge corporate and our branch together. I hope everyone enjoys working with each other and I can’t wait to get to know every single one of you.” Jisoo smiles and Chaeyoung’s shadow casts over the wall. She’s giving him the thumbs up. 

 

Jisoo makes eye contact with Jeonghan. He’s sitting all the way in the back. 

 

Jisoo swallows and continues. 

 

“I look forward to the end result.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so LIKE !!
> 
> I KNOW !!
> 
> HOW IM GONNA END THIS FIC AND IM LIKE REALLY EXCITED BUT ALSO SAD AND SLDJFSLJLJ!!!
> 
> alsoithinkimightaddmorechapterstothisfic
> 
> yeah im gonna admit it,,,,this chapter was high-key a flop,,, like there was only one part that had any drama but hey hey hey folks at least we know that they gotta work together now. and also congrats to jisoo for being promoted in this fic. idk. he deserves it. and also i will die when this fic ends idk what to do with myself like i never expected it to get so much !! readers and !! comments and kudos and you guys just all !! gosh i love you all sm !!! and like im gonna overdo it w the exclamation points again but !! whatever!!
> 
> id love to hear your thoughts on the chapter or how the fic is going so far ! what kind of stuff do yall want to read !! (besides them making up bc LSJDFLKSJ) like in terms of fics or oneshots?? idk i kinda want to write a oneshot but ive never done that before and i dont really know where to start...... okay im done ranting sdfj
> 
> thank you all so much for all the love and i hope you all stay happy and healthy and lovely and take care of yourselves please !!!


	22. in which it is valentine's day for some reason

“Sunbae, should I have the transfers work in the conference room or are we combining desk spaces?”

 

Jisoo swivels in his seat and checks the number of people coming over from the Seoul branch. Originally, there was a couple more but as it turned out, not everyone could drop everything in their lives to transfer into a town six hours away, so the company had to hold another meeting in order to rearrange the new teams. 

 

Nine. It’s kind of a lot, but the desks are wide and the floor is big. 

 

“Tell the others on the floor to clear off as much of their desk space as they can. And bring out nine chairs from storage, please.”

 

Chaeyoung nods with a bright smile and flits off. Her outfit of choice today is a blush-pink dress that has tiny little red hearts all over it. Jisoo sits up and watches her walk away. She usually doesn’t dress up in anything besides a plain dress shirt and a pencil skirt unless it’s a holiday, so it means that-

 

Jisoo looks at the calendar. 

 

February 14th? 

 

“Jisoo! Do you have a minute?”

 

Jimin pops through the doorway and his eyes are crinkled up. 

 

“Hi, Jimin. How’s your day going?”

 

“Well, considering the fact that work started roughly five minutes ago, I’d say it’s going pretty fine. Yours?”

 

“Wonderful as well, thank you for asking. I told Chaeyoung to do exactly one thing so far.” Jisoo smiles and he takes a sip of his tea. It’s hotter than what is probably Hell. Chaeyoung has a special talent of making hot drinks scalding. Like, the temperature of the drink is literally hotter than what the electric water pitcher goes up to. It’s something that Jisoo doesn’t question. 

 

“Sounds amazing.” Jimin looks at his watch. “I’ve to show the newcomers around in five, but I have a reservation for us at six. We can leave a little early, right?”

 

Jisoo nods. He’s going to have to find a gift. “I can’t wait, Jimin. Have fun in orientation!” He gives Jimin an exaggerated thumbs up like he’s an excited parent sending his kid off on his first day in university.

 

Jimin laughs and gives Jisoo a quick kiss before walking back out into the office. 

 

Jisoo decides to go out and check to make sure the desks and chairs are all arranged correct and that he has the informational packets ready to be handed out. There’s a crowd by the doors, women and men ready to be shown the rest of the branch. 

 

“Jisoo!”

 

A familiar voice calls out from the middle of the group and Jisoo stands still. 

 

“S-Soonyoung?”

 

“Jisoo, I can’t believe you!” Soonyoung sprints over to Jisoo wildly and jumps on him, grabbing him in a hug that he can't escape from. “Three years, Jisoo, I can’t believe you just left us for three years! Did you just think you could be with us for a decade and then leave? I hate you!”

 

Soonyoung squeezes him harder. 

 

Jisoo hugs him back. 

 

“I’m sorry. Everything was just a bit m-” 

 

Jisoo chokes up. 

 

“Yeah. I get it.”

 

Soonyoung lets go and everyone gives them warm smiles. Kind of as if they’ve been planning this. Jisoo feels vaguely like an animal being watched in a zoo. 

 

“Where’s Seokmin? I’m surprised that you guys managed to be separated for more than ten minutes without dying.” Jisoo smiles at his joke. He misses their dynamic; there’s no office couple in this branch that’s  _ quite _ like them. (But to be fair, Jisoo doubts that any couple is truly like them.)

 

Soonyoung leans in close with a red flush. “We broke up. About a year ago.”

 

Jisoo looks up. Jimin’s talking to the rest of the group. He’s got a little time. “W-what? You guys broke up?”

 

Soonyoung nods slowly. “Yeah. It turns out, love can’t be the only thing keeping a relationship going. Seokmin wanted to get married. And it’s not that I didn’t want to marry him, but, oh, I don’t know. I guess the thought of having a relationship that was actually  _ going _ somewhere; it made me scared. It was pretty amicable, so. It’s fine. It doesn’t hurt to talk about it anymore.”

 

“God. I didn’t-” Jisoo looks at Jimin. “I guess we’re all kind of unlucky with this whole  _ love _ thing, huh?”

 

“Right. I heard Jeonghan’s working on this, how are you with that?”

 

“Oh, n-no, I was talking about my boyfriend. I don’t know. I guess-”

 

“You have a boyfriend!” It’s a clear exclamation. Soonyoung’s eyes widen. He’s surprised.

 

“Y-yeah, Jimin, he’s right there.” Jisoo tries his best to subtly point at Jimin’s who’s motioning that they’ll be leaving. He nods. He’ll just show Soonyoung around later. 

 

“Oh, wow. I - well, I guess I don’t feel so bad for you now.”

 

“Hey,” Jisoo nudges Soonyoung with his shoulder. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“Nothing. Well, actually, something. You know, nobody expected it to work between you and Jeonghan. No one thought you guys would fit because he was a world-class asshole and you were one of the best people anyone’s ever met, but it did. Somehow, you guys worked for a little bit and you discovered things about yourself and you got better and you turned into a  _ real _ person, Jisoo.  _ Jeonghan,  _ out of everyone, somehow did that to you and then, it kind of just-” Soonyoung looks down at his feet. “- it kind of just disappeared. You disappeared. Jeonghan fled to fucking  _ Belgium _ and then, yeah. I guess that’s all there is. So don’t consider yourself unlucky. You’re even with someone else now.”

 

_ Yeah, but we don’t actually like each other more than friends.  _

 

Jisoo sighs a little bit. “If Seokmin came back to you today, and said he wanted to work things out again, would you take it?”

 

Soonyoung puts his hands in his pockets. “Yeah.” He lets out a breath. “I wouldn’t even  _ hesitate _ ; I’d just go back to him.”

 

“Jeonghan asked me to take him back.” Jisoo copies Soonyoung’s movement. “He asked me if I could just talk to him and I shut him down. I practically kicked him out of the building. But I’m dating someone. And that someone is Jimin. And Jimin is so,  _ so _ , nice, that I wouldn’t even know how to leave him and I -”

 

“Woah, wait, you’d actually break up with him to get back with Jeonghan?”

 

Jisoo looks up, mildly offended. “Hey, Soonyoung. C’mon. I couldn’t do that. I  _ wouldn’t _ do that. I just mean, I’ve been dating Jimin for about a month and nothing’s  _ happening _ . Honestly? We don’t say it or admit it to each other but we’re probably rebounds for each other. It’s not a very relationship-y thing to be doing. I know it’s not going to last, but I can’t mess up this one, I just  _ can’t _ .”

 

“You know, I don’t know what to do in this situation but I’ll just tell you one thing, okay?”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Love isn’t the one thing a relationship needs. You need to  _ talk _ . I know I messed that up with Seokmin. I don't want that to happen to you. Talk to him.”

 

“Jimin? I will. Soon.”

 

“No. Jeonghan.”

 

-

-

 

The lunch break can’t come soon enough. 

 

Within the span of three hours and thirty minutes, Jisoo’s had to break up two verbal arguments, separate three people and send them to different desks, and redo a form that was sent to him incorrectly. He didn’t have the energy to go out and order the employees to start over - he just did it himself and had Jungkook run down to PR with the new form. (This whole merger thing was something that Jisoo had pushed for a lot but now, the decision is biting him in the ass.)

 

“Hyung, I’m going down to the cafeteria for lunch, is that okay? Do you need me to run anything by anyone?”

 

Jisoo rubs his eyes a bit harder than he has to and looks up through his blurry line of sight. “Hmm? No, no. You can go. Thank you.”

 

“Okay, thanks hyung! See you in an hour!”

 

Jungkook darts off and Jisoo sighs. He picks himself up off of his seat and grabs his phone. He’s got to arrange a couple of meetings with shareholders and he might as well do it now; Jimin’s working on his project and Soonyoung’s out somewhere for lunch. 

 

He walks through the hallway outside the office and over to the staircase that leads down into a storage closet. He’s about to unlock his phone when he hears sniffling. 

 

Jisoo chokes up. 

 

He doesn’t have the physical, and quite frankly, the mental capacity, to fight a sad ghost right now. He holds his breath and hopes that the sound is going to die out but it just continues. Small sniffles and sobs and the quiet shuffling sound of Jisoo’s shoes against the floor as he inches closer to the sound. 

 

“Hello?” Jisoo’s embarrassed over the quiver in his voice. “Is someone there?”

 

“N-no. No one’s here.” A muffled cry follows and Jisoo lets out a breath of relief.

 

It’s Lisa’s voice. 

 

“Hey, what’s going on?”

 

When Jisoo turns around the bend towards the staircase, he sees that Lisa’s shoulders are hunched forward and she’s sitting on the first step. There’s crumpled up tissues everywhere and a golden box wrapped up with a red bow next to her. 

 

Jisoo takes a seat on the side that doesn’t have the box. 

 

“Nothing.” Lisa lets her hair fall to cover her face. “I’m fine.”

 

“Well, fine is probably not crying on top of an abandoned staircase by yourself on a Valentine’s day lunch. Don’t you have plans with Chaeyoung?”

 

Lisa lets out a shaky breath and she scrubs her eyes with the tissue in her hand and Jisoo gently pulls her wrist away when he sees that the skin around her nose is getting all red. 

 

“She’s busy today during lunch. We have dinner plans.” She hiccups. 

 

“So what’s wrong? That sounds fun.” Jisoo puts Lisa’s wrist down and reaches into his jacket for his handkerchief. He keeps his fingers on the edge, but lets her calm down a bit before reaching for it and handing it over. 

 

“It’s just, that, I keep getting reminded of our roles in the relationship.” Lisa points to her neck. There’s a thin golden chain on it with a small diamond as a pendant in the shape of a heart. It’s simple and tiny but it’s pretty. “She got me this for today.”

 

“It’s beautiful, Lisa.” Jisoo’s careful to keep his voice solemn rather than sympathetic. Lisa has a tendency to lash out at people she thinks are pitying her rather than trying to comfort her. “You’re a very lucky girl.”

 

Lisa throws her hands up and starts another round of sobbing. Jisoo bites his tongue. He tries to choose which part of his sentence was  _ wrong _ , but he comes up blank.

 

“Yeah, that’s the problem! I’m still in college and I can’t get her anything, ever! She always buys me gifts and pays for dinner and whenever we have a night in, she’s the one ordering and buying food and we stay at her apartment because I live a stupid college dorm and I still have three years left of university, so who knows if I’m going to have a job, and she’s graduated early because she’s a  _ genius _ , or whatever, and already has a job and she’s going to be promoted soon and a home and I-” Lisa throws her tissue down onto the steps and stomps on it. “ - I can’t even get her anything except these  _ stupid _ , these absolutely  _ stupid _ , strawberries! Fruit! Chaeyoung spends hundreds of dollars on a  _ diamond _ ! Necklace! For me! And I can’t get anything better than a couple of pieces of  _ fruit _ ! And she tells me that she doesn’t want anything and that, oh, you’re enough, Lisa, but  _ I don’t feel like that! _ I feel like I’m mooching off of her, and she’s too nice about it and-”

 

Lisa starts to struggle for air so Jisoo just takes her awkwardly into his arms and pats her shoulder while she cries. He lets a couple of minutes slip by before he decides to try and talk to her.

 

“You know, I was in your situation once. Remember, when I was married to Jeonghan?”

 

Lisa’s still sobbing but she nods. The top of her head moves Jisoo’s chin when she nods. 

 

“Well, he’s the CEO. He’s rich. That’s a given. And honestly, that wasn’t even the reason. He was just that kind of person. But anyways, I felt worthless next to him sometimes, Lisa. I was his secretary and we had a wedding that was just signing a couple of papers at the courthouse. He gave me the ring, he gave me a mansion, he gave me a job and a raise and a car and a new phone. And what was there that he didn’t already have, Lisa? He could buy anything. So I tried to close myself off to him. What could I do, right? This guy that I’m  _ married _ to has everything in the  _ whole _ world, and I’m just someone who happens to be there. I couldn’t do anything, Lisa. If he jetted off somewhere, I had to follow. If he needed help on something, I forced myself to help just because he was already doing and giving me so much. And then he would ask if I needed anything and I made the biggest requests.” Jisoo closes his eyes and tries to remember how he felt when he was with Jeonghan. At first, it was horrible. They slept in separate rooms, fought, and talked like they were business associates. 

 

And then Jeonghan tried. 

 

And then Jisoo got hurt. 

 

It doesn’t really hit Jisoo until now, until three years later, how  _ much _ Jisoo was just a shadow to Jeonghan. Of  _ course _ Jeonghan didn’t want Jisoo to stay with him after they divorced. Close proximity and pretending to be married put together isn’t exactly the greatest combination. 

 

Jisoo was just living in Jeonghan’s life.

 

“What did you do?” Lisa buries her head further into Jisoo. 

 

Jisoo stops patting her shoulder and swallows a rough breath. “I did nothing about it. It became normal at one point. I didn’t question it.” He looks down at Lisa. “You shouldn't do that. You need to talk to her. You need to tell her. Because if it becomes normal to you, it hurts when they leave. Whenever you have to leave her, you’re just going to remember that you let yourself get accustomed to it and you’re going to end up blaming yourself for things that aren’t your fault. But if you talk about it, you can hear her side. She needs to know that you’re hurting, Lisa, because if you don’t? Then there’s nothing left to save.”

 

Lisa finally breaks out of Jisoo’s grasp. 

 

Jisoo feels limp. 

 

He’s telling her ways to fix her relationship and he doesn’t even have the decency to do it himself. 

 

“That’s kind of dark, sunbae. I’m just a college student struggling to tell her girlfriend that she loves her. Sounds like  _ you _ had an existential crisis just about now.”

 

Jisoo lets out a laugh. “Yeah. Sorry about that.”

 

Lisa sniffles and pats her eyes gently with the handkerchief. She straightens out her hair and her dress and grabs the box and the tissues around her. “I’m going to do it. Thank you, sunbae. I’m glad you went through your crisis with me. Because it helped. For real.”

 

Jisoo stands up with her. “No problem. Good luck.”

 

“You too!”

 

Lisa bounds off like she wasn’t  _ bawling _ her absolute eyes out and getting snot and tears all over Jisoo’s suit ten minutes ago.

 

_ Me, too. _

 

-

-

 

“Ah! Lisa, you remembered! You remembered, I can’t believe you remembered!” Chaeyoung thrusts her arm into the air, hand holding the golden box from earlier almost victoriously. “White-chocolate covered strawberries with the little rainbow cereal pieces! Lisa, thank you, thank you! It takes two hours to drive to the place that makes them! I love it, I love you! I love you!” Chaeyoung squeals and grabs Lisa into a hug. Lisa looks like she’s struggling to stay composed and lets Chaeyoung pepper kisses all over her face. 

 

Jisoo meets eyes with Lisa. 

 

He smiles. Lisa returns it and gives him a thumbs up. 

 

He then looks at Jimin. 

 

Jimin smiles at him. 

 

Jisoo gives him a thumbs up.

 

He can’t find it in himself to smile. 

 

-

-

 

“The server crashed.”

 

“ _ What?! _ ” Jisoo slams his hands down on his desk and stands up. “What’s that supposed to mean!”

 

Jimin bites his lips. “Two things. Well, actually, one thing, but there’s technically two things, and-” Jimin flaps his hands around. “- The most important thing is that we overworked the server that saves all of our data. Taehyung’s team is working on recovering it, but that means I’m going to have to stay late to retrieve all of the lost data. No date today.”

 

Jisoo feels the blood pounding in his head. 

 

“So the notes that we’ve been working on today are all gone?”

 

“Yeah. And the accounts that we created for the new transfers, too. It’ll take hours. But you don’t have to worry, since we’re taking care of it, okay? We can get it back.”

 

Jisoo squeezes his hands into fists and tries to calm down. 

 

An overworked server. That’s all. 

 

“Okay. We just need to - yeah. Whatever.” Jisoo shakes his head and sits back down slowly. “Get it back. Tell everyone to head home for today.”

 

Jimin gives him a soft smile. “Okay. And I’m sorry that I have to cancel on dinner tonight. But we’ll just do something later, right? Saturday, maybe?”

 

Jisoo ticks the things down in his head. 

 

Oh. 

 

The second part was that they can’t have dinner today. 

 

Jisoo closes his eyes because he can’t look at Jimin right now. 

 

Why didn’t that come to his head?

 

“Of course. Call me when your done and don’t drive if your tired, okay?”

 

“Okay.”

 

Jisoo grabs Jimin’s wrist before he can leave and stands up. Leaning over the desk, he presses a kiss into Jimin’s lips. 

 

Jimin jolts like he’s startled but he doesn’t pull away. He smiles into it and then pulls away. 

 

“What was that for?”

 

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Jimin.”

 

He’s got to talk to him. 

 

-

-

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“You talked to Lisa. And then she talked to me.” Chaeyoung blushes and looks down. “Thank you. I don’t know what more to say, sunbae. Or what else I  _ could  _ say.”

 

Jisoo smiles and pats her hand. She slips away and back into Lisa’s arms. “You guys just need to work hard, okay?”

 

“Yes, sir!” Chaeyoung giggles as she salutes him. “Got it!”

 

From the corner of his eye, Jisoo sees Jimin smiles at him from afar and points to the door on the other side, and then points at his wrist. He’s motioning that he has to leave now. 

 

Jisoo nods slowly and waves as Jimin disappears with Taehyung by his side. 

 

Jisoo makes it a resolution. 

 

Talk to Jimin by the end of the week at least. He  _ knows _ , that deep down, Jimin wants to be with Taehyung, too. No matter how much he says he hates him for having messed with his heart for so long, Jisoo can  _ hear _ it, can  _ feel _ it. 

 

The longing. 

 

The greif. 

 

The  _ want _ . 

 

Jisoo is okay with it. Just, as long as they  _ talk _ before anything happens. (He’s guessing that he’s referring to Jimin and Taehyung.)

 

He’s so  _ tired _ . 

 

-

-

 

Jisoo feels the exhaustion from talking to Soonyoung and Lisa and Chaeyoung and also Jungkook earlier when he nearly cried because he dropped an ink cartridge on the floor and red ink exploded all over the break room and he just needs to go  _ home _ . 

 

He’s the last one in the office; it took him nearly an hour to remember everything that he needed to bring home but then got too sleepy to actually get anything and  _ then _ , finally, after an hour of grovelling of his stupid life, he’s gotten up and is ready to turn of the lights. 

 

It looks so lonely in here without people. 

 

“Are you busy right now?”

 

Jisoo lets out a shriek. 

 

It’s  _ bloodcurdling _ ; screechy and uneven and Ariana Grande would be  _ quaking _ in her thigh-high boots and Jisoo’s hands are in the air and his briefcase goes crashing to the floor and he swears a tiny little itty bit of pee kind of leaks out. (Okay, not like,  _ actually _ , but yeah. Kind of.)

 

“Are you done?”

 

Jeonghan stands behind him and Jisoo only knows this because his body  _ threw _ itself into a semi-circle in a weak attempt to try and protect himself from any harm. 

 

“What the absolute  _ fuck _ do you think you’re doing!” Jisoo clutches his heart. “It’s, it’s, eight and dark and you can’t just sneak up on people like that and-” 

 

Jisoo finishes with a groan. There’s no point in trying to finish his sentence. 

 

“I’m sorry, I thought you heard my footsteps-”

 

“Against the carpet? Yeah, Jeonghan, I heard that. That’s why I screamed like a little bitch. God!”

 

Jisoo picks up his briefcase. 

 

“Jisoo-”

 

“Hurry up and get out, I need to lock the doors.” Jisoo waits for Jeonghan to sigh and step out of the room. Jisoo slams the doors shut and turns his key into the lock. 

 

“Will you talk with me?”

 

Jeonghan stands straight with his head tilted to the side the slightest bit. 

 

The only reason Jisoo is going to say yes is because he needs to know what Jeonghan wants to say so badly. 

 

And it’s exhausting trying to avoid Jeonghan for so long. If they’re going to have to work on this project, he might as well do it without a feeling of murderous intent towards Jeonghan every time he breathes. 

 

“Where do you want to go?”

 

“The roof. Follow me.”

 

-

-

 

The night air is crisp and it bleeds into Jisoo’s lungs like ice. He tightens the scarf around his neck in order to make sure he doesn’t freeze to death and buries his hands as far as he can into his pockets. 

 

With all that being said, the view is absolutely amazing. 

 

The sky’s dark but in the distance, there’s a bloom of orange and red and the skyline twinkles brighter than the stars. 

 

“Jeonghan, I need to go home. Please talk if you need to say something.”

 

“You know, the first time I realized that I liked you was on the roof of the company building back in Seoul. I was so tired of everything one day that I just came up to the roof to see where my body would land if I jumped and then I looked up at the sky and saw your face.” Jeonghan’s back is facing Jisoo and his hands are clasped loosley. Jisoo holds his breath. “I saw your eyes and your nose and your lips traced out in the stars and that’s when I realized that I liked you. I know that I gave you reasons before, but that was it. I saw  _ you _ and then I knew I couldn’t die. I mean, it’s not like I would have  _ actually _ killed myself, but I didn’t feel like I had anything to live for. I just saw you, Jisoo, and then I knew that I had probably loved you for a very long time without realizing it.”

 

“Oh, Jeonghan, you ca-”

 

“And then I thought about the time you asked me why you were hired. It’s not because you had the best specs or the best recommendations or whatever. Honestly, I chose you because you were new to the corporate world as well. Everyone else on the list went to top universities and worked for high-positioned officials in the government or other buildings or whatever. And you were the only one starting from the bottom. Just like me. So that’s why I hired you. And that’s why I fell in love you, Jisoo. Because you were the only one I felt connected to.”

 

Jisoo’s eyes start to prick and tingle. He’s not going to cry. He bites the inside of his cheek but not hard enough to break skin. 

 

“And then you threw me away, Jeonghan. You just -” Jisoo sucks in a gasp of air. Jeonghan turns around and his expression is worried but Jisoo takes a step back. “- you just threw me away! You don’t do that to the people that you love! You threw me away and you said you loved me and I loved you and so what, Jeonghan, you still threw me away and flew off and you can’t just come back after three years confessing like this!”

 

“I didn’t  _ fly _ off, Jisoo, you were supposed to be there!”

 

“In Belgium? Oh, yeah, sure, Jeonghan,  _ Belgium _ was my first place of choice to work in after I quit at corporate.  _ That _ sounds lovely.”

 

“Hey, you can’t get angry at me for that! You know, I waited at the same train station at the same time, everyday, for  _ two _ years before I found out you were in Busan?”

 

“And what even led you to think I was in Belgium in the first place, Jeonghan? When the  _ fuck _ did I even say  _ anything _ about Belgium?”

 

“Mingyu! He told me, okay? That you were being transferred so I wrote you a letter explaining everything and I wrote you for three years, Jisoo, all three years that I was in Belgium, I wrote to you!”

 

“Oh, now you’re blaming Mingyu? He transferred me to  _ Busan _ , Jeonghan! Why the  _ hell _ would he just move me to Belgium? Why would you believe that?”

 

It’s Jeonghan’s turn to take a step back. 

 

“What?”

 

“What do you mean,  _ what _ ?” Jisoo swallows. His throat protests. He needs water. 

 

“You were never in Belgium?”

 

“ _ No,  _ I was never in Belgium! Is that not obvious? Why would-”

 

“Mingyu told me you were in Belgium. He gave me an address and everything. I never actually went, because I thought that you would come on your own if you wanted...” Jeonghan’s voice drops a pitch and his eyes grow glassy. “I spent three years there waiting for you and you were never there in the first place?”

 

Jisoo’s heartbeat picks up as he tries to shove everything that Jeonghan is saying into a condensed paragraph. 

 

Jeonghan thought that Jisoo was in Belgium, which is why he left Korea. And he never knew that Jisoo was in Busan the whole time, so he wrote letters and waited for three years? 

 

It still doesn’t make sense to him. 

 

Well, not the whole Belgium part. That part’s just dumb. 

 

“Why did you leave me, Jeonghan?” Jisoo sniffles. “You told me that we were going to stay together after we divorced. And then you left me.”

 

Jisoo lets the silent tears fall down.

 

“I wrote to you about in a letter, Jisoo. The one I gave you.”

 

“What  _ letter _ , Jeonghan? I-”

 

Oh. 

 

_ That _ letter. 

 

The one Jisoo threw out on the plane. 

 

“You never read it, did you?”

 

Jisoo can’t answer. 

 

Jeonghan lets out a small laugh and rubs his eyes. They glisten against the dark of the night behind them and Jisoo’s hand starts shaking at his sides. 

 

“Great.”

 

“Jeonghan, I was angr-”

 

“Do you still have it?”

 

“N-no, I don’t.”

 

“Where is it, Jisoo?”

 

Jisoo clears his throat and keeps his eyes on the ground. “I threw it out before I got on my plane to Busan. I was just so angry at you that I didn’t think I cared enough-”

 

“No, no. It’s fine. Have a good day, Jisoo.”

 

“Jeonghan, I’m sorry. What was on the letter? I want to know-”

 

Jeonghan scoffs again and pushes past Jisoo, nearly knocking him over with his shoulder.  

 

“Forget it, Jisoo. I’m sorry. I won’t bother you anymore. I thought there was a  _ shred _ of something left between us, something that I could save, but I’m sorry. I was just being annoying, right?”

 

The door slams shut and Jisoo collapses. 

 

His tears are freezing against his face and it feels like his heart’s going to give out.

 

Jisoo’s breaking and no one’s going to be able to help him. 

 

Jisoo might not even be able to save himself this time. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okokokok ik the fighting is getting redundant at this point but would it make you guys feel better if i said there's going to be fluff in the next chapter like that's something i can promise im sorry just hold on for one more week i swear im not gonna drag this out sldjfskljs
> 
> and oof i lowkey dont like the way i wrote the ending ? like is jeonghan getting mad justified ? like kinda but not really but yeah i did what i did and so yeah. 
> 
> thank you guys so much for all the love !!! i promise i'll make it up by not making this fic too sad and i swear ill wrap it up cleanly. have a great weekend and i hope i'll hear from you guys down below ily all mwah !!


	23. NOTICE (again lmao im sorry)

OK SO I WANTED TO UPDATE TODAY, RIGHT? BUT I FELL ASLEEP ON MY COMPUTER (i had like three exams today dont come for me eye-)

AND I MISSED THE TIME THAT I UPDATE SO ILL UPDATE NEXT YALL IM SO SORRY BUT ITS KINDA FUNNY IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT LMAO and karmas kicking my ass ig my neck wont move 🙃🙃🙃 SORRY SLKJFLJjJ;J;

 

and also please read [this fic ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18641689) if you still want your weekly dose of Jihan !! it's a supercute fluffy fic (god knows i cant relate slkkfjs) by THE ONE AND ONLY [stanjicheol](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stanjicheol/pseuds/stanjicheol) !!! it's a really easy read and it's so cute i swear i died and also just its so good TT TT TT !!!

 

anyways that all i have for today and once again im so sorry, im kicking myself more than you are sdfskj

 

see you next week !!! 


	24. in which the world falls into place

Jisoo’s not the first one in the office the next morning. 

 

It’s  _ Chan _ . 

 

Jisoo’s itty-witty little intern baby is sitting right there,  _ right  _ at the first desk that’s there for reception in front of Jisoo’s office,  _ right _ past the first glass wall the divides the main floor from the annex that Jisoo’s office and his assistants work in. 

Chan gives him a smile and Jisoo walks up to him slowly. He pushes the door open with a shaky hand and tilts his head. 

 

“Hi, hyung! Guess who got a real job in corporate!” Chan points to his shirt and Jisoo sees the badge that’s attached to his collar. “I’m not any intern anymore, hyung!”

 

Chan stands up and hugs him. 

 

Jisoo hugs him back. 

 

“Why’re you here, Chan? How did you get here?” Jisoo feels like a dad for some reason. He feels like he’s seeing his child for the first time since they’ve left for another country or college or something and his heart  _ actually _ can’t take it, it’s going to pop like a sappy balloon. 

 

“I did what you told me to do, hyung. I just, worked hard and graduated. I applied again as a worker, got an interview, and here I am! I’m technically a designer but I came back on this project as an assistant because one of yours was getting promoted.”

 

Jisoo nods and grabs Chan into a hug again. 

 

It’s not that that at one point, Jisoo believed that Chan was his brother. 

 

He was scared of himself at that time, about how  _ strongly _ he had genuinely believed that either Chan or Hansol was is brother. Jisoo was  _ deluded _ .

 

He’s better now.

 

Jisoo had just missed him.

 

“I missed you, Chan.”

 

“I missed you too, hyung.”

 

It doesn’t matter if Chan isn’t  _ technically _ his brother. 

He’ll still treat him like one. 

 

-

-

 

Jisoo stands in the front of the conference room again, but the place has been reorganized so the chairs are all facing the makeshift stage that he’s on. Jisoo puts on his glasses so he can actually make out the font that’s on the paper in front of him. 

 

“Hello, everyone. Thank you for coming the to meeting; we’ll get started right away with this week’s agenda.” Jisoo clears his throat and looks up. He seriously hates these weekly meetings. No one actually cares enough to micromanage and it’s not like anything’s ever gone _ wrong _ to induce these meetings. “The first thing that I’d like to mention is that a team member has been promoted. Everyone, please give a hand to Park Chaeyoung. She has been a loyal assistant to me, but at the same time, she was working in an accelerated college business program. She is now filling the position of office administrator.”

 

The room claps and Jisoo looks over to his side and gives her a small smile and a nod. Chaeyoung flushes and bows but he can see the pride gleaming in her eyes. Jungkook cups his hands around his mouth and lets out a cheer. 

 

“Once again, congratulations, Chaeyoung. I know you’re going to be a wonderful addition to the team.” Jisoo looks at his list. “Now, the next thing that should be mentioned is that the server crashed last week. The IT team, along with Jimin-ssi, was able to recover the lost material. It was due to an overworked processor; but the problem is now fixed. Third, there is going to be a shareholders meeting for the hotel in about two weeks. The financial and accounting departments need to make sure they have a basic outline for the stock plans. Also, we need to bring in a broker since we don’t have a company department for stocks, specifically. Also, we might probably need to set up a department for stocks so we don’t have to keep going with outside hires. I’ve already found a couple of potential workers but Mr. Kim and Mrs. Lee, please look into those. That’s it for now, thank you for all showing up.”

 

Jisoo quickly steps away from the podium and hands Jungkook his notebook. “Hyung, do you need anything right now?”

 

Jisoo tugs at his tie. “Yes. Please help Chaeyoung situated in her new department and then get Chan situated in her old desk. Can you do that for me?”

 

Jungkook scrunches his nose. “Who’s that? I didn’t know we hired another assistant.”

 

Jisoo looks up. “We didn’t. He’s been transferred over from corporate to help me out with the project.”

 

“Oh, okay.” Jungkook stands up from his seat and waits for Chaeyoung to finish talking to Mrs. Lee. “When’s he coming in?”

 

Jisoo spots Chan milling around the side so he motions for Jungkook and Chaeyoung to follow him out. 

 

“Chan, over here.” Jisoo pulls Chan’s sleeve and he follows. “Here, I want you to meet the administrative department. This is Jungkook, and this is Chaeyoung. She’ll be your supervisor. From now on, direct tasks from me go to her, and then she’ll split them up to you. Sound good?”

 

Chan nods. “Hi, everyone! I’m Chan, and I knew Jisoo hyung since he was in corporate! I’m just here to help him out for a couple of months.”

 

Jungkook sticks his free hand out. “And I’m Jungkook. How old are you?”

 

Jisoo smiles and points towards the door. Chaeyoung grins back and follows him out. 

 

Chan and Jungkook seem like they’re going to get along just fine.

 

-

-

 

Yeah. 

 

Chan and Jungkook, as it turns out, do  _ not _ really get along that fine. 

 

Because apparently, they bring out the competitive  _ monster _ inside of each other. 

 

“No, you need to file them with the color going  _ backwards _ from the rainbow. That way, hyung can just see what’s been labeled most recently and he can take the one on the bottom!”

 

“Okay, but how about doing it the  _ other  _ way? Jisoo hyung taught me this way in Seoul!”

 

“Well, we aren’t in Seoul anymore, okay? This is the new way! How is he supposed to know what  _ red-orange-yellow-green-blue _ means when we do it  _ blue-green-yellow-orange-red! _ ” 

 

“Yeah, but he’ll  _ know _ , since  _ I’m  _ the one handing it in. Let go!”

 

“No, he doesn’t  _ do _ it that way,  _ you _ let go!”

 

“No, you let go!”

 

“No, you!”

 

“Fine!”

 

“Oh, are you  _ kidding _ me? Really?”

 

“Well, you said to let go!”

 

Jisoo’s about to burst through his door holding up a fist but turns out, he doesn’t have to. 

 

“You guys are  _ adults _ , cut the  _ bullshit _ and get the files into Jisoo’s office, okay? You guys are fighting over label colors? Stop disturbing everyone!”

 

Jisoo watches through the glass panels as Chaeyoung slams her hands down against the reception desk and her glare literally causes both Jungkook and Chan to shrivel up like dying flowers. 

 

He can’t really do much but give Chaeyoung a thumbs up on her way back. Who’s he to question her methods when they seem to be working just fine?

 

Jisoo’s about to plan what he should tell Jungkook and Chan the next time he sees them but his phone rings and he groans. Grabbing it off his desk, he checks the name before answering. 

 

“Hey, Jimin. What’s up? Are you doing fine? How’re you holding up in there?”

 

“Yeah, no. I’m good. I’m just supervising the junior interns today. Can you believe they moved my office? I used to sit right across from you.”

 

Jisoo smiles at his hands. “Yeah. I hate that.”

 

There’s a small pause before Jimin clearly tries to shove the conversation along. “Hey, Jisoo? There’s something that I need to talk to you about. I know you’re busy with the project and all, but do you think you can make dinner today? I’m sorry if you’re schedule is busy, but it’s important and I -”

 

“Tonight sounds perfect. There’s actually something that I need to talk to you about as well.” Jisoo bites his tongue and he  _ knows _ that he has to get this conversation over with, but he still doesn’t know  _ what _ exactly that he’s trying to tell Jimin. Sure, he’s not  _ in love _ or anything, but at the end of the day, it’s a comfortable relationship. Besides, love doesn’t happen in four or five weeks. Jisoo sucks in a breath. He just hopes that he’ll find his sentences along the way at this point. “How about the fancy italian place that we went to on our first date? The one with the chef that you called cute.” Jisoo throws in a little bit of mock jealousy in his voice. 

 

He doesn’t actually care.

 

If it were Jeonghan, then yeah. He’d probably work himself up or pass out from overthinking too much. 

 

But he doesn’t care if Jimin finds him cute. 

 

“Hey! I just thought he was cute because he kind of looked like that penguin from Madagascar! It didn’t  _ mean _ anything.”

 

Jisoo grins. “And who do I look like?”

 

“The bitchy cat from that Disney movie with the pets.”

 

“Ah, yes. I vaguely remember the title.  _ Pets _ ? Was it?”

 

Jimin snorts. “Whatever. I’ll be down in the lobby by six. I fully expect nothing less than a string quartet and a bouquet of one hundred of Busan’s finest roses to greet me while I slink down in my prettiest diamond slip.”

 

“I’d say that I’d pay to see that, but I’m pretty sure that borders prostitution and I don’t think we’re there yet.”

 

Jimin laughs. It sounds tinny over the phone. “By, Jisoo. See you later.”

 

“Bye.”

 

Jisoo waits for Jimin to hang up and puts his phone down once the line rings dead. He sighs and looks out the window to make sure everyone’s doing fine. 

 

Jungkook and Chan have made a divider out of stapled paper taped sloppily to the desk. It sways with every passing second and Jisoo rolls his eyes. He’s going to have to force them to eat lunch together or something. 

 

Jeonghan walks past. 

 

They make eye contact. 

 

Jisoo goes back to typing his document but he doesn’t start moving until Jeonghan’s walks past with a slightly aggressive roll of his shoulders. 

 

-

-

 

Jisoo leaves a bit early today. 

 

Yeah, that’s probably not the best thing to do in the middle of one of the biggest projects that he’s ever worked on, but Chan and Jungkook are going at each other’s throats over their  _ chairs _ and it’s really not something he can handle. 

 

He hopes Chaeyoung works her magic on them. (Or screaming. Whatever comes first.)

 

Since Jisoo’s got an hour to kill before Jimin shows up, he decides to plan out his speech in his head. He might as well practice before he has to break up with probably the nicest boyfriend he’s ever had. The only other contestants are Jeonghan, who, for obvious reasons is  _ not _ that high on his “nice person” list and the other is Jaehyun; the guy he dated for like, a year before he cheated on him because he felt like the emotional disconnect between them was just “too much for him to deal with”. Which just meant that he couldn’t keep it in his pants for more than two days at a time. 

 

It’s not really  _ that _ much of a competition. 

 

Jisoo sits in the cafe that’s on the first floor of the building and taps his foot against the floor while he brainstorms how he could even bring this up. 

 

_ Hey, you’re great and all, but we’re not getting anywhere. Would it be chill if we broke up? _

 

Jisoo sighs. That sounds like something Hansol would have said. Also, he still has to  _ work _ with this man after today. 

 

Maybe being a dick isn’t his best option?

 

_ Jimin, I totally, totally love you so, so much but like? Not really? But don’t get me wrong, I do. I like you. But this has got to end. _

 

Jisoo groans. 

 

Why does everything sound so stupid?

 

_ I know we both got into this relationship because we tried to get over other people. And when I think about it, that wasn’t the right thing to do. I can see that you’re still not over Taehyung; whenever he comes up in a conversation, it’s hard to get you to talk about something else. It wasn’t the right way to help each other move on.  _

 

That could work. But does it sound like he’s trying to pin the blame on Jimin? 

 

An hour passes quickly and before he knows it, Jimin’s flying across the lobby and Jisoo gets up so he can greet him properly. 

 

Jimin pecks him on the cheek. 

 

“You ready to go?”

 

“Yeah.” Jisoo picks up his jacket from the back of the seat and looks up with a smile. “Let’s go.”

 

-

-

 

So, as it turns out, Jisoo didn’t really have to bring up anything. 

 

“Jisoo, I really wanted to talk to you about our relationship. I kept thinking about when to do it, how I should do it, but I feel like if I keep pushing it back, I’m never going to get it out. And I felt like you kind of felt the same way.”

 

Jisoo looks down at his grilled salmon. The lemon and cracked pepper on top of it glisten like it’s smiling back at him. “Me, too. I thought we needed to talk, too.”

 

“It’s not your fault, Jisoo! Really! I felt like, I don’t know, like we kind of, you know-” Jimin closes his mouth and puffs out gently. His brows draw together and his hand hangs in the air like he doesn’t know how to continue without hurting his feelings. 

 

“Like we just jumped into it without actually feelings?” Jimin’s eyes widen but Jisoo makes sure to smile gently. Jimin deflates but he doesn’t look upset. “I get it, Jimin. I think we fit really well together, but the whole time we were together, it just felt like we were friends more than partners. You know?”

 

Jimin nods slowly. “Yeah. I’m really sorry, Jisoo, if I hurt your f-”

 

“No, no, don’t worry about. I’m glad you brought it up; I was going to talk to you today but I didn’t know how.”

 

“So I guess we’re exes now?”

 

Jimin holds out a hand with a flourish and Jisoo shakes it with the same amount of showmanship. 

 

“You’re by far the nicest ex I’ve ever had, Park Jimin.”

 

Jimin does a little bow in his seat. “And same to you, Hong Jisoo. We had a good run.”

 

“Yeah.” Jisoo picks up a bite of his salmon. “We were pretty hot together, don’t you think?” He winks jokingly. 

 

Jimin giggles. “Yeah.”

 

“But you know what would have made you even hotter?” Jisoo swings his fork into the air.

 

Jimin lets out another laugh and covers his mouth with his hand.”What?”

 

“Taehyung.”

 

So there. 

 

Jisoo’s said it. 

 

Jimin flushes and the grin drops from his face. “Huh?”

 

Jisoo sighs and takes hold of Jimin’s hand. Jimin doesn’t pull away. “I know you started this relationship because you hated the way that Taehyung was toying with you. But that doesn’t mean you hated him. I can see it in your eyes, Jimin. Every time you complain about him, you light up in a way that you’ve never lit up around with. He’s the only one you really need to be with. I don’t think he actually meant to hurt you.”

 

Jimin pulls his hand away. 

“Then what about you and Jeonghan?” Jimin’s got a small smile toying at the corner of his lips. “I don’t think he actually meant to hurt  _ you _ .”

 

Jisoo’s heart feels like he’s getting stabbed. Jimin  _ is _ right. 

 

“Yeah. I guess.”

 

Jimin grins victoriously and cuts himself a piece of steak. 

 

He bites into it like it’s a reward. 

 

-

-

 

Jisoo doesn’t know why he’s here. 

 

The door looms in front of him and it feels like the hallway is an endless corridor that’s going to lead him to his death. 

 

Jisoo sucks in a breath. 

 

He knocks against the metal sofly. 

 

Jisoo bites the inside of his cheek. Should he just leave? Is this too much? Why does he even care whether  _ he  _ knows or not? 

 

The door opens and it’s too late for Jisoo to run away. 

 

Why is he here? 

 

“Jisoo? What’re you doing here?”

 

God. Jisoo wants to eat Jeonghan up. Or be eaten. He’s not picky. 

 

His dark hair is pushed back messily and his shirt buttons are undone at the top. He’s still in his work uniform minus the jacket, and Jisoo forces himself to keep his eyes on Jeonghan’s face and not  _ anywhere else _ .

 

“I needed to talk.” Jisoo’s voice is barely above a whisper. It sounds shallow and tired. 

Jeonghan tries to cover up his yawn by swinging the door open and sweeping the air with his arm. “Well, come in.”

 

“Thank you.” Jisoo takes a step into the room. It’s well furnished but it looks bare. No pictures, minimal fixings, and nothing on the walls. 

 

“How’d you know where I moved, anyways?”

 

Moved?

 

“I asked Hwiyoung.” Hwiyoung had smiled devilishly and moved his hands in the air energetically like he was in a Shakespearean play while reciting the address. It was definitely something. “He’s quite the character.”

 

“Yeah. Cute, right?”

 

Jisoo fights back a frown and instead nods sharply. Jeonghan doesn’t seem to notice. “Yup.”

 

“So, what did you need, Jisoo? It’s late. You don’t like staying up.”

 

“I broke up with Jimin.”

 

Jisoo follows Jeonghan into the living room after slipping his shoes off but Jeonghan stops abruptly and spins around with an angry look on his face. 

 

“Okay. Look, I know we’re forced to be civil to each other, but don’t  you think me comforting you after a fucking  _ breakup _ is kind of pushing the line? Can’t you just go to Soonyoung or something? What the hell are you  _ doing _ , Jisoo? I’m trying to get over you like you want, but s-”

 

“I broke up with Jimin because of  _ you _ .” Jisoo sighs and closes his eyes. He clasps his hands together and dips his head down like he’s apologizing. “I broke up with him. Because of you.”

 

Jeonghan looks like he’s debating on what to say before he lets out a sharp groan. “I didn’t  _ ask _ you to, Jisoo! I know what I did was out of line but I didn’t ask you to  _ do that _ ! It was  _ your _ choice, I d-”

 

“Hey, did you know, that, for three years, I couldn’t date anyone? I couldn’t bring myself to date anyone, Jeonghan. Did you know that? Yeah, I  _ know _ you didn’t make me doing anything, okay? Did you think about how I would feel? Because I couldn’t fall in love with anyone all over again because they weren’t  _ you _ , Jeonghan! You hurt me like I’ve never been hurt before, so why do I still want to be with you? I think there’s something wrong with m-”

 

Jisoo starts to cry. His knees buckles and he clatters to the floor noisily. Jeonghan rushes to grab him before he hits the floor. 

 

“Jisoo, hey, I d-”

 

“I couldn’t get over it, Jeonghan. I got over my depression and my anxiety and I found new medication and I got two promotions and I made new friends and I got my life back, I got my true  _ self _ back, and you’re here against fucking everything up!” Jisoo clutches onto Jeonghan’s shoulder like it’s a lifeline and Jeonghan lets him say whatever he wants. No more retorts or comebacks. “You just left me, Jeonghan! You said I left you but you left me first, you got  _ tired _ of me, and I’m so,  _ so _ scared that if I tell you that I want you back you’re just going to leave me again and I literally  _ cannot _ pull myself through that, do you know that? And I still want you to stay.”

 

Jisoo paws weakly against Jeonghan’s chest and he’s  _ trying _ to punch him or hit him or swat at him but he’s  _ hurting _ , he can’t do anything but hope Jeonghan holds him right now. 

 

Jeonghan gently pushes Jisoo’s chin up with such delicacy, Jeonghan thinks he’s going to break Jisoo if he pushes a little too hard. 

 

“I love you.”

 

Jeonghan wipes away at the tears streaming down Jisoo’s face and hurriedly presses a kiss into his lips. 

 

Jisoo struggles to breathe properly but he doesn’t  _ care _ , it’s like every nerve ending in his body is snapping and Jeonghan’s just pressing into him and pressing into him and pressing into him, he can’t let this  _ end _ , not when he’s just started. 

 

Jeonghan sucks at Jisoo’s lower lip while hoisting him onto his waist before picking him up all together. He never breaks the kiss, just deepens it when he jolts up. 

 

“H-hey, put me d-down, I’m heavy-”

 

Jeonghan takes a couple of steps and slams his back against the wall. Jisoo lets out an involuntary moan; the sting of it drives a shiver up his spine and Jisoo opens his eyes a tiny bit. Jeonghan’s fingers press into his waist tightly until he can feel a light bruise forming under his shirt. 

 

“I’m not letting you go.” Jeonghan lets Jisoo’s legs slide onto the floor again, but he tugs almost furiously at Jisoo’ shirt until it hitches up. His hands are warm against his skin and Jisoo nearly falls again. “Not. Fucking.  _ Ever _ .”

 

They sloppily make their way to wherever Jeonghan’s bedroom is and before he knows it, Jisoo’s tipped into the bed again. His shirt’s already half-off and Jeonghan’s slipping out his own right now. 

 

Jisoo watches with wet eyes. He lets his head fall back and he spreads his arms out. Jeonghan yells at him to just wait a minute and Jisoo takes the time to make little sheet-angels in the bed. 

 

Jeonghan pulls up Jisoo by the shoulder and lifts Jisoo into his lap. Jisoo leans in closer and shifts his legs so he’s straddling Jeonghan’s waist properly. 

 

“I love you.” Jeonghan presses a kiss into Jisoo’s neck and pulls at the bottom of Jisoo’s lip with the tip of his thumb. Jisoo doesn’t resist and Jeonghan smiles, kissing him again. “I love you, Jisoo. I love you. I love you. I love you.”

 

Jeonghan runs a hand down the side of Jisoo’s body and he shivers with a small moan. Jisoo wraps his hand around Jeonghan’s fingers and closes his eyes. His heart bounces around in his heart but it’s a  _ good _ thrumming. It’s a  _ good _ exhilaration that rushes through him and he doesn’t want to be shy about it.

 

“I love you so much, Jisoo. God. I love you. I love you.” Jeonghan pulls away gently. There’s a smile on his face but Jisoo can see the hurt written out in his eyes; all glistening and laced into his expression. “Why won’t you say it back?”

 

Oh God. 

 

What the hell is Jisoo supposed to do  _ but _ tell him? 

 

“I love you, Jeonghan.” Jisoo wraps his arms around Jeonghan’s neck and hugs him. Jeonghan lets out a little breath, like he’s  _ relieved _ , like he didn’t actually believe Jisoo. “I don’t think I stopped, Jeonghan. love you.” His voice is all raspy and choked up and he doesn’t want to hear himself say it in such a sad way but he’s  _ not _ sad, he’s not sad right now because everything is finally  _ over _ and Jeonghan is here with him and he  _ loves _ him.

 

Jeonghan loves him. 

 

_ Jeonghan _ loves him. 

 

Jeonghan  _ loves _ him. 

 

Jeonghan loves  _ him _ . 

 

-

-

 

“Open your mouth.”

 

Jisoo looks up from his desk. Jeonghan stands in front of him with a smile on his face, waiting for him to go through with the command.

 

“Okay. Oh, wait, I just checked and I’m  _ not _ in a ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ remake with you as my  _ master _ .”

 

Jeonghan rolls his eyes and holds out a hand. “I was  _ going _ to give you a candy, but yeah, I like your idea better.”

 

Jisoo flushes in mild embarrassment but plays it off by grabbing the candy and popping into his mouth. “Strawberry.”

 

“Your favorite.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Are you free today?”

 

“Yes, why?”

 

Jeonghan scoffs. “What do you mean,  _ why _ ? I’m going to take you out!”

 

Jisoo stands up abruptly. “Oh, no, no! Shh, don’t say that loudly!”

 

“Are you  _ embar- _ ”

 

“No, no, it’s just that, Taehyung and Jimin started dating when we did, and it’s just weird if we announce that we’re already in relationships, so we’re trying to keep in a s-”

 

“Are you telling me that no one knew about us? It’s been two weeks!”

 

“Yeah, which is only three weeks less than Jimin and I. Just be quiet about for another month, okay? Jimin and Taehyung are doing the same thing.”

 

Jeonghan folds his arms. “If you say Jimin’s name one more time I’m demanding a blow job when-”

 

“Oh, get  _ out _ !”

 

-

-

 

_ “ _ Do you want to go out tonight? I just wanted to try out this rest- _ ” _

 

“God, Jeonghan, can’t you just ask me out on a date? Like a normal person? Stop saying you want to  _ check things out  _ or  _ you have free time, so let’s hang _ . It’s a date!”

 

Gumball and Darwin is a strangely riveting show. Jisoo can’t tear his eyes off the screen even though he wants to throw a pillow at Jeonghan’s face. 

 

“I call them dates!” Something clatters. “Name  _ one _ other time that I didn’t call it a date!”

 

Jisoo unpauses the the TV but mutes it. The cat’s eyes start to grow, well, cartoonishly big and Jisoo squints to try and make out the subtitles. “Two weeks ago, when you brought me to dinner. You said you wanted to see me for business. And then two days after that, when we went to the museum opening of your friend, Jongdae? You said you just wanted to check up on him but that was  _ most definitely a date _ . Four days ago, when-”

 

“Alright, alright. Would you like to go  _ on a date with me _ , Hong Jisoo?” Jeonghan appears out of nowhere and holds out his hand with a flourish. “I would be  _ honored _ to take thee-”

 

“Shut up, you’re blocking the fish!” Jisoo laughs and smacks Jeonghan with the closest pillow he can get his hands on. Jeonghan jumps onto the couch and tackles him, kicking the remote on the floor with his foot and it lands with a crash. Jisoo tilts his head back and laughs.

 

Jeonghan takes the opening to pepper kisses all over his throat and the tickles cause Jisoo to laugh even harder. 

 

_ Jeonghan loves him _ . 

 

And then everything is right in the world again. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sup bitchessss 😜😜
> 
> hey remember when u guys all were dying over whether or not jisoo and jeonghan would make it and i was like hhh,,, they might they might not and remember how i said i was going to milk it out for as long as i can and also, also, remember when i said that there was a bigger chance they wont end up together remember that, u guys, huh, remember that ???
> 
> AND YALL THOUGHT I WOULD FREAKING WRITE ALL THAT SAD ASS BS JUST TO NOT HAVE THEM TOGETHER//?/??? I SAID ANGST NOT DUMBASSERY S;DFJSLJFD 
> 
> anyways i hope you enjoy this chapter !! they finally make up!! and i know i said fluff and that this wasnt that fluffy but the last couple of chapters will be super fluffy now that all the angsty shit is over w !! like okay the tickling scene was kinda forced but I TRIED ;djfskjdf 
> 
> and yeah !! woowowoohoo!! 
> 
> im kinda sad to see this fic end ,, like i think i might add chapers to just have this end at 30 chapters but is that a lot /?? who knows ???   
> and check out my mafia fic if you'd like !! : https://archiveofourown.org/works/18442817
> 
> thank you all so much for the freaking love ! im so thankful that so mnay of you guys like it and im just LDSJFLKJ !!! thank you !!! ily !! drop a comment or a kudos if you enjoyed ily !! 💖💖💖😭😭😭💕💕💕🤧🤧🤧💖💖


	25. in which things get spicy

“Dude, stop hogging the time logs!”

“Well, I’m just trying to make sure everyone signed on properly! Leave me alone, Jungkook.”

“No, you leave me alone! It’s been my jobs since I got here, you can’t keep saying that you’re here to help and then-”

Jisoo steps up to the receptionist desk with a sigh. He places his elbows onto the desk and leans in onto his hands. 

“Hey guys, what’re you fighting over today?”

Jisoo throws Jungkook and Chan equally charming smiles. They shrink back into their seats equally red. 

“Nothing, sunbae.” Jungkook squirms around and his eyes flicker around. 

“Yeah, nothing, hyung.” Jungkook glares at Chan and Chan does nothing but give him a miniscule shrug in return sighs. 

“I’ve got two options for you.” Jisoo holds up two fingers. “One, you guys make up and get over your childish fighting. I don’t have a favorite, and you guys need to start getting along. Two, I call over Chaeyoung and let her talk to you guys. Go on, choose.”

They groan. 

Chan mumbles something and Jungkook’s foot swings out from under the desk and kicks the paneling. Jisoo stands up straight again. 

“Let me know by lunch, okay?” Jisoo pats the desk once and then heads in for his office. Chaeyoung’s in the middle of tying her hair and Jisoo waves through the little window of glass that leads into her part of the office. She smiles and quickly shoves her hair into a ponytail and pats down her dress. 

Jisoo turns away fast. 

Lisa’s smiling proudly behind her with a look that could only be read as, yeah, I just fucked her. 

Jisoo shudders when the door slams shut behind him. 

-  
-

“Remember when I sucked you off in your office?”

Jeonghan spits out his rice and he snorts loudly; Jisoo does nothing but wait for him to finish dying. 

“Jisoo -” Jeonghan coughs wetly into a napkin and Jisoo scrunches up his nose. “What the fuck?”

Jisoo shrugs and goes back to picking at his plate. “I was just thinking about it.”

“Oh?” Jeonghan’s face doesn’t hold its usual smug expression. Jisoo narrows his eyes; normally, he’d be all over this. “U-um, okay. Have fun.”

Jisoo narrow his eyes at Jeonghan. 

“That’s it?” Jisoo crosses his arm. “Have fun?”

Jeonghan sets down his chopsticks and lets out a breath. “Well, what do you want me to say, Jisoo, oh, that’s really amazing, and it’s kind of making me horny, so let’s go-” Jisoo waits for it click inside of Jeonghan’s pea brain. “Oh. Oh.”

Jeonghan shoots up and snatches Jisoo’s wrist from across the table. 

“Jeonghan-”

“C’mon, we’ll clean up later.”

And so with the determined glare of an army general leading his men into war, Jeonghan drags Jisoo along the hallway until they reach his office. 

Jisoo groans. 

His ankle’s twisted. 

-  
-

Jeonghan throws himself onto the couch in his office. 

He lands into it with a thud and watches as Jisoo clears his throat before leaving the room. 

God. 

Jeonghan had his dick down Jisoo’s throat ten minutes ago and he’s acting like he just completed a business attraction. 

“Hyung? You need to sign these expense reports. Can I come in? Is he gone?”

Jeonghan flushes even though Hwiyoung’s voice is coming from outside the door. Jisoo must still kind of look fucked out. “Yeah. Come in.” Oh well. Presentation doesn’t mean that much to him and Hwiyoung comes in without a knock. 

Jeonghan pulls himself up and points to his desk. “Put them over there.”

“Okay. And can I assume you’re back together with Jisoo-ssi?”

Jeonghan closes his eyes and leans back down. “Yeah. I am.”

“So I never had a chance, huh?” Jeonghan opens his eyes at this. Dear God. If another barely-an-adult friend confesses to him again, Jeonghan’s literally going to flit off to Belgium again. 

But with Jisoo this time, of course. 

“Hwiyoung-”

“No, hyung. It’s fine. I’m sorry, it’s not my place to say anything. Just. I mean-” Hwiyoung lets out a shaky breath and Jeonghan can’t bring himself to walk over to hug him. That would be a bit much, anyways. “I mean, you love him. And I’m not that person. I’m not going to be that person. I just; I’m sorry. Whatever. I’m twenty five. I’ll get over it.”

Jeonghan doesn’t know what to do. His fingers twitch like he wants to fist his hands together but he stays still; watching; looking to make sure that Hwiyoung’s going to be fine. 

“I’m sorry.”

Jeonghan’s voice is quiet and raspy and Hwiyoung shakes his head harshly with a wet laugh. 

“No, no, please, hyung - sunbae - I’m sorry. I won’t do anything, I won’t. I just needed to-” Hwiyoung sucks in a shaky breath and looks down at the floor. “I just needed to say it. Closure, or whatever.”

“I’m sorry.”

Jeonghan can’t really say that he is, though. He can’t control the fact that someone likes him. 

Is that bad?

-  
-

Jisoo lets out a small gasp when he hears the slow thud of footsteps. He rips his ear off the door and slips into the corridor down the next turn; hoping that whoever’s leaving the office isn’t planning on using the stairs. 

Jisoo peaks past the wall, holding onto the banister behind him with his hands in order to keep himself still. 

Hwiyoung. 

It’s Hwiyoung. 

Jisoo lets out a small sigh and tries to ignore the feeling in his stomach. 

Jeonghan turned him down. 

Obviously. 

But Jisoo kind of feels sick. What is it with Jeonghan and having kids trail after him? At least Hwiyoung knew his place. 

Jisoo stands there for a couple of minutes; back pressed up against the wall and breathing thickly. It just had never occured to Jisoo how many people like Jeonghan until he liked him, too. 

Jisoo’s jealous. 

God. 

Not again. 

-  
-

 

“You don’t like your dinner? Should I -”

“What was in the letter that you wrote me?”

Jeonghan sets his fork down with a clatter. “Wh-what?”

Jisoo stabs at his chicken. Garlic oil slides into his knife and Jisoo feels nauseous. The smell of herbs and butter melting together would, on any other day, make him groan out of delight, but it’s just too much right now. “You told me that you wrote to me, right? What was in them?”

Jeonghan clears his throat and picks up his fork again. Delicately, he spears an asparagus stalk, but he doesn’t eat it. “Why’re you curious about that all of a sudden?”

“What was in them, Jeonghan? I just want to know.” 

“Well, I told you. I just wrote about how much I wanted you back and that everything was just pre-”

Jeonghan rambles on and Jisoo can’t hear a word that he says. At least he’s answering honestly. Jeonghan, tell me about Hwiyoung so that I don’t have to bring it up.

Jisoo bites the inside of his cheek just enough to let it sting. Why is he being like this?

Why does Jisoo feel so desperate for validation after all this time? 

“- and yeah. I don’t have copies or anything, but-”

Jisoo shakes his head. “No, that’s, nevermind. Sorry. I’m just - whatever.” Jeonghan looks like he wants to push but instead, he finally bites into his food and chews slowly. “Did anything happen today?”

Jeonghan smiles coyly. “Besides receiving the best fucking blowjob of my life? Nothing much.”

Blech. 

Jisoo makes a face. 

Tell me about Hwiyoung. 

“Consider it your last.”

“Hey!” Jeonghan laughs. Suddenly, he sits up straight and snaps his fingers. “Oh, yeah! Something else actually did happen today!” Jeonghan places his hands onto the table and leans in conspiratorial, even though this is his apartment and there’s no one else there. 

Tell me. Be honest. 

“What?”

“You know, I really think some witch cursed me to lure in half-baked millennials, you know? Hwiyoung confessed to me today. I mean, I would have rejected him, but he just said that it was a small crush and that he’d get over it. I don’t know; it just happened so fast but he seemed fine. Weird, right?”

The knots in Jisoo’s stomach melt away and Jeonghan looks at him like he’s expecting a response. Jeonghan finishes his wine and waits for a response.

“O-oh, really?” Jisoo twiddles his fingers around under the table and gulps. 

He’s relieved. He feels weak and stupid and petty but Jeonghan told him. 

“That’s it!” Jeonghan crosses his arms in indignation and Jisoo’s confused. “Seriously? I just confessed to today and that’s all you have to say? You’re not even jealous? Worried? Nothing?”

“You want me to be jealous?”

Jeonghan undoes his arms and scoffs. “Well, yeah. What, did you think I told you to be a good boyfriend?” Jeonghan stands up and but he’s smiling. He walks over to Jisoo and pulls him out of his seat. Jisoo stumbles to stand forward and Jeonghan grabs him into a hug. 

“I love you.”

Jisoo buries his nose into Jeonghan’s neck. “Say it again.”

Jeonghan puts a palm behind Jisoo’s head and tightens his hug. Jisoo struggles to wrap his arms around Jeonghan’s shoulders so he settles for his waist. 

“I love you, Jisoo.” A soft kiss is pressed into the crown of Jisoo’s head. “Also, please never change whatever shampoo you use. I’m confident that this smell is half the reason that I love you.”

Jisoo laughs. “Well, never change your face. I’m confident that your looks are the only thing going for you.”

Jeonghan pulls back a little and raises a brow. “I’m not even mad.”

Jisoo kisses Jeonghan gently; and it feels like roses are blooming across his stomach; it’s the first time Jisoo’s ever kissed Jeonghan. The first time.

Jeonghan tastes like wine and salt and something savory and his lips are soft and his arms make Jisoo feel safe; it’s warm and Jisoo never wants to leave. 

“C’mon, let’s go.”

Jeonghan tugs at the bottom of Jisoo shirt and uses it to guide Jisoo onto the couch. 

“Here? Really?”

“What?” Jeonghan whines. “Hey, my first choice was the kitchen island but I didn’t want your back to hurt, look at me, I’m being so thoughtful!”

Jisoo gives Jeonghan a look but lets himself get tipped into the cushions. “Amazing. Truly. My knight in shining armor.”

“Only the best for you, babe.”

-  
-

“Hey, Jisoo, are you awake?”

“Considering the fact that I only got into bed three seconds ago, yeah, I’m awake.” Jisoo turns over under the covers to face Jeonghan. “What’s up?”

Jeonghan turns as well and takes hold of Jisoo’s hand. “I am going to suggest something right now.” Jeonghan’s eyes look a bit darker and his brows are pulled together a little bit. “Just, hear me out, okay?”

Jisoo nods nervously. “As long as doesn’t have to do with tying me up, then yeah, I will, Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan pauses for a second. “We should try that one day. S-”

“Jeonghan!”

“Ha. Yeah. Okay.” Jeonghan’s smile disappears and his lips wobble. Jisoo pushes himself up a little bit. Is he nervous?

Jisoo gives him a smile. “Come on, Jeonghan. What is it?”

“I think we should go to my parents. Not to, you know, ask for their blessing or whatever, but I want them to know. That this time, they can’t force me away from you.”

Jisoo frowns a bit. Jeonghan’s parents had technically started their relationship, with the press and whatnot, but they also very completely ended it three years ago. 

If it weren’t for them, would Jisoo still be married to Jeonghan?

Would they have been able to stay happy?

“Are you sure? You might lose the company, Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan shrugs. “I’ve stored more than enough away. Even if they take away my position, they can’t take my money. I’m sure I’d get hired somewhere. If they end up kicking me out, they still wouldn’t badmouth me in public. It would ruin their image.” Jeonghan makes a mocking face and Jisoo laughs. He squeezes Jeonghan’s hand. 

“I’ll do what you think is right.”

“Also, one more thing.”

“Yeah?”

“Come back to Seoul with me. I want to go back with you. Hmm?”

Jisoo sits up straight. He hadn’t even thought about the fact that Jeonghan would only be here for a couple of more months. He hadn’t thought of their future in depth; just assumed that they would stay together. 

Jisoo’s already picked his life up and started all over again three years ago. 

Could he do it again? 

Sure, he misses Seoul from time to time, but -

He has a life here now. 

“I don’t know.” Jisoo looks down and can’t find the will to squeeze Jeonghan’s hand again. “I’d have to think about that.”

Jeonghan sighs. “I knew you’d say that.”

They’re not going to break up over this, right?

Jisoo gets out of the bed. “I’m just going to make myself some tea, Jeonghan. And think about some things. I’ll be back, okay?”

Jeonghan lets out a noise but he doesn’t finish his sentence. “Okay. Be quick, please?”

Jisoo nods and slips out of the bedroom. Once the door’s closed behind him, Jisoo groans and walks over to the study. He just wants to read something to distract himself. 

Jisoo finds it weird how comfortable he is in Jeonghan’s apartment. He hasn’t been back to his own place in about a week and he’s wondering if Jeonghan will ever bring up the idea of living together first. Jisoo walks around the study and brushes his fingertips against a couple of files that are lined up on the bookshelves. 

“Ow!” Jisoo snatches his hand back and winces. There’s a small cut on his finger but the blood is already sliding down his hand. What the hell? Jisoo quickly squeezes it with his t-shirt and holds it tight. Jisoo looks at what’s cut him. 

Glass. 

Jisoo lets go of his hand for a second just to pull it out. 

A frame. 

A letter. 

Jisoo drops it. 

It shatters at his feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "half-baked millenial" is the only title i will be taking from now on please and thanks
> 
> thank you guys all so much for the love and support! ooo jisoo found smething! i feel like u guys are probably gonna know what it is but i still need mystery u know sdfjslj
> 
> check out my fic "a rose by any other name" ! itll be update right after this :) if youd like!
> 
> i really dont have much to say today! so fill me in! whats going on in your lives, fam? bro? dude? skldjfsk ok bye 
> 
> *i bow as the curtains fall*   
> *you all clap*   
> *one person in the audience stands up. it is jesus himself*  
> *u sadistic bitch! he declares. how dare u do this to my heart!*  
> *i merely nod and sink into the floor as i blow him a kiss. mwah. thanks jesus.*


	26. in which jisoo gets fixed up a bit

“Jisoo, are you okay? I heard a crash, -” Jeonghan flies into the study and a slipper falls from his foot when he rushes in. “- Jisoo, your finger! It’s bleeding!”

Jisoo looks up and throws the letters in his hand at Jeonghan and he fumes while he watches Jeonghan stumble backwards. “You had these all along?” Jisoo hurls the rest of the letters onto the floor and scrubs away his tears with the back of his hand. “Why wouldn’t you show me? Why would you keep this from me? I asked you a million times, Jeonghan, I needed to read it!”

Jeonghan steps forward and grabs Jisoo’s wrist. “C’mon, Jisoo, it’s bleeding a lot, we can talk while we clean this up, Jisoo, pl-”

“No!” Jisoo’s scream rips through his throat and the sound of it bounces off of the walls and comes back to him. His hand hurts like hell right now and he can see the little red droplets splashing onto the floor but he doesn’t care. “No, Jeonghan, they were here! This whole time!” Jisoo tries to tear his hands out of Jeonghan’s grasp but Jeonghan groans and holds on even tighter. 

“Jisoo, why does it matter, huh? Look, we’re together, okay? And I didn’t do anything wrong, Jisoo, you can’t get angry at me. I didn’t keep them from you, I just never showed you!”

Jisoo can’t wipe his face anymore because Jeonghan’s still got purchase on his wrist so he sniffles and hiccups while he tries to suppress his tears. 

“That’s not fair. I asked you, Jeonghan, over and over and over again -” Jisoo lets out a pained whine and bends down to pick up a handful of papers. He drops them one by one as he scatters them along the floor again. “I love you so much, Jisoo. I hope you write back. It’s been two months, Jisoo, and I haven’t heard from you. You must still be angry. Hey, Jisoo. It’s been a year now and I know I haven’t gotten a response but I won’t stop. I love you. Happy Birthday, Jisoo. I miss you and I hope you’re happy.”

Jisoo had asked. 

He doesn’t even have a solid reason as to why he’s so fucking angry but he is. 

“Jisoo, I can explain, okay? Please, I’ll tell you, let’s get your cut looked at first though, okay?”

Jisoo bawls and lets Jeonghan lead in to where the couches are in the study and sits him down. Jeonghan wipes away Jisoo’s tears abit and presses a kiss under his eyes. Jisoo looks down and Jeonghan walks over to his desk with a sigh. Opening up a drawer, he rummages through it and pulls out a small first aid kit. 

“Give me your hand, Jisoo.”

Jisoo glares at Jeonghan. 

“Give me your reason, first.”

Jeonghan gives him a little look but Jisoo holds his hand to his chest with what he hopes is a fearful expression and Jeonghan backs down. 

“I just wanted it for myself.”

“Yeah, clearly. But why?”

Jeonghan runs a desperate hand through his hair. “I kept them to myself because I wanted something to hold me together, Jisoo. When things got hard, I would just read them and remember what I went through with you, and what I would be willing to do to get you back. And then I came back and you were with someone else and I just-” Jeonghan pulls Jisoo into his side and presses a kiss onto the top of his head. “I just needed to have something that I could look and feel that.”

Jisoo pulls away defensively. “So if it weren’t for those letters, you might not have gone after me?”

That stings more that Jisoo’s bloody stump of a finger. (An exaggeration, but no, not really, because it burns like shit.)

Jeonghan laughs at this and wraps an arm around Jisoo’s side, dragging his body onto his lap so he’s cradling Jisoo. 

“No, Jisoo. They just made me sure.” Jeonghan laps at the bottom of Jisoo’s lip and pushes Jisoo’s lips into an open-mouthed kiss. The distance between them is too big and too close at the same time and Jisoo tastes his own tears. “I love you, Jisoo. God. I’m sorry.”

Jisoo buries his head into Jeonghan’s neck. “I don’t want to read them anymore.”

“Hmm? Why? You can if you want.”

Jisoo shakes his head. “No. You can read them when things get hard. I won’t read them. I’ll just find my own thing like that.”

“Do you know what it’s going to be?”

Jisoo places his forehead against Jisoo’s chest and blinks. “Yeah.”

“Could I know what it is?”

Jisoo smiles. “Nope?”

Jisoo already knows what it’s going to be. 

-  
-

“Hyung, Mr. Lee was wondering if you’re the one in charge of confirming shipments. He has the papers ready for the hotel’s supplies.” Jungkook hands Jisoo a packet and Jisoo takes it with his good hand. “They’re for the number of mattresses, covers, sheets, towels, pillows, and pillow cases.”

Jisoo whistles. These number are well into the thousands and the price for them is no joke. “No, I’m not. I’m in charge of designs for this project. You need to clear this with Ms. Ahn. She should be down the hall.”

Chan takes the packet and nudges Jungkook out of the way. “I’ll go. She likes me more.”

Jungkook snaps back. “Hey, that’s just because you’re the youngest!”

“Yeah, by three months! What’s your excuse!”

“Shut up, I-”

“You guys are going together! Guys, I thought we cleared this up a week ago! Why are you still fighting!”

“He just makes me so angry!” Chan points a finger at Jungkook. “He’s trying to weed me out!”

“No, you are! Hyung, he’s just getting on my n-”

“Get out!” Jisoo slams his hands down against the desk and his palms sting but he bites back his yelp and stands up. “Get out, and don’t come back in, don’t even think about talking to me, or looking at me, until you work this out!”

God. 

Jisoo is never having kids. 

-  
-

“Come on, Jisoo, let’s do something. I want to do something before tonight.”

“I am doing something.”

Jeonghan sits up. “What?”

“I’m ignoring your childish whining.” Jisoo finishes typing up the expense reports. “Stop distracting me.”

Jeonghan throws himself onto the couch again and lets out a horrible groan. “I specifically invited you into my office so we could be together.”

Jisoo drops his pencil and glares. “Your version of being together consists of me walking around the office with sex hair. No thanks.”

“Yeah, but we have to see my parents tonight and that means we can’t do what I want to do.”

“I’m kind of grateful for that.”

Jeonghan pouts and crosses his arms over his chest. “I thought you were in this for my body. If you don’t want that, then what’s this been about? Is it the end?”

Jisoo sticks his tongue out and goes back to initially his expense reports. 

-  
-

“Do you think this is fine? I think so. I think it is. I think it’s fine. I think it’s great. You think it’s great, right? Right? You think so?” Jisoo stumbles over his buttons and straightens out his tie with shaky fingers. “Wonderful. This shirt is nice. Right? Jeonghan, right?”

Jeonghan grabs hold of Jisoo’s shoulders and turns him around. Jisoo groans. “Jisoo, you’re fine, okay? You look great.”

“Did you tell your parents?”

“That we’re going over to their house dinner? Yes, Jisoo, I did.”

“No, come on, Jeonghan, do they know? That you’re with me?”

Jeonghan drops his hands. “I thought we were telling them together?”

Jisoo bites the inside of his cheek and curls up his hands. “Jeonghan. Get out.”

Jeonghan lets out a small laugh. “Y-yeah. See you in the c-”

Jeonghan bolts out of the room before Jisoo throws the watch that’s dangling between his fingers. 

-  
-

“So, how’s the chicken, dear?” 

Jeonghan’s mother lifts up a delicate, manicured hand up to her mouth and places her fork on her tongue like she’s taking a bite out of the forbidden fruit. Jisoo tries to follow her by taking miniscule bites out of his dinner as well, and finds that it’s easy with how tensionous the air is. 

“Wonderful, mom. Mrs. Lee outdid herself.” Jeonghan lifts up his wine glass with one hand and pats Jisoo’s thigh with his other. It does nothing to calm him down but it’s still a nice gesture. 

“I was talking to Jisoo.” Jeonghan’s mother motions to him and gives him a smile. It’s cold and unrelentless on her face. “How’s the chicken?”

“W-wonderful. It’s really amazing.”

“Hmm? I’ll be sure to let Mrs. Lee know.”

“Honey, don’t be so cold. Jeonghan!” Jeonghan’s father claps his hands and smiles at his son. “What’s going on? Why’d you bring this man back? Don’t tell me your getting married to him or something.”

Jeonghan’s parents laugh like it’s the funniest joke in the world and Jisoo’s stomach clenches up like a rock. Jeonghan sighs. 

“Actually -”

Jisoo looks up. “Actually, we came here because we wanted to update you on the company’s new hotel in Belgium.”

“Jisoo -” Jeonghan’s voice has a warning edge in it but Jisoo steps on his foot lightly and Jeonghan shuts up. 

“Oh, wonderful! Let me know, dear, how’s it going?” Jeonghan’s mother flicks her hair back even though not a single strand has been out of place for the whole night. 

“Well, we’ve already got a slew of investors lined up, and our partners in Belgium are excited for new stock opportunities. We’ve got the inventory already listed and all we need is to make sure that the building is ready to be furnished, who we’re going to pick for the staff, and how to set up the technical side of things.”

“That’s great to hear, dear. Make sure it’s ready to be opened within the next year, okay?”

Jisoo nods. “Of course.”

“And what about you, Jeonghan? Are you seeing someone? Mr. Kim’s been bugging me to set you up with his daughter. She seems smart. Seoul University for business. She’s about three or four years younger than you. What’d you say, son? Should I set it up?”

“Honey!” Jeonghan’s mother taps her husband’s shoulder with firm expression, but the smile on her face isn’t angry. “We’ll have that conversation later.”

“Ah, later, now, what’s the difference! I want little Yoon’s running around this house in a couple of years, Jeonghan!” 

Jisoo feels nauseous. The four bites of chicken he’s had this whole night sits on his stomach like a boulder and he can’t seem to breath very well. 

“Dad, stop it.” Jeonghan stabs at his dish. “I don’t want to have kids. I don’t want kids and I don’t want the company and -”

“Jeonghan, stop it.” Jisoo closes his eyes. “Don’t say things like that. Your parents would be upset.”

“Jisoo, why are you trying -”

Jisoo stands up. “Could someone please take me to the bathroom? I think I need to wash up.”

“Jisoo -”

Jisoo leans over to whisper into Jeonghan’s ear. “If you say anything right now, I’m running.”

Jeonghan’s mother gives him a low smile that floats on her face like a mask. 

-  
-

“Why would you do that, Jisoo? I don’t get it!” Jeonghan throws his jacket onto the couch and Jisoo flies into the bedroom. “Jisoo! You can’t avoid me forever! I let you pretend to sleep in the car, so you have to talk now!”

“No! Leave me alone!” Jisoo throws himself onto the bed face down and swallows a wet sob. Jeonghan rushes in into the room after him and forces Jisoo to sit up. 

“Jisoo, what’s wrong? Why would you do that, huh? The whole point of this night was so I could tell them!”

Jisoo pulls away. 

“I just heard everything I needed to hear today, I guess.” Jisoo sighs and rubs his eyes. He knows they’re already swollen and red but Jisoo decides that, fuck it, he’ll just make them more swollen and red. “You should have kids, Jeonghan. You should marry and have kids and give the company to someone and go back to Seoul because that’s who you are, okay? You’re the son of a conglomerate owner and I’m just the secretary you had to marry because of something you said as a joke. I’m not easy to deal with and I’m a crybaby and I can’t feel normal without my medication and I’m just - I don’t know. I’m just me.”

Jeonghan grabs hold of Jisoo again and lets him rest his head on his shoulders. Jisoo can’t bring himself to cry; a part of him always knew that they’d never be allowed to have a normal relationship. 

“Jisoo, do you really think I’d stick around with someone that I don’t want? That I’d waste my own time trying to get you to fall in love with me and then just leave? Who cares? Who cares, Jisoo, if I don’t have kids. I don’t want children. I don’t want to just leave to other places without you anymore. Why are you still unsure, after all this time, Jisoo, after everything we’ve been through, that I’m going to leave you? Who cares, Jisoo, if you don’t feel normal without your medication? Are you forgetting about the other millions of people out there who use it to better themselves? You think that would keep me away from you? And who cares if you cry a lot, Jisoo? I’m just going to stay with you and I get to be the one to wipe your tears away. You are just you, Jisoo, and I am just me. And we’re together.”

Jisoo wraps his arms around Jeonghan’s shoulders and Jeonghan squeezes him and Jisoo feels like all the little cracks in his heart are being glued back up together. 

“I’m tired of being sad all the time.”

“It’s okay, Jisoo. Just take your time. I’ll be here the whole time.” A hand runs through his hair comfortingly and Jisoo feels himself sinking into the bed.

“I love you.”

“I love you, Jisoo.” Jeonghan presses a small kiss onto his lips. “I love you.”

I love you, I love you, I love you.

I love you.

I love you. 

I love you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! im updating super early today bc im gonna be out the whole day so ill just post this and go! thank you all so much for the support and love i love every single one of you guys !! 
> 
> check out my mafia fic, "blood will have blood", which will be updated after this !!  
> thanks !


	27. in which the world doesn't turn right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mostly in jeonghans pov

“You’re going to hate me.”

“What is it?” Jisoo looks up from his lunch and crosses his lunch. Jeonghan slides into the seat in front of him and leans in with a sheepish smile. 

“I told my parents.”

Jisoo’s fork clatters onto the floor. 

“What?”

“Yeah. Remember when we left a week ago? Well, they kind of figured it out after I rejected a marriage proposal.”

Jisoo lets out a breath. “How would they figure it out! I thought they thought that you just didn’t want to marry!”

Jeonghan smiles again. “Yeah. I told them.”

Jisoo’s heart stops. 

“Jisoo? Jisoo, hello, are you there?” Jeonghan snaps in front of Jisoo’s eyes and waits for a response. Jisoo tries to swallow but his breath gets stuck in his too-dry throat. 

“And?” Jisoo’s voice is uneven. 

“And.” Jeonghan claps his hands together. “I lost the company.”

“Uh-wh-what, I-I, y-you lost t-the -” Jisoo blinks a couple of times when Jeonghan’s face starts to get out of focus. He lost the company because of Jisoo? 

“They were more angry about the fact that I’d be ending their family bloodline or whatever. They’re not going to take away your job or anything, but yeah. I’m no longer going to inherit the company. It’s just going to be split amongst the board from now on; no sole CEO after my father retires.” 

Jisoo covers his mouth. “How could you be so calm about that! Jeonghan, you can-”

His stomach rolls.

This is because of him. 

Jeonghan tilts his head and smiles. 

“I did it for us. Jisoo, we’re f-”

Jisoo runs out of the kitchen and into the bathroom. He slams the door open and scrambles to aim for the toilet before his lunch leaves his stomach. 

This is because of him. 

-  
-

Jeonghan had grown up like every other child of CEO’S and millionaires and the people at the top of the food chain. 

Under surveillance. 

Taught the same lessons over and over again until they could do whatever it was with their eyes closed. 

Hit if they couldn’t do it. 

Locked into dark rooms and cellars if they lashed out. 

Jeonghan was groomed like this; by the harsh hands of his parents who didn’t outgrow their penchant for beatings until he was seventeen (and taller than his father), by the proddings against his back that told him to breathe properly, to look people straight in the eye, to stand up higher, the stinging words thrown at him when he messed up. Jeonghan wasn’t raised by his father. 

He was raised by to be the perfect man. 

And now, it’s all gone. The only reason that he was born, it’s all gone and Jeonghan doesn’t care. 

Jeonghan closes his eyes and lets the rest of his shirt drop down his chest.

“Jeonghan, isn’t this wrong?” 

No. 

“Jeonghan, I like you.”

No. 

“Jeonghan, I’m going to die.” 

No. 

God, no. 

The ghosts of fingertips and teenage laughter trails over his back and Jeonghan freezes up. 

He’s never really been in love before Jisoo. 

His parents made sure of that. 

“Jeonghan, I need to talk to you. Are you done changing?”

Jeonghan looks at his reflection in the mirror in front of him. He blinks and tries to get rid of the image of a smile out of his head. 

It’s not Jisoo’s smile. 

Jeonghan doesn’t miss him anymore. But there’s still regret under the surface of anything. Jeonghan sighs. Why’s he feeling so nostalgic today? It’s unlike him. 

“Would I be with you if you were still here?” Jeonghan mutters under his breath and looks up when he hears a knock against the door. Jisoo’s standing there with a worried look on his face and Jeonghan opens up his arms, waiting for Jisoo to walk in and hug him. 

He does. 

Jeonghan wraps his arms around Jisoo and breathes in the clean scent of linen on Jisoo and he smiles into his neck. 

No.

Nothing would ever keep me from you. 

The picture of a face keeps flashing through his eyes, and Jeonghan squeezes Jisoo harder. 

“Jeonghan, that tickles, let go!” Jisoo laughs into his ear and Jeonghan doesn’t understand how he could be so in love with someone, how someone raised like an animal could be so full of love that it hurts to not be with him, how it could consumer Jeonghan this much, like a fire that could never be put out. 

“I love you.”

What about me, Jeonghan? I was yours, too. You just let go of me. You just let go of me like that and I’m dead. What’re you gonna do, huh? 

Jeonghan looks at Jisoo but it’s him. 

“Huh-” Jeonghan pushes the person in front of him away and he stumbles backwards into the dresser behind him. His arms flies against the wall and Jeonghan gasps. “Jisoo?”

Jisoo stares back at him, rubbing his wrist. “Ow, Jeonghan, what the hell? That hurt!” Jisoo gives him a careful look. “Jeonghan, are you okay? You look like you’re about to - hey, hey, Jeonghan!”

Jeonghan’s world turns black and hands reach out for him but he can’t touch them; he’s already on the ground. 

-  
-

 

“Oh, God, Jeonghan, you’re finally up! You just, I didn’t know, I was going to call -”

“Too loud.” Jeonghan groans and clutches his head. The back is sore like he’s been socked by a fist. “What’s going on?” Jeonghan looks down at where he is. He’s lying down on a bed and Jisoo has dragged a chair next to the bed and is sitting down on it, clutching Jeonghan’s hand and looking at him with wet eyes. 

“I don’t know, Jeonghan, you tell me. Why would you tell your parents? I think you’re stressed out because of it, Jeonghan. God.” Jisoo presses a kiss onto the back of Jeonghan’s hand. “You can’t do things like that, Jeonghan. Stop being so reckless.”

Jeonghan sits up a bit. 

He doesn’t want to keep it secret. 

“I keep picturing him.” Jeonghan closes his eyes; he doesn’t want to look at Jisoo right now. Will he be sad? Disappointed? Jealous? Angry? What does Jeonghan want. “I don’t know if it’s because I’m going through the same process again, but God. I keep seeing him and it’s driving me crazy?”

Jeonghan can feel Jisoo shifting onto the bed. “Who, Jeonghan? Who is it?”

“Hyunwoo.” Jeonghan opens his eyes in a hurry when the image of his face flashes in front of him. The thick, open-lipped smile that he had liked so much at one point. Wide eyes that had looked curious about everything. Soft fingers. “Why do I keep seeing him?”

Jeonghan gives Jisoo a sorry look. Jisoo looks cautious more than anything else, though, and so Jeonghan’s grateful. 

“Who is he?”

Jeonghan pulls Jisoo into his chest. “He was probably what you would call my first love? But that doesn’t sound right. We never really dated.” 

He had gone to an all-boys boarding school in England. 

Hyunwoo was the only other korean person there. And also gay. 

It had never really progressed past soft, experimental touches and secret meetings and quiet kisses under the garden pavilion at night drunk off of the wine they stole out of the teachers’ chambers. Gentle words they told each other to console hurting hearts and bitching about parents and the other boys and the headmaster. Confessions and then making promises and then Hyunwoo died. 

He died. 

Hyunwoo was special but nothing worthy of crying over. 

He had gotten sick. 

He never recovered. 

And that was it. 

Jeonghan wonders if he’s psychotic for being so calm about it now, but then at the same time, he can barely remember the curve of his face against his palm and there’s no perfect image of his face in his head. Should he cry over it?

Jisoo’s shoulders tighten up a bit. “Oh. How come you’re thinking about him? Did he contact you?”

Jeonghan uses his hand to push Jisoo’s head up. Jisoo looks kind of hurt. 

“He’s dead, Jisoo.”

“What? How?” Jisoo sits up. “Dead?”

Jeonghan looks back to the ceiling. “My parents found out about us. I don’t know how; I think someone saw us and then told the headmaster, and then they told my parents. They dragged me back to Korea so fast, Jisoo, I couldn’t even pack. And then two years later I turned eighteen so I tried to go back there and he was dead and -”

Jisoo puts a hand on Jeonghan’s chest and leans his head in. “You don’t have to tell me right now.” Jisoo’s ear is pressed right up against his heart and Jeonghan hopes that it’s not beating to fast, except he can feel it thrumming under his shirt but he can’t calm down for some reason. “You should tell me when you’re ready.”

Jeonghan shakes his head. “They just laughed at me, Jisoo.” His throat hurts. “My parents. They said it’s what I deserved and that if I tried to do anything against their wishes they would make sure I met the same end. And I forgot all about that, Jisoo, it was almost twenty years ago, but it’s happening again, Jisoo, and this time, it’s you.”

“It’s me?”

“Obviously, I was torn up over Hyunwoo for years, Jisoo, but it’s you. You’re not someone that I met when I still had regular voice cracks and growth spurts and it’s you, I can't lose you.”

Jeonghan doesn’t even have to try; the pressure of his lips against his own and the feeling of Jisoo’s hips on his lap and the drag of Jisoo’s breath against his cheek; he doesn’t even have to try and it’s just all there. 

“I won’t leave you.” Jisoo curls up against Jeonghan’s side a bit more and his hair fans out over the blanket drawn up against chest like a dark halo and Jeonghan immediately starts running his hand through it. “I’ll just stay right here.”

Jeonghan stops moving his hand. 

“Move in with me.”

Jisoo turns his head a bit and looks at him. “Are you sure you want that?” Jeonghan gives him a hurt look. He didn’t hide it fast enough; Jisoo saw it. “Oh, Jeonghan, I’m not saying that I wouldn’t want to, it’s just that, you know. You just told me a tragic story about how the first love of your life is dead and that you can’t stop getting images of him in your head. And it’s not that I’m worried about anything, just that, aren’t you asking me because you’re scared the same thing’s going to happen with us? I think you’re just asking me to move in with you because you want to watch me after you’ve been reminded of what happened in the past -”

“You talk too much.” Jeonghan leans down and pecks Jisoo on the lips. Jisoo gives him a careful smile. “I want you to move in with me because I love you. Be with me. I hate not sleeping in the same bed for more than a night. And yeah, I do want to watch you. It makes me feel calm.”

Jisoo scrunches up his nose. “You’re clingier than you look like you’d be.”

“Is that a yes?”

Jisoo closes his eyes. “Give me one more kiss and I’ll decide.”

“Deal.”

Jeonghan follows Jisoo’s command and then opens his eyes; watching Jisoo’s as he blinks in decision. 

“Let’s do it, Jeonghan.”

Jisoo lets out a happy squeal when Jeonghan grabs onto him and squeezes. 

-  
-

“Jeonghan!” Jisoo bites his lips and crosses his arms. He’s seriously getting worried. It’s the fourth wall Jeonghan’s bumped into today, which is at least four more times than usual. “Jeonghan, you need to do something about this!”

“Huh?” Jeonghan rubs his forehead and clears his throat. “Do something about what?”

“There’s obviously a reason that you can’t get over Hyunwoo and his death. Do you think it was your parents? You lost something important the last time your parents tried to screw you over, and it happened again with you losing the company.”

“Yeah, whatever, I’ll -” Jeonghan sighs and drops onto the couch. “Actually, do you wanna help me?”

Jisoo walks over to the couch and takes a slow seat next to him. “Yes, of course, Jeonghan.”

“I want to go visit Hyunwoo’s grave. I’ve never been; I couldn’t bring myself to go there after I found out. Maybe I’ll get a sense of closure or something.”

Jisoo holds onto Jeonghan’s hand. 

“What is it with us and surprise trips to graveyards?”

“Hey, this is only the second time!”

“Yeah, which is two times more than I ever need.”

Jeonghan laughs. “Thank you.”

Jisoo rests his head against Jeonghan’s shoulder and sinks into the feeling of him breathing quietly. Jeonghan opens his phone and clicks off the screen quickly, as if he’s aware that Jisoo’s there. 

Listings. 

For living spaces. 

Seoul. 

Jisoo doesn’t want to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOFOSDFJSKLJ i realaized i never talked about jeonghan's past? so i threw some STUFF in there ?? and ?? only two more chapters left and i gotta WRAP THIS BABY UP BUT U GUYS ITS TOO SOON LIKE I WAS LITERALLY STARTING THIS TWO DAYS AGO I SWEAR HOW IS IT THE END ?? ALREADY?? I'M EMO? AND SAD? DL;FKJSLKJFKSJ


	28. in which jisoo has a freudian slip

“Hey, Jisoo, wanna move in with me?” 

Jisoo’s hand slips from where it’s resting on the window. He looks up in shock. 

“What?”

“Let’s live together again. I kind of want to die whenever I have to drop you off at your place.”

“I, uh, -”

“You don’t want to?” Jeonghan can’t exactly take his eyes off the road so he lets his eyes fly between the highway and Jisoo. “You don’t want to move in with me?”

Jisoo gives him a smile. “No, Jeonghan. I do. It’s just that, we're on the way to Hyunwoo’s grave. It doesn’t seem like the right time to discuss something like this.”

“Oh.” Jeonghan takes one hand off the wheel and reaches over to squeeze Jisoo’s thigh. “I just wanted to ask.”

Jisoo nods. 

He hopes Jeonghan feels better after today. He’s been unable to eat or sleep properly for the last week and sometimes he leans away from Jisoo like he’s seeing someone else’s face and Jisoo wanted to be the one to drive them down just in case Jeonghan had another one of his bouts, but he had insisted. 

He kind of wants to slip his hand out of Jeonghan’s grasp. 

He knows this is something that Jeonghan has to get over himself. No matter what Jisoo says or does, if Jeonghan can’t let go of Hyunwoo, then it’ll only haunt him. 

“Jisoo?”

“Yeah?”

“What’re you thinking about?”

Jisoo leans his head against the window. The car’s moving too fast for him to really know where they’re headed but Jeonghan seems to know what he’s doing. 

“You, I guess.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I want you to get over this. I hate seeing you all worked up.”

“You know it’s not about Hyunwoo, right?” Jisoo looks at Jeonghan. He’s not looking at Jisoo but his eyes are pulled together in concern. “You know that I’m not just going crazy because I’m suddenly hung over something that happened twenty years ago, right?”

“I believe you, Jeonghan.”

“It’s just that, he was the first person that I was affected by as a result of my parents trying to control my life, you know? He was the first person who didn’t know about who my family was and he still liked me and it was just stupid teenage stuff but for some reason, it doesn’t seem stupid now. I feel like it’s happening to us, Jisoo, what if I lose you?” Jeonghan sighs and blinks. “What if I lose you, Jisoo? If I’m still trying to get over my ex from when I was sixteen, what am I going to do with myself if I lose you? Not to be dramatic or anything, but I’d rather throw myself off a cliff.”

Jisoo closes his eyes. 

“You won’t lose me.”

“Can I be sure of that?” Jeonghan’s voice is weary. Like he’s just tired of everything. “You’ll be with me forever, right?”

Jisoo nods and then remembers that Jeonghan can’t see him. “Yes, Jeonghan. I’ll be with you forever.”

“You sound sad.”

“I’m not.”

“Jisoo?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you ever doubt us?”

Jisoo looks out the window. Yeah. Does he? 

“No. I don’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because. We just can’t be doubted.” Jisoo looks over at Jeonghan. He’s still staring straight into the road but his expression’s a bit more comfortable now. 

Lighter. 

“Why not?”

“Just because. Because we can’t.”

They’ve been through too much to lose each other. Jisoo knows that much. 

They just can’t. 

-  
-

“Well, this is it.” Jeonghan pulls up into a parking spot and the crunch of gravel sounds kind of nice in Jisoo’s ears after nothing but the sound of wind for three hours. Jisoo doesn’t really do anything to respond but he gets out to stretch his legs out. Jeonghan doesn’t move right away, though. 

“Do you know where it is?”

Jisoo looks around. It’s a large cemetery; there’s people milling around. Jisoo remembers his brother’s grave and shivers. It feels weird to have to remember that. 

Jisoo doesn’t know if he’s truly come to terms with what happened, or if he ever will. 

“No. I’ve never visited. I didn’t think it would be fair to, since I only found out because of coincidence. I didn’t even try to look for him after I got back to Korea. I stopped after a couple months.”

“That’s okay. We can check in the front. You ready?”

Jeonghan starts to walk over to where Jisoo’s standing but then he tugs at his collar and starts to get paler than he normally is. Jisoo gives him a look. 

“Jeonghan?”

“W-would you totally hate me right now if I said I don’t think I can do this?”

Jisoo didn’t realize how hard this would be for Jeonghan until now. He hadn’t really considered it as more than Jeonghan saying a proper goodbye to someone he once knew, but it’s more than that. It’s shaken him up and Jeonghan’s probably confused on what to do if he’s never gone through something like this before. 

To have to let go of a first love, one who died, that can’t be easy for anyone. Jisoo can’t relate to the problem directly, but he’s got to try and help him. 

Jisoo sighs. “No, Jeonghan. It’s okay, we can try again some other time.” Jisoo looks at his watch. “Do you want to go to get dinner? We can go to a hotel for the night and come back tomorrow.”

Jeonghan shakes his head. “No, we don’t have any pajamas and I know it’s a long trip, but you’re just going to be t-”

“Jeonghan, let’s go.” Jisoo grabs Jeonghan’s hand and gently pushes him into the passenger’s seat. “I’ll drive.”

Jisoo rushes over to the other side and slides into the driver’s seat before Jeonghan can protest. 

“Jisoo, are you sure?”

“Have you ever realized that we’ve never done anything spontaneous before? We’ve never just drove until we felt like stopping or ran away for the weekend or went to the beach in the winter just because we wanted to smell the ocean and we’ve never done anything like this before, okay? So it’s okay, Jeonghan. You don’t have to be ready to do this. No one should, really.“

“You wanted to do all those things?”

Jeonghan’s voice is quiet and his head tilts forward so his hair falls in front of his face. 

“What? Oh, no, I’m not saying that - give me the keys - those are my dreams, you know? They’re just thoughts.” Jeonghan slowly hands him the keys and Jisoo turns on the ignition. 

“I’ve never done anything with you.” Jeonghan lets the back of his head hit the back of his seat and closes his eyes. “I’ve never done anything with you.”

Jisoo smiles as he pulls out of the parking lot. He watches the little white petals on the pear trees along the sides of the lot fall down like snow and he gives himself a small smile. “That’s not true. You brought me to Iceland.”

“Against my will.”

“Yeah, yeah, technicalities.” Jisoo’s on the road now. He’s just kind of winging it with the directions but there’s signs along the highway so he can’t end up somewhere bad, right? “You know, that’s when I started liking you.”

“What? Really?” Jeonghan props his elbow up against the window and then leans his head against his knuckles. “Huh. I didn’t think you’d be into that kind of thing.”

“Oh, shut up. I was talking about when you helped me through that storm.”

Jisoo nearly slams on the break when it hits him. 

He’s never gone through another panic attack during a storm after that day. 

He hopes his expression doesn’t give away too much. 

“Jisoo?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

Jisoo blushes. 

“Yeah, whatever.”

-  
-

Jisoo wraps the robe around his shoulders a bit tighter and shivers. 

“Jeonghan, close the windows. The wind’s going to get cold at night.”

Jeonghan looks up from where he’s running a small towel through his hair. “Okay. Come here when you’re done, you have to dry your hair.” Jeonghan gest up and walks over to the window and shuts the panels. Jisoo jumps onto the bed and the mattress bounces under his knees. 

Jeonghan looks at him with a smile and puts the towel behind his head and uses it to bring Jisoo’s face up close. 

“Want another round?”

“Jeonghan!” Jisoo lets out a high-pitched squeal (not very unlike a pig) and falls backwards. Jeonghan’s still holding onto the towel so he comes crashing down on top of him and Jisoo laughs at the weight. Jeonghan pins him down against the bed and tries to worm his way into Jisoo’s robe. (They didn’t have pajamas so they’re wearing the complimentary robes. Jeonghan’s made quick use of that information.) “Jeonghan, c’mon, we just showered!”

“I paid for a full night. So I’m gonna get a full night.” Jeonghan nips almost painfully at Jisoo’s collarbone and smiles into the dip of shoulder. “You taste like peaches.”

Jisoo places his hands around Jeonghan’s face and tries to slow him down. He feels his pupils blowing up, if that’s even possible. Jeonghan stills but his fingers twitch around his bare hips and he hopes that his goosebumps aren’t too obvious. 

“Jeonghan?”

“Yeah?”

Oh God. 

Shut up.

Shut. 

Up. 

“Do you want to move back to Seoul?”

No. 

No. 

That’s not it. 

That’s not what Jisoo wanted to say. 

Go back. 

“What?”

“Are you planning on moving back to Seoul?”

Jeonghan blinks. His next sentence comes out all slow and stilted like he’s not really getting the question. “What? Yeah, I thought we we- oh, wait, you d- you don’t want t-to?”

Say no. 

Say no, just for today. 

“I don’t want to move back to Seoul.”

Jisoo has left everything bad behind there. He’s left his broken, shell of a life in Seoul and Jeonghan and his past and he left it all behind. Jisoo’s not moving his life down there again and he’s not starting over. 

He can’t do that to himself again. 

He’s finally got everything and everything in his life that he really needs. Sure, he’s got friends back in Seoul but that’s not a reason for him to just go. 

His life is here. 

Jisoo’s here now. 

Busan is where Jisoo is here now. 

“What? I thought we were moving in together.” Jeonghan pulls away out of Jisoo’s grasp and sits up. It stings a bit. “Jisoo, this is where we can start over! I can have a fresh start, find a different job. I’ve already been scouted and I have plans, Jisoo, I-”

“Jeonghan, I’ve already started over! I moved here to get away from you, don’t forget. I moved here to get a new start. I’m finally at a place in life where I can just live my life. I can’t just pick up everything and mo-”

“Then we won’t, Jisoo.” Jeonghan takes hold of Jisoo’s hands and pulls him up into a proper sitting position. “You’ve given up so much for me, you’ve gone through so much for me. I won’t ask you to move.”

Jisoo’s heart does a little jump. 

“What about your plan?”

Jisoo’s voice is quiet. 

Is this where their lives split? 

“I’ll come up with a new one.” Jeonghan pulls Jisoo into his chest and presses a kiss onto his forehead. “Jisoo, how could you think that I would pick a random apartment over you?”

Jisoo feels a twinge of guilt settle into his stomach and decides to try and appease it by hugging Jeonghan a bit harder. 

“I love you.”

Jeonghan smiles into his hair. “I love you, too.”

They’re saying that a lot lately. 

 

-  
-

“What the hell, what the hell!”

Jisoo wakes up in shrieks and confusion when something cold and hard hits his face. 

Water? 

Jisoo lets out another scream when he sees a frozen Jeonghan standing over him with a small pot in his hands. 

Upturned. 

Jisoo starts screaming again. He’s soaked; the water’s already seeped into his clothes and the mattress and the covers and it feels like the iciness is starting to make it’s way under his skin. 

“Jeonghan, what the fuck is wrong with you!” Jisoo jumps out of the bed and throws his shirt off. “What the hell!”

The pot clatters (incredibly loudly) onto the floor and the ringing hurts Jisoo’s just-awoken ears. 

“Sorry, sorry! I was just holding it as a joke so I could, you know, say, hey Jisoo! Wake up or else I’ll splash water on you! But then it slipped, it was heavy! S-sorry!”

Jisoo kicks off his pants and he’s this close to ripping his boxers off but Jeonghan does not deserve that kind of thing right now so he lets out a string of his most violent curses and rushes into the bathroom. 

“Why’d you have to wake me up, anyways!” Jisoo closes the door before stripping completely down and grabbing the fluffiest towel he can to wrap around himself. “Or have you just lost it?”

Jeonghan’s voice is muffled between him and the door. “I made plans.”

“For your life?”

“No, Jisoo, for us. But we have to get a move on if we don’t want to be late.”

“Give me thirty mintes.”

“That long?”

Jisoo throws his wet boxers against the door and it hits the wood with a thump. 

“An hour.”

“Take all the time you need, sweetie-pie! I’ll make b-”

Jeonghan’s footsteps thud off into the hallway before he finishes his sentence and Jisoo finally walks out into the bedroom again so he can change. They haven’t been out since their “spontaneous” hotel stay three months ago. 

The pot’s still swishing around on the carpet like a top that won’t stop spinning. 

-  
-

“The beach?”

“Well, considering that we’ve been driving on the boardwalk for ten minutes, yeah, I hope it’s the beach.”

“Ha, ha.” Jisoo gives Jeonghan a look and then looks down at his clothes. They’re not too out of place. Clean pants, a thin shirt and slip-ons. Jeonghan had told him to dress as loosely as he could. “Did you want to go swimming or something?”

“No, Jisoo. You told me that this was one of your thoughts. Let’s go!”

Jisoo shrugs and climbs out of the car; careful to not hit the car door next to him. “Alright. Lead the way, Yoon.”

“I like that.” Jeonghan waits for Jisoo to get onto the sidewalk and holds out his hand. Jisoo takes it. “Yoon. Makes me sound cool.”

“Ugh. You’re getting old.”

“Hey! You’re technically older!”

“What a low blow.” Jisoo doesn’t really feel hurt but he shakes his head dramatically nonetheless. 

“By the way, I called over some people.”

“Oh, really? Who?”

“Um, Chan, Soonyoung, Hansol, Seungkwan, Mingyu, Jun, Minghao, Wonwoo, Jihoon, and Seungcheol.”

Jisoo slows down his walking and Jeonghan does as well. “Jeonghan, that’s like, everyone. They came from Seoul? Why?”

“The hotel stuff. I don’t really know, but they said they would be in town.”

“Oh, I see. So I’ll see them in the office on Monday?”

“Yeah. And I think Mingyu’s proposing today. He wanted all of us there.”

God. When did they start dating? When did Jisoo see them last?

It’s been nearly four years now. 

“Aw, that’s so cute! I can’t wait to see them now! Did you bring a gift?”

Jeonghan taps his pocket. “Yeah. Right here.”

“Jeonghan! Why didn’t you tell me earlier! I would've gotten them something, too!”

Everyone’s there except for Mingyu and Wonwoo. Jisoo waves to everyone and shouts out a hello. Soonyoung and Jihoon wave back enthusiastically before Seungcheol screams out a hello. He leads them back into the ocean and Jisoo just smiles at everyone who calls out his name. 

Jeonghan flaps his hand around. “You can give them something during the wedding. Mingyu didn’t want it to be that big of a deal.”

Jisoo’s about to nod as if he understood but he quickly stops in his tracks. 

“That’s not a big deal?”

A path is cleaned out in front of them leading close to the ocean; right where the waves lap against the sand. Candles are lined on both sides and they lead to an archway made of white flowers twined together on green leaves. The same white petals are littered all over the path. There’s a giant banner on the top that has Mingyu’s face right in the middle of the archway. 

A bit pretentious but it seems fitting. 

“Hyung!”

Chan jumps onto Jisoo’s back and he lurches forward with the weight but he laughs along. 

“Hey, Chan! Did you know this was happening?”

Chan shakes his head. “Nope! I found out yesterday, and I - there’s birds!” Chan runs off and joins Hansol and Seungckwan where they’re feeding seagulls. 

Mingyu appears out of nowhere and cups his hands together. “Hey, everyone! Can you just meet in front of the path, please!”

Jisoo and Jeonghan head to where Mingyu’s pointing. Soonyoung throws him a wink and nudges his side. 

“Hey, Seokmin’s here. Are you going to be fine?”

Soonyoung shrugs nonchalantly but he sees the quiver of hope on his small smile. “Yeah. It’s been a while, is all.”

Jisoo nods and Mingyu starts talking again. Wonwoo’s not here yet, so just sit tight, oh, there he is. 

“Wonwoo!” Mingyu grabs onto his arm and then pulls him in. “You’re here!”

“What is all of this?”

Jisoo feels all teary. It doesn’t seem like it’s a surprise or anything, but Wonwoo looks shocked overall. Jisoo gives him a smile and Wonwoo waves his fingers in hello. 

He looks the same. 

Strong eyes, thin-framed glasses, and an all-knowing smile on his face. 

And now, he’s going to get proposed to. 

Jisoo feels kind of upset that he wasn’t there when they started dating. When he left, Mingyu was still trying to chase after Wonwoo and Wonwoo was just knocking each attempt right out of the park. 

“If everyone could walk down the aisle and wait for us down there, that would be great.” Mingyu awkwardly fumbles around with the camera in his hand and smiles. “Chan, you start!”

“Mingyu, do you want me to take that for you?” Jisoo points to the camera. 

“No! No, it’s fine!” Mingyu holds the camera close to his chest and Wonwoo gives him a weird look. “No, oh! Look! Hansol, you go! Then Seungkwan! Make a line!”

Mingyu starts taking pictures and Hansol skips down the path. He meets Chan down there and they wait behind the archway with smiles on their faces.

“Jeonghan, do you want to go next?”

“No, let’s be the last ones to go.” 

“Okay.”

One by one, everyone makes their way down to the archway. Seungcheol’s the last one down besides Jisoo, Jeonghan, Mingyu, and Wonwoo. Jisoo gives him a smile. 

“Mingyu, can Jisoo and I walk down together?”

“Yeah, sure!”

Jeonghan offers up his arm with a big bow and Jisoo takes it like he’s entering a ballroom. 

They walk down slowly and Jisoo wonders if it’s going to be like this at their wedding. 

Not. 

Not that he’s thinking about getting married or anything -

And what?

And.

What?

“Jeonghan, what’re you do-”

Jeonghan settles one knee into the sand and reaches into his pocket. 

“Jisoo?”

“Jeonghan, get up, Ming-”

“Jisoo.” Jeonghan gives him a smile. 

Jisoo can’t move. 

Jeonghan takes Jisoo’s hands and they hang limply in his grasp like wet noodles.

“Jisoo, I’ve known you for over ten years now. And in those ten years, I’ve been the biggest asshole to you, I’ve been horrible and nothing but mean. And me liking you doesn't justify all of that. Me being in love with you doesn’t justify that. And I’ll spend my whole entire life making it up to. I’ll do anything to make you happy, Jisoo. You’ve made me into a better person. You’ve made it clear what I need to change about myself and I want to keep doing that. I want to keep being there for you and making myself better. You said forever, Jisoo. You told me that you’d be with me forever, Jisoo.”

Jeonghan opens the box that’s in his hands. 

The wedding rings. 

The same ones from before. 

Jisoo sniffles. 

There’s cheering and screaming from the back courtesy of Chan, Seungkwan, and Hansol and Mingyu jumping around all over the place taking photos and Wonwoo’s shaking his head and Seungcheol’s telling Jihoon how their plan worked and Seokmin’s probably trying to tell Soonyoung something and Jun is screeching like a banshee and Minghao rambles on in Mandarin and Jeonghan -

Jeonghan’s looking at him like he’s the only person here.

He smiles and it’s like a million starts burst in front of Jisoo’s eyes. 

“So, Jisoo. Will you marry me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i give and i take what can i say hmm
> 
> also check out my other fics that i updated today! 
> 
> \- a rose by any other name  
> \- blood will have blood


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